“...a Unique, Cleverly Crafter Little Horror Movie...”
“"Heathers" Meets "Graduation Day"!!!”
“I Run A House Full Of 50 Crazy B*tches!”
“Expect A Slasher, Nothing More”
“Yep....they Deserve To Die For Being The Dumbest People Since Paris Hilton Got Hit By An Airplane In Final Destination 56”
The tedious flick offers little more than a few scares, and plenty of boobs. And we're not just talking about the cast.
Kate Ward - Entertainment Weekly
Sorority Row is an interminable mess of a film that juggles more characters and undeveloped subplots than it can handle and even manages to bungle the setup.
Stephen Holden - New York Times
Sisters are doing it for themselves in this jolly college horror flick - if by "it" you mean horrible slaughter and softcore nudity.
Catherine Shoard - Guardian [UK]
The "scary'' moments are of the sneak-up-on-you-from-behind variety, but there's little suspense.
Jonathan Perry - Boston Globe
Call me the sarcastic sister, but the only thing screaming in any convincing way here are the cheap look, epileptic direction, and off-key, "edgy" humor.
Michelle Orange - Village Voice
An average slasher pic that meanders indecisively between gore and gags.
Russell Edwards - Variety
It's all cheese, but at least this cheese, for the most part, doesn't stink.
Roger Moore - Orlando Sentinel
There's little to distinguish this from the rest of the entries coming down the horror film assembly line.
Frank Scheck - Hollywood Reporter
It lapses into that familiar category of movies that go in for lots of fancy obfuscation along the way only to make its story seem all the more simple, trite and contrived by the finish.
Kevin Thomas - Los Angeles Times
By the time the killer's identity is finally revealed you'll be amazed at how screenwriters make big bucks penning lines like, "Who the hell lit the house on fire? S---!"
Steve Newton - Georgia Straight
This is a movie so formulaic it could have been written by Microsoft Excel.
Ali Gray - TheShiznit.co.uk
Like the all-partying, all-screaming sisters of Theta Pi, Sorority Row feels doomed from the first frame.
Simon Foster - sbs.com.au
...a sporadically watchable yet thoroughly disappointing horror effort that's underwhelming even by the standards of the genre.
David Nusair - Reel Film Reviews
Classic horror that follows the old pattern, but it follows it well with creative slashings and a well hidden killer. You could do a lot worse.
Paul Chambers - CNNRadio
Sorority Row can laugh at the fact that it falls in line with genre conventions, but it doesn't excuse how easily it adopts them.
Mark Pfeiffer - Reel Times: Reflections on Cinema
Over-the-top humor tries to mask the problems, that it's not scary and the ending comes complete with a double-reverse-tricked-itself-out-of-coherency reveal of the killer.
Adam Lippe - Examiner.com
They're not just college girls. They're B******!
Mark Palermo - Coast (Halifax, Nova Scotia)
Welcome to Skank Ho sorority, where you'll skills like covering up the grotesque death of one of your sisters during a mean-spirited prank.
Maitland McDonagh - Horror Hacker
A fairly traditional collegiate slasher that entertains but breaks no new ground.
Wesley Lovell - Oscar Guy
Wesley Lovell - Cinema Sight
Dean Essner - Jam! Movies
I don't know what could make this movie seem dumber. Oh, and it's also a remake of What You Did Last Summer
Scott Weinberg - Horror Squad
After these Bratz dolls dump the Corpsey One down a mine shaft, the plot follows, dropping us into dark spaces without any emotional gravitas, real scares, smart twists or even B-movie fun.
Brian Gibson - Vue Weekly (Edmonton, Canada)
The cast list tells the story: It includes such characters as 'Bra-Clad Sister,' 'Slutty Sister' and (for fans of 'The Man Show'?) 'Trampoline Sister.'
John Beifuss - Commercial Appeal (Memphis, TN)
Sorority Row is most successful at creating characters even more insufferable than the usual young people who serve as slasher-flick fodder.
John Wirt - Advocate (Baton Rouge, LA)
Unexciting remake of the cheapo 1993 slasher film.
Philip French - Observer [UK]
A movie that starts with a trampoline pillow-fight and ends with a pile of dead co-eds could have been a misogynistic mess, but Sorority Row is a snappy, bloody blast.
Brian Juergens - CampBlood.org
It's Scream minus the wit and verve, with poor Carrie Fisher lost as the cantankerous house mother.
Tom Meek - Boston Phoenix
It's yet another '80s slasher remake, so you know the drill...er, the tire iron pimped out with blades.
Aaron Hillis - Time Out New York
Ruined by Hendler's pointlessly artsy direction, a stab at postmodern snarkiness and an unconscionable 101-minute running time.
Ken Hanke - Mountain Xpress (Asheville, NC)
Any film that trashes the talent of Carrie Fisher is a loser in my book and this one stomps up and down on her talent. Don't worry Carrie, I still remember Leia.
Jackie K. Cooper - jackiekcooper.com
Retitled this to I Know What You Did at That Sorority Party with That Tire Iron.
Kit Bowen - The Movie Kit
In a generation, Carrie Fisher has moved from Jabba the Hut to a job at the Pizza Hut - with plenty of extra cheese.
Mark Ramsey - MovieJuice!
Satirical shadings can't save sorority slasher schlock.
Charles Cassady - Common Sense Media
little more than an unconscious projection of the filmmakers' simultaneous desire for and deep fear of grotesquely overprivileged and snarky girls gone wild
James Kendrick - Q Network Film Desk
I'd rather see an honest film about exactly what would happen if they'd told the truth. Failing that, a competent, scary, witty horror film might've been nice.
Rob Gonsalves - eFilmCritic.com
It seems to be the most original slasher movie of the year, quite a fete considering it's a remake.
Fred Topel - Can Magazine
A satire made for cult rediscovery, just change the tagline to "In the foam, no one can hear you scream."
Amy Nicholson - Boxoffice Magazine
I'm not sure there's any point to this beyond an invitation to ogle teenage girls in their underwear, running and screaming.
Anthony Quinn - Independent
Over 100 long minutes, as each is murdered by an unseen assailant, the movie's job is to draw empathy from the audience for its harem of harridans. It doesn't work.
Kevin Maher - Times [UK]
Dean Essner - Irish Times
Before seeing Sorority Row, I couldn't imagine that any slasher film released this year could possibly be more misogynistic than either the Friday the 13th reboot or Donkey Punch.
Simon Abrams - Slant Magazine
A tooled-up Fisher always adds instant value to any movie. If only she could be arsed to script-doctor them all too.
Ali Catterall - Film4
In spite of a peppy pace and speckles of inspiration here and there, Sorority Row feels empty and laborious when it should be fun, insincere when it should be earnest. Much like the sisters of Theta Pi, a brain couldn't have hurt, too.
Dustin Putman - DustinPutman.com
Worse even that its insipid script (co-written by Josh Stolberg and Peter Goldfinger) is Elliot Greenberg's editing of a meandering slasher pic notable only for the number of nubile bare breasts that it manages to fit into nearly every other scene.
Cole Smithey - ColeSmithey.com
A booty-shakin', text-messagin', Facebook-referencin' multiplex moneyspinner for undemanding twenty-first-century teens.
Tom Huddlestone - Time Out
Glossy, gorgeous to look at and filled with 'jump'-in-your-seat moments, this has all the hallmarks of a popcorn horror movie, complete with the ubiquitous shower scene, creepy abandoned cellars and characters' humorous nods to their own stupidity.
Lara Martin - Digital Spy
Perhaps because of its status as an overused commercial gimmick to get '80s adolescents into movie theaters, the slasher film has lost most of its luster. Sorority Row won't restore it, but it also won't tarnish it further.
Bill Gibron - PopMatters
The blatant attempts at humor mostly fall flat, but a third-act catfight manages briefly to detour the film into fairly enjoyable camp.
Steven Hyden - AV Club
Imagine being trapped inside a pungent shoebox with the over-caffeinated morning shift of Forever 21 while an inept epileptic captures the small talk with a camera he lost the instruction manual for. That's Sorority Row.
Brian Orndorf - BrianOrndorf.com
You have to admit that it's faithful to its source. The original was lousy, and so is this retread.
Frank Swietek - One Guy's Opinion
On the plus side, Sorority Row gets an A for the dead-on casting, snarky, biting dialogue, and outrageous death scenes.
Staci Layne Wilson - Horror.com
Initially intriguing, thrilling and suspenseful with impressive production values, but it eventually sinks into an unintentionally funny and insipid mess while insulting the audience's intelligence.
Avi Offer - NYC Movie Guru
It's hard not to love a slasher film in which the killer has such a sound argument for knocking off half a dozen victims: "Let's face it. These are horrible people."
Chris Hewitt (St. Paul) - St. Paul Pioneer Press
Even the gratuitous nudity can't quite save a Heathers-goes-to-college horror that's undermined by a silly plot and clunky dialogue.
Kim Newman - Empire Magazine
Given its spunky, sexy, funny, spirited and bitchy heroines... could have been a lot sharper and a lot more fun.
Jeffrey M. Anderson - Combustible Celluloid
Jason McKiernan - Filmcritic.com
It embarrasses me to say that Sorority Row entertained me considering its lack of scares and originality.
Kevin McCarthy - BDK Reviews
Parental Content Review
Jim Judy - Screen It!
Marc Savlov - Austin Chronicle
Sorority Row isn't remotely scary, but it's still a lot more fun than it ought to be thanks to strong performances and a witty, terrifically bitchy script.
Matthew Turner - ViewLondon
Simultaneously knowing and clueless, the script has the try-hard feel of someone attempting to update the savage teen talk of Heathers, while the plot unfurls as if Scream never happened.
Alistair Harkness - Scotsman
It's a five-star one-star movie, combining style and flair with almost no substance whatsoever. As such, it deserves a solid three stars and a hearty thumbs up as this week's most entertaining mainstream release.
Robbie Collin - News of the World
The combination of gore and giggles can work. But where Scream was funny and knowing and peppered with genuine scares, Sorority Row seems happy merely to play dumb and make a joke of its own derivativeness.
Elliott Noble - Sky Movies
Dave White - Movies.com
this splatfest is exactly the type of movie it should be.
Peter Paras - E! Online
A deeply uninspired re-hash of I Know What You Did Last Summer and Prom Night.
Dean Essner - Daily Mail [UK]
This would be just another breasts-and-blood teen horror if it wasn't for the inclusion of one of the most amusing bitchy characters for some time.
Dean Essner - Sun Online
"Sorority Row" is so completely (and thankfully) forgettable that you will be hard-pressed to remember much of it by the time you hit the parking lot
Peter Sobczynski - eFilmCritic.com
It is so close to achieving above-trashy status that it's even more disappointing when it sinks in that nothing you've seen makes sense.
Joshua Tyler - CinemaBlend.com
An old-style stalker-slasher movie of no great distinction.
Dean Essner - Financial Times
The young'uns and fairly squeamish in your audience may succumb to the two decent jump scares you'll find within, but expect nothing more...a case study of a wasted opportunity in R-rated horror.
Steve "Uncle Creepy" Barton - Dread Central
Won't be the most intelligent or best acted film you'll see this year, or maybe even this week, but it could be the best fright flick of 2009.
Giles Hardie - Sydney Morning Herald
This film is too bland to catch our imagination. There are plenty of cheap thrills, plus some camp excess to keep us laughing, but it's never scary.
Rich Cline - Shadows on the Wall
Mean Girls meets I Know What You Did Last Summer... You won't be able to scream for laughing at this sloppy reimagining of a forgotten '80s slasher thriller.
Des Partridge - Courier Mail (Australia)
Sorority Row proves to be just another crass slasher movie, recycling familiar ingredients to diminishing effect.
Allan Hunter - Screen International
Not entirely unsuccessful remake of a '80s slasher flick, there are enough staples of the horror genre here to entertain and scare audiences.
Anthony O'Connor - FILMINK (Australia)
A 1980s horror remake finally graduates to being a fun, smart guilty pleasure.
Hilton Thomas - Empire Magazine Australasia