Rock of Ages Review


June 19th, 2012

Starring: Julianne Hough, Diego Boneta, Tom Cruise, Russell Brand, Catherine Zeta-Jones, Paul Giamatti, Malin Åkerman, Bryan Cranston, with Alec Baldwin and Mary J. Blige.

I'll be honest, I dislike Hairspray with a passion. Saw the trailer when it debuted in my high school. Wouldn't you know that at the time the Jonas and Zack Efron were the Lex Luthor and Joker squad in my life, among other before them and after. Sure, some of the music was catchy and I was a big fan of Amanda Bynes, but I just dismissed it completely. Only thing that ket me invested was Travolta and Christopher Walken. and then comes Rock of Ages. A seemingly vast improvement over the former but lacking in some areas.

Rock of Ages portrays what is advertised. The classic 80's with the immortal genre of Rock N' Roll with some of the very best musicians the world offered us. The general story is about a farm girl (We've heard it so much, it gets old, even for the porn industry) who comes to L.A. to make it big as a singer. Don't we all? Coincidently, she meets with an amateur wannabe rocker who wants to be the best ever like his idol, Stacie Jaxx (Cruise). It doesn't pass the 30 minute mark and already these two become love birds and create a romance synthetically. Very realistic. Hell, at least Hairspray build it up all throughout the 3 acts before the big kiss. Here, they decided to go all Pretty Little Liars and make it you-me-sex-now!

The real star and attention goes to Tom Cruise as the famous Stacie Jaxx, who seems to embody all the legends into one, especially Bon Jovi when he covers Wanted Dead or Alive and you can tell it's his voice, with a little precision by the editors. How much more flamboyant can you get? First Les Grossman and now this? Can you say Epic?! Speaking of the singing, Julian Hough's was annoying with how high pitch and bubbly it was. Then you have the former Rebelde star joining her in the same bout. Not everyday you see a Mexican play an American, and blah blah blah. Flashforward to the movie as a whole, the only thing that worked was just sitting back and listen to real effin' music! A single hit in this production is better than most of what's out there today. granted, I listen to a few of the same crap, but only for amusement.

The movie was like watching an equalizer and listening to the radio. As an equalizer, when the levels go up (the music) its worth the penny, but when the levels drop (the dialogue) it makes you cringe. As for the radio example, you can't wait until the ads shut up so the next song airs. And can somebody explain to me the sudden random love between Baldwin and Brand? Taboo, yes, but bloody hell. Then you have oversexed moments here and there (not complaining) so it doen'st appeal to a whole audience. And it shouldn't, cause it's Rock N' Roll.

In the end, it's music to my ears with a story you may or may not adore as much. But hey, least you will pay to see a musical to pass the time.

Written by: Bawnian©-Dexeus.


Want to join the discussion?

Facebook Twitter