“ThE LuCky ONeS DiE FiRsT..!!!”
“It Was Sweet!!!!!!”
“There Are Fates Worse Than Death- Watching This Movie.”
“It Could've Been Called Wrong Turn 3 Or Wes Craven's Texas Chainsaw Massacre But I Guess Hills Haves Eyes 2 Works As Well”
“Scary A$$ Horror Movie”
“DULL, Even For Gore-hounds”
“Unlike The First By Aja, This Is A Poor Attempt At Reviving The Series And Only Serves To Satiate The Thirst Of Gore-hounds.”
A retro horror-comedy featuring quick deaths and cheapo-looking gore, with a few dorky laughs and gross-outs but not so many scares.
Gregory Kirschling - Entertainment Weekly
One man-versus-mutant dust-up ends with a sledgehammer to the groin. Enough said.
Matt Zoller Seitz - New York Times
Pure genre-pic boredom.
Peter Bradshaw - Guardian [UK]
The new movie is a pre-combat nightmare, whereas the first -- Alexandre Aja's effective 2006 remake of Craven's low-rent 1977 original -- was pure post-nuclear paranoia.
Wesley Morris - Boston Globe
For anyone other than hardcore gore-hounds, this flipbook of deliberately invoked global-unrest horrors, from friendly-fire killings to rape as a breeding weapon, is effectively mean and unrelenting -- and pretty far from fun.
Jim Ridley - Village Voice
Written, disappointingly, by Wes Craven and his son Jonathan, this limp sequel to last year's remake of Wes' 1977 original feels like the work of a guy who's spent a few too many days lost in the desert.
Elizabeth Weitzman - New York Daily News
Although the ads warn, 'The lucky ones die fast,' the truth is, 'The smart ones walk out early.'
Colin Covert - Minneapolis Star Tribune
It's no better or worse than most films of its genre.
Randy Cordova - Arizona Republic
Helmer Martin Weisz, whose background is largely in musicvideos, meets the challenge of creating dread in broad daylight, before the entire cast of soldiers and carnivores heads underground, into the warren of mines and tunnels where the mutants dwell.
John Anderson - Variety
In case you miss what's happening, one soldier wails, 'Oh, man, we're gettin' picked off one by one, here.'
Kyle Smith - New York Post
It's not scary, not novel.
Roger Moore - Orlando Sentinel
Director Martin Weisz does an adequate job of maintaining the movie's tension and momentum, but the lack of compelling characters and the unusual level of nastiness makes this an arduous mission for all involved.
Jason Anderson - Globe and Mail
After this disgrace, it's time to shut the hills' eyes for good.
James Berardinelli - ReelViews
The only folks jumping out of their seats are the ones going for a drink refill.
Michael Rechtshaffen - Hollywood Reporter
The only thing the lowly Hills 2 has going for it is the grossness, ferocity, and superhuman strength of the rampaging mutants. I mean, these guys put the ugh in ugly; they make the original's Michael Berryman look like a hunk.
Steve Newton - Georgia Straight
...could have been more than a pale shadow of the original if the filmmakers had taken their time...
Blake French - Filmcritic.com
Michael Szymanski - Hollywood.com
The Hills Have Eyes 2 offers another round of dull, gory fright scenes that neither push the horror envelope nor exhibit any noticeable ingenuity.
Tim Grierson - Screendaily
There is not any plot worth discussing: people go into a desert, some die. The end.
Tim Brayton - Antagony & Ecstasy
It sucks balls.
Walter Chaw - Film Freak Central
...dull and interminable...
David Nusair - Reel Film Reviews
Well, no, they don't. If they did and if they could see, they would have read the script, passed on it, and we all would have been better for it.
Christopher Smith - Bangor Daily News (Maine)
Better made than most low budget and derivative movies of its genre, but it just doesn't have enough to stand out as anything more than an improvement upon those dregs.
Brian Webster - Apollo Guide
This horror fanatic doesn't have room for Craven in his genre anymore. Collect your cash and call it a day already, Wes...
Felix Vasquez Jr. - Film Threat
a film as bloodily pointless as the current conflict in Iraq that it so unsubtly allegorises.
Anton Bitel - Eye for Film
Dean Essner - Bullz-Eye.com
Maybe it's just time to put an end to this mutant circle of life, or at least send it straight to DVD from now on.
Scott Collura - IGN Movies
Another shining example of the sorry state of horror filmmaking these days
Garth Franklin - Dark Horizons
Haven't Our Soliders Suffered Enough?
Jimmy O - Film Snobs
It never generates a real sense of dread or building pressure. Instead, it uses its feeble set-up to string together one grisly shock after another.
James Kendrick - Q Network Film Desk
The roman numeral in the title is the most sophisticated thing about the sequel. Otherwise, this radioactive spawn of Wes Craven is abysmal, stupid and -- horror of all horrors! -- incredibly boring.
Bruce Kirkland - Jam! Movies
This team's descent is soon revealed as cockamamie: they're no longer trained fighters with automatic guns but victims in a splatter movie.
Cynthia Fuchs - PopMatters
Although series creator Wes Craven wrote this sequel's script with his son Jonathan, the film has little of that filmmaker's usual sass.
Marjorie Baumgarten - Austin Chronicle
Cheesy and yucky, it's a guilty pleasure.
Jamie Russell - BBC
A nastily effective piece of action-horror, as reflective of its time and its war as the Vietnam-era Deliverance was of its time and war.
Rob Gonsalves - eFilmCritic.com
The mutants may or may not live to kill again, but at this point, these fussed-over grotesques are better suited to wax museums than movie theaters.
Scott Tobias - AV Club
A secret comedy lurks within this decidedly shoddy piece of corporate horror.
Joshua Rothkopf - Time Out New York
The National Guardsmen and -women are picked off one by one in scenes of birth, death, rape and other carnage that aim to be as grotesque as possible.
Annlee Ellingson - Boxoffice Magazine
Another depressing example of a cult 70s slasher being cynically retooled for MTV-reared thrill-seekers.
Neil Smith - thelondonpaper
Weisz' first feature was 'Butterfly: A Grimm Love Story', a banal study of a real-life cannibal killer. Like this sorry sequel, it amounted to far less than the sum of its body parts.
Nigel Floyd - Time Out
An enjoyable sequel if you like this sort of thing.
Matthew Turner - ViewLondon
Bears no relation to the old 1985 sequel, which hardly matters since The Hills Have Eyes II is perfectly capable of being a rancid crapfest on its own merits.
Ken Hanke - Mountain Xpress (Asheville, NC)
Fingers in brains, thumbs in eyes and sledgehammers in the balls are straight outta Tom & Jerry: this time the hills are alive with the sound of larfing.
Jamie Russell - Total Film
Pretty solid gory horror.
Kim Newman - Empire Magazine
Despite having almost as much ick-content as the last film, The Hills Have Eyes 2 hasn't the skill to make it unnerving.
Mark Palermo - Coast (Halifax, Nova Scotia)
Reasonably effective, although the low budget frequently peers through in the uninspired set design and laughably obvious bluescreen work.
Ethan Alter - Film Journal International
Feels like an exercise, not a real film.
Eric D. Snider - EricDSnider.com
The film may not be as scary as its predecessor, but it will make you think twice before you use a Porta Potti again.
Peter Hartlaub - San Francisco Chronicle
You'd like to think such bankruptcy of imagination means we've seen the last of these subterranean creeps. But you know they'll be back soon to collect their royalties from the gore hounds who apparently don't care how dull [it is].
Gene Seymour - Newsday
As far as stuff like mood, atmosphere, tone, and intensity is concerned, this sequel is a completely empty vessel.
Scott Weinberg - FEARnet
It's all just far too Wes Craven for its own good. He gave Aja free rein to innovate, but as he writes this sequel he rests on every single genre cliche because he doesn't understand that they're still cliches even if he did invent them.
Joe Utichi - FilmFocus
It's extremely grisly, brutal and scary. And not bad at all if you like this kind of thing.
Rich Cline - Shadows on the Wall
Dean Essner - Baltimore Sun
The film's defining emblematic moment comes when a man crawls out of a Port-O-Potty covered in feces, thereby providing an approximation of the audience's experience.
Nick Schager - Slant Magazine
If The Hills Have Eyes II is to gain notoriety for anything, it is the invention of one of the most laughable methods of murder ever captured on film: death by leather wallet.
Dustin Putman - DustinPutman.com
Gratuitous, slow-as-molasses and interminably dull-witted; this is a horror movie for no one. Dialogue runs the gambit from "Shitman the Barbarian" to "smelling like shit" in a crappy stinker where even the cameraman blows.
Cole Smithey - ColeSmithey.com
Wes Craven would like the audience to think they're having a nightmarish good time, but I don't recall repeated internal urgings to run screaming from the theater in unstoppable bad movie agony in the recipe for fun.
Brian Orndorf - OhmyNews.com
Rote and crass.
Glenn Kenny - Premiere Magazine
Being gross and gory is one thing, but the problem with The Hills Have Eyes II is that those elements are literally all it has going for it.
Brian Tallerico - UGO
There's gore galore, but not much more. And it's a bore.
Frank Swietek - One Guy's Opinion
A sequel to a remake that's surprisingly intelligent and original, and it proves to be a worthy successor to both Alexandre Aja's 2006 Hills and Wes Craven's 1977 original.
Jim Hemphill - Reel.com
Though written by Wes Craven and his son, Jonathan Craven, this is pretty standard stuff.
Ken Fox - TV Guide's Movie Guide
It is only another by-the-numbers, don't-mess-with-the-formula screen filler aimed at the gore-hound fan boys who sustain all these franchises while bemoaning their sameness.
Terry Lawson - Detroit Free Press
If you don't walk out in the first few moments, you deserve every gut wrench, gag reflex and skin crawl you get for the rest of the film.
Kevin Carr - 7M Pictures
Dave White - Movies.com
This hurry-up sequel delivers the same brand of paranoid, blood-covered, barely clinging-to-an-R-rating action as in '06, featuring a similar pack of desert-dwelling super freaks who wreak murderous havoc on unsuspecting visitors.
James Diers - E! Online
I can't even bring myself to say, drop in, turn your brain off and enjoy, as the material presented is just not anywhere near as entertaining as the first run.
Steve "Uncle Creepy" Barton - Dread Central