Unlike the novel, the movie never really gets inside these kids, who aren't in the least all right.
Lisa Schwarzbaum - Entertainment Weekly
Sinks under the weight of its own pretensions.
Stephen Holden - New York Times
Though Crawford's bangs and facial hair are the most art-directed aspect of the movie, he's costumed to look like a member of the Trenchcoat Mafia (Madison Avenue branch).
Melissa Anderson - Village Voice
The result isn't awful, but it is awfully familiar. When will someone make a film about being old, poor and ugly in Omaha?
Tom Long - Detroit News
Twelve can't decide if it's a cautionary tale or a lifestyle catalog.
Peter Debruge - Variety
It feels as shopworn as a dusty VHS tape of Less Than Zero.
Kyle Smith - New York Post
This movie's like an audiobook, accompanied by visuals from a 7-year-old copy of Vogue.
Andrew O'Hehir - Salon.com
Sleek, giddy fun.
Kirk Honeycutt - Hollywood Reporter
Joel Schumacher's 'Twelve,' from a much better 2002 novel by Nick McDonell, is a drag-ass slog.
Peter Travers - Rolling Stone
Schumacher can't keep himself from the kind of vibey camera and editing flourishes that facilitate only viewer numbness...
Robert Abele - Los Angeles Times
Kevin Carr - 7M Pictures
Overburdened with too many characters and a manufactured conclusion, "Twelve" wastes a solid performance by Chace Crawford.
John Hanlon - Big Hollywood
There are absolutely no surprises in "Twelve." None. And the characters are as familiar as the story--a stock collection of "prep school" males and females that look as if they've never sat through a class in their lives.
James Plath - Movie Metropolis
Give Schumacher credit for making a movie that is, at the very least, unique in its failure.
Matt Singer - IFC.com
The film version of Twelve is quite the opposite of the book, a dull and thoughtless ride with a sad excuse for a climax.
Perri Nemiroff - CinemaBlend.com
Joel Schumacher's talent exceeds his ambition in Twelve.
Armond White - New York Press
An unsavory piece of dreary, mindless ick from a director who can't seem to get his act together these days. That is, if he ever had an act to begin with.
Brian Orndorf - BrianOrndorf.com
Another disappointing portrait of rich spoiled kids based on an estimable novel, though you can't blame the actors for the shallow, glitzy tale, directed by Joel Schumacher.
Emanuel Levy - EmanuelLevy.Com
Bleak, intense look at the high life of NYC's young elites.
S. Jhoanna Robledo - Common Sense Media
Twelve is so much less than zero.
Marjorie Baumgarten - Austin Chronicle
It all comes off as faintly absurd.
Stephen Whitty - Newark Star-Ledger
Plays like a melodramatic rip-off of Bret Easton Ellis books about insufferable kids obsessed with money, drugs and themselves.
Ted Fry - Seattle Times
One of the characters...astutely describes herself as 'shallow and narcissistic.' So's the movie.
Frank Swietek - One Guy's Opinion
Want to punch the narrator in the face? Good, we're on the same page.
Tricia Olszewski - Washington City Paper
Like most of its characters, Twelve is too cool for school.
Annlee Ellingson - Moving Pictures Magazine
It's been about 15 years since we had a really major and unpleasant Teen Nihilism movie to feel good about...so teen audiences should soak this one right up.
Dave White - Movies.com
Like listening to an audiobook while perusing an interior-design magazine.
Josh Bell - Las Vegas Weekly
This is half-baked Larry Clark treated as if it were Picasso's Guernica, which makes the few bright lights stand out all the more.
Keith Uhlich - Time Out
Fifteen years after Larry Clark's controversial feature, the Kids still aren't all right.
Andrew Schenker - Slant Magazine
Joel Schumacher returns to the teen movie arena for the first time since The Lost Boys with Twelve, a ludicrous melodrama that makes his 1987 slice of vampire cheese look like high art.
Pam Grady - Boxoffice Magazine