“The Ultimate Movie Review!”
Unlike the novel, the movie never really gets inside these kids, who aren't in the least all right.
Lisa Schwarzbaum - Entertainment Weekly
Sinks under the weight of its own pretensions.
Stephen Holden - New York Times
Though Crawford's bangs and facial hair are the most art-directed aspect of the movie, he's costumed to look like a member of the Trenchcoat Mafia (Madison Avenue branch).
Melissa Anderson - Village Voice
The result isn't awful, but it is awfully familiar. When will someone make a film about being old, poor and ugly in Omaha?
Tom Long - Detroit News
Twelve can't decide if it's a cautionary tale or a lifestyle catalog.
Peter Debruge - Variety
It feels as shopworn as a dusty VHS tape of Less Than Zero.
Kyle Smith - New York Post
This movie's like an audiobook, accompanied by visuals from a 7-year-old copy of Vogue.
Andrew O'Hehir - Salon.com
Sleek, giddy fun.
Kirk Honeycutt - Hollywood Reporter
Joel Schumacher's 'Twelve,' from a much better 2002 novel by Nick McDonell, is a drag-ass slog.
Peter Travers - Rolling Stone
Schumacher can't keep himself from the kind of vibey camera and editing flourishes that facilitate only viewer numbness...
Robert Abele - Los Angeles Times
Kevin Carr - 7M Pictures
Overburdened with too many characters and a manufactured conclusion, "Twelve" wastes a solid performance by Chace Crawford.
John Hanlon - Big Hollywood
There are absolutely no surprises in "Twelve." None. And the characters are as familiar as the story--a stock collection of "prep school" males and females that look as if they've never sat through a class in their lives.
James Plath - Movie Metropolis
Give Schumacher credit for making a movie that is, at the very least, unique in its failure.
Matt Singer - IFC.com
The film version of Twelve is quite the opposite of the book, a dull and thoughtless ride with a sad excuse for a climax.
Perri Nemiroff - CinemaBlend.com
Joel Schumacher's talent exceeds his ambition in Twelve.
Armond White - New York Press
An unsavory piece of dreary, mindless ick from a director who can't seem to get his act together these days. That is, if he ever had an act to begin with.
Brian Orndorf - BrianOrndorf.com
One of the characters...astutely describes herself as 'shallow and narcissistic.' So's the movie.
Frank Swietek - One Guy's Opinion
Want to punch the narrator in the face? Good, we're on the same page.
Tricia Olszewski - Washington City Paper
Like most of its characters, Twelve is too cool for school.
Annlee Ellingson - Moving Pictures Magazine
Another disappointing portrait of rich spoiled kids based on an estimable novel, though you can't blame the actors for the shallow, glitzy tale, directed by Joel Schumacher.
Emanuel Levy - EmanuelLevy.Com
Bleak, intense look at the high life of NYC's young elites.
S. Jhoanna Robledo - Common Sense Media
Twelve is so much less than zero.
Marjorie Baumgarten - Austin Chronicle
It all comes off as faintly absurd.
Stephen Whitty - Newark Star-Ledger
Plays like a melodramatic rip-off of Bret Easton Ellis books about insufferable kids obsessed with money, drugs and themselves.
Ted Fry - Seattle Times
It's been about 15 years since we had a really major and unpleasant Teen Nihilism movie to feel good about...so teen audiences should soak this one right up.
Dave White - Movies.com
Like listening to an audiobook while perusing an interior-design magazine.
Josh Bell - Las Vegas Weekly
This is half-baked Larry Clark treated as if it were Picasso's Guernica, which makes the few bright lights stand out all the more.
Keith Uhlich - Time Out
Fifteen years after Larry Clark's controversial feature, the Kids still aren't all right.
Andrew Schenker - Slant Magazine
Joel Schumacher returns to the teen movie arena for the first time since The Lost Boys with Twelve, a ludicrous melodrama that makes his 1987 slice of vampire cheese look like high art.
Pam Grady - Boxoffice Magazine