“The Ultimate Movie Review! - Http://tss5078.blogspot.com - @tss5078”
“FUCK YOU CHELIOS!! =D”
“Blah, Blah, Fucking Blah!”
“CRANK IT UP ”
“A Thrill Ride With Jason Statham!”
“I Think I Got An Adrenaline Rush Watching This!”
“Crank For Your Pleasure!”
“The #1 Action Movie Of All Time!”
“Classic Action Flik For The Ages”
“Bamm. A Ride From Start To Finish.”
“A MUST SEE”
“Was An Awesome Fight Ing Movie ”
Lisa Schwarzbaum - Entertainment Weekly
The movie is cranked up somewhere between stylish and proudly stupid.
Owen Gleiberman - Entertainment Weekly
Jason Stratham rampages through Los Angeles in this retread of Speed, but for a movie premised on unrelenting action, Crank proves fatally turgid.
Nathan Lee - New York Times
Vulgar, ridiculous, offensive and absolutely riveting.
Philip French - Guardian [UK]
Ty Burr - Boston Globe
It's a promising concept, but instead of expending effort on, say, a coherent script, the filmmakers lazily rely on cheap editing tricks and gleefully relentless sadism.
Elizabeth Weitzman - New York Daily News
For all its busyness, Crank never develops much momentum, not least because an exploding heart doesn't carry quite the same stakes as an exploding bus.
Justin Chang - Variety
It's an E-ticket ride. But in the end, there's no heart, no moral to this story. And for all our sweat as viewers, the one thing we crave by Crank's closing credits is detox.
Roger Moore - Orlando Sentinel
Crank qualifies as a superior piece of slick, shallow-souled trash. And I mean that in the best sense of the term.
Geoff Pevere - Toronto Star
So blatantly contrived it could be called The Fast and the Spurious, Crank has the small saving grace of being intentionally ridiculous.
Liam Lacey - Globe and Mail
For those who enjoy this brand of wholly mindless entertainment, Crank delivers.
James Berardinelli - ReelViews
A jacked-up, unapologetically mindless bit of ADD-prescribed escapism that more or less delivers on a nifty premise.
Michael Rechtshaffen - Hollywood Reporter
Writer-directors Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor's previous work lies mainly in making commercials -- the quick-cutting aesthetic employed here.
Dean Essner - Associated Press
While Crank has its moments, the line stringing them together isn't wound taut enough.
Michael Ordona - Los Angeles Times
Felix Vasquez Jr. - Cinema Crazed
Gets by on a unique kind of absurd, deadpan humor in which the most implausible stuff cheerfully happens anyway.
Jeffrey M. Anderson - Combustible Celluloid
Brian Gibson - Film School Rejects
Jim Lane - Sacramento News & Review
JoBlo - JoBlo's Movie Emporium
Sure, Crank is totally ridiculous, unbelievable, exhausting, and pretty much just plain stupid, but that's what makes it fun.
Brian Tallerico - UGO
Ranks among the most mindless action films ever made, but scores as a helluva video game.
Bruce Feld - Film Journal International
The super-concentrated silt at the bottom of a chemistry experiment that has no possible purpose to it but to deliver whatever limited jolt of which it's capable.
Walter Chaw - Film Freak Central
Its freneticism ... futilely tries to cover up the ludicrousness of every decision made by its dim characters.
Nick Schager - Lessons of Darkness
Dean Essner - Bullz-Eye.com
Assaults the senses tirelessly with wave after wave of momentum-building intensity, with Jason Statham enjoying his best role since The Transporter.
Kam Williams - BlackFilm.com
You might just want to catch a matinee or wait for the DVD. This is definitely not worth your 10 bucks.
Kamal 'The Diva' Larsuel - 3BlackChicks Review
Adrenalina e de uma idiotice contagiante.
Pablo Villaca - Cinema em Cena
Vic Holtreman - ScreenRant
Some of the directing touches are fun, but the Grand Theft Auto overdrive wears thin quick.
Mark Palermo - Coast (Halifax, Nova Scotia)
Safety advice: remember to breathe when you're watching this movie.
Urban Cinefile Critics - Urban Cinefile
Dean Essner - Sydney Morning Herald
The most fun I've had at the movies all year.
Michael W. Phillips, Jr. - Goatdog's Movies
There are times the film threatens to turn into a good "bad movie."
Jeff Vice - Deseret News, Salt Lake City
'D.O.A.' for the 'Grand Theft Auto' generation, 'Crank' is too scattershot to hone in on the cult masterpiece waiting within its brilliant exploitation premise.
John Beifuss - Commercial Appeal (Memphis, TN)
At times, Crank is loads of fun and threatens to enter that golden territory of so-bad-it's-good, but the violence grows far too ugly and is so unrelenting that it becomes tiresome.
Pam Grady - Reel.com
Leave it alone, or leave your brain and pocket change at the gate, strap yourself in and just enjoy the ride.
Neva Chonin - San Francisco Chronicle
A cheerily lunatic slice of B-movie heaven.
Marc Savlov - Austin Chronicle
Crank works overtime to be a disreputable bit of pulp fiction, and for the first half or so it's like inhaling the cinematic equivalent of the film's title.
Mark Pfeiffer - Reel Times: Reflections on Cinema
Demented, depraved and probably bad for your soul in the long run, the pedal-to-the-metal action film "Crank" nonetheless provides a jolt of pure, uncut movie-making.
Rob Thomas - Capital Times (Madison, WI)
[A] monotonously mindless but colorful caper.Crank is banally boisterous...jolting junk that strangely is filling in its sneering, rambunctious spirit.
Frank Ochieng - Movie Eye
Like so much contemporary entertainment, Crank is a frenzied distraction that means nothing.
John Wirt - Advocate (Baton Rouge, LA)
Oh, please, please, Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, please be at your computers, writing away at another screenplay.
Linda Cook - Quad City Times (Davenport, IA)
Viewers baffled by stuff happening for no particular reason should probably stay well away.
Keith Phipps - AV Club
The question isn't whether Jason Statham knows how to Crank things up. The question is whether or not you're willing to go with him on yet another highly implausible, blood-soaked, adrenaline-pumped ride.
Kit Bowen - Hollywood.com
Fans of Statham's Transporter movies won't be disappointed.
M. K. Terrell - Christian Science Monitor
Elaborately aggressive and provocative, Crank is just what its title suggests: fast, ornery, and exhausting.
Cynthia Fuchs - Common Sense Media
'Crank' fires on all cylinders but is fundamentally just an excuse to piece together a nasty trail of mayhem dotted with morbid jokes.
John P. McCarthy - ReelTalk Movie Reviews
More guilty fun than a firkin full of extremely inebriated simians -- if you let it drag you to its level, something it does with the charm of an accomplished sociopath.
Ken Hanke - Mountain Xpress (Asheville, NC)
It boils down to 83 minutes of Chev journeying through LA's ethnic 'hoods dispatching minorities. Granted the movie can't be taken seriously, its cavalier racism is shocking.
Dan Fienberg - Zap2it.com
A video game of a movie that's better than most video games.
Scott Nash - Three Movie Buffs
A somewhat entertaining movie of the politically-incorrect, testosterone-laden brainless pure action variety.
Robert Roten - Laramie Movie Scope
But as the body count mounts up, the story runs out of ideas, and it goes from crank to crummy.
Nell Minow - Movie Mom at Yahoo! Movies
Is it possible that a movie so utterly without redemptive value, so completely, pointlessly uncalled for, can also be, you know, kinda fun?
MaryAnn Johanson - Flick Filosopher
At times, Crank's everything-including-the-kitchen-sink-and-then-some approach feels more like a cartoon than anything else.
Collin Souter - eFilmCritic.com
An instant cult classic. Pure, hardcore moviemaking backed by an inane plot, unrelenting action and zero pretensions.
Christopher Smith - Bangor Daily News (Maine)
Its original concept does not save this pic from becoming just another silly video game.
Harvey S. Karten - Compuserve
Crank is still an atrocity of visual design, acting, and fundamental storytelling that, at times, scarily resembles an especially smelly YouTube submission.
Brian Orndorf - FilmJerk.com
A reckless, relentless rush that goes nowhere in an exhausting 83 minutes.
Susan Granger - Modamag.com
tears up the screen like a muscle car on fire – a brash, sinfully stupid joyride.
Keith Breese - Filmcritic.com
For those who take delight from movie junk fare, Crank is your just dessert.
Dennis Schwartz - Ozus' World Movie Reviews
Crank could raise the dead! I loved it! Lionsgate should get behind this movie! It has guts.
Victoria Alexander - FilmsInReview.com
It's 87 minutes of cinematic junk food paradise.
Dustin Putman - DustinPutman.com
Relying upon an abbreviated and accelerated plotline informed by Rudolph Mate's 1949 film noir classic D.O.A., Crank is a hard-R-rated chase-and-smash movie fixed around Euro action movie magnet Jason Statham.
Cole Smithey - ColeSmithey.com
Dave White - Movies.com
Manufactures a formula that guarantees maximum action but not much else.
Ken Fox - TV Guide's Movie Guide
A movie for hooligans, and do we really want to encourage them?
Peter Canavese - Groucho Reviews
This is an intense, stripped-down ride that goes places you'd never expect. Edgy and outrageous, it should get the fearless Statham some deserved attention.
Nick De Semlyen - Empire Magazine
For moviegoers who found Running Scared a little too sedate.
Scott Weinberg - eFilmCritic.com
This is a turn-your-brain-off-and-enjoy-the-ride type thing and as such it works brilliantly.
Eric Lurio - Greenwich Village Gazette
Statham, who's tailor-made for this kind of thing, nevertheless spends too much time doing his cool-menace thing to communicate the sort of urgency the (semblance of a) plot demands.
Alex Markerson - E! Online
Snazzy but vacuous, the cinematic equivalent of a fast-food meal with thousands of calories but precious little nutrition.
Frank Swietek - One Guy's Opinion
Cheerfully moronic ... While most action flicks these days require their audience to turn their brains off, this movie somehow actually does it for you.
Andrew Wright - The Stranger (Seattle, WA)
It may stretch that hour a bit, but it doesn't waste a minute -- though it wastes everything else in its immediate vicinity. Your time as well? Not unless you don't have the stomach for wholesale property damage, mutilation and needles.
Gene Seymour - Newsday
There's a self-realization here that at its heart this is an absurd, even silly, movie, but rather than exploring that premise further, Chev is off again, inflicting gruesome violence on his enemies until the film's inevitable, sadly predictable end.
Shlomo Schwartzberg - Boxoffice Magazine
What elevates Crank above other high-concept action fare, though, is its politically incorrect sense of humor and overall bent sensibility.
Stax - IGN Movies
If there's any justice, British actor Jason Statham will be Hollywood's next action hero.
Jane Stevenson - Jam! Movies
It may be one of the loudest, most obnoxious (not to mention sexist) movies of the summer, but damned if it doesn't keep an audience in high gear.
John Monaghan - Detroit Free Press
This is as detestable a hard-R offense (equal-opportunity offender though it may be) as has ever been released to theaters.
Keith Uhlich - Slant Magazine
Borrows pages from Quentin Tarantino, the Atari 2600 game console, and, most of all, British action junkie Guy Ritchie, in a deliciously absurd, rollicking rampage through Los Angeles.
Mark Collette - Tyler Morning Telegraph (Texas)
David Edwards - Daily Mirror [UK]
Like any adrenaline rush, Crank becomes more wearying than exciting the longer it goes.
Sean Means - Salt Lake Tribune
A zealously absurd action film, and one that doesn't take itself too seriously.
Eric D. Snider - EricDSnider.com
If you stop to think too hard about any aspect of the story, things might fall apart; but stopping is something the movie never lets you do.
Luke Y. Thompson - L.A. Weekly
It knows what it's doing and it's awesome... Crank relishes in its outrageous stunts... Jason Statham is a one man Die Hard.
Fred Topel - Can Magazine
...an engaging and thoroughly over-the-top thriller...
David Nusair - Reel Film Reviews
Very noisy, severe on the eyes and ludicrous, but a decent example of mindless entertainment.
Harry Guerin - RTE Interactive (Dublin, Ireland)
The movie they warned us the video game generation would make.
Devin Faraci - CHUD
Enjoyably fast-paced, gloriously trashy thriller with some inventive directorial touches.
Matthew Turner - ViewLondon
The film is so jubilantly over the top and aware of its own failings, it's hard not to laugh.
Anna Smith - Time Out
Ridiculously, incomprehensibly, undeniably cool, brilliantly, passionately and hysterically original; pure cinema heaven.
Joe Utichi - FilmFocus
An exploitation B-actioner, more suitable for midnight screening, Crank offers non-stop visceral entertainment; it's like being on a thrilling rollercoaster for 81 minutes, which is the story's real and reel time, during which not one second is wasted.
Emanuel Levy - EmanuelLevy.Com
Statham brings his usual hardnut conviction to his ludicrously named protagonist, while the pic contains what is easily the best car chase through a shopping mall scene since The Blues Brothers.
Neil Smith - BBC
It revels in its crazed B-movie vibe, and as a result we can't help but enjoy every ludicrous minute.
Rich Cline - Shadows on the Wall