Transformers: Dark of the Moon Reviews
Here Bay makes his best, most flexible use yet of all the flamboyant bigness at his command: Computer-drawn characters and human actors seem to occupy the same narrative for once.
A vague story is cobbled together around the increasingly mind-numbing special effects and convoluted action sequences. But by the end of the 2 1/2-hour-plus slog, it's hard to even remember where it began.
What does Optimus Prime see in the whiny Sam Witwicky? Why do both the Autobots and Decepticons keep departing Earth, only to reappear a few scenes later? And what is the evolutionary advantage of pretending to be a car, anyway?
The more action sequences, locations, actors, historical events, machines, effects, monosyllables, weapons, and American-flag close-ups the movie shoves in its mouth and ours, the less we're able to taste.
Your brain cells perish by the thousands, their howls of agony lost to the cacophony inside your skull. Vast quantities of money, roughly equal to the GDP of Tonga, travel from America's wallets into the coffers of Paramount.
Bay misses every opportunity to make something interesting out of his characters; instead, he's content to spend his enormous budget on grinding destruction so generic and visually convoluted, it's often hard to tell who we're supposed to be rooting for.
Transformers: Dark of the Moon is a visually ugly film with an incoherent plot, wooden characters and inane dialog. It provided me with one of the more unpleasant experiences I've had at the movies.
If you're going to make a movie in which some of your stars are animated toys and much of downtown Chicago is reduced to rubble, this is the way to do it: shamelessly, with no expense spared and no cliche avoided.