“Welcome Back To Crystal Lake.”
“A Killer Reboot For A Series That Really Needed One”
“BLOOD, BREASTS, AND SCREAMING!”
“TITS, SCREAMING AND KILLING!”
“"This Film Has Everything, From True Horror Style Tension, To A Truly Unbelievably Shxtty Prolouge"”
“"Could Have Been Better, But Still Good"”
“Marcus Nispel Should Go Back To Making Music Videos.”
“ Jason Voorhees At It Again.”
“Alright..How About We Re-remake This One Too? Yes? ”
“I Had A Son, His Name Was Jason. Today Is His Birthday.”
“A Must See Remake”
“You Were About THIS Close To Pressin The Star Button On The Whoop Ass Machine”
“I Really Liked Friday The 13th. Instead Of In The Old Versions Where Jason Would Slowly Stalk You Through The Forest And Through The Campgrounds. Now He Chases You Down And Really Puts A Scare Into You. ”
“The Big Man In The Mask Is Back.. But Doesn't Just Quite Hit The Mark.”
“I Hope It Is Badass”
“This Movie Definatly Surpassed Its Original A Must See Movie For Those Jason Fans”
“He Actually Has To Chase His Victims!”
“This Gives Some Hope To Horror Movies”
“Jason Voorhees Has Done It Again ”
“It's A Friday The 13th Movie, It's A Simple Equation So Please, For The Love Of Having Sense Stop Rating It As If It Were An Action/adventure Or A Drama Flick. ”
“Scary Movie Now=lame Characters (3 Outta 5 Girls Just Wanted The Part To Show Breasts), Too Much Female Nudity, Drugs And Drinking Are Cool...was There Anything Else? Not A Question By The Way.”
“You Just Dug Your Own Grave, Bitch. ”
“Plot= Jason Vorhees Is Pissed Because Teenagers Are Stealing His Mary Jane. WTF?”
“What, Just Because I'm Black I Can't Listen To 'Greenday'?”
“I Love Watching Jason Do What He Does Best And If You Do As Well Then I Think You’ll Have A Good Time Watching Friday The 13th.”
“Stop With The Remakes!”
“A Disappointingly Low Amount Of Blood/gore... But A Good, Fun Slasher Film Nonetheless.”
“They Have Done It Again”
“People Go Missing 'round Here, They Gone For Good.”
“Best Jason Movie Ever!!!”
“He's Back And Better Than Ever, Friday The 13th Belongs To Jason !!! ”
“This Movie Reiterates Why Some Classics Should Not Be Remade. ”
“Best F13 Since 1984”
“Jason's Back And Better Than Ever!”
“The Remake Pays Nice Homage To The Original Version, But I Was Hoping For A Reinvention... Not A Remake.”
“Good Movie But Not What It Could Have Been.”
“Thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis Movie Is The Best Movie In History It Was Sold In The Present And The Future.”
“As A Slasher, It Does Everything Right. It’s Meaningless, It’s Got Sex, Drugs, Violence, Gore, A Hollow-headed, Good-looking, Teeny-bopper Cast… Yep, It’s A Slasher Through And Through—and That’s The Problem.”
“It's A Good Time!!!!”
“Friday The 13th Turns Out To Be Another Useless And Unnecessary Remake”
“ Is The Movie A Redefining Landmark In The Slasher Genre? Hell No But It Is A Damn Good Entertaining Jason Film With Some Incredibly Fresh New Additions To Whats Become A Stale Franchise”
“Ch Ch Ch Ah Ah Ahhhh.....”
“Douche Bag Killer Jason Voorhees Returns As A Mean Backwoods Mongoloid With An Array Of Archery Trophies And A Damn Fine Power Walk. I Wish We Had More Down Time With Him And Less Inane Chatter From His Potential Prey. ”
“A Strong Remake That Could Be More Enjoyable Than That Dreadful Jason X”
This film is (be)head and shoulders above the recently reanimated likes of Prom Night and My Bloody Valentine.
Clark Collis - Entertainment Weekly
The undying Friday the 13th franchise gets a surprisingly decent reboot in this stylish, playful example of the decapitated hottie genre.
Nathan Lee - New York Times
Unlucky for one and all. This dismal horror franchise-remake returns us to Camp Crystal Lake.
Peter Bradshaw - Guardian [UK]
The story has been pulled from its shallow grave, but not at all reinvigorated. Rather, it's been dusted off and repackaged for the sole purpose of raking in millions from foolish audiences.
Claudia Puig - USA Today
The movie knows it's a slasher flick made solely for commerce, it knows we know what it is, and yet it insists on feigning the song and dance.
Dan Zak - Washington Post
It's The Hills, Bromance, The Real World, and Rock of Love with a body count.
Wesley Morris - Boston Globe
For one ticket price, you get three shoddy Friday the 13th movies packed into one, which might constitute entertainment value if any one of them constituted entertainment.
Jim Ridley - Village Voice
Soul-deadening homage, thy name is Jason.
- New York Daily News
This film is so last-century.
Lisa Kennedy - Denver Post
You really have to screw it up to dishonor the memory of a movie as s****y as the original Friday the 13th. Heads should roll.
David Edelstein - New York Magazine
Friday the 13th is about the best Friday the 13th movie you could hope for. Its technical credits are excellent. It has a lot of scary and gruesome killings. Not a whole lot of acting is required. If that's what you want to find out, you can stop reading.
Roger Ebert - Chicago Sun-Times
An SUV of dramatically varied teens (sluts, nerdy sluts, one black guy, other sluts) visit Camp Crystal Lake. Pot is smoked. Sex is had by all. Also, topless water skiing.
Christopher Borrelli - Chicago Tribune
As Jason sequels go, this is one of the best, though that's not saying much.
Tirdad Derakhshani - Philadelphia Inquirer
To acquire a new generation of fans, it should be either horrifying or hilarious, and this Friday the 13th is ultimately neither.
Daniel Getahun - Minneapolis Star Tribune
The series reboot is much the same, but it's easily the most effective -- and scary -- entrant in the franchise.
Adam Graham - Detroit News
While there is plenty of gore and gratuitous sex, the movie acknowledges the ridiculousness of it all, trusting that the audience -- one hopes -- is in on the joke.
Bill Goodykoontz - Arizona Republic
To say the new film is better shot and cut than those barebones gorefests of the Reagan era is to say nothing much, as even series fans would agree.
Rob Nelson - Variety
Not to second-guess our law-enforcement authorities but... is the Crystal Lake PD really doing such a good job?
Kyle Smith - New York Post
For all its attempted jolts, it's not all that scary. The genre is reduced to 'Who gets it next and how?' and never for a second makes us care.
Roger Moore - Orlando Sentinel
Faithfully adhering to the precepts of the slasher flick, it might even seem honourable if it weren't so disreputable.
Jason Anderson - Toronto Star
Despite an evident appetite for mayhem, however, Bay is not the right guy to produce slasher movies. Horror requires intimacy.
Stephen Cole - Globe and Mail
This Friday the 13th is glossy, good-looking garbage, acted out by a cast of big-chested androids (male and female alike) and with the original series' rough edges smooved over.
Andrew O'Hehir - Salon.com
Remake, reboot, re-envisioning -- whatever you call it, it amounts to the same thing: a cynical money grab.
James Berardinelli - ReelViews
It's business as usual at Camp Crystal Lake, with very little in the way of fresh jolts or an innovative visual style that would have really revitalized the hokey franchise.
Michael Rechtshaffen - Hollywood Reporter
The original handful of Friday films had a certain low-rent elegance about them, and this slickly done, dimly lighted, whiplash-edited update loses that too.
Mark Olsen - Los Angeles Times
Five nauseating 20-somethings head out to Camp Crystal Lake to guzzle Pabst Blue Ribbon and have loud tent sex, but Jason roasts one of them like a weenie and says howdy to everyone else with his trusty machete. And that's just the intro!
Steve Newton - Georgia Straight
Friday The 13th is essentially critic-proof - it's been cynically designed from the ground up as a fun but forgettable slasher flick with a one-week expiry date.
Ali Gray - TheShiznit.co.uk
Joshua Rothkopf - Time Out
Mark Kermode - BBC Radio Five Live
- Film Threat
Friday the 13th isn't great cinema by any means, and you probably know better than I whether you'll enjoy the movie.
Sonny Bunch - Washington Times
Fernando F. Croce - CinePassion
Unfortunately, no matter how clever-clever the all-new screenplay might (occasionally) be at acknowledging the faults of the original, this does not make them magically go away.
Anton Bitel - Little White Lies
It's a case of 'he's behind you!' repeated ad nauseum, where sudden bursts of sound stand in for real scares.
Anders Wotzke - Cut Print Review
Anders Wotzke - Moviedex
The first Friday the 13th is not a masterwork by any stretch of the imagination, but it has one crucial thing the 2009 edition lacks completely: the element of surprise.
Mark Pfeiffer - Reel Times: Reflections on Cinema
A boring retread that downgrades one of our great masked men to being a hillbilly with mommy issues and no sense for decorating. And if I wanted that, I'd rent Nell.
Brian Juergens - CampBlood.org
Be assured that the acting is passable, the effects are impressively convincing, and the suspense is real. It's not a great film, but it is a frightening one, and what more do you need to know?
Rossiter Drake - San Francisco Examiner
Friday the 13th Part 12 will not sell at the box office, so they toss the word 'remake' out there to dupe its audience into another installment of this crappy horror flick.
Clay Cane - BET.com
An old lady's dog produces the biggest scare in the film.
John J. Puccio - DVDTown.com
John J. Puccio - Movie Metropolis
... Made with more care and keeps a much firmer grip on reality than most of the sequels churned out throughout the '80s.
Greg Maki - Star-Democrat (Easton, MD)
me aksiozileyti matia kai tehniki artiotita, mia splateria poy den trabaei tis tromompoynies tis ki ehei ton Jason tis na deihnei ap' to dekalepto kiolas, ti zohada poy eheis na perimeneis
Joseph Proimakis - Movies for the Masses
A key revelation halfway through the movie lumps Jason into a long, tired tradition of deformed backwoods boys whose motivations weather down to a scorned sense of isolation.
Jeffrey Bloomer - Paste Magazine
The year is young and we already have a contender for worst film.
Rob Humanick - Projection Booth
This Friday the 13th commits the worst sin a horror movie can be guilty of - it was boring.
Beth Accomando - KPBS.org
Somewhere around the middle, Nispel can't raise the bar any higher. His brutal set pieces become predictable, his interesting character sketches reveal their limitations, and the film runs out of fuel.
Jason Di Rosso - MovieTime, ABC Radio National
It's almost pantomime in its "He's behind you!" stupidity, but for all its goofiness, there's still an all-encompassing enjoyment in watching a bunch of reckless, hedonistic morons being axed to death.
Jarrod Walker - FILMINK (Australia)
Thinly disguised as a movie, Friday the 13th is a series of overused genre conventions glued together by the flimsiest of stories
Andrew L. Urban - Urban Cinefile
Chewie knows his place in this determinedly un-new Friday the 13th: Asian Nerd About to Die.
Cynthia Fuchs - PopMatters
Call this go-round "Friday the Umpteenth" and be done with it.
Maitland McDonagh - Miss FlickChick
Not exactly good, as it follows the archetypal, plot- and character-free old school '80s slasher rubric to the letter.
Michael Dequina - TheMovieReport.com
This is a horror film that knows what it is and doesn't apologize for it. And when it's done this well, it doesn't need to.
Jeffrey Lyles - Gazette (MD)
Same old killer, same old garbage.
Charles Koplinski - Illinois Times
As movies about killing sprees go, Friday the 13th is OK.
John Wirt - Advocate (Baton Rouge, LA)
The film, an endless succession of strippings, slashings and skewerings, looks as if the production team had learnt their art doing work experience under the influence of drugs at an abattoir next door to a nudist camp.
Philip French - Observer [UK]
This is a desperately anodyne horror movie with all the flavour of soggy lettuce.
Ian Berriman - SFX Magazine
One thing this latest rehash - No 11, by my count - does achieve, is make the original look like a frickin' masterpiece.
Robbie Collin - News of the World
Unlucky for almost everyone. It's a sad day when a Friday the 13th remake is shown up by a My Bloody Valentine remake - couldn't they at least have sprung for 3-D?
Kim Newman - Empire Magazine
This "reimagining", by the director Marcus Nispel, of the 1980 slasher movie is one hell of a bore.
Peter Whittle - Times [UK]
One for horror fans that everyone else can happily avoid.
Allan Hunter - Daily Express
Such is the one-dimensional nature of the slabs of meat masquerading as characters that it's hard to care for their fates, and a painfully contrived romantic intrigue between two of them hardly helps the cause.
Ben Rawson-Jones - Digital Spy
Though certainly not Wajda's strongest film, Katyn is perhaps his most affecting since his 1970s to '80s heyday
Christopher Null - Filmcritic.com
Somewhere inside Jason Voorhees' latest escapade is a hilarious comedy yearning to break free from the stifling clutches of its over-serious guardians.
Simon Abrams - New York Press
More of the same doled out in such a way that it somehow feels like less of the same.
Ken Hanke - Mountain Xpress (Asheville, NC)
Ultimately, the new movie seems destined to become exactly what the last one was: a sleepover rite of passage, specifically the moment when discerning viewers realize they can do much, much better.
Joshua Rothkopf - Time Out New York
Como parte de uma serie descerebrada cuja maior virtude e exibir os seios gigantescos de suas atrizes e mortes sangrentas provocadas por todo tipo de instrumento, o filme e ate razoavel. Como terror que deveria provocar tensao ou sustos, nem tanto.
Pablo Villaca - Cinema em Cena
The acting is always good, but when it's not, you can always expect that character to flash her boobs, so who's complaining?
Mike Sage - Peterborough This Week
We've seen it all before.
Ben Lyons - At the Movies
I got extremely bored.
Ben Mankiewicz - At the Movies
The fact that Travis Van Winkle's smarmy rich kid is a dead ringer for Michael Bay has got to be some sort of inside joke, right?
Sean Burns - Philadelphia Weekly
Blood, gore and not much more
Jackie K. Cooper - jackiekcooper.com
...incites prickly gasps and roller coaster laughs.
Cole Smithey - ColeSmithey.com
Though it seems no more or less effective than what's come before when it comes to generating moments that make people jump in their theater seats, [it] becomes harder to take pleasure in due to its callousness.
Jeremy Heilman - MovieMartyr.com
A knockoff of a knockoff, with fresh young stars to take the movie money out of the pockets of fresh young moviegoers.
Michael Smith - Tulsa World
Angry, grisly, gory - and totally predictable in the creepy slaughter genre.
Susan Granger - SSG Syndicate
Sometimes you just want a pizza. But what if you're served a pizza with no cheese and half the slices gone? This Friday the 13th fails at being even fun trash.
Rob Gonsalves - eFilmCritic.com
Noisy neighbor revenge, a robotic kill for mom masked maniac chopaholic wielding sharp implements, and horny cookie cutter party animal bare breasted babes and boozers who frolic through these ho hum sex 'n slaughter pathological proceedings.
Prairie Miller - NewsBlaze
Entertained me by giving me the Jason I know and love...
Felix Vasquez Jr. - Cinema Crazed
There is absolutely no%u2014dare I say%u2014creativity here. It's so boring and so badly done that you don't even see the first guy die.
Gary Wolcott - Tri-City Herald
The big flaw is, the fun, creative killings (yes, that's possible) happen in the very strong beginning. After that we are left with someone wandering off, Jason killing, blood, and repeat.
Jeff Bayer - The Scorecard Review
a new version of incredibly stale material, with a modern shine, a little more gore, and pretty much nothing else
James Kendrick - Q Network Film Desk
There have been worse Jason films, if that's any consolation.
Lucius Gore - ESplatter
Argh! No! After successful remakes with Halloween and even My Bloody Valentine, why would you reboot Friday the 13th with a non Jason-centric story? Fools!
Kevin A. Ranson - MovieCrypt.com
Nispel, Shannon and Swift had all the tools at their disposal to create death scenes that are both unique and shocking, but there is really only one slaying that is remotely notable, and that involves a topless woman hiding underneath a boat pier.
Adam Tobias - Watertown Daily Times
This 'Friday' is simply a pointless exercise beyond paying off Michael Bay's seventh mortgage
Garth Franklin - Dark Horizons
The formula goes like this: Teens + sex = gruesome death at the hands of a loony in a hockey mask.
Liz Braun - Jam! Movies
There's no need to look beyond Friday The 13th as the year's most rancid remake.
Christopher Tookey - Daily Mail [UK]
Maybe I am just desensitized, but this movie should have been a lot scarier, a lot more brutal and not the same old slasher movie we have seen a billion times.
Kevin McCarthy - WJFK-FM (CBS Radio)
In addition to being awesome, it all just feels kind of celebratory, even reverent, like a tribute to what teen slasher films are all about.
Cammila Albertson - TV Guide's Movie Guide
If you really want to see this movie just go home and rent Friday the 13th parts 1-3 and if you want to see the best film in the series rent part 6.
Matthew Razak - Examiner.com
He runs, he stumbles... Jason's newest beginning is satisfyingly sick but far too slick, Nispel jettisoning grubby, home-movie visuals - and with them all tension - in favour of really lustrous leaves. Disappointing.
Jamie Graham - Total Film
Friday the 13th has a sexy cast, lots of blood 'n guts and nudity, but lacks the palpable thrills and chills of the original.
Avi Offer - NYC Movie Guru
Hopefully, there's something in President Obama's stimulus package that will help the ailing slasher-movie industry.
Peter Hartlaub - San Francisco Chronicle
There isn't much of a plot to speak of unless "blade wielding psychopath slaughters one teenager after another" counts as a plot synopsis.
Brandon Fibbs - Colorado Springs Gazette
Nispel's Friday is terrific looking, capably acted and it has a sense of humor, three things that separate it from the original.
Chris Hewitt (St. Paul) - St. Paul Pioneer Press
It's been done to death. And brought back to life. And redone to death.
Peter Canavese - Groucho Reviews
Only just about as good as it absolutely has to be. Which is admittedly better than most of the densest sequels in the original run of films could claim.
Tim Brayton - Antagony & Ecstasy
The return of mask-wearing maniac Jason contains zero imagination.
- Sun Online
James Verniere - Boston Herald
Horror remake isn't for anyone, let alone teens.
James Rocchi - Common Sense Media
Like its 11 predecessors, it's a primal experience, all sex and jolts and violence and blood, and forget any kind of connecting thread.
Jeffrey M. Anderson - Combustible Celluloid
Parental Content Review
Jim Judy - Screen It!
- St. Louis Post-Dispatch
Dave White - Movies.com
The franchise needed this. A 21st century FRIDAY THE 13th with the best Jason ever.
Devin Faraci - CHUD
Slasher movies are not my cup of tea. At the same time, honesty requires me to acknowledge that Friday the 13th is a really well-made and effective example of something that I don't like.
Mike McGranaghan - Aisle Seat
As far as re-imaginings go, this was a good relaunch. Fans of the series won't be disappointed, if you don't like horror or Jason then this movie isn't for you. It knows it's audience and plays to it.
Michelle Alexandria - Eclipse Magazine
The same dumb character decisions stick around to facilitate the murder.
Rob Calvert - Premiere Magazine
Muscular but pretty unimaginative.
John Hazelton - Screen International
While the latest installment feels more like a really dark and vicious sequel, it is still a welcome return for America's favorite hockey mask donning slasher killer.
JimmyO - JoBlo's Movie Emporium
Bland and uninspired.
Marc Savlov - Austin Chronicle
- National Post
Did anyone expect anything but generic slasher thrills from a Friday the 13th reboot?
Christian Toto - What Would Toto Watch?
The 'Friday' movies are about the fear of death -- especially violent, untimely death, the type that is most scary to the teenagers who flock to the films. Jason is the car that runs a red light and kills a kid on the way to the prom...
John Beifuss - Commercial Appeal (Memphis, TN)
it is striking at its slasher roots, delivering exactly what the world has come to expect from a Friday the 13th film
Kevin Carr - 7M Pictures
Less like a remake than just another tired sequel, the new film puts Jason through the same old moves with all the finese of a blind choreographer directing an arthritic dancer.
Steve Biodrowski - Cinefantastique
The remake of Friday the 13th makes the remake of Halloween look like the remake of Psycho.
Fred Topel - Can Magazine
Friday the 13th makes no secret about its purpose, and there's no use pretending it should be anything else.
Rob Vaux - Mania.com
Go rent the one where Jason takes Manhattan, or something.
M.E. Russell - Oregonian
Quibbles aside, Jason Voorhees has become almost a modern-day Dracula or Frankenstein's monster -- a figurehead of horror, despite some of his regrettable screen incarnations. It's refreshing to see a movie take him seriously again.
Derek Donovan - Kansas City Star
...a technically superior and artistically credible slasher movie that's destined to be a genre benchmark%u2014on any day of the week.
Todd Gilchrist - Sci Fi Wire
There will be blood and there will be boobs ... so yes, for better and mostly worse, this is the same old Friday.
Geoff Berkshire - Metromix.com
The scariest thing in the movie is the threat of yet another sequel at the end.
Kurt Loder - MTV
As impossible as such a thing would seem to be, this new version of "Friday the 13th"--whether you call it a remake, a reimagining, a reboot or a continuation is a flat-out atrocity that doesn't even clear the absurdly low bar set by the lesser sequels.
Peter Sobczynski - eFilmCritic.com
Proudly wears its genre formula on its sleeve, and really, who could ask for anything more? Walking into a Friday the 13th movie, one should know what to expect. On those grounds, the film delivers.
Dustin Putman - DustinPutman.com
The problem with this remake is that it's a remake in the first place.
T.I. Fraser - Orlando Weekly
The beast of high-budget horror can be vanquished only if we starve it of cash. Stay out of the cinemas, my friends, and Jason and his kind will finally be able to rest in peace.
Charlotte O'Sullivan - This is London
Another slasher flick that will ultimately be as influential or memorable as the mediocre sequels that followed one of the most influential horror movies of all time.
Brian Tallerico - HollywoodChicago.com
Entertaining slasher remake that's well acted and delivers the requisite amount of gruesome deaths, but it's nowhere near as scary as the original.
Matthew Turner - ViewLondon
It is a shame the material lets [the cast] -- and the audience -- down at the very end.
Jeff Vice - Deseret News, Salt Lake City
This suspense vacuum has all the momentum of a Jason victim post-filleting.
Rob Daniel - Sky Movies
Bloody awful...isn't really either a remake or a re-imagining; it's just another crappy sequel in a long line of them.
Frank Swietek - One Guy's Opinion
It's good, at best, for a drunken DVD night, with a script that's amazingly witless when it isn't lazy, and a climax that criminally wastes the gory possibilities of a large shredding machine.
Tim Robey - Daily Telegraph
While the original Friday the 13th was goofy fun, it was certainly no classic. This remake is.
Bill Gibron - Filmcritic.com
I have no idea what appeal anyone can find in this tired formula, especially when it's used so poorly here, 13 years after Scream parodied it so brilliantly.
Katey Rich - CinemaBlend.com
The original isn't exactly Hitchcock, but the re-makers sure treat it that way.
Scott Weinberg - FEARnet
Friday's jolting scare tactics barely make a dent
Nick Schager - Slant Magazine
This fresh take on the original Friday the 13th actually works.
Vic Holtreman - ScreenRant
It's not a spoiler to reveal that the film ends in a sequel-friendly manner. So I guess it's a testament to this new Friday the 13th that I didn't leave the theater dreading such a prospect.
Alonso Duralde - MSNBC
Everyone's working with a much bigger budget this time, but the end result is just as stupid and not as scary as the original.
John Hartl - Seattle Times
Most of the space between sex scenes and bloody murders is padded, condescendingly, with 110-decibel phony shock effects.
Bryant Frazer - Bryant Frazer's Deep Focus
Technically rather better than its predecessors, to whose storyline it refers, but the moral thrust remains the same.
Karl French - Financial Times
Even by slasher standards, the bar for a satisfying Friday the 13th entry is unabashedly low: Take teens, kill.
Amy Nicholson - Boxoffice Magazine
It takes more than a machete and hockey mask to remake a classic like Friday the 13th.
Stanley A. Miller II - Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
A miserable failure that maintains no attempt to reimagine the villain, the cliches, or the bloody kills and it becomes a depressing experience that offers zero enjoyment and even less fright.
Erik Childress - eFilmCritic.com
This is dull, unimaginative stuff.
Nigel Floyd - Time Out
Remaking Friday is not exactly dabbing a mustache on the Mona Lisa, and if embraced on a lowered scale of expectation and artistic requirement, this new spin on an iffy "classic" feels pretty nifty in miniature doses.
Brian Orndorf - DVDTalk.com
It's almost charming in its sheer lack of ambition, but the lack of creativity in its by-the-numbers shocks is harder to excuse.
Tasha Robinson - AV Club
True to form, the folks at Platinum Dunes have once again worked their signature brand of ultra-stylish, faux-gritty mediocrity, thus stripping Friday the 13th of its low-budget charm.
Steve "Uncle Creepy" Barton - Dread Central
It's made by the folks at Platinum Dunes, the Michael Bay outfit that takes defunct horror brands and turns them into Michael Bay movies -- which is to say slick, soulless entertainment.
Gary Thompson - Philadelphia Daily News
F13 doesn't have that goofy, making-it-up-as-we-go-along, halfway apologetic feel of the original batch. Even though there are the obligatory bong hits, tits and half-wits, this Friday feels the most mature of any in the series.
Staci Layne Wilson - Horror.com
Among exceedingly stiff competition, this may well be the worst Friday ever. Hear that squelching noise? It's little Jason spinning in his watery grave.
Matt Glasby - Film4
This new Friday the 13th is infinitely better than Jason X or Freddy vs. Jason, but it's still schlock.
Travis Nichols - Seattle Post-Intelligencer
This is awfully tired stuff, right down to the last-minute gotcha. But at least Friday the 13th isn't Saw VI.
Rene Rodriguez - Miami Herald
Surprisingly, the first twenty-five minutes of 2009's "Friday the 13th" features five new interesting campers in a pretty classic predicament given tweaky twists. Then the title credit comes up.
Laura Clifford - Reeling Reviews
The major selling point is, as ever, the creativity and gruesomeness of the idiot teenagers' deaths.
Eric D. Snider - EricDSnider.com
What, you were expecting some kind of artistic masterpiece? The Friday the 13th remake is an unapologetically brutal and boneheaded slasher picture. It's also an effective revival of a dormant franchise.
Ethan Alter - Film Journal International
Friday the 13th may be the only film I can think of that could roll the credits after the first twenty minutes and have most people leave happy.
Bill Clark - FromTheBalcony
Nispel's problem is that we have seen it all before - Jason's butcherings are well set up, yet films like those in the Saw series have hardened our tums.
Victor Olliver - Teletext
A critic could argue that this movie is nothing but an excuse for gratuitous violence and nudity. Said critic would be entirely correct, and completely missing the point.
Luke Y. Thompson - E! Online
Nothing says Valentine's Day like a machete wielding, hockey mask wearing psycho killer! Go for the laughs, not for the shocks or the screams.
Willie Waffle - WaffleMovies.com
This is less a reimagining than a reanimation of the long dead corpse of an idea.
Wendy Ide - Times [UK]
The acting is.. well, let's just say there aren't any budding Kevin Bacons in this Friday the 13th.
Steve Persall - St. Petersburg Times
Jason Voorhees is resurrected once again, this time as a cranky and violent marijuana farmer.
Josh Larsen - LarsenOnFilm
Steve Persall - Tampa Bay Times
The new film does a fine job of capturing the terror of the original while distancing itself just enough to stand alone.
Michael A. Smith - Nolan's Pop Culture Review
A classic is a classic and attempts to remake are usually ridiculed. This is no exception.
Jolene Mendez - Entertainment Spectrum