Movie PictureORAL INTERCOURSE with B. ALAN ORANGE

An Interview with MC Chris (AKA: Chris Ward)

No one expected it to sell out. But on November 18th, there were none to be found. Store shelves were raided, barren by the time afternoon rolled around. That included those in every popular electronic stores frequented by you on DVD Tuesday. The sad thing is, Aqua Teen Hunger Force's biggest fans don't even get up until five or six in the pm. They were left empty-handed, forced to trudge past one unpleasant clerk after another, hoping that someone had forgotten to stock this beloved Adult Swim headliner.

Why is this shifty cartoon so popular? Because it's funny. And, though it only trails slightly behind "Dumber Dolls" (guest starring Jiggle Billy and an uncredited David Cross as Happy Time Harry) as the most gut-wrenching episode on Vol. 1, "MC Pee Pants" is the most remembered. Why is that? Well, because it features "Next Big Thing" MC Chris as the rapping spider whose hit single, "I Want Candy" lures unsuspecting victims to a wharf of doom. This mutant arachnid wants to unleash demons from Hell and shill his new diet pills, and its one of Ward's most popular incarnations.

MC Chris has a long-running history with the Cartoon Network and its Adult Swim programing. He used to work for seventy-thirty productions, and voices the character of Hesh on Sealab 2021; (he made his triumphant return to that show last week). He's also a very popular recording artist. Right at this current moment in history, he is busy completing his third album "Eating's not Cheating", which follows closely on the heels of his still hot and popular recordings "Knowing is Half the Hassle" and "Life's a Pimp and I'm Her Bitch," the latter of which includes the much sought-after Bounty Hunter rap "Fett's Vette." You can learn more about acquiring these awesome, addictive records at www.mcchris.com.

To champion the arrival of Aqua Teen Hunger Force on DVD; I've decided to share with you this long lost interview conducted earlier in the year by Xjan.com (formerly the Rapping Hobo). It was originally done as a feature article for The Sidewalk Mockers: A Toilet Zine, and also to usher in MC's second CD "Knowing is Half the Hassle." But I died and Xjan got too busy with his lucrative internet estate. (Not to mention, it was misfiled in some backlogged email that, like a hidden treasure, was only recently discovered by X (be sure to visit his site at www.xjan.com).

Here, for the first time in its entirety, is our MC Chris Sidewalk Mockers interview, as conducted by Xjan?

Q: How did you get started as a rapper?

My first rhyme was the Boba Fett chorus. I made it up on a porch in Illinois, making up lines to the hook from a de la soul song off of "Three Feet High and Rising," where they all introduce themselves. I was having an allergic reaction to my buddy's dog, so the first line originally was, "I don't care for pets," instead of "my back pack's got jets". When I got back to New York, I started playing around with some punk rockers and the rhymes came more fast and furious. We started recording stuff on an eight track just to play at parties. That was the beginning, I guess.

Q: Do you write all your own rhymes? What rhymes with orange?

Yes, I do. These days you can rhyme words that have the same vowel sound. So "dorks" can rhymes with Orange or "norm" or whatever. There's no such thing as a word without a rhyme.

Q: I've heard the new album has a song about GI Joe, can you tell us more about that? What's the "hassle" in Knowing is Half the Hassle?

There's only two GI references made on the album. The cover logo is the symbol of the Arashikage Clan that Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow are members of, they both had the tattoo on their wrists. The last line of the album features a Dredknocks reference as well. My brother and I divvied up who got what, when we played Joes. I got all the Dredknocks and Zartan; wasn't much interested in Zarana and her ilk. When I say hassle, I'm basically saying intelligence can be a burden, especially in the formative years, like high school and college. You're looked down on by others because you're smart rather than athletic or good-looking. Its a cross to bear when it should be celebrated. We all know geeks are the ones that make the dough when they grow up.

Q: How about giving us a song bout Greatest American Hero?

Nah. Although I did watch. The next album will be mainly about partying and getting laid.

Q: What are the origins of the song "Fucking Up My Christmas?"

The sample came from a Patsy Cline song and my DJ, John, added a bass line on his keyboard. I made him add a really long sample of Steve Martin to the end and front. It's about a beauty pageant judge that wants to screw all the contestants. We made half of it in a dorm room at Sara Lawrence college and half in my DJ's attic/bedroom. It originally had this really long ending where the computer voice turned into Hal from 2001. We canned it. "Fucking Up My Christmas," the phrase came from a UCBT improv coach of mine, Mike Delaney. He was playing a guy working at subway who says to the customer, "You are fucking up my shit, man." I turned shit into Christmas. I don't know why. It made sense to me. Christmas can be easily ruined, like your day can be easily ruined by a cold hottie.

Q: When can we expect some Lee Majors mp3s on your website?

As soon as my pal Adam has time to gather up the fifteen or so songs. He and his band, Dirt Bike Annie just went into the studio, so I assume after that. By the end of January, I hope. Some of it's bad, but it's all done with instruments instead of the computer. So there's a cool dorm room sound to it. I'm a worse rapper and my voice is higher if you can believe it. Those mp3's will be for free.

Q: Did you get a phone call from Lucas's lawyers about Fett's Vette?

Why would I? Next question.

Q: Can you give us your own short review of last Summer's Episode II?

I always say the same thing to people about "Clones." Sometimes you just wanna see state of the art space ships and planets. I wanna see Luke and Leia's mom and dad have their first kiss and get married. So there's no Harrison Ford/Carrie Fisher magic. So what. The Ewoks weren't magic. I try not to take Star Wars too seriously, like it's religion or something. How could you not like angry Anakin or angry Yoda, or the Fett costume being used in every way imaginable? A chase with the Slave One? So the romance scenes suck... The great thing about the dvd is you just skip'm. My question is this: does Homer Simpson really pilot one of those clone transport ships? It's supposed to be the first one that lands in the arena. Somebody tell me if I'm seeing things or not.

Q: Will we ever see an MC Chris action figure?

God, I hope so. I'd love to see a Hesh action figure or an MC Pee Pants, even Young Carl.

Q: Are you ever going to tour?

Probably not until I get signed, if that happens. I'm committed to my day job at Cartoon Network and I doubt I could take off that much time.

Q: You also have a third album in the works, when can we expect that?

By summer if all goes well, possibly fall. My DJ has a project in between #2 and #3. So as soon as he's done with that we'll get started all over again. I'd like to make it full length.

Q: What inspires you? What are you listening to right now?

I'm listening to Ludacris, Teen Idols, Blink, Green Day, Missy Elliot, Reggie and the Full Effect, Ben Kweller, Vines, Hives, Le Tigre, Cee-Lo and of course The Strokes and Stripes. Oh, and I recently got into Trina. She's the baddest bitch.

Q: Can you describe for us your favorite bathroom? What makes a perfect bathroom for you?

It's in the basement of this building. It's got what I'm after: isolation.

Q: Do you number 2 in a public restroom, or do you save it for home?

I've never been much into saving up for a rainy day.

Q: Any good celebrity bathroom sightings? Who's the coolest person you've ever stood next to at the urinals? And don't say yourself...

Woody Allen, he flushes a lot, he's a germ freak...According to Mia.

Q: What prized possession do you keep in your bathroom?

Mildew.

Q: What are your toilet-reading habits like?

I can read about a paragraph or a maxim joke. I'm never there long enough to get in a whole article. I'm partially informed.

Q: That's it.

Let me know if you need anything else. And please use this email addy: [email protected]

xomc

ORDER AQUA TEEN HUNGER FORCE VOLUME 1 HERE!