I can't help thinking that in this game of remake, points have been shaved.
Lisa Schwarzbaum - Entertainment Weekly
Softer, louder and cleaner than the 1974 version, the new film sentimentalizes the prisoners and the game, filing down their sharpest edges so that winning becomes a matter of triumph rather than resistance.
Manohla Dargis - New York Times
Though there's no drearier trend in current movies than recycling, this modified Yard is more smoothly crafted than the 1974 slapstick version.
Mike Clark - USA Today
Whether it's the sight of Reynolds squeezed painfully into a football uniform or the endless footballs-to-the-crotch and tired gay jokes, The Longest Yard has the feeling of mutton dressed as lamb.
Ann Hornaday - Washington Post
The pleasure is entirely like eating cake made from cake mix. It's not like you don't know how it's going to turn out, or how it tasted the last time you ate it.
Michael O'Sullivan - Washington Post
It's surprising how much of the movie is flat and how predictable the gags are.
Wesley Morris - Boston Globe
No uplifting populism here.
Ed Halter - Village Voice
A misguided, miscast remake of the 1974 Robert Aldrich classic.
Jami Bernard - New York Daily News
A serviceable bone-cruncher of a sports comedy, just tough enough and funny enough to reach the end zone.
Amy Biancolli - Houston Chronicle
Chris Vognar - Dallas Morning News
See it if you think Adam Sandler is Joe Montana. See it if you like men in team-issued tight pants. See it if you like men in prison-issue tight pants.
Michael Booth - Denver Post
The Longest Yard more or less achieves what most of the people attending it will expect.
Roger Ebert - Chicago Sun-Times
Where the original was a serious film with funny moments, this movie isn't sure if it's a drama or comedy, too incompetently rendered to be both.
Kevin M. Williams - Chicago Tribune
Provides a few laughs, contact endorphins for the pigskin-deprived, and not much else.
Carrie Rickey - Philadelphia Inquirer
Viewers who come to see a football movie likely will leave satisfied. But those who want to see an Adam Sandler movie would do better to rent The Waterboy.
Jeff Strickler - Minneapolis Star Tribune
Good old-fashioned fun from kickoff to the last crossing of the goal line.
Tom Long - Detroit News
Instead of The Longest Yard, they should have called it the Shortest Route to the Bank.
Bill Muller - Arizona Republic
Sandler smartly balances the script's mix of cynicism and sentiment in his ingratiating lead performance. (And he's physically persuasive as an ex-quarterback.)
Joe Leydon - Variety
The characters sound like they were dreamed up during the drive to the set.
Kyle Smith - New York Post
It's not as good as the 1974 original, or even as good as the 2001 British soccer remake of Yard, Mean Machine. But there are bright spots.
Roger Moore - Orlando Sentinel
The Longest Yard works well enough.
Peter Howell - Toronto Star
Unoriginal but confident, it's the kind of effort that's just good enough to keep [Sandler's] track record going.
Dean Essner - Globe and Mail
People will go see The Longest Yard for all sorts of reasons -- its lively humor, the current of violence that's just under the surface, its message of underdog racial reconciliation, or the fact that there's no actual football to watch on TV.
Andrew O'Hehir - Salon.com
What was already a raucous put-on, a goof on Aldrich's brutal action movies, is now a hyperbolic, gross-out cartoon, with a cast of enormous ex-football stars only adding to the air of facetiousness.
David Edelstein - Slate
More Mirth Machine than Mean Machine, this agreeable remake still manages to go the distance.
Michael Rechtshaffen - Hollywood Reporter
A mean, lean laugh machine.
Peter Travers - Rolling Stone
If you're thinking of seeing it, and you're old enough to drive (or even read this), do yourself a favor and rent the original instead.
Carina Chocano - Los Angeles Times
Felix Vasquez Jr. - Cinema Crazed
Peter Segal ("Anger Management") successfully helms his third Adam Sandler project in this funny modernized retooling of Robert Aldrich's 1974 original .
Cole Smithey - ColeSmithey.com
Urban Cinefile Critics - Urban Cinefile
Dean Essner - Time Out New York
Jim Lane - Sacramento News & Review
A film we could live without, inspired by an original that was anything but essential.
Richard Luck - Film4
Yields the dispiriting insight that Hollywood can't even make credible rabble-rousing junk any more.
Rob Gonsalves - eFilmCritic.com
This edition of Yard has a lighter feel than the original -- well, considering it's a movie about prison inmates.
Mary Lasse - Christianity Today
Everyone involved with this remake claims the utmost respect for Robert Aldrich's raucously funny 1974 original. So you have to wonder why they crapped all over it, starting with the casting.
Dean Essner - Time Out
The new film keeps about 90% of the original story and even some of the original lines of dialogue, yet the changes it makes are all misguided.
Jeffrey M. Anderson - Combustible Celluloid
Dean Essner - Bullz-Eye.com
Filme poco pretencioso que no busca otra cosa que no sea entretener. No pasara a la historia, pero por lo menos es mejor de lo que parece.
Jorge Avila Andrade - Moviola
If you're looking for a predictable, unoriginal, mediocre offering from the good folks over at Happy Madison, rent this puppy...
JoBlo - JoBlo's Movie Emporium
Drama that's not dramatic enough and comedy that's not funny enough.
Scott Nash - Three Movie Buffs
A worthy remake and companion piece to the Reynolds film.
Todd Gilchrist - IGN Movies
Never have I seen a movie so unashamedly aimed at demographics.
Linda Cook - KWQC-TV (Iowa)
The lesser of two yards.
Robert Roten - Laramie Movie Scope
Homophobia, sexism, racism, ageism and OJ-ism pound against genre clichA (C)s as weathered as Reynolds' skin, bludgeoning you into submission.
Ian Nathan - Empire Magazine
A fast-moving treat.
David Edwards - Daily Mirror [UK]
Adam Sandler, of course, is no Burt Reynolds. But then neither is Burt Reynolds these days, judging by his performance as the team's crusty mentor.
Paul Arendt - BBC
The film looks fine, but [Segal] never even tries to make something out of this thin material.
Rich Cline - Shadows on the Wall
Environmentalists will tell you that recycling is a good thing but the Adam Sandler vehicle The Longest Yard goes out of its way to prove otherwise.
David N. Butterworth - rec.arts.movies.reviews
Dean Essner - St. Louis Post-Dispatch
Three decades after the original, all the rough edges have been sanded off, and the film has been given the obvious, spoonfed approach of a Hollywood summer movie.
Frank Houston - Palm Beach Daily News
I was never bored, but I wasn't necessarily entertained either. Mine was a sociological interest. What's going on?
Jake Euker - F5 (Wichita, KS)
Laced with crude racial stereotypes and a rash of homophobia that's akin to a minstrel show, "The Longest Yard" makes Sandler's "The Waterboy" look like an oasis.
Christopher Smith - Bangor Daily News (Maine)
It's a high-spirited romp that nevertheless feels watered down compared to the gritty edge of the Burt Reynolds vehicle that still holds up pretty well three decades later.
Todd Jorgenson - Denton Record Chronicle (TX)
The Longest Yard is an average, enjoyable, undemanding movie, but another in a long line of unwarranted and unnecessary remakes.
Bob Bloom - Journal and Courier (Lafayette, IN)
Dean Essner - Sydney Morning Herald
A cowardly, PG-13 remake for a more timid era, viewing incarceration as a happy playground of product-placement and jokey homosexual panic.
Sean Burns - Philadelphia Weekly
The cartoonish way in which the characters are played drains the film of any grittiness the setting is supposed to provide.
Mark Pfeiffer - Reel Times: Reflections on Cinema
As a remake it is not trying to achieve anything close to the original, but we are watching it for the same reason Burt is doing it: insufficient options.
Bruce Bennett - Spectrum (St. George, Utah)
The violent nature of the penal system is presented in such a cartoonish fashion that when the movie suddenly veers into reality, it is an awkward transition.
Lori Hoffman - Atlantic City Weekly
After a handful of McThis and McThat jokes, it becomes blatantly clear that we have a movie unwilling to take a single risk.
David Cornelius - eFilmCritic.com
Insult comedy can be uproarious in the right hands, but here it's merely witless.
Matt Brunson - Creative Loafing
With a movie like this, only laughter can distract you from the pedestrian plot, and I didn't laugh nearly enough.
Michael W. Phillips, Jr. - Goatdog's Movies
Dean Essner - Boston Phoenix
Segal's version is no sports-film watershed, either, but it is consistently entertaining, athletically brutal, and, more often than not, well-acted.
Marc Savlov - Austin Chronicle
kicks goals...Whilst Reynolds' film played it a little 'rougher', it's no less exciting here - it just plays to a more comedic tune.
Clint Morris - Moviehole
Glossy where the original was gritty and raw, silly where the original was scabrous, cartoonish where the original was dangerous and threatening, it aims only to be a lark.
Dan Fienberg - Zap2it.com
However Segal and Sandler play to homophobia and sexism, they've unwittingly teamed up to make maybe the gayest mainstream movie of the year.
Thomas Delapa - Boulder Weekly
The brutal, not funny Longest Yard joins the list of most pointless remakes.
John Wirt - Advocate (Baton Rouge, LA)
What was an utterly original blending of popular genres in 1974 has been refashioned as an utterly unoriginal retread of genre cliches in 2005.
Wade Major - Boxoffice Magazine
Segal paces this updated version of Aldrich's playful prison yarn with all the skill of an indecisive coach roaming the sidelines without a playbook to rely on for inspiration
Frank Ochieng - Movie Eye
When Adam Sandler throws a long hilarious, no-brainer comedy of a pass into the end zone, you know we are going to be there to catch it.
Kit Bowen - Hollywood.com
Average films don't improve with time. How 'bout we quit expecting them to.
Forrest Hartman - Reno Gazette-Journal
'...when Reynolds appears on screen wearing his familiar #22 jersey (he was a football star at Florida State) you just know everything is right with the world.'
Michael A. Smith - Nolan's Pop Culture Review
...inexplicably faithful to its source: pandering, puzzling and downright idiotic.
Josh Larsen - Sun Publications (Chicago, IL)
Reynolds and, to some degree, Chris Rock are the only reasons I can think of to see this film - and even their performances are cancelled out by 45 seconds of Rob Schneider.
Ken Hanke - Mountain Xpress (Asheville, NC)
A testosterone ensemble piece.
Steve Crum - Video-Reviewmaster.com
As humorless, lazy and oppressively inane as anything since any one of the witless car chase movies that derailed Burt Reynolds' career not long after the original wrapped.
Jonathan R. Perry - Tyler Morning Telegraph (Texas)
Seemingly the perfectly macho end for the traditional Happy Madison format.
Jimmy O - Film Snobs
The film's biggest question is whether Sandler's fans want to see him in a relatively straight role, something he has yet to pull off at the box office.
Daniel Eagan - Film Journal International
A Division III imitation of the original.
Richard Roeper - Ebert & Roeper
There are occasional guffaws, but none of the jokes are more amusing (or farfetched) than the premise that Adam Sandler ever played in the National Football League.
Pete Vonder Haar - Film Threat
It hurts to say this but Adam Sandler is no Burt Reynolds
Jackie K. Cooper - jackiekcooper.com
Once in prison, who does Adam Sandler find but the improbably incarcerated Chris Rock! What did Chris steal, jokes? Who did he kill, the late show at the Comedy Store?
Mark Ramsey - MovieJuice!
Sandler has made a stinker. That message is delivered with great sorrow from possibly the hardest-core Sandler fan allowed to write about movies for a newspaper.
Phil Villarreal - Arizona Daily Star
This new version ignores the inherent edginess of the material. There's a huge disconnect between the plot's unassailable darkness and the lightness of the film's tone.
Mike McGranaghan - Aisle Seat
The film spends too much time on the team's practice antics and growth-by-montages.
Cynthia Fuchs - PopMatters
Just remember kids: as fun as it all seems, fast food, soda, candy, binge drinking, reckless driving, steroids, dirty ball and, well, yes, Adam Sandler movies are bad for you.
Peter Canavese - Groucho Reviews
... Hollywood has once again demonstrated its lack of originality (as if we need further proof) by serving up another lackluster remake of a sparkling original.
Carol Cling - Las Vegas Review-Journal
Just because The Longest Yard is sporadically entertaining doesn't mean it's any good.
Duane Dudek - Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
Both Longest Yard movies employ the same manipulative ways to blend familiar elements of prison flicks and sports movies. The results are modest crowd-pleasers.
Jack Garner - Rochester Democrat and Chronicle
A project devoted entirely to laughs, and money.
Gary Thompson - Philadelphia Daily News
A definite crowd-pleaser and a perfectly fun night at the movies.
M.E. Russell - Oregonian
The Longest Yard is packed with many such tiny gifts for insiders, and picking them out is a big part of the movie's charm.
Connie Ogle - Miami Herald
Weirdly faithful to the original... but often feels like a child imitating an adult - it gets the motions right, but it never understands any of the meaning.
Devin Faraci - CHUD
The new version is not nearly as convincing or as credible as the old.
Terry Lawson - Detroit Free Press
This remake of the 1974 film fails to go all the way by not delivering on the shrewd spirit of the original.
Dean Essner - E! Online
An odd mix of amusing nonsense and nastiness that chugs along, hit and miss, until the last section, which is the best part of the movie and its real reason for being: the game.
Mick LaSalle - San Francisco Chronicle
The original... capitalized on the public's desire to 'fight the power' and 'stick it to The Man'; the new version... seems to be about sticking it to the audience.
James Sanford - Kalamazoo Gazette
It's indifferent, charisma-free filmmaking.
Moira MacDonald - Seattle Times
This is one dreary, formulaic slog through sports-movie cliches.
Maitland McDonagh - TV Guide's Movie Guide
Thirty years later Reynolds still looks fit to play the lead; Sandler still looks like a water boy.
Jeffrey Westhoff - Northwest Herald (Crystal Lake, IL)
A genial prison-buddy comedy albeit an almost exact script replica of the 1974 version.
Harvey S. Karten - Compuserve
One of the most obnoxious and least enjoyable movies I've seen "Are We There Yet?"
Audrey Rock-Richardson - Tooele Transcript-Bulletin (Utah)
Sandler and Rock are simply two comedians who fancy themselves actors and demonstrate in film after film that they are not
Daniel M. Kimmel - Worcester Telegram & Gazette
Dean Essner - Hollywood.com
Watching this remake of the 1974 classic is like watching a high-school production of your favorite musical.
Sarah Chauncey - Reel.com
An utter blank, so weak, gutless, and unsurprising that it may as well not exist.
Eugene Novikov - Film Blather
When The Longest Yard is about football, it's not too bad. Unfortunately, the rest of the movie is.
Jeff Vice - Deseret News, Salt Lake City
Somebody needs to throw a flag on this movie for all its penalties... the worst offense: Roughing the audience.
Cherryl Dawson and Leigh Ann Palone - TheMovieChicks.com
The longest yarn. A terrible remake of a great dramedy.
Angela Baldassarre - Sympatico.ca
Sandler and director Peter Segal 'got' the Robert Aldrich original, and mostly stayed true to the essential hilarity of a bunch of cons making the most of a wholesome excuse to unleash their repressed violence on some brutal law enforcement goons.
Jim Slotek - Jam! Movies
The year's most unnecessary movie.
Glenn Whipp - Los Angeles Daily News
Dean Essner - Baltimore Sun
Even when Yard occasionally becomes too hammy for words, or the "evil" performances cross into cartoon, the film remains an overwhelmingly infectious experience.
Brian Orndorf - FilmJerk.com
The film doesn't shy away from political incorrectness and bad taste.
Kevin Carr - 7M Pictures
The Longest Yard plays like nothing less than Adam and the boys getting together in New Mexico and re-creating something they probably learned to love through steady repeats on basic cable.
Ward Triplett III - Kansas City Star
... Almost a scene for scene rehash of the original film ...
Greg Maki - Star-Democrat (Easton, MD)
Mucho macho miscasting grinds gridiron grit into flabby humor. It's sanitized and sentimentalized.
Susan Granger - Modamag.com
An enjoyable, reasonably faithful but over-the-top successor to the original.
Lawrence Toppman - Charlotte Observer
The Longest Yard seems to be one of those Sandler efforts that occupy a middle ground between goofy comedy and quasi-realistic drama.
Robert Denerstein - Denver Rocky Mountain News
The 1974 version had a sense of realism that's missing from the comically exaggerated remake. However, I don't remember the original having as many laugh-out-loud moments.
Chuck O'Leary - Fantastica Daily
Although Sandler has occasionally broken the pattern, most recently with Spanglish, here he returns to the old, profitable, well-worn rut.
Stephen Whitty - Newark Star-Ledger
Obviously aimed at a football audience, but the film's shortcomings will annoy knowledgeable sports fans even more than other moviegoers.
Chris Pepus - culturevulture.net
Carla Meyer - Sacramento Bee
Tyler Hanley - Palo Alto Weekly
The rare remake that honors rather than exploits or degrades its source.
John Beifuss - Commercial Appeal (Memphis, TN)
Sets a record of some sort for Meaningless Celebrity Cameos.
Jeffrey Bruner - Des Moines Register
If you like Adam Sandler, goofy comedy and football, I suggest seeing The Waterboy instead.
Robin Clifford - Reeling Reviews
James Verniere - Boston Herald
On the downside are Sandler's inability to emote anything besides an anti-authoritarian smirk and his loyalty to colleagues ... who are clearly out of their element.
Sean Means - Salt Lake Tribune
Sad and ugly, the product of sadistic children devoid of moral compasses.
Rob Vaux - Flipside Movie Emporium
Sexist, homophobic, pointless and overloaded with brain-crushing bigotry...has an evil and putrid secret agenda that couldn't have less to do with football if it tried.
Dustin Putman - DustinPutman.com
A predictable, choppy affair at best.
Kim Morgan - L.A. Weekly
Returning to the football field of The Waterboy, this time out Pop Warner quarterback Sandler just doesn't play to his strengths.
Laura Clifford - Reeling Reviews
Does Chris Rock even know what year it is? His tired-for-a-decade references bog down a remake that would be unwatchable were it not for a jazzed-up climactic game.
Nick Rogers - State Journal-Register (Springfield, IL)
The new Yard is just as slick and rousing as the old Yard.
Gene Seymour - Newsday
The Longest Yard scores big laughs.
Diana Saenger - ReelTalk Movie Reviews
The movie is about Paul's journey to find some kind of honor and about seeing big men slam the heck out of each other. It wisely devotes most of its time to the latter.
Nell Minow - Movie Mom at Yahoo! Movies
Sandler's timing is good enough to make the funny scenes come alive. But he has trouble conveying any emotion that couldn't just as easily be expressed with a high-five.
Bruce Newman - San Jose Mercury News
The film primarily replaces its predecessor's gritty swagger with WWE and MTV-esque posturing.
Nick Schager - Slant Magazine
Considerably darker and grittier than most of Sandler's frothy comedies...
Brent Simon - Now Playing Magazine
One of the funniest films I've seen in years.
Jeffrey Lyles - Gazette (MD)
Ranks as perhaps the most violent PG-13 movie I've seen in years. I began to fear I'd be sprayed by blood, cartilage or other bodily fluids.
Todd Gilchrist - FilmStew.com
William Arnold - Seattle Post-Intelligencer
[A] repulsive celebration of everything that's sickening and ugly and hideous about America today."
MaryAnn Johanson - Flick Filosopher
What's missing is any real sense of drama.
Lindy T. Shepherd - Orlando Weekly
Plagued with product placement.
Ross Anthony - Hollywood Report Card
Finally, Adam Sandler returns to the edgy sort of comedy we all love. No more lovey dovey romantic comedies. No more kiddie antics and no more stupid voices.
Fred Topel - About.com
Seems like it was made by 14-year-old boys, for 14-year-old boys. If that's you, then go and have a good time. But if you're post-adolescent, there's nothing for you here.
Eric D. Snider - EricDSnider.com
A major summer movie fumble...it's mostly the audience that gets sacked.
Frank Swietek - One Guy's Opinion
What you saw in 1974 is pretty much what you get here, an audience pleaser that isn't a particular laugh-riot but will certainly keep you in the game.
Erik Childress - eFilmCritic.com
Yeah, who needs talented actors like Burt Reynolds, Bill Fichtner, and James Cromwell when you can just hit someone in the crotch for 105 minutes?
Scott Weinberg - eFilmCritic.com
A quickly paced, slickly filmed entertainment that's also as crude and rude as the PG-13 rating will allow.
David Sterritt - Christian Science Monitor
A genial crowd-pleaser.
Eleanor Ringel Gillespie - Atlanta Journal-Constitution
The Longest Yard is not a terrible movie, but neither is it one with any value beyond the disposable.
Phoebe Flowers - South Florida Sun-Sentinel
Yard isn't bad, although not as funny as Sandler's presence might make you expect.
Chris Hewitt (St. Paul) - St. Paul Pioneer Press
Hey, did you know there's a new DVD edition of the 1974 original?
Dan Lybarger - eFilmCritic.com
a great guys movie full of silly jokes and bonecrushing football action
Willie Waffle - WaffleMovies.com
Sandler is trying to outrun his clownish boy-man past, but since everything about Yard is transparently fake, it loses him career yardage.
Tim Appelo - Seattle Weekly
Easy, formula stuff fine-tuned with surefire gags.
Walter Chaw - Film Freak Central
When Adam Sandler isn't interesting enough to hold your attention in an Adam Sandler movie, something is certainly amiss.
Rob Blackwelder - SPLICEDWire
If only the ethnic-reassigned Burt Reynolds had stayed naked on that bear rug.
Victoria Alexander - FilmsInReview.com
The product placement cluttering professional sports also taints ... an otherwise faithful remake.
Sean O'Connell - Filmcritic.com
I found the original extraordinarily thin. So if a remake should be in the same mold as the original, this one hits the mark. It flunks the watch test and the laugh test.
Tony Medley - tonymedley.com
Steve Rhodes - Internet Reviews
A much funnier picture than I thought I was going to see.
Danny Minton - Beaumont Journal
Football fans looking for a stirring reel full of merciless hits will be delighted.
Joshua Tyler - CinemaBlend.com
Laughs doggedly fail to ensue, and Burt Reynolds' wasted presence as an old-timer eager for one more shot at glory only underlines the remake's weaknesses as comedy and drama.
Nathan Rabin - AV Club