I don't know what's more depressing about the alleged new comedy Soul Plane, the fact that there is an audience for this brain-eating dreck or that there is an evil cabal somewhere in Hollywood that knowingly produces movies catering to it. Soul Plane is the cinematic equivalent of crack. And the only good news is -- it's not addictive.
What they started with was "black Airplane!'" a decent enough way to update a classic comedy. I was actually looking forward to it, having heard through the grapevine that it was funny and that Snoop Dog was good in his role. But the rumors were wrong. What they ended up with is one long, painful sketch. Where Airplane! had the barest semblance of a plot, Soul Plane' has none. A bunch of stereotypical black people and their white foils get on a black-run airplane, fly in it, and land. That's it.
What the hour and twenty minutes are filled up with is racial stereotyping and toilet humor and blowjob jokes. If you like the cartoons in Hustler magazine -- this movie is for you. But the toxicity of what they're selling here is not good for anybody. In the audience I saw it with there were children, some as young as six, with their parents who watched while couples had sex and were brought to screaming orgasms onscreen.
Dick jokes? They had those too. Along with gay jokes, shit jokes, fart jokes and blind people jokes. In my notes that I scribbled there in the darkness of the movie theater I actually wrote "man has sex with potato." But trust me. The note is funnier than what's onscreen.
Among the stellar cast is Snoop Dogg who got the biggest applause playing an ex-con pilot who doesn't know how to fly and who smokes weed and eats mushrooms. Hilarious, right? Then there's Tom Arnold, his girlfriend and family, who are the only white people on this plane. Tom's girlfriend apparently likes black men and their long dicks, her eyes bugging out whenever Mandingo comes near. And just so we know it's topical, when a black kid starts flirting with his
white daughter, Tom wisecracks: "Hey watch it there, Kobe."
Tom also reprises his toilet scene from Austin Powers, sitting on the john of the plane and trying to defecate to the soothing sounds of "Push It" thanks to a little help from the in-flight toilet attendant. Yes, Tom should be proud of his toilet work. You might say it's become his signature.
Add some boob-exposing, booty-shaking flight attendants and one gay male attendant who is doing the black version of "Johnny" from Airplane! and you get the general idea. I don't mind raw, I don't mind sexual as long as there is some wit attached. This movie is an exercise in anything but.
All in all, it's some of the ugliest stuff I've seen produced by a major studio. And some of the most racist. We started down this road with Scary Movie and the black-ification of movies from the '80s like Johnson Family Vacation and Big Mama's House, it has become the lazy studio executive's way to be "creative." And I'm sure they can show you graphs of how black audiences show up for this awful crap. Well, enough already. I don't care how much money these movies make, you can only take so much of this trend before you cry foul. With all the things in the world to make a movie about, they make this. The fact that the filmmakers dare to put their names on this thing is amazing to me. It's like claiming credit for inventing syphilis.
If you're not angered by this, if you brush this off as harmless fun, if you think it's all just part of our culture (you know like gangsta rap) then I don't want to know you.
I don't care what race you are, we're better than this.
MGM should be ashamed.