Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Review

"Meh. "

I'd say spoiler alert but by the end of the movie nothing has changed. Optimus still alive and well. Megatron still on the run, and perhaps my least favorite part:Starscream playing fucking second fiddle. There were six times in that movie he could (and should) 've just capped stupid-ass MT in the skull.

People know I didn't like this film, so here's the most level-headed of my rants about it, followed by some pros and cons:

Michael Bay seems to think that audiences are too stupid to recognize a hollow movie with lots of shine for what it is. And he's right. The film tries to carry far too many "plot" threads and refuses to fully develop any of them, instead settling for the method of letting them float around through an overly-loud (and distorted), hyper-kinetic (as in motion so chaotic that the human brain cannot honestly comprehend what is happening so instead goes into "drooling ape sees pretty lights mode"), pile of screaming metallic fireworks, loosely tying down the "subplots" in time for a finish that leaves the audience right back where they started, albeit leaving those who tried to treat the film as a film rather than the two+ hours of meaningless eye-candy it was with a headache. It hits a nerve with brash, dim audiences who would rather pay money for something that will drown out the world with sound, fury, and not much else for as long as is possible (but certainly not necessary) while they sit back and stew in their primal juices.

The movie didn't suck. But it was not good. I would put it down as a "bad" film, like, a 3 or 4 on a ten point scale. I'm not attacking the film if I'm saying things that are true.


-Shia Lebouf has a good grip on his character, even if that character is poorly written. I like the guy, which seems to be a rare stance.

-John Turturro is hilarious.

-Megan Fox is hot, I don't care what you think. AND, she's actually showing developing chops as an actress, which makes me a touch more excited for Jonah Hex, and a tiny bit more supportive of the rumors of her being on the short list to play Wonder Woman.

This is part pro and part con:

-The Humanoid Decepticon. I think, that in the 3rd TF, which Michael Bay will no doubt get permission to do, the idea of decepticons actually using *deception* for once would be a really cool theme. We're used to seeing giant robots cut loose at each other, but what if the Decepticons just start taking us over, adding the invasion theme to the whole of the alien threat plot? It would be cool. However, seeing as Michael Bay PROBABLY won't think anywhere near that and will instead just give us more of the same loud, meaningless, SFX premature ejaculation all over the screen, the use of this character just clashes wildly with the rest of the setup.


-There are a total of five robot fights out of fuck knows how many that I could actually tell what was going on for most of them. The rest of the time, it's like watching my nephews bash their transformers toys together, albeit in surround sound. Epileptics beware.

-Leo. If you're going to add a new character, take the time to develop him or drop his ass out of the film, don't half-ass it.

-This idea of the anti-plot film doesn't sit well with someone like me, who actually cares about where movies (both fan franchise and traditional/cinematic alike) are headed.

  • Story

  • Acting

  • Directing

  • Visuals

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