The Thing Review

“The Thing That Made Me Vomit From My Eyeballs”

December 15th, 2011

Oh my Goodness. I believe this movie should go down on the list as one of the biggest pieces of shit of 2011. If your going to come off as adding to Carpenter's version as a prequel and put a new style on this, then the last thing you should do is use the same freaking title. Some where down the line I'm wondering if the crew got confused on whether this was a prequel or just a half assed remake.

What makes this movie and many other movies like this sooooooo bad is that it has a lot of potential to be a great horror film, but no. They wish to just make a simple cash grab movie, which didn't even pan out; they should have taken notice that the Carpenter version wasn't a box office success either. However, like I said, this movie had great potential.

In the Carpenter version, the theme was a 'who done it' atmospheric horror flick. You knew the creature was out there, but you just didn't know what form it was taking until the last act. The creature had been out of the ice for a while, so it understood human nature a lot better after taking out the Norwegian crew, which made it easy to sneak around host to host. In this version, the creature is just coming out for the first time. When this movie first started, it looked as if it was going to be just a cool monster flick, where the creature is just going on a killing spree and not being discreet. Either that was they're intentions for this film and they got lost along the way; or they just had it in mind to make a piece of crap anyway.

The story was completely useless. The only good moment was seeing things get into place, where the Carpenter took off from. I thought the test scene was pretty clever but still dull and boring nonetheless. The acting wasn't all too bad. Directing sucked. Visuals sucked. The creature from the last scene with the cg face was poorly done. It looked like a photoshop head shot glued on.

Only two good things about this movie. I loved the trailer. I'd rather watch that for an hour and 45. Secondly, after watching this, I did appreciate Carpenter's version a lot more. Honestly, this movie isn't watchable and should never be viewed anywhere on this planet ever. Man. Okay. Okay. This movie takes place in Antarctica, right? One of the, if not thee, coldest place on the face of this planet. Why in the hell are these people wearing no earmuffs, open coats, no signs of being cold, shivering, stuffy nose, and any other symptom that a your basic cold syrup handles. Well, this movie was shot in good old Toronto. Wow, chilly. I mean you couldn't even get somewhere colder. Hell, in Carpenter's version, correct me if I'm wrong but they shot that in the coldest part of Alaska. They were packed up to the bone with layers upon layers of clothing. Kurt Russell looked like an snowman, and wasn't like someone did makeup work. It looked like he'd been out in the cold for hours.

Also, what made it so great was that the weather was even a bigger, if not worse, issue than the creature itself. To tell you the truth, I'd rather get taken out by the creature than freeze to death. It's like a pick your poison. This movie had too many safe zones to be thrilling, startling, scary or anywhere near interesting. They kept mentioning about all these bases. Oh look there's a Russian base not far from here. Oh look there's an Angelina Jolie base not to far from here. I can just see MacReady going, throwing up his hands, saying what the hell man. Where was all these bases when he was around. There's nothing more to say about this movie. Forgettable. Horrible. Half-ass. Souless. Utter Disgusting. The Thing.

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