Every skit is lame, every line of dialogue is stale, every joke falls flat, and every performance has been phoned in between text messages to agents blinking, ''SOS!''
Lisa Schwarzbaum - Entertainment Weekly
The dire romantic comedy Valentine's Day is neither romantic nor remotely comedic.
Manohla Dargis - New York Times
Valentine's Day has all the awkward tedium of a bad first date, without the promise or excitement of a good one.
Claudia Puig - USA Today
This feels less like a movie and more like a strategically programmed effort to turn as many demographic groups as possible into mooshy, gooshy, candy-heart-munching morons.
Jen Chaney - Washington Post
For those who prefer their romantic comedy in bulk, this is a steal. But attention Costco shoppers: Quantity here runs a distant second to quality.
Wesley Morris - Boston Globe
Sugary, sappy and totally predictable. It's also what a whole lot of women are likely to want.
Elizabeth Weitzman - New York Daily News
Valentine's Day deploys every rom-com cliche, minus the com-there's isn't a laugh in the movie, unless you count a fleeting sequence featuring comedian Larry Miller, who's also probably the least prominent member of the cast.
John Anderson - Wall Street Journal
High art? Maybe not. But Valentine's Day certainly goes down easy.
Christopher Kelly - Dallas Morning News
Charmingly cast and phenomenally so-so.
Lisa Kennedy - Denver Post
The real St. Valentine was stoned and beheaded; would that the same fate fell on the people behind this shallow, shabby fraud.
James Rocchi - MSN Movies
Valentine's Day is so desperate to keep all the characters alive, it's like those Russian jugglers who run around, trying to keep all their plates spinning on poles.
Roger Ebert - Chicago Sun-Times
Is Valentine's Day good? Not really, though plenty of the actors are.
Michael Phillips - Chicago Tribune
Valueless as entertainment, it's still useful as a disambiguation tool for those who confuse Jessica Alba and Jessica Biel, or Taylor Dayne and Taylor Swift.
Cliff Doerksen - Chicago Reader
As sweets go, it's not dense and complex like a truffle, rather, it's light and modest like a chocolate kiss. It's not art; it's a pick-me-up.
Carrie Rickey - Philadelphia Inquirer
The film seems like a package deal arranged by a talent agency that found half its stars were idle for a day or two over a three-week period.
Colin Covert - Minneapolis Star Tribune
Valentine's Day is a passing nod to love, like a box of chocolates or flowers that soon wilt. It's star-studded amiable fluff with no real value, but it's kind of a tickle if you're in the mood.
Tom Long - Detroit News
Marshall, working from a script by Katherine Fugate, probably would have done better to pare some of the elements to concentrate more fully on... something. His golf game, maybe.
Bill Goodykoontz - Arizona Republic
It's a romantic piffle stuffed with so much candy that your skin could break out.
Rex Reed - New York Observer
As gooey and lacking in protein as a chocolate holiday bonbon, Valentine's Day plays like a feature-length commercial produced by the Friends of the Valentine Promotional Society.
Todd McCarthy - Variety
Less funny or romantic than your average colonoscopy, this cringe-inducing bore provides dubious employment for four Oscar winners, two nominees and a raft of TV performers such as George Lopez, all of whom have been seen to better advantage elsewhere.
Lou Lumenick - New York Post
It's an American Love Actually without the warmth that writer-director Richard Curtis stuffs into his all-star confections, without the wit, without much love, actually.
Roger Moore - Orlando Sentinel
Like a tiny car that putters into the centre ring at the circus and starts disgorging clown after clown, Valentine's Day has crammed 19 stars into one vehicle. The difference? Clowns are entertaining.
Linda Barnard - Toronto Star
Valentine's Day is clearly trying to play us for a rube, taking advantage of our kind hearts, but we won't get fooled again, will we?
Laremy Legel - Film.com
The film may be set in L.A., but no scene lasts longer than a New York minute.
Rick Groen - Globe and Mail
A Garry Marshall movie has to be funny in order to be anything at all, and this one is so deeply involved with its pseudo-meaningful roundelay of beautiful but inexplicably lovelorn people as to be teeth-grindingly, mind-warpingly boring.
Andrew O'Hehir - Salon.com
Contemplating the romantic prospects of Ashton Kutcher and Jennifer Garner, it's hard to summon up a sentiment beyond the one muttered by my viewing companion: "Fine, mush your boring faces together already."
Dana Stevens - Slate
The film's main problems are script-related.
James Berardinelli - ReelViews
Like a lot of Valentine's Day gifts, showy and easily forgotten.
Sheri Linden - Hollywood Reporter
Most successful is the chemistry between Grace and Hathaway, but with so many swings, that's a pretty low batting average.
Jake Coyle - Associated Press
Valentine's Day is a date movie from hell. How did director Garry Marshall persuade a big name cast to stuff themselves into this box of rancid heart-shaped chocolates?
Peter Travers - Rolling Stone
More than a dozen familiar faces are wasted in this trite, groan-inducing mediocrity.
Richard Roeper - Richard Roeper.com
The stars mostly shine, the story snippets mostly amuse and you'll barely notice all the empty spots where a plot used to be.
Betsy Sharkey - Los Angeles Times
Works where so many romantic comedies in general fail because it doesn't offer some idealized look at love, but shows the power of it - warts and all - from a variety of perspectives.
Jeffrey Lyles - Lyles' Movie Files
It tries so hard to capture the magic of films like Love Actually but just stumbles.
Kevin Carr - 7M Pictures
Nell Minow - Movie Mom at Yahoo! Movies
Robin Clifford - Reeling Reviews
Victoria Alexander - Movie Reviews in Croatian
Cole Abaius - Film School Rejects
Joshua Rothkopf - Time Out
A collection of intertwined romances with the fleeting "aww" factor of a candy sweetheart.
Sarah Sluis - Film Journal International
It's not even worth it for the star worship. Go watch My Bloody Valentine instead.
Dave White - Movies.com
Despite the best efforts of the players, the script is just flat.
Andy Klein - Christian Science Monitor
the equivalent of taking your hooker to Taco Bell
Walter Chaw - Film Freak Central
A melange of stories, some that work, some that don't. Entertaining for what it is, but for little more.
Wesley Lovell - Cinema Sight
Valentine's Day fulfils its purpose. It is a sweet film, suitably gooey in the ways of love, with a constant head shot of who's who celebrity actors.
Matthew Pejkovic - Matt's Movie Reviews
Watchable enough to make one occasionally forget just how stupid the whole enterprise is.
Rob Humanick - Projection Booth
A bonafide romantic comedy for the OMG generation...
Felix Vasquez Jr. - Cinema Crazed
Now, don't get me wrong. Valentine's Day is bad. But it's difficult to hate a Garry Marshall movie. [Blu-ray]
Peter Canavese - Groucho Reviews
I was most interested in Taylor Swift. You can tell the girl can act, given half a chance--which she doesn't quite get here.
Jules Brenner - Cinema Signals
With so many stars and so many subplots jammed into two hours, the film has all the emotional depth of an episode of "The Love Boat."
Mike McGranaghan - Aisle Seat
The overstuffed, uninspiring results would definitely be enough to put an end to this curious sub-genre.
Michael Dequina - TheMovieReport.com
There's so much terminal cuteness in the picture, I wanted to walk away after the first twenty minutes. Nevertheless, I stayed the course.
John J. Puccio - Movie Metropolis
No doubt the filmmaker's intentions were to serve up a tasty sampler platter while understanding that the cinematic equivalent of candy hearts could never make for a fully satisfying main course
Bruce Bennett - Spectrum (St. George, Utah)
There are a lot of actors in Garry Marshall's Valentine's Day. Too many to reasonably fit on the poster. And too many, frankly, to fit in the film.
Annlee Ellingson - Moving Pictures Magazine
...a breezy bit of escapist fare that's as watchable as it is romantic.
David Nusair - Reel Film Reviews
The film goes through frolicky motions
Cynthia Fuchs - PopMatters
There are some genuine laughs and a few twists, but Valentine's Day turns out to be a predictable rom-com. It wants to be Love, Actually, but it doesn't have the magic.
Lisa Ann Cockrel - Christianity Today
Essentially the same movie as "Crash," except that instead of a group of interconnected Angelenos who talk and think only about race, it's about L.A. denizens talk and think only about Valentine's Day.
Stephen Silver - The Trend
We discover a lot about love and that Taylor Swift can't act! Oh and Eric Dane shocks the hell out of us.
Jolene Mendez - Entertainment Spectrum
... when it comes to Mr. Marshall, my cynical side goes running home to mama.
Lori Hoffman - Atlantic City Weekly
A perfect date movie: you'll miss absolutely nothing of merit if you make out in the back row instead of watching the film.
Tim Brayton - Antagony & Ecstasy
This might be a trifle, but it's an entertaining trifle.
Tony Medley - tonymedley.com
A poorly conceived American processed-cheese version of Love Actually, insisting we believe Ashton Kutcher is an acceptable replacement for Hugh Grant.
Ken Hanke - Mountain Xpress (Asheville, NC)
Stereotypes. Meaningless acts of "love". Random crises. Exacerbated consumerism. Hysterical women. Heartless men. Jokes about vibrating Blackberries.
- Sky Movies
Ultra-sweet, safe and sporadically heartwarming, this never makes the most of its cast but will no doubt be bulletproof at the box office. Coal-black hearts, you've been warned...
Jane Crowther - Total Film
Light, breezy, sentimental and amusing, Valentine's Day is delightful and cringe-making by turns as it sums up the heady pressures and potentially pivotal nature of the event.
Karen Krizanovich - Radio Times
Sappiness overflows in a rom-com possessing little humour and all the romance of a bouquet of garage roses. The intention is to put a warm, fuzzy feeling in our tummies. Often it feels like nausea.
David Edwards - Daily Mirror [UK]
This star-studded effort has all the romantic sincerity of an emailed Valentine with an off-the-shelf message.
Grant Rollings - Sun Online
Your riddle of the week. Why is Valentine's Day like outer space? Because it's a big nothing filled with stars.
Nigel Andrews - Financial Times
At first sight Garry Marshall's all-star ensemble looks to be a Short Cuts-lite - Short Cutlets, if you will - until it establishes its tone of flabby sentimentality and you realise it's more like an LA version of Love, Actually.
Anthony Quinn - Independent
The romantic-comedy formula is so barely disguised, it feels like it should be a spoof.
Allan Hunter - Daily Express
The film is described as "a day in the life of love" and presents us with a group of beautiful Angelinos striving to justify a screenplay that gives them nothing coherent to do.
Derek Malcolm - This is London
Where's Al Capone and the North Side Gang when you need them? Cos if the time was right for another Valentine's Day Massacre, it has to be now.
Robbie Collin - News of the World
Rates somewhere between a pink carnation from the boss and the off-label SweetTarts left out in the break room: nothing personal is offered or gained and you really have to work to enjoy it.
Michelle Orange - Movieline
Garry Marshall's romantic comedy delivers plenty of wish fulfillment without managing to offer anything remotely fulfilling.
Todd Gilchrist - Cinematical
Easy to watch and easy to enjoy. So full of romance and stars it is critic proof
Jackie K. Cooper - jackiekcooper.com
It's a very glib, shallow movie, but it keeps you moving around enough that you could actually have a good time.
A.O. Scott - At the Movies
As so often with recent Hollywood rom-coms, the script smacks of mechanical contrivance, as glib life-lessons are handed out to all and sundry.
Christopher Tookey - Daily Mail [UK]
Some of the plot strands are hopelessly contrived and characters could have been cut entirely.
Catherine Jones - Liverpool Echo
It's got a cold, shiny cash register right where its heart should be.
Cath Clarke - Time Out
Set on February 14 in a sunny, smog-free Los Angeles. Its makers doubtless see it as a love letter to that city, but it's an utterly feeble one, assembled from tired old phrases.
Edward Porter - Sunday Times (UK)
A brutal St Valentine's Day massacre of comedy, of love, of believable human emotion.
A perfect movie personification of the holiday -- crass, commercial and guaranteed to make a zillion dollars off the love struck masses. Ugh.
Richard Knight - Windy City Times
The many mysteries of the human heart aren't solved by Garry Marshall's Love Actually-style ensemble romcom. It's more like an all-star perfect teeth and hair convention you could cheerfully firebomb.
Tim Robey - Daily Telegraph
As predictable as a North Korean election and makes Richard Curtis's not dissimilar Love Actually look like Ernst Lubitsch at his zenith.
Philip French - Observer [UK]
The set pieces, most often provided by rather hammy and two-dimensional, if not straight-down offensive, 'foreigners' were like something from low-budget Malyalam comedies.
Nell Frizzell - Little White Lies
Marshall directs like a giddy Cupid, spreading the joy thinly among the multitudes. Still, if we learn anything from this Valentine's movie, it's that even a bit of what you fancy does you good.
Stella Papamichael - Digital Spy
Valentine's Day is an enjoyably empty, tempting snack of a movie, thoughtfully served in candy-coated bite-size chunks.
Charles Gant - Heat Magazine
It shares much in common with producer Irwin Allen's disaster pics of the 1970s (The Swarm; Beyond The Poseidon Adventure), which also featured a lot of stars in really bad films.
Simon Foster - sbs.com.au
A good date movie with more stars than script appeal.
Diana Saenger - ReviewExpress.com
I can forgive that they have to hire a pretty actor to play the lonely single spinster hosting an I Hate Valentine's Day party, but if you're telling the public that you can binge on chocolate and look like that, that's just irresponsible.
Fred Topel - Can Magazine
Valentine's Day the film, is exactly what you think it is. You can't complain if you see it, because, you were warned. By the title, by the trailer and by the genre.
Giles Hardie - smh.com.au
How obvious is 'Valentine's Day?' Well, just take the scene in which a teenage boy approaches his girlfriend's house to have sex for the first time in either of their lives. The song on the soundtrack at that time: Foreigner's 'Feels Like the First Time.'
Matt Soergel - Florida Times-Union
Skits-ophrenic moviemaking in an overly crowded scenario, that seems less like a smoothly paced script than a rush hour traffic jam on the LA freeway. Though Queen Latifah saves the day slightly at the finish line, doing The Devil Wears Plus Size Prada.
Prairie Miller - NewsBlaze
More geared to celebrity-spotting than cinematic storytelling, it's fluffy and flimsy.
Susan Granger - SSG Syndicate
Unoriginal sitcom squanders bounty of A-List stars.
Kam Williams - Sly Fox
Sure, Valentine's Day smacks cute and is probably an adequate date movie, but it doesn't really inspire genuine tingling, feel-good sentiments that a well-crafted film of this genre should do.
Kit Bowen - The Movie Kit
You're going to like half of the fluff, but it's ultimately very forgettable.
Jeff Bayer - The Scorecard Review
'Valentine's Day' sometimes misses the mark because of its uneven pacing, but it managed to hold my interest despite skipping around to so many characters.
Betty Jo Tucker - ReelTalk Movie Reviews
I loved a couple of the scenes in Valentine's Day: the opening credits and the closing credits.
Gary Wolcott - Tri-City Herald
It accomplishes what it sets out to do. That is, it puts a smile on your face and leaves you reaching for the hand of your significant other.
Mike Scott - Times-Picayune
"It's like a Valentine's Day card put on screen--it's vaguely quotable, sweet, occasionally clever--and totally vanilla. Which basically means it'll make the perfect date movie for this Valentine's Day."
Christopher Smith - Bangor Daily News (Maine)
The running time is 125 minutes, a lot for a romantic comedy, but the minutes fly by.
Mick LaSalle - San Francisco Chronicle
This has not a single ounce of the charm that you might find in LOVE, ACTUALLY or a number of other films revolving around romance. It's just plain bad.
JimmyO - JoBlo's Movie Emporium
Bombarded by cliche, you wilt in your seat like a discarded rose.
Kate Muir - Times [UK]
The demographically friendly Valentine's Day boldly asserts that it's a film made for everyone, but look closely and you'll find a center as squishy as that of a melted chocolate caramel nougat.
Matt Brunson - Creative Loafing
It's clunky, aimless and not especially funny.
Chris Hewitt (St. Paul) - St. Paul Pioneer Press
Where's Burt Bachrach or Leonard Cohen when you need him?
Rubin Safaya - Cinemalogue.com
With few exceptions, Marshall presents each star at the maximum of his or her talents; in the few precious moments when Roberts owns the screen, she also owns the whole movie.
Leslie Gornstein - E! Online
As I started to type out the plot threads, it struck me that none of the storylines are that interesting to read. They aren't that much fun to watch either.
Dan Lybarger - eFilmCritic.com
For all Valentine's Day's obvious pulse-quickening attributes, ironically what proves its undoing is a lack of real heart.
Liz Beardsworth - Empire Magazine
A galaxy of stars can't make us fall for Valentine's Day, but it sure can keep us distracted for two hours.
Christian Toto - What Would Toto Watch?
Too cocooned in its own shiny little Hollywood world to be called cynical, but in no genuine way romantic or comedic either.
Jonathan Kiefer - Sacramento News & Review
Hope they had fun making Valentine's Day. There's little to be had watching it.
Robert W. Butler - Kansas City Star
- National Post
The characters don't do anything that you haven't seen a dozen times before.
David Medsker - Bullz-Eye.com
It has the radiant glow of a Hollywood pitch meeting.
Kurt Loder - MTV
A rom-com monstrosity.
Jim Slotek - Jam! Movies
It's like being force-fed, all in one sitting, an entire box of cheap... heart-shaped chocolates from the dollar store.... But ohmagosh, Bradley Cooper and Julia Roberts are so totally adorable together!
MaryAnn Johanson - Flick Filosopher
'Valentine's Day' is one of the worst romantic comedies assembled. It does a serious injustice to the holiday.
Wilson Morales - BlackFilm.com
Mushy ensemble romcom sticks to formula; some sexy stuff.
S. Jhoanna Robledo - Common Sense Media
With a cast that reads like the Vogue Oscar party guest list, Valentine's Day should have been can't-miss cinema instead of standard Hollywood schmaltz.
Tyler Hanley - Palo Alto Weekly
I had always thought of Love Actually, this movie's obvious antecedent, as a pleasant diversion, but next to Valentine's Day, it's a cerebral epic on par with Robert Altman's Nashville.
Alonso Duralde - AfterElton.com
If you didn't despise Hallmark's holiday before, you certainly will after enduring this Death March of rom-coms.
Thomas Leupp - Hollywood.com
For the most part, the stars know they're in a piece of junk. You can see it in their eyes, except for Jessica Alba's -- you can't see anything in there.
John Beifuss - Commercial Appeal (Memphis, TN)
I'm sure Marshall is a sweet fellow, but his movies have become clueless, klutzy abominations, with Valentine's Day an affront to the art of love, somehow roping in an all-star cast to help sell the pure ick.
Brian Orndorf - BrianOrndorf.com
Not funny, romantic, or realistic and instead wallows in that only-in-Hollywood area usually occupied by bad sitcoms or made-for-cable movies
Brian Tallerico - Movie Retriever
Wow! This is easily one of the worst films ever written! It's astounding that this nonsense got the green light to get made.
Jeanne Kaplan - Kaplan vs. Kaplan
It's virtually impossible to do anything but scratch the surface of character development when the camera is shuttling around to so many different cast members and situations, many of which are so puerile it's shocking.
David Kaplan - Kaplan vs. Kaplan
A movie full of cute fluff instead of passion
Willie Waffle - WaffleMovies.com
The Valentine's Day card: light on content, big on frills. And yet far more substantive than this flimsy piece of cinematic cardboard that's even more commercial than the holiday it celebrates.
Kimberly Gadette - Indie Movies Online
Garry Marshall delivers a well-balanced romantic comedy that delivers the laughs and a classic Shirley MacLaine scene. Though, the film needed to lose about twenty minutes.
Kevin McCarthy - BDK Reviews
To compare Valentine's Day to Richard Curtis' wonderfully funny and moving examination of realized crushes and heartbreak, Love Actually, is like offering you a choice between a date with Lloyd Dobler or a Peterson. Scott or Drew, take your pick.
Erik Childress - eFilmCritic.com
Some heartwarming moments do spring up here and there, but this more of a cinematic red carpet for current Hollywood talent than an actual movie.
Bill Clark - FromTheBalcony
Valentine's Day is plagued with phoned-in performances, banal dialogue, and some of the most ridiculous storylines you'll ever encounter in a major feature film.
Rebecca Murray - About.com
Parental Content Review
Jim Judy - Screen It!
Despite being contrived and predictable, this crowd-pleaser is a perfect date movie for the under-35 age group. The movie cuts across generations from a childhood crush to teenage angst and old age in showing the sweet and messy sides of either approachin
Keith Cohen - Entertainment Spectrum
Director Garry Marshall bounces so quickly from story to story that by the time you see so-and-so shtupping so-and-so again, you've forgotten which dramarama belongs to whom.
Jen Yamato - Movies.com
an alternate Los Angeles where coincidence is commonplace and (finally!) every white woman in America finds her Prince Charming in the span of one day
Chris Cabin - Filmcritic.com
Director Garry Marshall's ensemble romantic-comedy Valentine's Day is ultimately too superficial and slick to really touch the heart.
Tim Grierson - EmanuelLevy.Com
What might have seemed like a lively idea -- an all-star roundelay about love in Los Angeles -- is as fossilized as the wooly mammoths in the La Brea Tar Pits.
Joe Williams - St. Louis Post-Dispatch
Aggressively unfunny and unromantic.
Kimberley Jones - Austin Chronicle
It's like a bunch of episodes from that lousy old ABC anthology series, 'Love, American Style,' squished together.
Frank Swietek - One Guy's Opinion
How can a movie starring everyone offer so little? Valentine's Day is one of the most charmless, unromantic, unfunny romantic comedies in years.
Clint O'Connor - Cleveland Plain Dealer
When it turned out to be broad, unfunny, tiresome, overlong, and pointless, well, I wasn't surprised. Those adjectives all appear on Garry Marshall's business card.
Eric D. Snider - EricDSnider.com
Valentine's Day isn't a chore to sit through, but it isn't much to watch, either.
Rene Rodriguez - Miami Herald
Stale, unfunny, painfully dull, asinine and charmless. It's the antithesis of everything that a truly great romantic comedy ought to be.
Avi Offer - NYC Movie Guru
offers the pat, the predictable, and the preposterous in equal measure in its relentless attempt to cover all possible romantic bases, yet never quite makes it past home plate
Andrea Chase - Killer Movie Reviews
While it may not necessarily reinvent the genre, it beats the likes of "The Ugly Truth" or "Leap Year" like a gong.
Peter Sobczynski - eFilmCritic.com
This is probably how it feels to be strangled with a candy necklace.
Matt Pais - Metromix.com
There's nothing new or refreshing about the movie, but there's also nothing overly annoying or painful about its abundance of generic characters in common situations brought together by the ultimate Hallmark holiday.
Mark Dujsik - Mark Reviews Movies
With an enormous ensemble cast and more intertwined plots than you can count, this fluffy concoction is shamelessly sentimental and silly, and yet it's also an undemanding crowd-pleaser.
Rich Cline - Shadows on the Wall
Valentine's Day, I saw Love Actually, I knew Love Actually, Love Actually was a friend of mine. Valentine's Day, you're no Love Actually.
Brandon Fibbs - BrandonFibbs.com
Disappointing romcom that falls painfully flat, thanks to a badly written script, poor direction, boring characters, cliched storylines and a shocking lack of laughs.
Matthew Turner - ViewLondon
It's a warm, fuzzy, fluffy, entertaining film.
Ross Anthony - Hollywood Report Card
Woefully mechanical and uninspired, Valentine's Day holds not a single genuinely romantic moment in its whole two-hour running time.
Ladies and gentlemen, let the record show that the Twitter movie has arrived.
Nell Minow - Beliefnet
...a gargantuan cast who only stand to benefit by the six degrees of separation they will now be able to claim with four Oscar winners, another couple of nominees and the cast and guest stars of "Grey's Anatomy."
Laura Clifford - Reeling Reviews
Long and spineless and ultimately grueling, it's like being shown five-minute clips from the greatest romances of all time, but in grainy YouTube quality.
Katey Rich - CinemaBlend.com
Lumbers through no less than 15 Valentine vignettes, each as thin as a Hallmark card yet none quite as endearingly sentimental.
Sean O'Connell - Hollywood News
Garry Marshall's new movie is like a luscious-looking Valentine's treat that turns out to be disappointingly bland.
Sue Pierman - Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
With so many people hanging around, you'd think Marshall and screenwriter Katherine Fugate could scare up an interesting plotline or two, but no such luck.
Moira MacDonald - Seattle Times
Tiny, tangerine Alba seems interested only in beating Rosario Dawson's record for most bad movies in a career. Swift's film debut is more torturously abrasive than her Grammy performance.
Stephen Whitty - Newark Star-Ledger
It's overstuffed, and some raunchy, Sex and the City-type sensibilities detract from the sweeter, more gentle and better moments.
Jeff Vice - Deseret News, Salt Lake City
A dreadful romantic comedy with characters that talk claptrap and trivialize love.
Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat - Spirituality and Practice
On Taylor Swift, not since Madonna in 'Who's That Girl?' have I seen such an annoying performance. The only thing that could've saved her jittery acting is if Kanye West had stormed her scenes. That might've resulted in an Oscar nod for Miss Taylor!
Clay Cane - BET.com
Packed to the rafters with star talent and greeting card sentiments, this is best appreciated by women who cry at TV commercials.
Mark Keizer - Boxoffice Magazine
Valentine's Day explores love in all its myriad forms, from the sickeningly sappy to the cornball to the groaningly precious and obnoxiously cute.
Nathan Rabin - AV Club
None of these famous faces puts more than the minimum required effort into the intersecting love stories.
Josh Bell - Las Vegas Weekly
Cliche piles upon cliche in this tepid comedy.
Harvey S. Karten - Compuserve
... may waste more talent and star power than any film since Won Ton Ton, the Dog Who Saved Hollywood. There are more laughs in the final seven minutes -- in the form of closing credit roll outtakes -- than in the 118 minutes preceding.
Andy Klein - Brand X
About as personal and memorable as a seasonal card your significant other snatches up from a local Duane Reade at the last minute.
Simon Abrams - Slant Magazine
I didn't like any part of this movie.
Peter Keough - Boston Phoenix
"Valentine's Day" is yet another date movie that's less than the sum of its parts.
Cole Smithey - ColeSmithey.com
Charm will only get you so far. In this case, even the most charming (and huge) cast can only do so much with this corny compilation.
Joanna Langfield - The Movie Minute
Light your money on fire and watch it burn. It will have an equivalent entertainment value and you'll save on gas, parking and snacks.
Marshall Fine - Hollywood & Fine
Just like a surprise box of chocolates, Valentine's Day is mostly delicious, even if it may leave some in the audience wanting more.
- FILMINK (Australia)
Valentine's Day is like a box of fancy chocolates from a secret admirer. Intentions may be genuine, but knowing nothing about the other party kills off meaning or a reason to care.
Ben McEachen - Sunday Mail (Australia)
So many stars, so many storylines, looking for love in all the wrong places
Karina Longworth - City Pages, Minneapolis/St. Paul
The movie isn't awful, and nor is it an award winner, unless you count Swift's frontrunner status to add a worst supporting actress Razzie to her shelf full of Grammys.
Phil Villarreal - OK! Magazine
Makes you hate the day. Isn't Garry Marshall (76) too old for a fluffy romantic comedy for teens? Lots of stars get paid for 3 days of easy work.
Victoria Alexander - FilmsInReview.com
A couple of touching moments aside, Valentine's Day is as blatantly engineered and resolutely frothy as mid-February date movies get.
John Hazelton - Screen International
A perfect date movie with more stars than script appeal... it's contrived and predictable, although there are a couple of surprises
Louise Keller - Urban Cinefile
click to read full review
Joseph Proimakis - Movies for the Masses