“Live Free, Die Well!”
“Is It A Bad Thing That There Was More Coherence Here Than In The Third Mummy?”
“I Make My Own Destiny.”
“Sorry, I Can't Hear You. I'm Deaf.”
The Rock's version of Conan the Barbarian -- a clunky, primitive platform for a star who has yet to get in full touch with his inner Terminator.
Owen Gleiberman - Entertainment Weekly
The Scorpion King may look like a movie, but it feels like a food fight.
Stephen Holden - New York Times
Dean Essner - Guardian [UK]
It's for moviegoers who like their pizzas with extra cheese.
Mike Clark - USA Today
It feels very much like barbarian lite, which is to say, it's nothing special at all.
Stephen Hunter - Washington Post
A fairly by-the-books blend of action and romance with sprinklings of intentional and unintentional comedy.
Dan Via - Washington Post
For a movie with such a misplaced sense of history, The Scorpion King seems afraid to have more fun with its own stupidity.
Wesley Morris - Boston Globe
Russell lacks the visual panache, the comic touch, and perhaps the budget of Sommers's title-bout features.
Ed Park - Village Voice
In its ragged, cheap and unassuming way, the movie works.
Bruce Westbrook - Houston Chronicle
It's big, clever-dumb fun.
Tom Maurstad - Dallas Morning News
As an actor, The Rock is aptly named.
Steven Rosen - Denver Post
Tries too hard to be hyper and not hard enough to be clever.
Roger Ebert - Chicago Sun-Times
Another grandiose, hyperactive crock, full of lame jokes and gorgeous, stupefying images.
Michael Wilmington - Chicago Tribune
It's not hateful. It's simply stupid, irrelevant and deeply, truly, bottomlessly cynical.
Susan Stark - Detroit News
Dean Essner - Arizona Republic
Dennis Harvey - Variety
Feels like a joyless piece of exploitation, punctuated with embarrassing, witless dialogue.
Jonathan Foreman - New York Post
When it comes to muscle-bound action heroes, the Age of Arnie is definitely over. Give us another piece of The Rock.
Roger Moore - Orlando Sentinel
Contains not a single good line or memorable action sequence.
Peter Howell - Toronto Star
Russell ... stitches together a series of stunt sequences, giving as little time as possible to dialogue and character development.
Liam Lacey - Globe and Mail
One of those movies that catches you up in something bigger than yourself, namely, an archetypal desire to enjoy good trash every now and then.
Stephanie Zacharek - Salon.com
Big men with big muscles aren't what they used to be.
James Berardinelli - ReelViews
All the necessary exposition prevents the picture from rising above your generic sand 'n' sandal adventure.
Michael Rechtshaffen - Hollywood Reporter
A live-action cartoon, a fast-moving and cheerfully simplistic 88 minutes of exaggerated action put together with the preteen boy in mind.
Kenneth Turan - Los Angeles Times
On the silly popcorn scale, it works pretty well.
Nell Minow - Common Sense Media
Boasting sword-and-sandal action more sluggish than a Ye Olde Renaissance Faire, The Rock putting someone through a table would be a welcome anachronism. "The Scorpion King"? More like "Moron the Barbarian."
Nick Rogers - Suite101.com
Felix Vasquez Jr. - Cinema Crazed
Dean Essner - Bullz-Eye.com
A ridiculous though not entirely unpleasant way to while away ninety-two minutes.
Peter Canavese - Groucho Reviews
Predecessors The Mummy and The Mummy Returns stand as intellectual masterpieces next to The Scorpion King.
Max Messier - Filmcritic.com
The Rock, making his acting debut as the titular top dog (not counting his five digitally enhanced minutes in The Mummy Returns), turns in a slight, if promising, star turn as a reluctant savior of the free world, and leads an encouragingly multi-cultural
Todd Gilchrist - IGN Movies
Jennie Kermode - Eye for Film
There are quite a few slow spots, never more so than when we're asked to believe in The Rock and Kelly Hu falling in love.
Rob Gonsalves - eFilmCritic.com
Jeffrey M. Anderson - Combustible Celluloid
Derek Adams - Time Out
Scott Nash - Three Movie Buffs
Dean Essner - FilmStew.com
Buy some popcorn, check your brain at the door and have fun.
Greg Maki - Star-Democrat (Easton, MD)
Christopher Tookey - Daily Mail [UK]
Alexander Walker - This is London
Isn't horrible because it's so obviously non-serious, but just being wink-wink silly isn't enough to breathe life into it.
Jeffrey Chen - Window to the Movies
...goofy, silly, and even a little campy - but most of all, it's just fun.
David Nusair - Reel Film Reviews
Laura Clifford - rec.arts.movies.reviews
Fans of The Rock should see this for his abundance of charisma, but fans of quality filmmaking should skip it for its lack of anything else.
Tyler Hanley - Palo Alto Weekly
That's pretty much the flick -- the twang of a weapon flying through the air, the thwack of it hitting someone, followed closely by the thud of a falling body.
Andrea Chase - Killer Movie Reviews
I'm sure we've not heard the last of the Scorpion King, if Wrestlemania fans and horny teenage boys have any say in the matter
Brian Mckay - eFilmCritic.com
Edward Johnson-Ott - NUVO Newsweekly
How any studio head figured Mr Rock could carry a big-budget vehicle on his own is simply mind-boggling.
Tom Grealis - RTE Interactive (Dublin, Ireland)
Johnson [a.k.a. The Rock] assumes the mantle of leading player, turning ancient Egypt into one long, costumed WWF match, except without the folding chairs.
John R. McEwen - Film Quips Online
...not a lot of variety here to consider The Scorpion King anything but loose-ended jazzy junk. Russell has to be accountable for this boisterous, dunderheaded and overextended B movie that bluntly slashes its way across screen in plodding fashion
Frank Ochieng - Movie Eye
Dean Essner - Film Threat
The Rock is ceaselessly entertaining, it's fun to see the characters get killed(good or bad, I didn't care), and the women are so beautiful I thought I was watching Kama Sutra 2.
David Grove - Film Threat
Brawny sword-and-sorcery adventure is both helped and hurt by the charm and good humor of wrestler-thespian star The Rock.
James Rocchi - Netflix
Matthew Turner - ViewLondon
Stephen Himes - Film Snobs
Margaret A. McGurk - Cincinnati Enquirer
Cynthia Fuchs - PopMatters
DVD extras work best for films with subtext, artistry, or deep themes, not The Scorpion King
Marty Mapes - Movie Habit
It's a load of cheesy nonsense all right, but if you're in the mood for some brainless entertainment then The Scorpion King might just fit the bill . . .
James O'Ehley - Sci-Fi Movie Page
Maybe [Hu and The Rock's] next film showcase will amount to something more than a throwaway episode of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys.
Mark Palermo - Coast (Halifax, Nova Scotia)
Urban Cinefile Critics - Urban Cinefile
Rich Cline - Shadows on the Wall
Robert Denerstein - Denver Rocky Mountain News
Action fans should delight in the well-choreographed fight scenes, but since they rarely pause to breathe, they become tiresome quickly.
Forrest Hartman - Reno Gazette-Journal
Few expected a masterpiece from a movie powered by the image of a wrestling superstar, but even for Hollywood, The Scorpion King was a low blow.
Blake French - NutzWorld
This franchise could give Star Wars a run for its money if only head honcho Stephen Sommers... could get his act together
Eugene Novikov - Film Blather
The Scorpion King is more fun than Conan the Barbarian.
Gerry Shamray - Sun Newspapers of Cleveland
Garth Franklin - Dark Horizons
entertaining enough to get the job done
James Kendrick - Q Network Film Desk
It's a hoot watching The Rock chomp on jumbo ants, pull an arrow out of his back, and leap unscathed through raging fire!
Betty Jo Tucker - ReelTalk Movie Reviews
By the time The Rock grunts his Schwarzenegger line -- "I've come for the woman . . . and your head" -- you may want to throw a folding chair at the screen. Or at least put him and his enormous biceps in a sleeper hold.
Jeffrey Bruner - Des Moines Register
It's somehow educational to realize that the Don Johnson perpetual-three-day-manly-beard-growth razor was apparently in existence in Gomorrah some four or five thousand years ago.
Ken Hanke - Mountain Xpress (Asheville, NC)
Wait, was there a point to this movie? If there was, I already forgot.
Audrey Rock-Richardson - Tooele Transcript-Bulletin (Utah)
The Rock is destined to be the 21st Century's new "Conan" and that he's going to make a splash even greater than Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jean-Claud Van Damme or Steven Segal.
Michael Szymanski - Zap2it.com
La trama no tiene nada de original, sin embargo la realizacion no aspira a eso; simplemente pretende entretener por un momento; y eso apenas lo alcanza a lograr.
Luis Martinez - Cinenganos
The Scorpion King benefits greatly from the Rock's presence, making it passable entertainment -- although just barely.
Matt Easterbrook - Matt's Movie Reviews
Here it is, the first (to the best of my knowledge) spin-off of the sequel of a movie that was a remake in the first place.
Mark Dujsik - Mark Reviews Movies
Entertaining enough, and conveniently brief-after just 90 minutes, you can get on with your life.
Bryant Frazer - Bryant Frazer's Deep Focus
Scott A. Mantz - Scott Mantz' Movie Reviews
You think getting stung by a scorpion hurts? Try watching The Scorpion King.
Kamal 'The Diva' Larsuel - 3BlackChicks Review
Dean Essner - Boston Phoenix
I smell what The Rock is cooking. It's junk food: there's no nutritional value whatsoever and it doesn't fill you up, but it sure is fun to eat.
Mike McGranaghan - Aisle Seat
Adam Nayman - eye WEEKLY
Oh come on. Like you couldn't smell this turkey rotting from miles away.
Rob Vaux - Flipside Movie Emporium
Give the film a stray thought, and the entire enterprise comes crashing down; after all, the project is built upon a foundation of absurdities.
Michael Dequina - TheMovieReport.com
What is surprising -- maybe even stupefying -- is the sheer bang-for-buck entertainment value of this brazenly hokey and exuberantly ridiculous pop epic.
Joe Leydon - San Francisco Examiner
This prequel to a sequel to a remake is a fitfully entertaining affair, one that will enthrall its target audience...and their parents too.
Scott Weinberg - eFilmCritic.com
Dean Essner - FilmFour.com
There is a difference between movies with the courage to go over the top and movies that don't care about being stupid
Ian Waldron-Mantgani - UK Critic
Susan Granger - www.susangranger.com
Wimps out by going for that PG-13 rating, so the more graphic violence is mostly off-screen and the sexuality is muted.
Richard Roeper - Ebert & Roeper
Mark R. Leeper - rec.arts.movies.reviews
It's all kid stuff, but good fun, and over in a snappy 94 minutes.
Jim Lane - Sacramento News & Review
Like Arnie before him, The Rock arrives onscreen with an already well-developed and well-known superhuman physique, and he looks comfortable and familiar in the physicality of the role.
Annlee Ellingson - Boxoffice Magazine
Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of cheese, indeed.
Marc Savlov - Austin Chronicle
The bottom line in this kind of movie is how good are the stunts and fights? The answer is, they are pretty good.
Robert Roten - Laramie Movie Scope
... an unapologetic rip-off of "Conan" and "The Beastmaster" that will have audiences and critics alike loathe to admit they had fun watching it.
Kevin A. Ranson - MovieCrypt.com
Just a silly, amusingly retrograde, compilation of old genre cliches... Yet it's professionally stitched together and moves along reasonably well.
Frank Swietek - One Guy's Opinion
Gary Brown - Houston Community Newspapers
It's fast-paced and, like The Rock, surprisingly light on its feet.
Daniel Eagan - Film Journal International
Mindless yet impressively lean spinoff of last summer's bloated effects fest The Mummy Returns.
Chuck Wilson - L.A. Weekly
The April 2002 instalment of the American War for Independence, complete with loads of CGI and bushels of violence, but not a drop of human blood.
Brian Webster - Apollo Guide
Bang-bang, kiss-kiss, yawn-yawn.
Shawn Levy - Oregonian
Nothing but an episode of Smackdown! in period costume and with a bigger budget.
Gemma Tarlach - Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
I'll just say that one won't confuse what's offered with a film such as Gladiator.
Jim Judy - Screen It!
a return of the action hero as self-parody
Mark Freeman - Critical Eye
Not a movie to contemplate afterwards over a cafe latte, but it's fun, as far as it goes.
Todd Anthony - South Florida Sun-Sentinel
A first-rate bare-chested-barbarian adventure, delivering impressive swordplay, flashy wizardry, and scantily clad heroes and heroines.
Tor Thorsen - Reel.com
Brian Orndorf - Modamag.com
Dumb fun, which beats dumb and not fun any day.
Sean Means - Salt Lake Tribune
Ditches the computer-generated effects of the Mummy movies for a real, live-action Rock smackdown.
Dan Fazio - Citysearch
His performance may not get The Rock into any Merchant/Ivory films, but it makes the case for him as an action star along the lines of Vin Diesel.
Larry Carroll - Countingdown.com
It's hard to say whether the Rock saves the movie or merely defines it.
Sean Axmaker - Seattle Post-Intelligencer
An incoherent jumble of a film that's rarely as entertaining as it could have been.
Jeff Vice - Deseret News, Salt Lake City
Kit Bowen - Hollywood.com
Like every other action movie, it's designed for a 14-year-old boy's mentality, but it's enjoyable enough to turn most people into 14-year-old boys.
Mick LaSalle - San Francisco Chronicle
More a load of enjoyable, Conan-esque claptrap than the punishing, special-effects soul assaults the Mummy pictures represent.
Bob Strauss - Los Angeles Daily News
The Rock is an action star dynamo, with the size of a whale and the grace of a dolphin. And he struts his mad skills in "The Scorpion King."
Phil Villarreal - Arizona Daily Star
For all his rough bravado, there's something curiously polished and smoothly vacant about The Rock onscreen.
Donald Munro - Fresno Bee
It's fast-paced, filled with entertaining action set pieces from start to finish, and is genuinely funny in spots.
Mark Rahner - Seattle Times
Rock's got the kind of sly charm and non- self-conscious sincerity that could fit into any action hero archetype imaginable, even the old-school ones.
Gene Seymour - Newsday
An absolute blast if you are not too fussy about reality or logic.
Bruce Kirkland - Jam! Movies
Go ahead, see it, but don't blame us if you feel empty after this plodding and predictable adventure.
Dean Essner - E! Online
Dean Essner - St. Louis Post-Dispatch
The story is ancient history as interpreted not by Thucydides or Arnold Toynbee but the World Wrestling Federation.
David Elliott - San Diego Union-Tribune
An unbelievably stupid film, though occasionally fun enough to make you forget its absurdity.
Eric D. Snider - EricDSnider.com
As hopelessly derivative as it is, this "Conan" knock-off should please not-too-demanding adventure fans.
Kevin N. Laforest - Montreal Film Journal
Elicits more groans from the audience than Jar Jar Binks, Scrappy Doo and Scooby Dumb, all wrapped up into one.
Alex Sandell - Juicy Cerebellum
While it's far from any Raiders of The Lost Ark, The Scorpion King does deliver a few fun seconds and lots of swords and sweat.
Dean Essner - BeatBoxBetty.com
There is a place for mindless popcorn fare, to be sure, but The Scorpion King proves that some things are even too mindless to enjoy your popcorn with.
Dustin Putman - DustinPutman.com
It aims simply to entertain and does so with as much fanfare and as few distractions as possible.
Louis B. Hobson - Jam! Movies
Bob Bloom - Journal and Courier (Lafayette, IN)
It's impossible to overstate how deeply dumb all of this is, but it skims along at a brisk clip and manages not to overdo the nudge-nudge, wink-wink humor.
Maitland McDonagh - TV Guide's Movie Guide
Incredibly nonsensical balderdash but damn funny, and only about half unintentionally so.
MaryAnn Johanson - Flick Filosopher
A fast-paced Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves adventure with enough cliffhanger escapes and peek-a-boo nudity to sate adolescent boys of all ages.
Glenn Lovell - San Jose Mercury News
It's a fairly pedestrian adventure.
Rene Rodriguez - Miami Herald
Every time Johnson performs a body-slam or a suplex the creepy wet sound of a thousand eyeballs rolling fills the theatre.
Walter Chaw - Film Freak Central
It's fun because The Rock clearly has a sense of humor.
Chris Hewitt (St. Paul) - St. Paul Pioneer Press
Plot, characters, drama, emotions, ideas -- all are irrelevant to the experience of seeing The Scorpion King.
Lawrence Toppman - Charlotte Observer
For all the money spent on The Scorpion King (roughly $60 million), mostly for CGI effects ... the movie lacks bite.
Bob Longino - Atlanta Journal-Constitution
More entertaining than it has any right to be.
John Monaghan - Detroit Free Press
[Russell] makes good B movies (The Mask, The Blob), and The Scorpion King more than ably meets those standards.
Luke Y. Thompson - New Times
I would however advise that you wait for video to see this flick..
JoBlo - JoBlo's Movie Emporium
Isn't afraid to borrow from multiple sources, but it certainly has its own brand of fun.
Sean O'Connell - Eclipse Magazine
Barely goes beyond comic book status.
Tony Toscano - Talking Pictures (U.S.)
...a three-act wrestling match with computer graphics.
Nell Minow - Movie Mom at Yahoo! Movies
Unlike Battlefield Earth, which was so laughably bad that it was almost enjoyable at times, The Scorpion King is stupefyingly terrible from beginning to end.
Steve Rhodes - Internet Reviews
If this doesn't scream 'direct-to-video,' I don't know what does.
Jon Popick - Planet Sick-Boy
[It] not only lacks imagination, it lacks a story, a script, acting, a good villain, lush production values appropriate to a hopeful franchise, and memorable music.
Victoria Alexander - FilmsInReview.com
Here's something pointless but kind of fun nonetheless.
Ed Gonzalez - Slant Magazine
Why wasn't The Mummy Returns this much fun?
Rob Blackwelder - SPLICEDWire
Has just enough charm (not to mention a sense of its own ridiculousness) to stay afloat.
Jamie Russell - BBC