This year's Oscar Nominated Short Films? Boo! And Whoop-doo!

A Matter of Loaf and Death!Most people consider the Academy Awards' short film categories a speed bump on the way to those bigger prizes of the night. Who cares about some five minute scat-fest when the Best Picture fate of {2} rests at the ass end of a very prolonged trophy tossing ceremony? Right? No one's even seen these stupid little stretches of artistic baboonery...Well. It used to be that way. For the past five years, Shorts International has been packaging the five live action and five a

Plug!

Instead of Abracadabra!Why are short films so important and worthy of inclusion on The Academy Awards telecast? Because they serve as a showcase for future talent. It allows up and coming filmmakers a foot in the door. And provides funding for important projects. Both Socially and artistically. Back in the day, the only place to see a lot of these shorts was either on USA's {3} or as an interstitial between feature presentations on Showtime. There hasn't ever been a great showcase for independen

Last year was the first time I ever sat in a room and watched all of the nominated shorts back to back. Most of them have stayed with me; the live action more so than the animated. My personal pick for Best Live Short of 2009 was The Pig, which saw a man waging a tiny personal war in his hospital room after his beloved swine painting was removed by request of the next patient over (A Muslim). The Oscar went to Toyland, which chronicled a German kid who believed his Jewish neighbors were going to a giant land of toys, not the gas chamber. Ah, Auschwitz. It will get you the prize every time. On the animation front, Doug Sweetland's popular Pixar short Presto was bested by Kunio Kato's hardly seen La Maison en Petits Cubes, a hand-drawn ditty about an old man trying to save himself from a flood.

The Lady and the Reaper!But that was last year, and there are no Holocaust victims or Pixar animators to be found amongst this new batch of shorts. Instead, we get a heart-wrenching look at Chernobyl and a classic bit of claymation from Aardman Studios. The two standout films are {4} and {5}. Both of which are far too commercial to win. Neither have stirring plot points or any social relevance. But God Damn it, they're indubitably entertaining. Well made. And make the International Shorts progra

Yes. 'A Matter of Loaf and Death' should get the animation prize. We have to look at this from all angles. It's the most infectious of the bunch. Its thirty solid minutes of non-stop action. It's handcrafted from the ground up. And pain-stakingly pieced together by hand. You can still see the fingerprints pressed into these globs of Plasticine that come to life in vivid color. Director Nick Parks has won five other times in the recent past, so Academy members may feel inclined to give the prize to someone else this time around. Really though, there is nothing as worthy in this category. 'A Matter of Loaf and Death' is Wallace and Gromit's fourth short film together. The story finds Wallace falling head over heels in love with former pin-up bakery model Piella Bakewell, who seems to have a thing for warm bread. Gromit, sensing that this new woman in his master's life my be a threat to their newly opened bakery business, sets out to discover her ugly secret. Of course Wallace is too preoccupied to believe the dog when its revealed that Bakewell is killing off local chef's to collect her own baker's dozen of dead corpses. Which she keeps in her attic, dressed in white. There's one really great chase scene, a hilarious moment that finds Gromit trying to defuse a bomb, and plenty of subtle humor kneaded into this landscape of clay. It stands on its own, and is a pure joy to watch. Not to mention, it's the only non-computer animated film to garner a nomination. Whoop-doo! I seriously hope it wins.

Logorama!CGI almost feels like a cheat at this point. There isn't one single hand-drawn short in the animation category this year. That certainly speaks to these cruel economic times. No one has patience enough to craft a real piece of art. Its all keystrokes and mouse manipulation. That doesn't mean the rest of these films are complete pieces of shit. Javier Recio Gracia has crafted eight minutes of sheer comedic bliss with his wacky, Looney Tunes-inspired {9}. As clever as any Pixar short coul
The Door!There are two obvious duds here. {13} has some neat looking computer animated hair. And weird old lady boobs jiggling around. But the narrative is as senile as its lead character. Granny attempts to tell a napping child her own version of the Sleeping Beauty fairytale. But it's damned by dementia, and too hard to follow. Which wouldn't be so bad, but damn is it boring. I don't care about Granny or her stupid made-up fable. This is one long eight minutes to struggle through, and I have t

On the live action front, it certainly seems like the award will go to The Door. Because it's poignant. Relevant. And socially aware. It strips away dirty flesh to expose man's inhumanity to man. Voters love that shit. The story follows one family as they try to escape the fallout from Chernobyl. The cinematography on display is quite stunning, and it's set up as a zombie-infestation tale. It uses the usual horror tropes to drag us into a very real world that has been blasted with radiation. Like all of the nominated live action shorts this year, it feels like a push reel. An ad for investors. The Door needs to be two hours longer. Director Juanita Wilson does a lot with her allotted seventeen-minute runtime, but its not enough. Not for a real life tale as important as this. It hits like Armageddon, and for the family on display, that's certainly what it becomes. A father hurries to grab the door from his grandfather's funeral before hurrying his wife and daughter out of town. He knows his family's fate. And it doesn't take long for the radiation sickness to set in. Skin starts to fall off, and lives are lost. It's well made, but there's more to tell. It feels a bit lopsided, constrained by its subtle limits. It gets a Whoop-doo!, and if it wins that Oscar, it certainly deserves it.

Miracle Fish!But {21} didn't grab me in quite the same way as {22}. This Swedish comedy is self-contained. It runs like a real twenty-two minute sitcom. It's the opening chapter in what could possible be a hilarious and iconic film somewhere down the road. Some will call it the Danish {23}, but it's a little smarter than that. I definitely feel director/writer Patrick Eklund should take home the Oscar for his efforts, despite the fact that his film never touches on anything quite as important as

Chimay!

Kavi!That leaves three other live action shorts in this category. None of them are {25} worthy. Though, none of them are as stirring or as excellently executed as the above two mentioned films. {26} is aimed at the Auschwitz crowd, as it flaunts an important cause in world slavery. Kavi is a young Indian boy forced to carry a wheelbarrow full of bricks day in and day out. All he wants in life is to go to school and play with the local kids. His master promises Kavi a soccer ball if he can get a
The New Tenants!Luke Doolan's seventeen minute {27} is neat. It reminds me of a Showtime short. But it's a fleeting moment of pop entertainment that doesn't add up too much at the end of the day. Eight-year-old Joe is having a shit birthday. He's mom is broke, and his only present is a palm reading piece of red cellophane in the shape of a trout. Bummed and tired of being picked on by the schoolyard bullies, he checks himself into the nurse's office. A few hours after his much needed nap, he awa

The Whoop-Doo! picks for live action and animation shorts are definitely Wallace and Gromit in 'A Matter of Loaf and Death' and Instead of Abracadabra. But that is based on my pure enjoyment of them alone. Will they win? Who knows? We'll have to wait until this Sunday to find out. That's when The 82nd Annual Academy Awards airs live. At 8 pm EST/5 pm PCT, only on ABC! As f you didn't know that already...

Chimay! Gothic, death, and mayhems! A little magic and mysteries! Eat Grandma! Kill food! Whoop-doo!