Act of Valor Review

“Act Of Bullshit!!!”

February 25th, 2012

The trailers for this movie should come with the caption reading 'Warning many cutscenes, bring your joysticks.' A cutscene, yes, an hour and 45 minute long cutscene, basically which is the running time of just one cutscene from Metal Gear Solid. Act of Valour isn't just a big love letter sent to every Navy Seal. It's the most emotionless, bag of crap I've ever seen in my entire life. It's so patriotic that it's unpatriotic. Also, it's another one of these cheap thrown together movies that had a budget of around 15 million, expecting to cash in on a sizable box office income. It was alright when Paranormal Activity did this, but now 1 million dollar budgeted movies are just being thrown out the wood work in bringing in decent enough profits to please the filmmakers, instead of taking your time and just making a good film with what you got. Yes, Act of Valour will go down in history as the worst military movie ever made, but I will show you true courage by continuing this review, which is my Act of Valour.

This movie has a very cool plot set against the U.S. dealing with a whole new futuristic style suicide bomb vest, being deployed to terrorist who plan to strike specifics parts of the country. Now, take this plot and throw it into The Expendables and you'll have a good freaking movie. However, this sympathized story is sent to FUBAR island along with not great, good, decent or even bad actors but actual Navy Seals, whom are to my understanding not trained to be actors and have no sense of acting ability whatsoever. Hell, I'll take every bad actor in Fireproof any day of the week. Seriously, I'd understand if you didn't think actors couldn't pull off the realism of being a Seal but hell, man at least have an decent acting performance in your lead role. I felt nothing for this characters... do I call them characters or what? I'm really confused know what I can't do this I'm done.NO! I........MUST.........SHOW..........MY ACT OF VALOURRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!(input Arnold Schwarzenner screaming moment in Predator).Okay, I'm back in action. The two lead roles are played by actual Navy Seals that the movie wished not to expose until after the movie was over, but I left before the credits rolled. So, one of the guys always had a toothpick in his mouth so he'll be Toothpick whenever I refer to him, and the other guy I really don't know what to call him so, since at first he did look like a familiar actor but found out that is a Seal, so I'll call him Mr. Unfamiliar. So, Toothpick and Unfamiliar are life long buddies who surf and drink coffee, which they do throughout this boring 'i can't wait to get to the action stuff' intro. Toothpick has a wife and five kids and Unfamiliar has his first one on the way. Okay, take a guess who's die in this movie and who's going to be the one consoling their friend's widow. You finished. In a Call of Duty style globe trotting map, the movie introduces the villain who is Lucifer. I kid you not. The antagonist in this movie is the fallen angel himself. Where most terrorist have their ideology, which is their cause for the actions they take, this guy just does evil,chaotic James Bond villainy stuff. He shows no value in his people, his country, or his comrades. Sometimes it seems like he's mischievously using an ideology a terrorist would have to persuade his puzzled comrades. He doesn't believe in anything but destruction of all mankind. After hearing all the accusations against 24 and it's portrayals of Middle Easterns, this movie should be burned to shreds and washed down the drain with blood-colored piss. Actual terrorist are not like this. The whole notion of another man's terrorist is another man's freedom fighter is thrown out of the window and into the bottomless pit. Now, before the FBI and Homeland Security come bust down my door, I am not a terrorist, I am not a supporter of terrorism. I just want villains based on some sort of realism not comic book villains. Going back to Toothpick and Unfamiliar, they jump from one place to another and sometimes in both places at the same time, which it kind of feels like. Really the settings in this movie are really mind-boggling. So they head into Mexico, where the big climatically epic end happens, but unfortunately, your so exhausted from the no acting, dull intro, tiresome set changes that it takes a lot of the deliverance away from it. Not to mention, the bad ass futuristic style bomb vest, massive let down of the year. At this point if for some reason you care about Toothpick or Unfamiliar, who am I to knock you for seeing this.

Act of Valour had two talentless directors gifted with great cinematographers, the only real saving grace of the movie. If you check this movie for anything at all, at least you'll be exposed to some of the best visuals ever. Other than that, a huge disappointment. I am a great admirer of the Seals, Rangers, and Army. Screw the Marines. I was expecting a good movie about seeing Navy Seals in action in a believable way and not at Call of Duty Black Ops campaign mode. By the way, I despise those games. In closing, Act of Valour is pure garbage. I have completed my mission of Valour now give me my damn medal, bitches.


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