“The Ultimate Movie Review! - Http://tss5078.blogspot.com - @tss5078”
“FUCK YOU CHELIOS!! =D”
“Blah, Blah, Fucking Blah!”
“CRANK IT UP ”
“A Thrill Ride With Jason Statham!”
“I Think I Got An Adrenaline Rush Watching This!”
“Crank For Your Pleasure!”
“The #1 Action Movie Of All Time!”
“Classic Action Flik For The Ages”
“Bamm. A Ride From Start To Finish.”
“A MUST SEE”
“Was An Awesome Fight Ing Movie ”
Lisa Schwarzbaum - Entertainment Weekly
The movie is cranked up somewhere between stylish and proudly stupid.
Owen Gleiberman - Entertainment Weekly
Jason Stratham rampages through Los Angeles in this retread of Speed, but for a movie premised on unrelenting action, Crank proves fatally turgid.
Nathan Lee - New York Times
Vulgar, ridiculous, offensive and absolutely riveting.
Philip French - Guardian [UK]
Ty Burr - Boston Globe
It's a promising concept, but instead of expending effort on, say, a coherent script, the filmmakers lazily rely on cheap editing tricks and gleefully relentless sadism.
Elizabeth Weitzman - New York Daily News
For all its busyness, Crank never develops much momentum, not least because an exploding heart doesn't carry quite the same stakes as an exploding bus.
Justin Chang - Variety
It's an E-ticket ride. But in the end, there's no heart, no moral to this story. And for all our sweat as viewers, the one thing we crave by Crank's closing credits is detox.
Roger Moore - Orlando Sentinel
Crank qualifies as a superior piece of slick, shallow-souled trash. And I mean that in the best sense of the term.
Geoff Pevere - Toronto Star
So blatantly contrived it could be called The Fast and the Spurious, Crank has the small saving grace of being intentionally ridiculous.
Liam Lacey - Globe and Mail
For those who enjoy this brand of wholly mindless entertainment, Crank delivers.
James Berardinelli - ReelViews
A jacked-up, unapologetically mindless bit of ADD-prescribed escapism that more or less delivers on a nifty premise.
Michael Rechtshaffen - Hollywood Reporter
Writer-directors Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor's previous work lies mainly in making commercials -- the quick-cutting aesthetic employed here.
- Associated Press
While Crank has its moments, the line stringing them together isn't wound taut enough.
Michael Ordona - Los Angeles Times
Felix Vasquez Jr. - Cinema Crazed
Gets by on a unique kind of absurd, deadpan humor in which the most implausible stuff cheerfully happens anyway.
Jeffrey M. Anderson - Combustible Celluloid
Brian Gibson - Film School Rejects
Jim Lane - Sacramento News & Review
JoBlo - JoBlo's Movie Emporium
Sure, Crank is totally ridiculous, unbelievable, exhausting, and pretty much just plain stupid, but that's what makes it fun.
Brian Tallerico - UGO
Ranks among the most mindless action films ever made, but scores as a helluva video game.
Bruce Feld - Film Journal International
The super-concentrated silt at the bottom of a chemistry experiment that has no possible purpose to it but to deliver whatever limited jolt of which it's capable.
Walter Chaw - Film Freak Central
Its freneticism ... futilely tries to cover up the ludicrousness of every decision made by its dim characters.
Nick Schager - Lessons of Darkness
Assaults the senses tirelessly with wave after wave of momentum-building intensity, with Jason Statham enjoying his best role since The Transporter.
Kam Williams - BlackFilm.com
You might just want to catch a matinee or wait for the DVD. This is definitely not worth your 10 bucks.
Kamal 'The Diva' Larsuel - 3BlackChicks Review
Adrenalina e de uma idiotice contagiante.
Pablo Villaca - Cinema em Cena
Vic Holtreman - ScreenRant
Some of the directing touches are fun, but the Grand Theft Auto overdrive wears thin quick.
Mark Palermo - Coast (Halifax, Nova Scotia)
Safety advice: remember to breathe when you're watching this movie.
Urban Cinefile Critics - Urban Cinefile
- Sydney Morning Herald
The most fun I've had at the movies all year.
Michael W. Phillips, Jr. - Goatdog's Movies
There are times the film threatens to turn into a good "bad movie."
Jeff Vice - Deseret News, Salt Lake City
'D.O.A.' for the 'Grand Theft Auto' generation, 'Crank' is too scattershot to hone in on the cult masterpiece waiting within its brilliant exploitation premise.
John Beifuss - Commercial Appeal (Memphis, TN)
At times, Crank is loads of fun and threatens to enter that golden territory of so-bad-it's-good, but the violence grows far too ugly and is so unrelenting that it becomes tiresome.
Pam Grady - Reel.com
Leave it alone, or leave your brain and pocket change at the gate, strap yourself in and just enjoy the ride.
Neva Chonin - San Francisco Chronicle
A cheerily lunatic slice of B-movie heaven.
Marc Savlov - Austin Chronicle
Crank works overtime to be a disreputable bit of pulp fiction, and for the first half or so it's like inhaling the cinematic equivalent of the film's title.
Mark Pfeiffer - Reel Times: Reflections on Cinema
Demented, depraved and probably bad for your soul in the long run, the pedal-to-the-metal action film "Crank" nonetheless provides a jolt of pure, uncut movie-making.
Rob Thomas - Capital Times (Madison, WI)
[A] monotonously mindless but colorful caper.Crank is banally boisterous...jolting junk that strangely is filling in its sneering, rambunctious spirit.
Frank Ochieng - Movie Eye
Viewers baffled by stuff happening for no particular reason should probably stay well away.
Keith Phipps - AV Club
Like so much contemporary entertainment, Crank is a frenzied distraction that means nothing.
John Wirt - Advocate (Baton Rouge, LA)
Oh, please, please, Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor, please be at your computers, writing away at another screenplay.
Linda Cook - Quad City Times (Davenport, IA)
Fans of Statham's Transporter movies won't be disappointed.
M. K. Terrell - Christian Science Monitor
The question isn't whether Jason Statham knows how to Crank things up. The question is whether or not you're willing to go with him on yet another highly implausible, blood-soaked, adrenaline-pumped ride.
Kit Bowen - Hollywood.com
Elaborately aggressive and provocative, Crank is just what its title suggests: fast, ornery, and exhausting.
Cynthia Fuchs - Common Sense Media
'Crank' fires on all cylinders but is fundamentally just an excuse to piece together a nasty trail of mayhem dotted with morbid jokes.
John P. McCarthy - ReelTalk Movie Reviews
More guilty fun than a firkin full of extremely inebriated simians -- if you let it drag you to its level, something it does with the charm of an accomplished sociopath.
Ken Hanke - Mountain Xpress (Asheville, NC)
A somewhat entertaining movie of the politically-incorrect, testosterone-laden brainless pure action variety.
Robert Roten - Laramie Movie Scope
It boils down to 83 minutes of Chev journeying through LA's ethnic 'hoods dispatching minorities. Granted the movie can't be taken seriously, its cavalier racism is shocking.
Dan Fienberg - Zap2it.com