G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra Reviews

  • A big-budget popcorn flick worthy of escapist fun

    Julian Roman — MovieWeb

  • Don't go expecting an escapist night at the movies; go expecting to be cudgeled into numb, drooling submission.

    Chris Nashawaty — Entertainment Weekly

  • (G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra movie review at Entertainment Weekly)

    Dean Essner — Entertainment Weekly

  • This pricey, juiceless pulp could never have been killed by critics, simply because it was already dead.

    Manohla Dargis — New York Times

  • The pile-up of effects is like watching someone else playing videogames; neat moves, but where's the fun?

    Cath Clarke — Guardian [UK]

  • G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra is as polished and entertaining as war-mongering toy commercials get.

    Dan Kois — Washington Post

  • G.I. Joe is a loud but proficient slab of explode-o-rama summer blockbuster nonsense, perfectly entertaining if you like that sort of thing, extremely skippable if you don't.

    Ty Burr — Boston Globe

  • After a first hour that plays like a bad TV show, Sommers hits his groove with an over-the-top Paris chase sequence that, in turn, leads to an underwater finale that's absurdly overproduced, momentarily diverting, and then instantly forgettable.

    Chuck Wilson — Village Voice

  • Sure, big dumb fun can be big dumb fun, but Sommers goes beyond the "more is more" modus operandi and launches into "too much is never enough" territory.

    Joe Neumaier — New York Daily News

  • It is sure to be enjoyed by those whose movie appreciation is defined by the ability to discern that moving pictures and sound are being employed to depict violence.

    Roger Ebert — Chicago Sun-Times

  • [Director] Sommers did the first two chaotic Mummy remakes; those play like Tender Mercies compared to this one.

    Michael Phillips — Chicago Tribune

  • Loud, shiny, and critic-proof, this franchise launcher is basically Transformers minus the humanity.

    Cliff Doerksen — Chicago Reader

  • OK, it's seriously deficient in plot or acting. But in this genre, those two ingredients are as superfluous as canoes in a desert.

    David Hiltbrand — Philadelphia Inquirer

  • Playing more like a highlights reel from an established franchise than a movie intended to launch it, G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra interrupts its barrage of CGI action for only the barest minimum of anything resembling character development.

    Richard Kuipers — Variety

  • Formerly a real American hero, G.I. Joe is no longer a hero (it's a team) or American (it's a multinational unit of military superstars, though the way they do business you'd rather have the Croatian navy on your side). As for real, well...

    Kyle Smith — New York Post

  • It's dumb. It's digital. It's derivative. This Joe, scripted at a toy-selling TV-cartoon level, is a non-stop shoot-em-up edited to induce seizures.

    Roger Moore — Orlando Sentinel

  • It is possible that never before in the annals of cinema has so much destruction been depicted on screen to so little purpose, unless you count brain or ear damage.

    Peter Howell — Toronto Star

  • The new G.I. Joe movie cost $175-million (U.S.) to make and is as cluttered as a nine-year-old's bedroom.

    Stephen Cole — Globe and Mail

  • There's an expectation that the audience will be invested in the relationship between Duke and Ana, but the poor writing and lack of chemistry between the principals fails to sell the romance as anything more substantial than a weak plot element.

    James Berardinelli — ReelViews

  • Not that the characters matter, because the screenwriters and director Stephen Sommers are determined to mainly deliver one high-octane, heavily CGI-laden action set piece after another, to ultimately deadening effect.

    Frank Scheck — Hollywood Reporter

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