BOOS! and WHOOP-DOOS!: The End of Year Movie Blow Out 2008!
Slug-rocking it back through this year's released films on Box Office Mojo, I am shocked and appalled at some of the undiluted crap that went gunning for that number one spot on the charts. Seriously, if I told you some of the titles that owned their opening weekend, you'd call me a liar. Some of this year's most Boo! worthy films crept up and crawled over the backs of some of this year's best to win that golden flaunt trophy. Especially at the beginning of 2008. With all of the hype pushed behind it, there's no wondering why Cloverfield copped big bucks on its opening weekend. But seriously, people? Meet the Spartans? Which opened the same weekend as the Whoop-doo worthy Rambo? How does that get to call itself the number one movie of the week? Is our nation's filmgoing public being headed by that douche rag Alex Billington? Or is our collective consciousness that far down in the shitter?
It's hard to tell.
Other jaw-droppingly bad films that opened at number one this year: Fool's Gold, Jumper, the very bland 21, Prom Night (for Christ's sake), Bangkok Dangerous, Max Payne, the seriously bad The Day the Earth Stood Still, and even Four Christmases. Wow! You'd think we had a craptabulous year at the Cineplex. But, no. We really didn't. If you looked hard and long at the release schedule from the last twelve months, you'd see that some exceptional Whoop-doo cinema flat blasted itself onto our landscape. In a surprising turn, the good far outweighed the bad.
Generally, around this time of year, people dump their top ten lists on us with great aplomb. But not here at the Whoop-doo Nation. Instead, we present the 2008 Boos! and Whoop-doos! Year at the movies (with lists to follow if you're into that type of thing). What was booed? What was whoop-dooed? And what was missed by us? It's all here. (Yeah. How can we have a best of when we've missed so many potential screamers? We can't.) So, on with the show:
The Cloverfield Monster? Boo!
Boos: The first film released this year was a real stinker. One Missed Call saw a killer cell phone attacking a bunch of dimwitted college students. The Godzilla rip-off Cloverfield failed to live up to its hype with one of the dumbest looking monsters ever committed to celluloid. Seriously, the thing had pulsating testicle cheeks and Charles Thatcher eyeballs. Untraceable proved to be a cyber-hug from Hell, and How She Move degraded the already lofty dance genre with a boring expose on chick relationships in the hood. Do we even need to mention why Meet the Spartans is on our Boo! List? (I didn't think so.)
Whoop-doos: Tracey Morgan brought the first laughs of the New Year with the Ice Cube caper comedy First Sunday. Teeth turned the vagina into a great white shark and proved that Gyno visits can be a lot of squirmy fun. Sly Stallone made one of the most brutally violent films of all time with his excellently executed fourth installment of Rambo. And The Air I Breathe proved to be an admirable anthology experiment about as complex as a snake eating its own tail.
Things We Missed: The VeggieTales film The Pirates Who Don't Do Anything, The Uwe Boll Epic In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, the Katharine Heigl romantic comedy 27 Dresses, Katie Holmes cash orgy Mad Money, Cassandra's Dream (whatever the heck that was), the pairing of Pamela Anderson and Denise Richards in Blonde and Blonder, the concert film U2 3D, and Patrick Swayze's month late return to the silver screen in Christmas in Wonderland.
The Signal? Whoop-doo!
Boos: February saw the worst film of the year into existence with Over Her Dead Body. Not even the very funny Paul Rudd could save this strange, supposed comedic attempt at making Eva Longoria an afterlife superstar. Strange Wilderness was an incoherent, unfunny mess that relied too much on poor improvisation. Welcome Home Roscoe Jenkins continued down the traditional straight-to-video road of bad black folk barbeque flicks, and Vince Vaughn's Wild West Comedy Show was painfully boring. But The Hottie & the Nottie takes the prize for most unwatchable film of 2008 with its diseased toenail gag (and I mean that in every sense of the word). Heck, it was the first time in over twenty years that I had to close my eyes during a screening.
Whoop-doos: Jessica Alba's The Eye actually entertained as the first Korean horror film remake to not entirely suck. Fool's Gold came as an excuse for Matthew McConaughey to take his shirt off once again. Though poorly executed and inexplicably structured, it managed to sell itself as dumb fun. In Bruges gave us the best Colin Farrell movie in quite some time. The Spiderwick Chronicles was a nice Gremlins tribute with an impressive voice cast. George A. Romero gleefully returned to his indie zombie roots with The Blair Witch Project influenced Diary of the Dead. Jack Black and Mos Def Sweded a handful of classics in the truly unique Michel Gondry comedy Be Kind Rewind. Charlie Bartlett hit the scene as the best John Hughes film he never made. The Signal is a horror masterpiece still awaiting its cult audience. Semi-Pro proved that Will Farrell and Company work best when not under the tight restrictions of a PG-13 rating. Christina Ricci showed us that a pig snout can be sexy in Penelope. And Chicago 10 mashed-up history with animation, creating one of the most interestingly executed documentaries of the year.
Things We Missed: The behemoth IMAX box office smash Hannah Montana & Miley Cyrus: Best of Both Worlds Concert Tour, the sticky-sweet Caramel, the trippy horror comedy Shrooms, Hayden Christensen's second turn at a science fiction trilogy Jumper, the dance hall favorite Step Up 2 the Streets, the romantic comedy Definitely, Maybe, Dennis Quaid's number one box office hit Vantage Point, Larry the Cable Guy's super stupid Witless Protection, Scarlet Johansen and Natalie Portman making out in The Other Boleyn Girl, whatever the fuck Bonneville was, and the indie sequel City of Men.
American Zombie? Boo!
Boos: Martin Lawrence came quick with his second stink bomb of the year when he took Raven Symone across the country in Disney's College Road Trip. Not even the energetic and welcome Donnie Osmond could save this one. Jason Statham gave his most lethargic performance of the year with the heist snoozer The Bank Job. Before unleashing his tiny masterpiece Milk, Gus Van Sant made us suffer through is collection of gay erotica close-ups in the stolid Paranoid Park. 21 was hands down the most mediocre film of the year, and the faux-mockumentary American Zombie was damn near unwatchable.
Whoop-doos: Stephen Chow gleefully remade E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial for Asian audiences with his playfully exuberant CJ7. David Gordon Green released the first of two great films with Snow Angels. Blindsight found a bunch of sightless orphans trekking up Mount Everest. Despite its retarded retreat of a Karate Kid script, Never Back Down gave us some of the loudest and most brutal hand-to-hand combat scenes of the year. Drillbit Taylor was a welcome change of pace for Owen Wilson, and served as a proper follow-up to films such as My Bodyguard and Three O'Clock High. Adam Corolla surprised everybody with his charming midlife crisis boxing saga The Hammer. The Grand provided a nice showcase for some great improvisational humor. Producer David Zucker helped director Craig Mazin breath funny life back into the spoof genre with his hilarious Superhero Movie. Kimberly Peirce's post 9/11 war drama Stop Loss was a worthy drama. Simon Pegg and David Schwimmer had a good time reuniting for Run, Fat Boy, Run. Hats Off allowed us to peer into the life of octogenarian actress Mimi Weddell, and Married Life was one of the best adult dramas of the year, though highly underrated.
Things We Missed: Roland Emmerich's beginning of the world disaster movie 10,000 B.C., the Amy Adams' drama Miss Pettigrew Lives for a Day, the band camp documentary Girls Rock!, the first full length animated Theodore Geisel adaptation Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who!, the batshit crazy action flick FI1jJ544nq1j34||Doomsday}, the supposedly scary remake of Funny Games, Charlize Theron and Woody Harrelson doing it in Sleepwalking, Tyler Perry's first film of the year Tyler Perry's Meet the Browns, Joshua Jackson's deadly camera in Shutter, the arthouse drama Under the Same Moon, Asia Argento flaunting her gorgeously starved body in Boarding Gate, the Demi Moore jewel heist flick Flawless, and a fat Jared Leto pretending to be Mark David Chapman (i.e. John Lennon's killer) in Chapter 27.
Street Kings? Whoop-doo!
Boos: There were three movies that really pissed me off in April. They were the George Clooney directed Leatherheads, which was a little too cutesy for its own good, Prom Night, a horror remake almost as bad as Rupert Wainwright's take on The Fog, and the ultra gay Tory Spelling shitfest Kiss the Bride.
Whoop-doos: April fared better for films that were actually watchable. The Ruins made killer plants sexy again. Natalie from The Facts of Life shined in Daniel Waters raunchy comedy Sex and Death 101. Keanu was the baddest badass cop of the year in Street Kings. [email protected] managed to put a lump in even the grinchiest cynic's throat. Bra Boys took us directly into the brutal surfing life of Australia's toughest gang. Jackie Chan and Jet Li teamed up for the first time on screen in Forbidden Kingdom. Jason Segal earned laughs by showing us his penis in Forgetting Sarah Marshall, and lets not forget that the film introduced American audiences to Russell Brand. Morgan Spurlock continued to impress with his modest cross-country docu-comedy Where in the World is Osama Bin Laden?Harold and Kumar Escape From Guantanamo Bay stands as one of the year's funniest comedies. And Errol Morris bitch slapped a sleeping America with his Abu Ghraib documentary Standard Operating Procedure.
Things We Missed: Jodie Foster playing it nice with Abigail Breslin in the fantasy adventure Nim's Island, Martin Scorsese's Rolling Stones concert film Shine a Light, Natalie Portman showing her assets in My Blueberry Nights, the French short film adaptation The Flight of the Red Balloon, Aaron Eckhart before all the Batman hoopla in Meet Bill, Ellen Page's Juno follow-up Smart People, Richard Jenkins beating his own drum in The Visitor, some piece of shit titled Dark Matter, Al Pacino's first horrible film of the year 88 Minutes, Ben Stein's smart look at stupid people EXPELLED: No Intelligence Allowed, the low budget horror fest Pathology, Tina Fey's first foot forward into leading lady territory Baby Mama, the forgotten Hugh Jackman/Ewen McGregor sex drama Deception, the Burt Reynolds poker caper Deal, Roman de Gare , and all those killer crocs in the giant reptile thriller Rogue (seriously, how did I miss that? Boo! On me.).
Savage Grace? Boo!
Boos: I'll come right out and say it. I hated the over-hyped Iron Man. To me, it was just another boring origin story. Fugitive Pieces was poorly made. Cameron Diaz and Ashton Kutcher proved to be the blandest couple out there this year with their warmed over comedy What Happens in Vegas. I fell asleep during Before the Rains. Turn the River tried too hard on its indie budget, and gave us one of the worst endings of the year. I also fell asleep during The Foot Fist Way. Did that many brilliant comedic actors really think this was that funny? I didn't laugh one time, and I love Danny McBride. Add Savage Grace to the pile, which had Julianne Moore giving her on-screen son a handjob before fucking him senseless, and we have some of the worst films of the year being released in May. I think its hands down the Boo! month of the year.
Whoop-doos: Still, some good did come out of this first cinematic month of summer. David Mamet's adult version of The Karate Kid, entitled Redbelt, proved to be a very suspenseful drama. And it made me stop hating Tim Allen for a few moments. Son of Rambow made bootlegging look like a necessary evil. Mister Lonely was my favorite arthouse film of the year. Speed Racer was a vomitous cotton candy joy ride that managed to rot away a few of my teeth. Tarsem Singh's The Fall was hands down the prettiest film to come out in 2008. Lloyd Kaufman topped himself with the gross-out spoof Poultrygeist. I learned a thing or two about living in a Winnebago from Surfwise. Reprise was the Reservoir Dogs of movies about young, hip writers. Though most people hated it, I dug watching Shai LaBeouf swing from trees in Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Sex and the City: The Movie entertained me in just the right way one very special night. And Stuck came as one of the craziest suspense films of the year. Plus, it gave us Mr. Lahey as a cab driver. So awesome!
Things We Missed: There wasn't too much to miss this fifth month out. Of course I dodged the incoming testicle punch known as Made of Honor. I also missed my most hated actor, John Leguizamo, in The Babysitters, the Disney sequel The Chronicles of Narnia: Prince Caspian, John Cusack making Hilary Duff look sexy in War, Inc., the documentary Heavy Metal in Baghdad, every critics favorite horror film The Strangers, and that winning ode to steroids Bigger, Stronger, Faster*.
The Happening? Whoop-doo!
Boos: Only one film gets a thumbs down this month. And it's the extremely boring, faceless, and bland Kit Kittredge: An American Girl. Not even Wallace Shawn and a monkey could save this depression era snoozefest.
Whoop-doos: For a summer month, June sure didn't produce a lot of worthy films. Mongol was by far the biggest and best epic of the year. Seann William Scott and John C. Reilly were quietly hilarious in the supermarket comedy The Promotion. M. Night Shyamalan topped himself with The Happening , the greatest Z grade science fiction flick ever made. Baghead was mumble core at its most fun. WALL-E is Pixar's masterpiece. And, even though it had a slow second act, Wanted was a hell of a good time, and it gave us possibly the best car chase of the year.
Things We Missed: Jack Black acting fat in Kung Fu Panda, Adam Sandler and Judd Apatow's collaborative hairdressing joke fest You Don't Mess with the Zohan, the forgetful drama When Did You Last See Your Father?, that horrible little Heather Graham birthing comedy Miss Conception, Werner Herzog's awesome documentary Encounters at the End of the World, whatever the Hell My Winnipeg was, the very gay Chris and Don: A Love Story, Steve Carrel's Get Smart, Mike Meyer's awful looking The Love Guru, that fascinating look at being on the black list Trumbo, and Beastie Boy Adam Yauch's basketball docudrama Gunnin' for that #1 Spot.
Space Chimps? Boo!
Boos:Tell No One hurt my ass. The cheap looking indie Garden Party got the experience of living in Echo Park and Silverlake all wrong. Space Chimps was the ugliest CGI animated film to come out this year. And by the end of Take, I really wanted to see that little kid die.
Whoop-doos:The Wackness showed us that dealing drugs in New York during the 90s was cool. Hellboy II: The Golden Army was a practical effect lover's dream come true and came as The Empire Strikes Back of this Guillermo Del Toro's beloved franchise. I know you don't believe me, but Meet Dave was fucking funny and one of Eddie Murphy's best films to date. Roman Polanski: Wanted and Desired offered an excellent look at the deported director. Do I even need to mention The Dark Knight? It was the number one film of the year and turned pulp cinema into a masterful look at the criminally insane. Step Brothers was, of course, hilarious. I think I'm the only one that enjoyed the performances found in Brideshead Revisited. Man on Wire fascinated like no other doc out there. American Teen was exacting in the way it allowed us to relive our own high school experiences. And Bustin' Down The Door was the third great surfing documentary to come out in as many months. The fact that I was still interested in waves at this point speaks volumes for the quality of Jeremy Gosch's work.
Things We Missed: Will Smith and Charlize Theron getting it on in Hancock, the Hunter S. Thomson documentary Gonzo, the Alzheimer's drama Diminished Capacity, the very odd looking indie comedy Kabluey, Brendan Frasier's Journey to the Center of the Earth, Spencer Breslin's bald kid farce Harold, the highest grossing musical of all times Mamma Mia!, the cross-country train epic Transsiberian, the worst TV to film sequel ever The X-Files: I Want to Believe, and the coming of age drama Boy A.
Pineapple Express? Whoop-doo!
Boos: Not even the Yeti could save The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor. Bottle Shock left a bad taste in my mouth. Though beautifully shot, Hell Ride goes on record as being the most incoherent film of the year. Tropic Thunder was yet another over-hyped Robert Downey Jr. dud that made me laugh less than The Foot Fist Way. Star Wars: The Clone Wars made The Star Wars Holiday Special look like a masterpiece. Jabba the Hut's Uncle Ziro? What the fuck were they thinking? Again, this guy makes Jar Jar Binks look like a wanted friend. I had absolutely no desire to watch Javier Bardem make out with Scarlet Johansen, Rebecca Hall, and Penelope Cruz all in one go in Vicky Cristina Barcelona. Takashi Miike's Sukiyaki Western Django was cool to look at, but the story sucked. And Young People [email protected] put me off sex for the rest of the summer.
Whoop-doos:Swing Vote proved that Kevin Costner still has it as a leading man. Frozen River was the tensest drama of the year. Pineapple Express proved to be another hit for Seth Rogen. Beer For My Horses gets high marks for being seriously weird. Willie Nelson shows up with a jug of Circus Jolly. Come on, that's as close to avant-garde cinema as 2008 ever got (oh, wait, sorry Mister Lonely, I forgot about you for a second). Though cheap and shoddy, What We Do is Secret was an extremely watchable expose on The Germs. The House Bunny made me laugh. Death Race had some great kills. And The Rocker gave us the super rad Josh Gad (though, to be fair, he did show up earlier in 21).
Things We Missed: The much maligned ninety-nine center Midnight Meat Train, Paul Weiland's Bar Mitzvah comedy Sixty Six, the election documentary Stealing America: Vote by Vote, that dirty denim female bonding sequel The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants 2, Elegy, the Keifer Sutherland horror remake Mirrors, the 3D CGI animated insect adventure Fly Me to the Moon, Luke Wilson trying to kill himself in Henry Poole Is Here, Fred Durst's second directorial effort The Longshots, the sexy Jesuses of Hamlet 2, a look at the United States financial crisis in I.O.U.S.A., the not as cool as it sounds Cthulhu, Vin Diesel's sci-fi thrillerBabylon A.D., Don Cheadle giving up all of his secrets in Traitor, the umpteenth horrible spoof film of the year Disaster Movie, the acting debut of Kevin Covais in College , and the film who's title speaks volumes for itself: Another Gay Sequel: Gays Gone Wild.
The Family That Preys? Boo!
Boos: Only one film had enough nerve to get booed! During the month of the Virgo, and that craptabulous drama was of course Tyler Perry's the Family That Preys. When I saw it, some of the film reels got mixed up. And guess what? No one noticed! Fuck you, Tyler Perry!
Whoop-doos: I hate to say it, but I identified with The Women. Towelhead came as Aaron Eckhart's great post Dark Knight drama. Igor was the best non-Pixar animated film of the year. A Thousand Years of Good Prayers was a quite, modest film about father-daughter relations in a foreign land. Despite its dopey ending, Eagle Eye was still worth its weight in car crashes. Richard Gere and Diane Lane ignited the screen with passion in the weepy Nights in Rodanthe. Choke turned out to be a pretty great Chuck Palahniuk adaptation. And The Lucky Ones was a fun post-9/11 road comedy.
Things We Missed: Nicolas Cage in the shitty shoot-em-up Bangkok Dangerous, the decree that Everybody Wants to be Italian, the super low budget laugher Ping Pong Playa, the Charlie Bartlett knock-off Mister Foe, Mathew McConaughey taking his shirt off once again in Surfer, Dude, the Chris Eska drama August Evening, The Coen Brother's seemingly hilarious caper Burn After Reading, Robert DeNiro and Al Pacino teaming up for a second time in their careers with Righteous Kill, Sam Jackson being a badass in Lakeview Terrace, Dane Cook mugging his way through My Best Friend's Girl, Ricky Gervais' first American comedy Ghost Town, the Ed Harris Western Appaloosa, Keira Knightly being sexy in The Duchess, the real story behind the Battle in Seattle, little Dakota Fanning getting raped in Hounddog, Spike Lee's World War II drama Miracle at St. Anna, and the pot culture trek through Humboldt County.
Sex Drive? Whoop-doo!
Boos:How to Lose Friends and Alienate People did a horrible thing. It completely stole away Simon Pegg's geek creed. Ernie Davis finally got some much-needed recognition with The Express. Too bad it played like a hokier Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story. Guy Ritchie's RocknRolla had one good chase sequence, but it still didn't live up to Swept Away. Colin Ferrell ironed a baby's face in Pride and Glory, which would make it a must see except for the sad fact that this cop drama is nearly as incoherent as Hell Ride. And Passengers failed miserably at being a The Sixth Sense in the sky. Oh, well. At least Anne Hathaway's fun to stare at.
Whoop-doos: Speaking of Anne Hathaway, the girl turned in the performance of her career with Rachel Getting Married. Greg Kinnear made windshield wipers fascinating in his drama Flash of Genius. People have been praising Ballast for a long time, but it's really the photography on display that earns this quite drama its props. Happy-Go-Lucky turned Sally Hawkins into an overnight sensation. Breakfast with Scot took an optimistic look at gay parenting and managed to be entertaining while doing so. Good Dick was the quirky indie romance of the year. And then there is Sex Drive, still my pick for funniest film of the year. The Elephant King was a beautiful travelogue that had me wanting to visit Thailand. Saw V restored my faith in the franchise. And Synecdoche, New York confused the living shit out of me. I still think Phillip Seymour Hoffman was suffering the throws of dementia, but Charlie Kaufman disagrees (hey, Charlie, I thought you said I could take what I wanted from it, you big liar!). I've Loved You So Long was the movie Seven Pounds wanted to be. Let the Right One in turned out to be the best vampire film of the last twenty years. Splinter offered up a pretty cool monster and some decent thrills. But it was Dear Zachary: A Letter to A Son About His Father that came as a true masterpiece. This is my second favorite movie of the year. Hands down.
Things We Missed: The talking dog masterpiece Beverly Hills Chihuahua, Michael Cera killing it once again in Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist, the rightwing spoof An American Carol, the leftwing documentary Religulous, Julianne Moore suffering what I suffered after her Savage Grace: Blindness! More Blair Witch camera work in Quarantine. I did downloaded Mike Patton's theme song but I missed Body of Lies, Bill Murray's five second cameo in City of City of Ember, Mark Walberg following up his summer misstep The Happening with the video game adaptation Max Payne, the second Dakota Fanning coming of age story The Secret Life of Bees, Oliver Stone's George Bush biopic W., the industry insider expose What Just Happened?, Madonna's directorial debut Filth and Wisdom, the film that brought about Ebert's Minutegate Tru Loved, the highly anticipated Disney Channel big screen sequel High School Musical 3: Senior Year, Clint Eastwood's first film of the year Changeling, the gay, black, and proud Noah's Arc: Jumping the Broom, the foreign animated spookfest Fear(s) of the Dark, Kevin Smith's raunchy return to his home schooled roots Zack and Miri Make a Porno, the forgetful Halloween thriller The Haunting of Molly Hartley, the East Indian romance The Other End of the Line, Bruce Campbell's tribute to himself in My Name Is Bruce, the bullfighting documentary The Matador, and the lame looking drama Eden Lake. Damn, I must have slept through most of October.
Transporter 3? Boo!
Boos: I hated Madagascar: Escape 2 Africa for one reason. King Julian. That ugly little beast makes my brain itch. The Boy in the Striped Pajamas brought about all the wrong feelings, like, "Gee, I hope the Nazis win this time!" The World Unseen was as cheap as they come. Seriously, it looked like it was shot on a cable access set. Bolt and its 3D ways gave me a migraine headache. And Transporter 3 was the exact opposite of what it was supposed to be. Boring. Please, more talk about food? This franchise is as dead as Shrek. Yet, they'll continue to make more.
Whoop-doos:Role Models surprised in all the right ways and made a star out of Bobb'e J. Thompson. Soul Men was unexpectedly raunchy and proved that Sam Jackson and Bernie Mac held a mighty powerful comedic chemistry when thrown together. Repo! the Genetic Opera! was as brash as it was mind numbing. I loved Jean-Claude Van Damme's return to the silver screen inJCVD. Quantum of Solace was the first Bond film I sat through in a long time without yawning. Edentook me deep into Ireland for a harsh look at marital woes. Michael Rapaport shined in my own personal favorite super hero flick of the year Special. Finally, Baz Luhrmann made a modern day epic that works withAustralia. And Gus Van Sant pulled himself away from photographing young boys to make a quite poignant biopic with Milk.
Things We Missed: The William Katt-lessHouse, the heart tugging documentary Pray the Devil Back to Hell, the zombie comedy Otto; or Up with Dead People, this year's JunoSlumdog Millionaire, an English take on the holidays called A Christmas Tale, that other music biopic The Dukes, a bunch of lovelorn vamps in Twilight, hot lesbian action in FIDPTHIERjolHK||I Can't Think Straight}, and the awful looking Vince Vaughn kicker Four Christmases.
Gran Torino? Whoop-doo!
Boos:Nobel Son started out promising, but fell completely apart in the third act. The Day the Earth Stood Still was damn near unwatchable. And Adam Resurrected saw Jeff Goldblum remaking that old Howie Mandel comedy from the late eighties Walk Like a Man.
Whoop-doos:Punisher: War Zone was the batshit movie of the year. Nothing But the Truth gave Kate Beckinsale a few moments of grandeur. Defiance gave Seth Rogen and his pals more badass Jews to trump. Timecrimes literally blew my mind. The Tale of Despereaux was the perfect Saturday afternoon matinee for kids. What Doesn't Kill You damn near killed me. I liked Will Smith and Rosario Dawson's chemistry in Seven Pounds, even though it was Xenu claptrap. Bedtime Stories is cookie cutter Disney, which means it is sort of bland but definitely entertaining. Marley & Me is the perfect adult drama for single folks looking to get married and have kids. And the last film I saw this year turned out to be my favorite, and not just because it's freshest in my mind. Clint Eastwood is the baddest bad ass in Gran Torino. And I've already seen it three times.
Things We Missed: Mos Def killing it as Chuck Berry in Cadillac Records, Little Ronnie Howard's Frost/Nixon, the uplifting Irish hunger strike film Hunger, Kate Winslet in The Reader, the lowest earning box office release of all time Delgo, the Academy Award worthy Doubt, Mickey Rourke's return to the A list in The Wrestler, Jim Carrey's crappy comedy Yes Man, the highly touted The Brothers Bloom, Ducky and her dog in Wendy and Lucy, Brad Pitt aging backwards like Mearth in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, the Tom Cruise flop Valkyrie, that second Kate Winslet drama of December Revolutionary Road, the animated documentary Waltz with Bashir, and the musical Dark Streets.
And now, for easy access, here are the lists you probably don't give a shit about:
Our Whoop-Doo! Top Ten:
1) Gran Torino
4) The Signal
8) Sex Drive
Our Boo! Bottom Ten
1) Savage Grace
5) Hell Ride
Have a Whoop-doo! holiday and a Boo! free New Year! Spooker Washington will be back next week with a special Christmas story for you all!