Jonah Hex Review
“Jonah Hex Is Like A Bad TV Special. Save Yourself From The Misery And Horror By Skipping It.”
February 12th, 2011
"Jonah Hex" review: Written by THE SCREENWRITER
Unless you are a die-hard fan of the "Jonah Hex" comic books, then you'll probably find no enjoyment out of this summer western adaption. "Jonah Hex" simply feels like more of a bad TV special than it does a movie. In fact, I've seen better TV movie specials on the Sci-fy network than this...and, I'm sure, everyone knows that those suck. Big time stars like Josh Brolin and John Malkcovich are much better than movies like this, in fact, I'm surprised they even agreed to do them. As for Megan Fox, I'm sure she'll take any role she can get her hands on. A lot of people agree that the problem with "Jonah Hex" is its runtime. The movie runs for only 80 minutes and thats counting the end credits. Without the credits, the movie only goes for about 70 minutes, and, that is only about a little over an hour worth of time. That's nearly not enough time to unravel a good storyline and make the audience give a damn about the characters in the film. But, as short as it is, the end of this movie just couldn't come fast enough for me. What does that tell you? Plus, the movie is pretty much just action all the way trough. The action wasn't even a tad-bit entertaining. The editing in it is the worst job I've seen in a while, and the movie doesn't even have much of a plot to keep the audience into the film instead of thinking in the minds, "Why the hell did I decide to see this again?". In my opinion, stay away from this movie. If your a huge fan of the comics, see it, I guess. If your not, don't see it. "Jonah Hex" is probably the worst movie of 2010 in my opinon.
WARNING. *THIS REVIEW CONTAINS MINOR SPOILERS AT THIS POINT*
After going against his commanding officer, Quentin Turnball, played by John Malkcovich, and platoon in order to save a hospital full of citizens, Hex's life is changed forever. Killing Turnball's son in the process, Turnball gets his revenge by burning Hex's face and killing his family. Being found by a tribe days later, he is treated with a mystical powers. As a consequence, Jonah is present among the living while also having a presence on the other side. Meaning, he's able to ressurect the dead for a short amount of time. Yes, I know, its strange. After axing the burn Turnball put on his face, he pursues him for years only for Turnball to die in a hotel fire. Then, so, Hex becomes a bounty hunter. When Burke, one of Turnball's men, after attempting and succeding at a crazy train split, approaches Turnball....who is alive! Dun Dun Dunnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!
After the president learns that Turnball is planning an attack on the fourth of July, he has no other choice but to ask the help from Jonah Hex. Meanwhile, while Jonah has a night with Lilah, played by Megan Fox, who is a hooker, it is clear that she is interested in him, considering Jonah does not pay her any money for the night. Then, the next morning, Hex's life turns upside down when he learns that Turnball is still alive.
Now, that Jonah knows that Turnball is still alive, and planning the attack on the 4th of July, Hex must stop him and get his vengence for his family. The movie does contain a lot of action, but, the movie is mostly a bit stupid, and isn't nearly long enough for the movie to progress...at all. I think if the movie had a better screenwriter, then it could've had a better chance. Whoever wrote the movie obviously didn't care enough to make it worth seeing. Plus, the movie's dialouge is dreadful and none of the characters are hard to like considering none of them are written like-able.
*NO MORE SPOILERS BEYOND THIS POINT*
Josh Brolin plays Jonah Hex. The man with vengance in his heart. The character of Jonah Hex is pretty cool, but this movie was written so badly that its hard to really give a damn. I've read one Jonah Hex comic in my life and I thought it was pretty cool. But, this movie was not. This is just a terrible comic book adaption. Like, 2008's "The Spirit". Great graphic novel, horrible film. Anyways, Brolin is definitly a great actor. But, I think him doing this movie is such a waste of talent. I mean, the guy was great in "No Country for Old Men" and thought he was perfect in "W", were he portrayed George W. Bush. The guy's a great actor, don't get me wrong, but him doing this movie is such a waste of talent.
Megan Fox plays Lilah. In her case, like I said, she'll take any role. And as most people agree on, she doesn't get roles in movies because she's talented [because she is far from that] but because she is gorgeous. In this movie, she plays a hooker, which doesn't surprise me. With this movie being so damn short, her character is 100 percent pointless, because out of the 70 minutes, she's probably only in about 25 of them...if that. Her voice in the movie is pretty annoying, but I guess you get used to it. Trust me, she's nothing to love in this movie, as in all her movies. She's only good for the looks and thats all.
John Malkcovich plays the villian. Turnball. As with Josh Brolin, John Malkcovich is also such a waste of talent with this movie. The guy is a wonderful, I mean, wonderful actor, I just can't understand why he'd accept this role. His character is dull, boring, and one of the worst villians I've seen on-screen in such a long time. He's fine as an actor, but him doing this movie will always be a mystery to me. Oh well, what are you goanna do?
SCREENPLAY AND EDITING: Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor are both partners in writing they're scripts. They both wrote last years "Gamer" together, which, hopfully is a good example that they're bad with dialouge and creating good movies. If you thought "Gamer" was bad, you'll think "Jonah Hex" is a train-wreak. But, the screenplay isn't the only thing wrong with this movie. The editing was bad too. The movie's scenes cut into others which feels kinda off at times. So that's that.
DIRECTION: Jimmy Hayward, who directed "Horton Hears a Who!" directs this movie. The direction of the movie isn't horrible, well, its probably the only good thing about it. Hayward captures a couple cool shots and does a good job setting up the whole "Wild Wild West" style. The direction of the movie is not shameful, so there you have it....a good thing about "Jonah Hex".
VISUALS: The movie has pretty good visual effects. But, nice and fancy effects can't make a great movie, now can they? I mean, look at Michael Bay's films. "Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen" was all special effects and I thought it was one of the worst movies of 2009. The visual effects in "Jonah Hex" are not bad, but, that simply can't make up for how bad this movie really is.
OVERALL: Overall, "Jonah Hex" is nothing you want to reach into your pocket and pay for. Its nothing worth the hour, trust me. If you still really want to see this movie after reading this review or any other negative review, please, do me a favor, by at least waiting for the DVD. And if you do that, do not buy, and do not rent it on OnDemand for five bucks. Get it out of the RedBox for 99 cents....the movie isn't even worth that much money.
THANKS FOR READING!