Neither grand enough to be impressive nor antic enough to be charming, the movie settles for bland and frantic, climaxing in a showdown among decadent pyramid builders.
Lisa Schwarzbaum - Entertainment Weekly
It's best not to think too hard about anything in 10,000 BC, a sublimely dunderheaded excursion into human prehistory.
A.O. Scott - New York Times
Roland Emmerich's great big CGI blockbuster lumbers along like one of the woolly mammoths that roam across the screen.
Peter Bradshaw - Guardian [UK]
Even a cameo by Pauly Shore in Encino Man would liven up this bombastic bore.
Claudia Puig - USA Today
One part Joseph Campbell hero quest, one part multi-culti morality tale, one part live-action Flintstones cartoon, 10,000 B.C. is finally every part just plain nuts.
Ann Hornaday - Washington Post
[I] saith to you that I had a strangely good time, and whether that is from laughing at 10,000 B.C. or laughing with it I knoweth not, although I strongly suspect the former.
Ty Burr - Boston Globe
The less said about historical accuracy, the better.
Joe Neumaier - New York Daily News
The mammoths are cool. The squealing killer ostriches, perhaps inspired by ancient phorusrhacid fossils, are idiotic but... okay, they're idiotic.
Amy Biancolli - Houston Chronicle
You may be expecting a showcase of cutting-edge visuals -- isn't the appeal of the title the implicit promise of seeing a lost world re-created to presumably dazzling effect? But for the most part, it's just barren landscapes and people in animal skins.
Tom Maurstad - Dallas Morning News
Sometimes you have a hankering for a slab of 10,000-year-old cheese. Here it is, on a cracker.
Michael Phillips - Chicago Tribune
Overblown and stupefyingly dull.
Andrea Gronvall - Chicago Reader
Would that Emmerich took as much care with his human characters as with inanimate objects and CGI animals.
Carrie Rickey - Philadelphia Inquirer
In the realm of heroic historical loincloth adventures, 10,000 is much less than 300.
Colin Covert - Minneapolis Star Tribune
Barney Rubble had a lot more charisma than anyone involved in this movie.
Tom Long - Detroit News
Conventional where it should be bold and mild where it should be wild, 10,000 BC reps a missed opportunity to present an imaginative vision of a prehistoric moment.
Todd McCarthy - Variety
While the special effects are top notch... the humans are dull, the dialogue is ridiculous, and anyone expecting a repeat of the action in 300 is going to be sorely disappointed with this bloodless PG-13 adventure.
Lou Lumenick - New York Post
Where's Raquel Welch in that fur bikini?
Roger Moore - Orlando Sentinel
This much-delayed film cries out for consideration for Worst CGI, Most Annoying Narrator, Lamest Dialogue and Dumbest Action Hero.
Peter Howell - Toronto Star
If you thought 300 was silly, think of 10,000 BC as 33.333 times sillier.
Liam Lacey - Globe and Mail
10,000 BC would be much better if it allowed itself the freedom to be kitsch.
Stephanie Zacharek - Salon.com
Rather than taking the trouble to imagine what early civilization might have been like -- its culture, its language, its warfare, its family life -- the movie simply transposes a banal Hollywood epic into Paleolithic times.
Dana Stevens - Slate
10,000 B.C. isn't only brain-dead, it's completely dead. It's inert and without a heartbeat.
James Berardinelli - ReelViews
Digital imagery imagines a striking prehistoric world for these back-to-basics heroes, villains and raging beasts.
Kirk Honeycutt - Hollywood Reporter
A mix of vast CGI spectacle and small, silly moments, the prehistoric saga 10,000 BC is an epic in name only.
Christy Lemire - Associated Press
The best acting comes from woolly mammoths, man-eating ostriches and a saber-toothed tiger -- and those babies are digital. It's the human actors who look fake.
Peter Travers - Rolling Stone
Outrageous and outlandish, Emmerich's 10,000 BC is easy to mock, but it is so cheerfully shameless and terminally silly that you have to admire its effrontery and accept its creator... as a certified crackpot visionary.
Kenneth Turan - Los Angeles Times
A lousier adventure movie you won't find this year: 10,000 B.C. belongs, if not back in the stone age, then at least back in the mid '90s, where this sort of mindless, effects-driven drivel is best left.
Ali Gray - TheShiznit.co.uk
James O'Ehley - Sci-Fi Movie Page
All [Emmerich] cares about is not being boring. On that level, he succeeds.
Ben Kenigsberg - Time Out Chicago
One of the biggest problems with the film is the casting.
Chris Bumbray - JoBlo's Movie Emporium
Ben Kenigsberg - Time Out
Dean Essner - Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Some backgrounds look as though Roland Emmerich and crew broke into a museum after hours and filmed in dioramas. Rather than a disaster film, this was just plain disaster - a departure from Emmerich's usually effective milieu and his most moronic movie.
Nick Rogers - Suite101.com
Violent, poorly conceived prehistoric action.
Cynthia Fuchs - Common Sense Media
Heavy on moronic mysticism and light on imagination, excitement, and shot-to-shot coherence
Fernando F. Croce - CinePassion
10,000 BC takes film making back to the stone age...
Kamal 'The Diva' Larsuel - 3BlackChicks Review
Brace yourself for a mammoth disappointment.
Mike Scott - Times-Picayune
People expecting a fun action movie will be severely disappointed. If you get drunk with some buddies and go to make fun of it, you might like it more. But that doesn't make it a good movie
Austin Kennedy - Sin Magazine
Would make a good drinking game; silly fun but not "good." A critic sitting near me snorted in derision at my "the costumes kicked ass," but I won't back down. They were really cool.
Karina Montgomery - Cinerina
I can't help but think that 10,000 BC started out as an idea that sounded like, "Wouldn't it be cool if we had wooly mammoths and saber toothed tigers and people all in the same movie?" and went from there.
Ryan Cracknell - Movie Views
A disaster that can't even get the computer generated images right.
Willie Waffle - WaffleMovies.com
...most of the film is simply a matter of waiting for it to end.
John J. Puccio - DVDTown.com
John J. Puccio - Movie Metropolis
Ready to rumble, scantily clad Neanderthals gone wild, gliding around the globe faster than high speed Internet. And while dodging seemingly nearsighted menacing reptiles with bad manners, whose oversized choppers repeatedly miss their mark.
Prairie Miller - NewsBlaze
But the folks who made 10,000 B.C. have filled their film with a sub-Disney plot and inserted a few measly slivers of action that hardly warrant all the mystical hubbub and romantic angst.
Robert Davis - Paste Magazine
It was a pleasant surprise.
Robert Roten - Laramie Movie Scope
In fact, while sitting through this banal attempt at a big-scale epic, I could not help but go through a checklist in my mind of all the movies "10,000 B.C." borrows from.
Adam Tobias - Watertown Daily Times
The filmmakers should be ashamed of themselves for even allowing this movie to enter a movie theatre. It was like a bad made for TV special that you would see on ABC or NBC.
Kevin McCarthy - BDK Reviews
ena matso kakomoirides sernontai stin ammo kai ton ilio, s' ena ftino, proheiro, afeles kai kakogoysto deigma karampinatis gerontikis anoias toy Emmerich
Joseph Proimakis - Movies for the Masses
One of the worst movies I've ever seen.
Bob Grimm - Tucson Weekly
crap, and more crap in a crap bucket
Stefan Birgir Stefansson - sbs.is
The actors speak in fluent anachronistic English. The dialogue is prehistoric but not in the way Emmerich intended.
Mike Sage - Peterborough This Week
It's a film that countryman Uwe Boll would have made had he the budget and the cinematographer
Walter Chaw - Film Freak Central
I enjoyed the movie, so it qualifies as a mammoth guilty pleasure
Lori Hoffman - Atlantic City Weekly
it is hard to be enthralled with the dusty, warmed-over romantic fixations of what is essentially a very handsome cave-couple
James Kendrick - Q Network Film Desk
It's just a wrong movie altogether, an elaborately nonsensical stew of crazy costumes, bizarre accessories, and funny voices.
Eric D. Snider - EricDSnider.com
Surely it's only coincidence that the sign of D'Leh's accomplishment is a White Spear.
Cynthia Fuchs - PopMatters
You actually have to feel sorry for the actors, one of which is New Zealander Cliff Curtis, the only person I recognised.
Margaret Pomeranz - At the Movies (Australia)
I don't know about you, but if I want to get excited about an ancient mammal I'll tune in Janice Dickinson.
Mark Ramsey - MovieJuice!
Jennie Kermode - Eye for Film
It's a horrible movie.
Richard Roeper - Ebert & Roeper
With a dreadfully dull story and performances as petrified as 12,000-year-old wooden artifacts, 10,000 BC shambles along as if on a march to its own extinction.
Mark Pfeiffer - Reel Times: Reflections on Cinema
A blind man is brought up on a slab from beneath the earth, where he has spent years cooped up in cramped quarters with nothing to keep him entertained. After spending two hours in a darkened theater watching 10,000 B.C., I could relate.
Matt Brunson - Creative Loafing
strictly a popcorn flick version of Joseph Campell's hero's journey that looks great even as it plays fast and very loose with geography, biology, and anything else that gets in its way
Andrea Chase - Killer Movie Reviews
One can only infer that, in order for it to be taken seriously, the makers expected audiences to forget pretty much every movie they'd ever seen before in their entire life.
Rob Humanick - Projection Booth
Roland Emmerich loves to make big, dumb movies, and though this may not be his biggest, it's certainly his dumbest.
Christopher Tookey - Daily Mail [UK]
With too much talk, not enough adventure and a laughable disregard for geography and anthropology, 10,000 BC is less Jurassic Park than Pleistocene parp.
Elliott Noble - Sky Movies
Like the lumbering mammoths, it is plodding and dull.
Nigel Floyd - Time Out
Roland Emmerich's prehistoric odyssey 10,000 BC is his silliest, most preposterous blockbuster to date. But it's lots of fun, too.
Sukhdev Sandhu - Daily Telegraph
Don't expect Roland Emmerich's 10,000BC to make much sense, historically, geographically or logically.
Wendy Ide - Times [UK]
Even though there's never a hint of either research or gritty realism, it's still good fun.
Rich Cline - Shadows on the Wall
Should have been a lot more fun.
Daniel Etherington - Film4
In what might be a record, the makers of this prehistoric drama spent two years and 20m fine-tuning the special effects to ensure its cast of mammoths, sabre-toothed tigers and maneating birds looked as realistic as possible.
Dean Essner - Daily Mirror [UK]
The mammoths aren't all that is wild and woolly in this innocent, old-fashioned, amusingly self-important, entertainingly mad, rip-snorting throwback to vintage Saturday matinee fare.
Dean Essner - Empire Magazine
A beggar's banquet of milky CGI beasties and clunky battle-porn set-pieces, 10,000 B.C. is an extravagant waste of time, money and effort. Fans of caveman antics may want to go with something more historically accurate. Like The Flintstones.
Dean Essner - Total Film
Director Roland Emmerich has swapped disaster movies like The Day After Tomorrow and Godzilla for, well, a disaster of a movie.
Dean Essner - Sun Online
Scott A. Mantz - Scott Mantz' Movie Reviews
Take the kids along; unless you want them to grow up to be palaeontologists.
Paul Arendt - BBC
Strait has to be one of the most unsympathetic cardboard heroes of the genre, while Bell leaves little reason to care for her beyond her bitching dreadlocks...
Felix Vasquez Jr. - Film Threat
This year's first Event Movie is almost guaranteed to wind up as its dumbest.
Adam Nayman - eye WEEKLY
Sets new standards for stupidity. This is like Uwe Boll with a budget. This is the village idiot of movies.
Ken Hanke - Mountain Xpress (Asheville, NC)
It's all just F/X opportunities, exposing Hollywood's -- and our own -- non-relationship to history.
Armond White - New York Press
...lovesick prehistoric man traverses the globe to rescue the woman he loves.
Beth Accomando - KPBS.org
My poor brain hung in there for as long as it could, but it lost its grip during the giant chicken attack and I haven't seen it since.
Rob Vaux - Flipside Movie Emporium
Just barely good enough to fulfill the needs of an audience starved for any sort of effects-driven film that hardly sticks in the brain for more than a few minutes after it's over.
Tim Brayton - Antagony & Ecstasy
Making prehistoric people talk and behave just like modern people in a 10,000 B.C. setting makes actors look silly. Their costumes are silly, the settings are silly, and the whole movie is unintentionally funny.
Eric Melin - Scene-Stealers.com
Good special effects are expensive, so the filmmakers are forced to use unimpressive actors to fill in the spaces between the CGI creations.
Sean McBride - Sean the Movie Guy
If Mel Gibson remade Apocalypto and cast it with the Geico cavemen, he might end up with something akin to 10,000 B.C..
Mike McGranaghan - Aisle Seat
'A sweeping odyssey into a mythical age of prophesies and gods,' according to the press notes; it's also a sweeping odyssey into a mythical age in which snow is referred to even by Ice Age veterans as 'the great white rain'...
John Beifuss - Commercial Appeal (Memphis, TN)
While there are moments, '10,000 B.C.' never makes you jump. On the plus side, the movie isn't as lumbering as those digital elephantine beasts.
John P. McCarthy - ReelTalk Movie Reviews
One of the stupidest and most boring films of the year.
Rob Gonsalves - eFilmCritic.com
This is actually a movie you forget while watching it.
Christopher Smith - Bangor Daily News (Maine)
Visually, historically and creatively, this film dishonors the year 10,000 B.C.
Jeff Bayer - Daily Herald (IL)
On a Neanderthal level, "10,000 B.C." works.
Linda Cook - Quad City Times (Davenport, IA)
While admittedly formulaic and banal, it's also a guilty pleasure for those who enjoy watching stampeding herds of woolly mammoths.
Susan Granger - SSG Syndicate
10,000 B.C. is a load of crap dressed up with pretty background vistas. The film is terminally lifeless, something that a so-called 'event' picture should never be.
Dustin Putman - DustinPutman.com
Oh my god: the silly, it burns. It burns!
MaryAnn Johanson - Flick Filosopher
...the Yagahl speak English with an inflection that ranges from fake-African to fake-Russian, sometimes within the same sentence.
Luke Y. Thompson - New Times
A strong camp sensibility is just about the only thing that might have saved this lumbering beast.
Robert W. Butler - Kansas City Star
While there's an attempt to make this a personal story, it's really about what we thought it would be: Incredible vistas populated with a combination of ancient temples, pyramids, woolly mammoths and a cast of (CGI) thousands.
Vic Holtreman - ScreenRant
Director Roland Emmerich is the ultimate spectacle over substance filmmaker. He actually makes Michael Bay look like Stanley Kubrick by comparison.
Brandon Fibbs - Colorado Springs Gazette
There's shockingly nothing to recommend about this flat, dull, and excruciatingly boring adventure to a time that apparently predates things like character, action, or even editing.
Brian Tallerico - The Deadbolt
10,000 B.C. is a movie of woolly mammoths and fuzzy thinking.
Chris Hewitt (St. Paul) - St. Paul Pioneer Press
Too dumb to take seriously, but just silly enough to be sort of fun.
Ken Fox - TV Guide's Movie Guide
The characters may speak English, but the narrative is gibberish.
Duane Dudek - Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
10,000 B.C. takes a prehistoric approach to storytelling.
Christian Toto - Washington Times
More than anything else, though, the movie recalls the overblown Hollywood biblical epics of the 1950s, with all their attendant anachronisms and free-floating cheese.
Kurt Loder - MTV
The film proves to be uncharacteristically restrained.
Sandra Hall - Sydney Morning Herald
Even as a fantasy spectacle, 10,000 B.C. is sorely in need of intelligent design.
Michael Sragow - Baltimore Sun
It promises spectacle and action but fails to deliver all that much of either, and ends up being so dull it can't even be enjoyed for its camp value.
Peter T. Chattaway - Christianity Today
Our favorite Teutonic huckster presumes that prehistory means that anything narrative goes: hey, who can prove him wrong?
Peter Canavese - Groucho Reviews
Stephen Whitty - Newark Star-Ledger
...it's laughably bad, which means that if you can approach it as a really stupid film you just might find yourself enjoying it.
Daniel M. Kimmel - Worcester Telegram & Gazette
It made me yearn to see Caveman again. At least that was intentionally funny.
Peter Rainer - Christian Science Monitor
The sheer spectacle of the film makes it an easier sell on the big screen than on DVD
Sara Maria Vizcarrondo - Boxoffice Magazine
If you are ten years old fan of video games with a short attention span and no knowledge of history, you will love this movie. The further you stray from these core qualifications, the less you will love it.
Nell Minow - Beliefnet
Hey, CG mammoths! And lots of 'em! And some raptor/dodo thingies that move exactly like Spielberg's dinosaurs. Still, looks cool enough. Could've used some more of the saber-toothed tiger, though.
Bob Strauss - Los Angeles Daily News
This may well be the first prehistoric epic in which the liberal deployment of such words as "oog," "agh" and "uck" would have actually improved the screenplay considerably.
Peter Sobczynski - eFilmCritic.com
As a series of set pieces looking for any available fable to keep it afloat, 10,000 BC is really nothing more than computing power and implausibility.
Bill Gibron - PopMatters
I cheered for the villains who were building a colossal civilization.
Victoria Alexander - FilmsInReview.com
10,000 B.C. is a true disaster on every level, a derivative and sometimes incomprehensible mess.
Liz Braun - Jam! Movies
There have been funny movies about prehistoric times ... but for real gut-busting laughs, it's hard to top the ridiculousness of 10,000 B.C.
Sean Means - Salt Lake Tribune
Too much of 10,000 BC seems to be sampled from other movies that preceded it
Kevin Carr - 7M Pictures
Clearly, the B.C. here stands for Benetton Colors, since it's got nothing to do real history.
Frank Lovece - Film Journal International
Emmerich has never been one to rely on the wizardry of nuance, but I was stunned to feel numb to nearly everything B.C. offered, as if my mind immediately detected a filmmaker looking to brazenly cash in on his past successes.
Brian Orndorf - BrianOrndorf.com
... a dull compendium of recycled adventure epic cliches.
Sean Axmaker - Seanax.com
CGI effects are letter perfect believable. The opening mastodon hunt/stampede is as good as effects seen in the recent 'King Kong,' greatly enhancing the film.
Steve Crum - Video-Reviewmaster.com
I have to give Emmerich credit for creating a film that's been funnier than '27 Dresses' or 'Over Her Dead Body.'
Dan Lybarger - eFilmCritic.com
A lovely-to-look-at but ultimately forgettable adventure flick that feels like a cross between Land of the Pharaohs and the greatest hits of Joseph Campbell.
Alonso Duralde - MSNBC
I can't figure out exactly when the film 10,000 B.C. is set, but it's definitely ancient times. Like before they had cars, guns or tabloid blogs. And definitely before they had cohesive plots or dialogue that made sense.
Phil Villarreal - Arizona Daily Star
The kind of movie that people will discover new and hilarious ways to mock for years to come.
Mark Dujsik - Mark Reviews Movies
May indeed last until the end of time, kept alive in drinking games and in history and geography classrooms on April Fool's Day.
Matt Pais - Metromix.com
This crackpot combination of Pathfinder and Apocalypto [is] a brainless exercise in prehistoric goofiness that actually affords more laughs than Ice Age.
Frank Swietek - One Guy's Opinion
The film's heart is in the right place, but its script is not evolved enough to deliver the message without the constant clout of a caveman's club.
Staci Layne Wilson - Sci-Fi Weekly
In an age where ... audiences reward blood-and-thunder films ... at the box office, greenlighting 10,000 B.C. must have seemed logical. I can imagine someone pitching the film ...by saying "It's like 300 .... plus 9,700!"
James Rocchi - Cinematical
An epic adventure of such towering testosterone counts and ceaseless tedium, you can almost feel the hair growing on your chest as the bags collect beneath your eyes.
Jan Stuart - Newsday
While the movie is completely ridiculous, at least it's fun to think of all the high school students who are going to mistake this movie for an accurate historical record and get F's on their next pop quiz.
Peter Hartlaub - San Francisco Chronicle
Roland Emmerich has a remarkable talent for draining all the life out of interesting stories.
Eugene Novikov - Film Blather
The little-prehistoric-epic-that-could actually delivers an entertaining couple of hours.
David Foucher - EDGE Boston
about as slow and lumbering as a wounded manuk.
David Thomas - Filmcritic.com
Roland Emmerich is partial to cutting-edge special effects and stone-age storytelling, meaning that 10,000 B.C., a dim-witted CG extravaganza set in prehistoric times, is something like his ideal project.
Nick Schager - Slant Magazine
Emmerich knows how to fill the screen with spectacle, but not how to field-marshal it.
Keith Phipps - AV Club
Almost worth sitting through the first half for the revelatory moment when you're forced to ask yourself: Is nearly the entire cast suddenly being attacked by what look like cracked-out ostriches? Why, yes, yes they are.
Alex Markerson - E! Online
Worst of all, no one even gets eaten by the disappointingly tame saber-toothed tiger.
Josh Bell - Las Vegas Weekly
Emmerich's epic is a formulaic mishmash of a movie, visually sweeping but silly blend of actioner, adventure, man vs. nature, man vs. animal -- above all, a reminder of how superior Mel Gibson's Apocalypto was.
Emanuel Levy - EmanuelLevy.Com
A tedious bore in which grubby people stand around muttering in a variety of badly chosen accents.
Joshua Tyler - CinemaBlend.com
The mammoths, the savage, beaked jungle beasts and the giant sabre tooth tiger all make splendid appearances. The spectacular landscapes of desert, mountain, river and jungle also deliver the images we are expecting. It's the humans who let us down.
Urban Cinefile Critics - Urban Cinefile