“Best Movie Ever Number 1 Out Of The Top 10's”
“A Very Unnecessary So Called "based" Film, But It Was Indeed A Fun Action Film. Not Saying It's A Perfect Summer Movie, There Were Some Flaws And Screw Ups That Made This A Wannabe Like Movie.”
“A New Spin On The Typical Alien Invation Theory!”
“Half Way Through The Movie He Says- "I've Got A Bad Feeling About This!" But Before He Had A Good Feeling About The Aliens Attacking...?”
“Was A Very Awesome Action Movie”
“This Is The Film That Transformers Should Have Been.”
“A Flow Blow Surprise! Battleship Completely Blew My Expectations Out Of The Water. I Was Expecting Something Dull And Lifeless And Actually Got Something Intriguing And Fun!. The Action Is Killer And The Grand Finale Is Something Surreal. Its A Hit”
“Blew My Expectations Out Of The Water”
“Sinks Twenty Tousand Leagues Under The Sea..”
“In The Same Vein As Transformers, But More Coherent And With Humans That Matter”
“The Action Is Almost Overwhelming...”
“Battle-Transforming-Ship Field Hawaii”
“We Have A Battleship”
“It's An Attack Of The Flying Yo-yos, Pass The Popcorn, Please.”
Surrounding the alien rumpus, the filmmakers have built an unexpectedly sincere salute to the awesome responsibilities of today's U.S. Navy as well as to the heroic work of veterans who came before.
Lisa Schwarzbaum - Entertainment Weekly
[It] has a plot as unambitious as a macaroni dinner, familiar and easy to eat and not particularly nutritious.
Neil Genzlinger - New York Times
If you found Transformers just a touch too subtle, this is the film for you.
Catherine Shoard - Guardian [UK]
Mostly, Battleship is a noisy, overlong and numbing military-vs.-aliens saga with laughably bad dialogue.
Claudia Puig - USA Today
"Battleship" is an invigorating blast of cinematic adrenaline.
Michael O'Sullivan - Washington Post
Hey, if you're Hasbro and Universal, and you've agreed to make a movie based on nothing more than brand recognition of a game, you've got to fill two hours with something.
Tom Russo - Boston Globe
When the F-14s came out for a triumphant flyover, I looked around the room to find the moron who was applauding only to realize that it was me.
Nick Pinkerton - Village Voice
"Battleship" is the worst humans-fighting-aliens movie I've ever seen. And I've seen a lot of humans-fighting-aliens movies.
Joe Neumaier - New York Daily News
Like "Transformers," which it rivals in relentlessness, "Battleship" comes with its own force field, a furious energy that renders criticism irrelevant.
Joe Morgenstern - Wall Street Journal
... a big, bold blast so swaggeringly expressed and self-knowingly built that it wins you over with its sheer bravado.
James Rocchi - MSN Movies
The film eventually comes down to lots of scenes in which things get blowed up real good.
Roger Ebert - Chicago Sun-Times
Once the special effects take over, Berg has little room to assert his personality (or tell a story, for that matter), and the movie feels like a chore.
Ben Sachs - Chicago Reader
The film boasts a destroyer's wallop of visual effects, but not enough brains to fill a dinghy.
Colin Covert - Minneapolis Star Tribune
"Battleship" doesn't sink, really. It just sits there booming endlessly as you look on aghast.
Tom Long - Detroit News
When did Peter Berg become Michael Bay's smarter brother?
Bill Goodykoontz - Arizona Republic
Battleship is dopey, preposterous and unintentionally hilarious in all the wrong places, but as directed by Peter Berg, it is also energetic, fast-moving and bracing.
Rex Reed - New York Observer
Overlong and underwritten even by the standards of summer f/x extravaganzas, this Battleship will nonetheless float with many on the strength of its boyish, eager-to-please razzle-dazzle.
Guy Lodge - Variety
It makes "Top Gun" look like the work of Orson Welles. At least the Tom Cruise movie remembered to cast actual actors.
Kyle Smith - New York Post
The loudest, dumbest alien-invasion movie based on a board game since, well, ever.
Linda Barnard - Toronto Star
One can be sure that heroic characters get what they want, bond with enemies, and earn respect.
Adam Litovitz - Globe and Mail
Berg has definitely spent his reported $200 million budget on stuff you can see. It's just all so profoundly stupid.
Andrew O'Hehir - Salon.com
This is the kind of summer movie that softens your brain tissue without even providing the endocrine burst of pleasure that would make it all worthwhile.
Dana Stevens - Slate
Battleship has the IQ of a rutabaga and doesn't require much more intelligence than that to watch.
James Berardinelli - ReelViews
Impressive visual effects and Berg's epic set pieces fight against an armada of cinematic cliches and some truly awful dialogue.
Megan Lehmann - Hollywood Reporter
"Battleship" is big, dumb fun that knows it's big, dumb fun and enthusiastically embraces its big, dumb, fun nature.
Christy Lemire - Associated Press
More fun than a board game blockbuster has any right to be
Steven Snyder - TIME Magazine
Battleship is all noise and crashing metal, sinking to the shallows of Michael Bay's Armageddon and then digging to the brain-extinction level of the Transformers trilogy.
Peter Travers - Rolling Stone
Big loud stupid dopey shameless cliched overbearing and did I mention stupid?
Richard Roeper - Richard Roeper.com
Something of an earnest, two-hour infomercial that should do wonders for naval recruiting if not civilian entertainment.
Kenneth Turan - Los Angeles Times
Just like the board game, assuming the board game cost $200 million and was dumb.
Tom Glasson - Concrete Playground
An assault on reason, logic and complex characterisation, but in an enjoyable way, like a slightly less camp dramatisation of the Village People's finest ship-based sing-song.
Catherine Bray - Film4
We should celebrate the explicit nature, the unabashed and unapologetic chutzpah of a film that dares to be stupid, yet does so with so much intelligence.
Jason Gorber - Twitch
This cheap-looking dung heap doesn't even bother hiding its contempt for paying audiences, and the lack of pretension almost justifies the cynicism on display.
Rob Humanick - Projection Booth
What starts out as a seriously tense naval war thriller ends up being Pearl Harbour II: Intergalactic Boogaloo.
Ali Gray - TheShiznit.co.uk
Battleship is a movie that is enjoyable beyond expectation, but doesn't offer much more than the fast-food-style fun of a summer movie spectacle.
Kofi Outlaw - ScreenRant
It's not satire, it doesn't play on two levels like Starship Troopers, it's just s---... As a piece of miscalculated, American wankery, it is almost unparalleled.
Adam Ross - The Aristocrat
Watch the movie for its spectacle and nothing else.
Kevin Carr - 7M Pictures
A silly summer popcorn flick that tries too hard to be witty and tongue-in-cheek while still embracing its deadly serious commitment to being the ultimate blow-em-up action extravaganza.
Kristal Cooper - We Got This Covered
It really should have been obvious to everyone involved that it was going to turn out like this.
Jeff Beck - Examiner.com
Believe it or not, no one ever says the game's signature line. So, lets say it here, all together and with enthusiasm, "You sunk my Battleship!"
Brian Holcomb - CinemaBlend.com
It appears a Hollywood boardroom has scraped the bottom of the barrel of originality to come up with a very long, very loud movie with almost nothing new to say.
Justin Craig - FoxNews.com
Direction is sharp, but the dull assembly line story damages this hokey action picture that's occasionally so bad it's good.
R. L. Shaffer - IGN DVD
Battleship is to chicken burritos what The Avengers was to shawarma.
William Bibbiani - CraveOnline
Maybe it wasn't too smart to turn this Hasbro game into an alien-invasion movie.
Kirk Honeycutt - honeycuttshollywood.com
For an action flick that starts to sink right out of port, 'Battleship' does take a clever turn. But, boy, do you have to wait a long time for it to smarten up.
Linda Cook - Quad City Times (Davenport, IA)
Any movie based on Battleship that doesn't at least throw in a PT boat isn't worthy of the name.
Sean Means - Salt Lake Tribune
... it sounds incredibly dumb -- and it is, but not without a little fun.
Jim Lane - Sacramento News & Review
I am a sucker for these kinds of big, dumb action movies (I liked "John Carter" and "The Green Lantern" too), particularly if they have a good deal of science fiction in them, and this one does.
Robert Roten - Laramie Movie Scope
Liam Neeson fans, beware: it's the old bait and switch tactic as he has barely more than a cameo role in this alien invasion saga.
Lori Hoffman - Atlantic City Weekly
The best part of Battleship's lackluster opening is that it immediately puts other game-based projects into turnaround: Easy Bake Oven: Apocalypse and My Pretty Pony: Rise of the Lycans, I'm talking to you.
Mark Ramsey - MovieJuice!
What's next? Lincoln Logs vs Tinkertoys?
Michael A. Smith - MediaMikes
Peter Berg delivers his love letter to the military in a movie disguised as an Alien Invasion board game.
Michelle Alexandria - Eclipse Magazine
One of the dumbest ideas for a movie...ever.
Bob Grimm - Reno News and Review
A clangy, anchors-aweigh bombast of special-effects whoosh and wallop, ka-booming explosions and dumb action-movie dialogue.
Neil Pond - American Profile
The CGI looks as good as it ought to given the criminally large budget, but the action is perfunctory and unimaginative.
Tim Brayton - Antagony & Ecstasy
Missteps sink this Battleship
Robert Denerstein - Movie Habit
Full of action and good special effects, but cheesy dialogue and a throw away plot eventually sink it.
Jackie K. Cooper - jackiekcooper.com
It's one of the loudest , most aurally assaultive films I've ever seen. Some audience members will see that as a positive.
Norman Wilner - NOW Toronto
It's fun in sporadic bursts, but never memorable.
James Kendrick - Q Network Film Desk
A messy mishmash of action movie cliches lost at sea (J14-Hit!)
Jeffrey Lyles - Lyles' Movie Files
... finally exercises its self-awareness bone and has a little fun before the credits roll... worth sneaking into the ending after you see The Avengers again.
Kevin A. Ranson - MovieCrypt.com
Battleship is a loud lobotomy.
Tony Macklin - tonymacklin.net
Goes about its thought-free blow-s**t-up business in such a bizarre and absurd manner that to simply dismiss it as laughably awful is to shortchange how oddly captivating its off-the-charts 'what-the-f**k?' quality often is.
Michael Dequina - TheMovieReport.com
The epitome of a summer blockbuster: a dizzying display of derring-do, patriotism and fearlessness in the face of an overwhelming alien invasion on the high seas. And the guy even gets the girl!
Kam Williams - AALBC.com
Dear Hasbro: I'd like to thank you for ruining fond memories from my childhood.
Dan Lybarger - MovieMaker Magazine
If this is entertainment, we're sunk.
Jeffrey M. Anderson - San Francisco Examiner
I never thought I'd be saying this, but I enjoyed it.
Scott Nash - Three Movie Buffs
Epically bad in virtually every way imaginable...
David Nusair - Reel Film Reviews
A long, vapid and tedious orgasm of CGI effects that will leave you exacerbated.
Avi Offer - NYC Movie Guru
Terrific! Fantastic special effects highlight this high-tension film of ordinary mortals who can die if things go wrong in a fight to the finish against aliens.
Tony Medley - Tolucan Times
Could be mistaken for a Transformers sequel except it's missing Shia LaBeouf's distinctive hairdo ... To tag it a worthy popcorn flick is the equivalent of spitting in the faces of Spielberg, Zemeckis or anybody who used to expertly do this sort of thing.
Matt Brunson - Creative Loafing
Richard Roeper - ReelzChannel.com
Nell Minow - Movie Mom at Yahoo! Movies
I had considerably more fun watching Berg destroy Michael Bay at his own game than watching Joss Whedon try to please everyone in the universe with 'The Avengers.'
Eugene Novikov - Film Blather
- Austin Chronicle
Side note: Rihanna's hat deserves recognition! That cap was sealed on her head - weathering ocean waters and alien attacks! Who needs a lace front with a hat like Rih's?
Clay Cane - BET.com
Battleship blues: Where is Michael Bay when we need him?
Clint O'Connor - Cleveland Plain Dealer
Battleship is bollocks. Oddly enough, it makes no apologies for being so stupid.
Bill Gibron - PopMatters
Big, loud, dumb -- and fun.
Mike Scott - Times-Picayune
It's big, loud, dumb and sloppy but, despite it all, the thing entertains on some primal level.
John Wirt - Advocate (Baton Rouge, LA)
I'm all for big, mindless, summer movie fun, but Battleship is so poorly written the dialogue alone could defeat the alien hordes if only they spoke English.
Marc Savlov - Austin Chronicle
A forgiving viewer may wonder if there's method in its moronity: Creedence Clearwater Revival's anti-war classic 'Fortunate Son' blares over the end credits, as if in veiled insult to audience members who cheered the movie's Hollywoodized warmongering.
John Beifuss - Commercial Appeal (Memphis, TN)
It's blatantly absurd, but if you surrender somewhat to its silliness, it may just put a big goofy grin on your face.
Ethan Alter - Television Without Pity
'Veterans & Aliens'? That would have been a better movie.
Widgett Walls - Needcoffee.com
Battleship is substantially less awful than it could have been. And for me, that may have been the biggest disappointment of all.
Christopher Orr - The Atlantic
There is an earnestness to Battleship that makes it impossible to hate even with its clunky dialogue and plot holes so big you could float the entire Pacific Fleet through them.
Mathew DeKinder - St. Louis Post-Dispatch
Battleship is a movie where even benign satellite messages sent from NASA to distant worlds are giant laser beams that shoot through space causing lens flares and surround sound action.
Matthew Razak - Flixist.com
When Michael Bay is unavailable to do the job, Peter Berg is the guy they called to direct. Sadly, if you needed a film to go along with the lame alien film Skyline, 'Battleship' is the perfect companion.
Wilson Morales - BlackFilm.com
Finally, Hollywood has produced a movie for people who found the 'Transformers' series too intellectually challenging.
Leonard Maltin - Leonard Maltin's Picks
There's nothing about Battleship that doesn't feel like the conclusion of a hundred lengthy focus group discussions.
Pete Vonder Haar - Houston Press
The whole movie feels like Roland Emmerich's sperm and Michael Bay's sperm fertilized an egg Tony Scott cryogenically froze back in 1986, producing a "baby" with qualities of all of its "birth" fathers.
Sean O'Connell - CinemaBlend.com
Over-the-top sci-fi action with great special effects.
Sandie Angulo Chen - Common Sense Media
"What's the difference between a battleship and a destroyer?" asks a starstruck boy upon meeting a U.S. Navy hero-to-be in Battleship. The smart answer would be "one peg hole".... The sailor says something else because Battleship isn't a smart movie.
Steve Persall - Tampa Bay Times
It's a multi-layer cake frosted with Rihanna pointing big guns at giant space ships and letting off all her rounds while screaming "AUUUUGGGHHH!"
Dave White - Movies.com
Taylor Kitsch might be trying to fire his agent as we speak.
Willie Waffle - WaffleMovies.com
the film adds space invaders to the traditional maritime conflict, yet never forgets its humble roots as a board game played with pegs and increasingly educated guesses
Andrea Chase - Killer Movie Reviews
...more than two hours of high-priced explosion porn that piles on its chest-thumping "America, f&%k yeah!" machismo with a brazenness that makes Top Gun seem Merchant-and-Ivory quaint.
Jeff Meyers - Metro Times (Detroit, MI)
Battleship is an alien invasion flick with too earnest dialogue and ear-splitting explosions. Yet, everything works: the special effects, the performances, the breakneck pace.
Peter Paras - E! Online
Big goofy summertime entertainment, quick on its feet and just as quick to poke fun at itself.
Matt Soergel - Florida Times-Union
Battleship has plenty of action and explosions, but somehow it all unfolds without energy.
Liz Braun - Jam! Movies
It's everything that's wrong with modern science fiction and also a lot of fun.
Joshua Tyler - Giant Freakin Robot
As alien invasions go, this ranks as one of the most inept in movie history.
Rob Vaux - Mania.com
Battleship may be based on the popular Hasbro game, but it's more like Transformers. Only Battleship can claim a better plot. But "better" is always a relative term.
Gary Wolcott - Tri-City Herald
While it provides some stimulation for the eyes and ears, the brain gets the shaft.
Todd Jorgenson - Cinemalogue.com
If the movie is anything like the game, I say stay at home and read a good book (or graphic novel). Or listen to an audiobook - In short, do anything else.
Peter Rainer - Christian Science Monitor
A deafening, seizure-inducing, patently ridiculous full-length military ad co-directed by Michael Bay and a trash compactor. Worst of all, it's also a hell of a lot of fun.
Brian Juergens - AfterElton.com
If you have endless patience, this film will deliver. In fact, everyone who sat through it deserves a silver star.
Grae Drake - Movies.com
Battleship is ultimately too derivative for my taste. I'd be lying if I said I didn't have a tiny bit of fun with it, though.
Mike McGranaghan - Aisle Seat
...for some unknown reason Battleship tries to play like a romantic comedy - complete with a meet cute - for the first 1/3 of its overly long running time.
Rebecca Murray - About.com
Well, it has aliens, for one thing.
Bob Mondello - NPR
Just make sure you go in with low expectations of anything resembling art and you might find yourself having fun while being yanked along on this over-the-top and dumb joy ride. (Full Content Parental Review also available)
Jim Judy - Screen It!
James O'Ehley - Sci-Fi Movie Page
There's almost nothing to "Battleship" beyond its grindingly dull, digitally rendered naval warfare; the flick could easily be retitled "Flying Ordinance and Forgettable Stars: The Motion Picture."
Mike Russell - Oregonian
Despite the blockbuster mistake of allowing Rihanna to make her big-screen debut, "Battleship" succeeds where it absolutely must: It's one of the best, most entertaining popcorn flicks ever.
Adam Fendelman - HollywoodChicago.com
Most summer blockbusters are lumbering, exhausting exercises in endless payload delivery. "Battleship" is that rare $200 million movie with a twinkle in its eye.
Tim Grierson - Gawker
You can't help but wonder what Hasbro will do with Candy Land.
Ann Lewinson - Boston Phoenix
I was never bored. And that, sadly, makes it better than most of the other expensive and over-hyped films of its ilk.
Alonso Duralde - The Wrap
As big, dumb summer movies go ... this is just another big, dumb summer movie. And one that makes you feel slightly dumber for having watched it.
Stephen Whitty - Newark Star-Ledger
It's loud, it's large, it's stupid, and its best gag involves a chicken burrito.
Amy Biancolli - San Francisco Chronicle
Battleship knows that it's big, dumb summer fun, and it doesn't pretend to be anything more.
Jason Zingale - Bullz-Eye.com
A shamelessly corny, ridiculous, silly, cheesy and utterly preposterous big budget Hollywood spectacle, and I'll be damned if I didn't enjoy the hell out of it.
Scott A. Mantz - Access Hollywood
An unholy mash-up of 'Pearl Harbor' and 'Transformers'...if Berg doesn't match [Bay] in bombast and stupidity, it's not for lack of trying.
Frank Swietek - One Guy's Opinion
Turn off your brain and enjoy. But don't forget to cover your ears.
Soren Anderson - Seattle Times
"Battleship" employs the same nonintelligent strategy as the Hasbro board game: Fire blindly at broad targets and wait for explosions.
Rafer Guzman - Newsday
I didn't come to a movie called BATTLESHIP to see a bunch of crap that I could've watched on 90210. I want to see explosions and aliens and what-not!
Austin Kennedy - Sin Magazine
A distended and entirely generic movie about a trio of Navy ships (and, if one is generous, the people onboard) that are the last line of defense when aliens invade Earth.
Mark Dujsik - Mark Reviews Movies
It's the sort of movie every summer needs. And stick around for a fun post-credits sequence that hints at a sequel.
Chris Hewitt (St. Paul) - St. Paul Pioneer Press
Some guilty-pleasure cheese atop a ration of stale popcorn can't cleanse the distastefulness that "Battleship" leaves in its wake.
Joe Williams - St. Louis Post-Dispatch
One ethnic stereotype, two objectifying shots of the supermodel-ready female form, and three set-pieces of choppy, ADD-massaging quick edits away from being titled "Transformers 4."
Dustin Putman - DustinPutman.com
It may leave you screaming "Turn it off!" or, at the very least, "Jumanji!"
Peter Sobczynski - eFilmCritic.com
It's fast, efficient, and keenly aware of its popcorn-movie mission statement.
Gary Thompson - Philadelphia Daily News
"Battleship" is a loud and booming-blow-'em-up movie made for a 12-year-old target audience. Adults should sit this one out - that is, if you don't want to be exposed to a two-hour long headache.
Cole Smithey - ColeSmithey.com
All hopped up on Michael Bay-brand steroids, Berg attempts to outwit his audience by playing so broadly with a painfully simple concept. It's a shame almost nothing in Battleship comes close to genuine fun.
Brian Orndorf - BrianOrndorf.com
Saluting both the American flag and filmmaker Michael Bay, 'Battleship' rises to new heights of pandering while Erich and Jon Hoeber's screenplay sinks to depths of dopiness.
Jon Niccum - Kansas City Star
Perhaps not quite as painful as you might be expecting, though probably not as enjoyable, either.
Stephanie Zacharek - Movieline
The Marines got that commercial where the recruit slays the fire-spewing lava monster, and now the Navy has its two-hour propaganda film about the glories of fighting alien invaders positioned in neat little quadrants at sea. Just try to forget it's a toy
Scott Tobias - AV Club
A good, old-fashioned summer popcorn movie...and Rhianna is a hoot.
Nell Minow - Beliefnet
Berg does his best to emulate Michael Bay's timeless military-fetish-meets-farting-robots aesthetic, but he never succeeds at putting together an action set-piece that clicks.
Graham Killeen - Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
Mind-numbingly entertaining. It's great when summer blockbuster offers clever verses, but I'll settle for a killer chorus.
Matt Pais - RedEye
...dumber than a box of rocks. These filmmakers have paid no attention to physics, logic, consistency or real people.
Laura Clifford - Reeling Reviews
If Ed Wood had a budget of a $100 million to throw around, even he might not have been able to direct a film as godawful as Battleship -- or as in poor taste.
Brandon Judell - CultureCatch
There will be bigger movies this summer, and better ones and worse ones. But there will not be a dumber movie than "Battleship."
Roger Moore - McClatchy-Tribune News Service
Not all of "Battleship" works. But even when you're laughing at it -- not with it -- the blockbuster remains silly fun, leaks and all.
Randy Myers - San Jose Mercury News
Silliness is cinematic buoyancy for a movie as lazy as Battleship.
Matt Patches - Hollywood.com
A noisy, escapist, action-filled, cinema video game that's filmsy, formulaic and far too long.
Susan Granger - SSG Syndicate
Berg proves himself a poor man's Michael Bay in staging the chaotic action sequences.
Josh Bell - Las Vegas Weekly
If the movie works at all it is as a gigantic goof on the elements that make up contemporary blockbusters.
Daniel M. Kimmel - Sci-Fi Movie Page
At one point, a hot chick in a Jeep saves the world by ramming her car into an alien thingamajig.
Rene Rodriguez - Miami Herald
Battleship isn't the longest or dumbest blockbuster to ever exist, but so soon after bar-raising spectacle of The Avengers, maybe the most pointless.
Katey Rich - CinemaBlend.com
This movie is not horrendous and judging from the trailers we've seen, I guess that's a win?
Kristian Harloff and Mark Ellis - Schmoes Know