Ninja Assassin Reviews
What's a recovering ninja assassin to do? Why, paint the screen bright red, of course. Splatter it on. We're talking streaks and rivers of blood -- bloody swords, bloody clothes and, my personal favorite, bloody stumps.
Heads may roll, torsos get severed and geysers of blood spurt, but no amount of CGI'd gore can save 'Assassin' from being dramatically lame, visually impaired and kinetically flat-footed.
When a movie's first scene shows one thug getting the top of his head sliced off and another being chopped diagonally in half, you know you're not in for much of a dramatic crescendo.
Seemingly made to capitalize on a dubious CG innovation -- namely, the slicing of bodies in half by whizzing five-pointed stars -- Ninja Assassin has little else to recommend it, not even laughs.
Thanks to the movie's dire script, flat performances and excessively slick, tricked-out fight scenes, it gets increasingly hard to care about anything that goes on here, even when it happens to be visible without the use of night-vision goggles.
This one is simply a diverting, uncommonly violent action flick. No need for an extended critical postmortem. Except to say the Wachowski brothers' trademark seems to have turned into a designer brand dedicated to producing inexpensive knockoffs.
Ninja Assassin lives in the moment, a visceral gouge of a picture, and sections of it move so fast -- and are so intriguingly, dimly lit -- that you have to use your imagination a bit to discern what's happening.