“Live Free, Die Well!”
“Is It A Bad Thing That There Was More Coherence Here Than In The Third Mummy?”
“I Make My Own Destiny.”
“Sorry, I Can't Hear You. I'm Deaf.”
The Rock's version of Conan the Barbarian -- a clunky, primitive platform for a star who has yet to get in full touch with his inner Terminator.
Owen Gleiberman - Entertainment Weekly
The Scorpion King may look like a movie, but it feels like a food fight.
Stephen Holden - New York Times
- Guardian [UK]
It's for moviegoers who like their pizzas with extra cheese.
Mike Clark - USA Today
It feels very much like barbarian lite, which is to say, it's nothing special at all.
Stephen Hunter - Washington Post
A fairly by-the-books blend of action and romance with sprinklings of intentional and unintentional comedy.
Dan Via - Washington Post
For a movie with such a misplaced sense of history, The Scorpion King seems afraid to have more fun with its own stupidity.
Wesley Morris - Boston Globe
Russell lacks the visual panache, the comic touch, and perhaps the budget of Sommers's title-bout features.
Ed Park - Village Voice
In its ragged, cheap and unassuming way, the movie works.
Bruce Westbrook - Houston Chronicle
It's big, clever-dumb fun.
Tom Maurstad - Dallas Morning News
As an actor, The Rock is aptly named.
Steven Rosen - Denver Post
Tries too hard to be hyper and not hard enough to be clever.
Roger Ebert - Chicago Sun-Times
Another grandiose, hyperactive crock, full of lame jokes and gorgeous, stupefying images.
Michael Wilmington - Chicago Tribune
It's not hateful. It's simply stupid, irrelevant and deeply, truly, bottomlessly cynical.
Susan Stark - Detroit News
- Arizona Republic
Dennis Harvey - Variety
Feels like a joyless piece of exploitation, punctuated with embarrassing, witless dialogue.
Jonathan Foreman - New York Post
When it comes to muscle-bound action heroes, the Age of Arnie is definitely over. Give us another piece of The Rock.
Roger Moore - Orlando Sentinel
Contains not a single good line or memorable action sequence.
Peter Howell - Toronto Star
Russell ... stitches together a series of stunt sequences, giving as little time as possible to dialogue and character development.
Liam Lacey - Globe and Mail
One of those movies that catches you up in something bigger than yourself, namely, an archetypal desire to enjoy good trash every now and then.
Stephanie Zacharek - Salon.com
Big men with big muscles aren't what they used to be.
James Berardinelli - ReelViews
All the necessary exposition prevents the picture from rising above your generic sand 'n' sandal adventure.
Michael Rechtshaffen - Hollywood Reporter
A live-action cartoon, a fast-moving and cheerfully simplistic 88 minutes of exaggerated action put together with the preteen boy in mind.
Kenneth Turan - Los Angeles Times
On the silly popcorn scale, it works pretty well.
Nell Minow - Common Sense Media
Boasting sword-and-sandal action more sluggish than a Ye Olde Renaissance Faire, The Rock putting someone through a table would be a welcome anachronism. "The Scorpion King"? More like "Moron the Barbarian."
Nick Rogers - Suite101.com
Felix Vasquez Jr. - Cinema Crazed
A ridiculous though not entirely unpleasant way to while away ninety-two minutes.
Peter Canavese - Groucho Reviews
Predecessors The Mummy and The Mummy Returns stand as intellectual masterpieces next to The Scorpion King.
Max Messier - Filmcritic.com
The Rock, making his acting debut as the titular top dog (not counting his five digitally enhanced minutes in The Mummy Returns), turns in a slight, if promising, star turn as a reluctant savior of the free world, and leads an encouragingly multi-cultural
Todd Gilchrist - IGN Movies
Jennie Kermode - Eye for Film
There are quite a few slow spots, never more so than when we're asked to believe in The Rock and Kelly Hu falling in love.
Rob Gonsalves - eFilmCritic.com
Jeffrey M. Anderson - Combustible Celluloid
Derek Adams - Time Out
Scott Nash - Three Movie Buffs
Buy some popcorn, check your brain at the door and have fun.
Greg Maki - Star-Democrat (Easton, MD)
Christopher Tookey - Daily Mail [UK]
Alexander Walker - This is London
Isn't horrible because it's so obviously non-serious, but just being wink-wink silly isn't enough to breathe life into it.
Jeffrey Chen - Window to the Movies
...goofy, silly, and even a little campy - but most of all, it's just fun.
David Nusair - Reel Film Reviews
Laura Clifford - rec.arts.movies.reviews
Fans of The Rock should see this for his abundance of charisma, but fans of quality filmmaking should skip it for its lack of anything else.
Tyler Hanley - Palo Alto Weekly
That's pretty much the flick -- the twang of a weapon flying through the air, the thwack of it hitting someone, followed closely by the thud of a falling body.
Andrea Chase - Killer Movie Reviews
I'm sure we've not heard the last of the Scorpion King, if Wrestlemania fans and horny teenage boys have any say in the matter
Brian Mckay - eFilmCritic.com
Edward Johnson-Ott - NUVO Newsweekly
How any studio head figured Mr Rock could carry a big-budget vehicle on his own is simply mind-boggling.
Tom Grealis - RTE Interactive (Dublin, Ireland)
Johnson [a.k.a. The Rock] assumes the mantle of leading player, turning ancient Egypt into one long, costumed WWF match, except without the folding chairs.
John R. McEwen - Film Quips Online
...not a lot of variety here to consider The Scorpion King anything but loose-ended jazzy junk. Russell has to be accountable for this boisterous, dunderheaded and overextended B movie that bluntly slashes its way across screen in plodding fashion
Frank Ochieng - Movie Eye
The Rock is ceaselessly entertaining, it's fun to see the characters get killed(good or bad, I didn't care), and the women are so beautiful I thought I was watching Kama Sutra 2.
David Grove - Film Threat
- Film Threat
Brawny sword-and-sorcery adventure is both helped and hurt by the charm and good humor of wrestler-thespian star The Rock.
James Rocchi - Netflix
Matthew Turner - ViewLondon
Stephen Himes - Film Snobs
Margaret A. McGurk - Cincinnati Enquirer
Cynthia Fuchs - PopMatters
DVD extras work best for films with subtext, artistry, or deep themes, not The Scorpion King
Marty Mapes - Movie Habit
It's a load of cheesy nonsense all right, but if you're in the mood for some brainless entertainment then The Scorpion King might just fit the bill . . .
James O'Ehley - Sci-Fi Movie Page
Maybe [Hu and The Rock's] next film showcase will amount to something more than a throwaway episode of Hercules: The Legendary Journeys.
Mark Palermo - Coast (Halifax, Nova Scotia)
Urban Cinefile Critics - Urban Cinefile
Rich Cline - Shadows on the Wall
Robert Denerstein - Denver Rocky Mountain News
Action fans should delight in the well-choreographed fight scenes, but since they rarely pause to breathe, they become tiresome quickly.
Forrest Hartman - Reno Gazette-Journal
Few expected a masterpiece from a movie powered by the image of a wrestling superstar, but even for Hollywood, The Scorpion King was a low blow.
Blake French - NutzWorld
This franchise could give Star Wars a run for its money if only head honcho Stephen Sommers... could get his act together
Eugene Novikov - Film Blather
The Scorpion King is more fun than Conan the Barbarian.
Gerry Shamray - Sun Newspapers of Cleveland
Garth Franklin - Dark Horizons
entertaining enough to get the job done
James Kendrick - Q Network Film Desk
It's a hoot watching The Rock chomp on jumbo ants, pull an arrow out of his back, and leap unscathed through raging fire!
Betty Jo Tucker - ReelTalk Movie Reviews
By the time The Rock grunts his Schwarzenegger line -- "I've come for the woman . . . and your head" -- you may want to throw a folding chair at the screen. Or at least put him and his enormous biceps in a sleeper hold.
Jeffrey Bruner - Des Moines Register
It's somehow educational to realize that the Don Johnson perpetual-three-day-manly-beard-growth razor was apparently in existence in Gomorrah some four or five thousand years ago.
Ken Hanke - Mountain Xpress (Asheville, NC)
Wait, was there a point to this movie? If there was, I already forgot.
Audrey Rock-Richardson - Tooele Transcript-Bulletin (Utah)
The Rock is destined to be the 21st Century's new "Conan" and that he's going to make a splash even greater than Arnold Schwarzenegger, Jean-Claud Van Damme or Steven Segal.
Michael Szymanski - Zap2it.com
La trama no tiene nada de original, sin embargo la realizacion no aspira a eso; simplemente pretende entretener por un momento; y eso apenas lo alcanza a lograr.
Luis Martinez - Cinenganos
The Scorpion King benefits greatly from the Rock's presence, making it passable entertainment -- although just barely.
Matt Easterbrook - Matt's Movie Reviews
Entertaining enough, and conveniently brief-after just 90 minutes, you can get on with your life.
Bryant Frazer - Bryant Frazer's Deep Focus
Here it is, the first (to the best of my knowledge) spin-off of the sequel of a movie that was a remake in the first place.
Mark Dujsik - Mark Reviews Movies
Scott A. Mantz - Scott Mantz' Movie Reviews
You think getting stung by a scorpion hurts? Try watching The Scorpion King.
Kamal 'The Diva' Larsuel - 3BlackChicks Review
- Boston Phoenix
I smell what The Rock is cooking. It's junk food: there's no nutritional value whatsoever and it doesn't fill you up, but it sure is fun to eat.
Mike McGranaghan - Aisle Seat
What is surprising -- maybe even stupefying -- is the sheer bang-for-buck entertainment value of this brazenly hokey and exuberantly ridiculous pop epic.
Joe Leydon - San Francisco Examiner
Adam Nayman - eye WEEKLY
Oh come on. Like you couldn't smell this turkey rotting from miles away.
Rob Vaux - Flipside Movie Emporium
Give the film a stray thought, and the entire enterprise comes crashing down; after all, the project is built upon a foundation of absurdities.
Michael Dequina - TheMovieReport.com
There is a difference between movies with the courage to go over the top and movies that don't care about being stupid
Ian Waldron-Mantgani - UK Critic
This prequel to a sequel to a remake is a fitfully entertaining affair, one that will enthrall its target audience...and their parents too.
Scott Weinberg - eFilmCritic.com
Susan Granger - www.susangranger.com
Wimps out by going for that PG-13 rating, so the more graphic violence is mostly off-screen and the sexuality is muted.
Richard Roeper - Ebert & Roeper
Mark R. Leeper - rec.arts.movies.reviews
It's all kid stuff, but good fun, and over in a snappy 94 minutes.
Jim Lane - Sacramento News & Review
Cry havoc and let slip the dogs of cheese, indeed.
Marc Savlov - Austin Chronicle
The bottom line in this kind of movie is how good are the stunts and fights? The answer is, they are pretty good.
Robert Roten - Laramie Movie Scope
... an unapologetic rip-off of "Conan" and "The Beastmaster" that will have audiences and critics alike loathe to admit they had fun watching it.
Kevin A. Ranson - MovieCrypt.com
Like Arnie before him, The Rock arrives onscreen with an already well-developed and well-known superhuman physique, and he looks comfortable and familiar in the physicality of the role.
Annlee Ellingson - Boxoffice Magazine
Just a silly, amusingly retrograde, compilation of old genre cliches... Yet it's professionally stitched together and moves along reasonably well.
Frank Swietek - One Guy's Opinion
It's fast-paced and, like The Rock, surprisingly light on its feet.
Daniel Eagan - Film Journal International
Gary Brown - Houston Community Newspapers
a return of the action hero as self-parody
Mark Freeman - Critical Eye
It's fast-paced, filled with entertaining action set pieces from start to finish, and is genuinely funny in spots.
Mark Rahner - Seattle Times
While it's far from any Raiders of The Lost Ark, The Scorpion King does deliver a few fun seconds and lots of swords and sweat.
Bob Bloom - Journal and Courier (Lafayette, IN)
Brian Orndorf - Modamag.com
Rock's got the kind of sly charm and non- self-conscious sincerity that could fit into any action hero archetype imaginable, even the old-school ones.
Gene Seymour - Newsday
Bang-bang, kiss-kiss, yawn-yawn.
Shawn Levy - Oregonian
For all his rough bravado, there's something curiously polished and smoothly vacant about The Rock onscreen.
Donald Munro - Fresno Bee
An unbelievably stupid film, though occasionally fun enough to make you forget its absurdity.
Eric D. Snider - EricDSnider.com
An incoherent jumble of a film that's rarely as entertaining as it could have been.
Jeff Vice - Deseret News, Salt Lake City
There is a place for mindless popcorn fare, to be sure, but The Scorpion King proves that some things are even too mindless to enjoy your popcorn with.
Dustin Putman - DustinPutman.com
Kit Bowen - Hollywood.com
An absolute blast if you are not too fussy about reality or logic.
Bruce Kirkland - Jam! Movies
Nothing but an episode of Smackdown! in period costume and with a bigger budget.
Gemma Tarlach - Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
Not a movie to contemplate afterwards over a cafe latte, but it's fun, as far as it goes.
Todd Anthony - South Florida Sun-Sentinel
Mindless yet impressively lean spinoff of last summer's bloated effects fest The Mummy Returns.
Chuck Wilson - L.A. Weekly
The Rock is an action star dynamo, with the size of a whale and the grace of a dolphin. And he struts his mad skills in "The Scorpion King."
Phil Villarreal - Arizona Daily Star
A first-rate bare-chested-barbarian adventure, delivering impressive swordplay, flashy wizardry, and scantily clad heroes and heroines.
Tor Thorsen - Reel.com
Go ahead, see it, but don't blame us if you feel empty after this plodding and predictable adventure.
- E! Online
I'll just say that one won't confuse what's offered with a film such as Gladiator.
Jim Judy - Screen It!
His performance may not get The Rock into any Merchant/Ivory films, but it makes the case for him as an action star along the lines of Vin Diesel.
Larry Carroll - Countingdown.com
Elicits more groans from the audience than Jar Jar Binks, Scrappy Doo and Scooby Dumb, all wrapped up into one.
Alex Sandell - Juicy Cerebellum
As hopelessly derivative as it is, this "Conan" knock-off should please not-too-demanding adventure fans.
Kevin N. Laforest - Montreal Film Journal
It aims simply to entertain and does so with as much fanfare and as few distractions as possible.
Louis B. Hobson - Jam! Movies
Like every other action movie, it's designed for a 14-year-old boy's mentality, but it's enjoyable enough to turn most people into 14-year-old boys.
Mick LaSalle - San Francisco Chronicle
- St. Louis Post-Dispatch
It's hard to say whether the Rock saves the movie or merely defines it.
Sean Axmaker - Seattle Post-Intelligencer
Ditches the computer-generated effects of the Mummy movies for a real, live-action Rock smackdown.
Dan Fazio - Citysearch
More a load of enjoyable, Conan-esque claptrap than the punishing, special-effects soul assaults the Mummy pictures represent.
Bob Strauss - Los Angeles Daily News
The April 2002 instalment of the American War for Independence, complete with loads of CGI and bushels of violence, but not a drop of human blood.
Brian Webster - Apollo Guide
Dumb fun, which beats dumb and not fun any day.
Sean Means - Salt Lake Tribune
The story is ancient history as interpreted not by Thucydides or Arnold Toynbee but the World Wrestling Federation.
David Elliott - San Diego Union-Tribune
Barely goes beyond comic book status.
Tony Toscano - Talking Pictures (U.S.)
Every time Johnson performs a body-slam or a suplex the creepy wet sound of a thousand eyeballs rolling fills the theatre.
Walter Chaw - Film Freak Central
A fast-paced Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves adventure with enough cliffhanger escapes and peek-a-boo nudity to sate adolescent boys of all ages.
Glenn Lovell - San Jose Mercury News
Isn't afraid to borrow from multiple sources, but it certainly has its own brand of fun.
Sean O'Connell - Eclipse Magazine
It's a fairly pedestrian adventure.
Rene Rodriguez - Miami Herald
[Russell] makes good B movies (The Mask, The Blob), and The Scorpion King more than ably meets those standards.
Luke Y. Thompson - New Times
For all the money spent on The Scorpion King (roughly $60 million), mostly for CGI effects ... the movie lacks bite.
Bob Longino - Atlanta Journal-Constitution
It's impossible to overstate how deeply dumb all of this is, but it skims along at a brisk clip and manages not to overdo the nudge-nudge, wink-wink humor.
Maitland McDonagh - TV Guide's Movie Guide
I would however advise that you wait for video to see this flick..
JoBlo - JoBlo's Movie Emporium
More entertaining than it has any right to be.
John Monaghan - Detroit Free Press
Plot, characters, drama, emotions, ideas -- all are irrelevant to the experience of seeing The Scorpion King.
Lawrence Toppman - Charlotte Observer
It's fun because The Rock clearly has a sense of humor.
Chris Hewitt (St. Paul) - St. Paul Pioneer Press
...a three-act wrestling match with computer graphics.
Nell Minow - Movie Mom at Yahoo! Movies
Incredibly nonsensical balderdash but damn funny, and only about half unintentionally so.
MaryAnn Johanson - Flick Filosopher
If this doesn't scream 'direct-to-video,' I don't know what does.
Jon Popick - Planet Sick-Boy
Unlike Battlefield Earth, which was so laughably bad that it was almost enjoyable at times, The Scorpion King is stupefyingly terrible from beginning to end.
Steve Rhodes - Internet Reviews
Here's something pointless but kind of fun nonetheless.
Ed Gonzalez - Slant Magazine
[It] not only lacks imagination, it lacks a story, a script, acting, a good villain, lush production values appropriate to a hopeful franchise, and memorable music.
Victoria Alexander - FilmsInReview.com
Why wasn't The Mummy Returns this much fun?
Rob Blackwelder - SPLICEDWire
Has just enough charm (not to mention a sense of its own ridiculousness) to stay afloat.
Jamie Russell - BBC