“The Greatest Monster Killer Ever Has Arrived!!!!!!!!!!!”
“"Most Visionary Genre Film Piled High With Action And Fan Boy Wonder"”
“ADVENTURE LIVES FOREVER”
“One Of The Better Action Flicks.”
“Despite A Lot Of Bad Reviews, This Is Still One Of My Favorites.”
“A Beautiful Mess”
“No! I Have No Heart, I Feel No Love. Nor Fear, Nor Joy, Nor Sorrow. I Am Hollow... And I Will Live Forever.”
“The Story Very Heartwarming”
“Jackman Is Pretty Good Here, But Him, And Everything Else Is Just Overwhelmed By The CGI And Sommers' Dizzying Direction. But I Guess We Should Be Grateful That He Is That He's Still Using Human Actors...”
“Tomorrow Every Boy, In Every Town Will Be Shouting A New Name For Movie Terror: "Ripoff!"”
A long, kinetic, yet dreary mess.
Owen Gleiberman - Entertainment Weekly
Despite the rococo obsessiveness of its special effects and its voracious sampling of past horror movies, Van Helsing is mostly content to offer warmed-over allusions and secondhand thrills.
A.O. Scott - New York Times
The dashing Jackman plays his part well enough, but the script doesn't provide sufficient Indiana Jones-style bons mots to win us over.
Claudia Puig - USA Today
A special-effects extravaganza that uses the barest of excuses to bring these characters together.
Desson Thomson - Washington Post
There's never a dull moment, but there's also never a moment. It never stops. It's a perpetual-motion machine.
Stephen Hunter - Washington Post
Van Helsing is one excruciatingly loud set piece of CGI hooey after another, and when a character or a plot twist does manage to make you laugh, you're not sure whether it's camp or ineptitude.
Ty Burr - Boston Globe
The orgy of morphing, shrieking, lightning-cracking, and habitual rope-swinging quickly turns oppressive.
Ed Park - Village Voice
Old monster movies were thrilling in a way that mingled terror, sexuality and a real preference for the monsters over their tormentors. Van Helsing is a kiddie adventure on an endless, meaningless loop.
Jami Bernard - New York Daily News
We've seen worse movies -- I'm sure of it -- but this opening salvo of the summer season is so extravagantly, off-the-wall bad it pushes the others from memory.
Eric Harrison - Houston Chronicle
The film is an unending cavalcade of razzle-dazzle that becomes continuously less dazzling.
Philip Wuntch - Dallas Morning News
Enjoying the overblown but well-intentioned Van Helsing requires the campy mind-set of that TV show, not the spooky gravity of classic monster flicks.
Michael Booth - Denver Post
The horror flick, at its height, was a lyrical caressing of our fears; by the end of this nonsense, you fear for the well-being of the genre. 'It's dead!'
Anthony Lane - New Yorker
Silly and spectacular, and fun.
Roger Ebert - Chicago Sun-Times
A movie that's underwritten, overdirected, overproduced and almost constantly over-the-top. But it's also, at its best, a big tongue-in-cheek extravaganza.
Michael Wilmington - Chicago Tribune
A noisy, 19th-century fantasy adventure that goes nowhere.
Steven Rea - Philadelphia Inquirer
More and more summer movies depend on relentless action sequences at the expense of coherent narrative, but Van Helsing might be the first whose overkill reaches nuclear capacity.
Colin Covert - Minneapolis Star Tribune
No one's going to argue that Van Helsing is a great movie, but it's just the sort of loud, splashy, silly, summer fun flick we've come to expect.
Tom Long - Detroit News
Looks like a movie assembled by a room full of computer geeks munching Doritos and playing Wolfenstein in between stints of designing Dracula's fangs.
Bill Muller - Arizona Republic
This moronic abomination is not a movie. It's just a noisy, nasty and repulsive video game-slash- theme-park haunted-house ride designed to appeal to the offspring of warlocks and trolls.
Rex Reed - New York Observer
The concoction seems far more contrived than plausible, but the sense of evil overkill is entirely representative of the picture itself, which repeatedly looks ready to blow all its fuses due to sensory overload.
Todd McCarthy - Variety
Van Helsing is more amusing and exciting than frightening.
Lou Lumenick - New York Post
A turbo-charged retelling of the Dracula, Frankenstein and Wolf Man sagas, this extravagant creature-feature crams everything in but Abbott and Costello.
Jay Boyar - Orlando Sentinel
A junk-food feast for the eyes and utterly thought-cleansing fast for the intellect.
Geoff Pevere - Toronto Star
The idea is every bit as dumb as the execution.
Rick Groen - Globe and Mail
This is what happens when you spend pots of money on special effects but don't give a fig about storytelling.
Stephanie Zacharek - Salon.com
It's empty calories: There isn't a single nourishing, non-synthetic sequence in the entire movie. Not a scene. Not a line. Not a look.
David Edelstein - Slate
Van Helsing is the worst would-be summer blockbuster since Battlefield Earth.
James Berardinelli - ReelViews
This creature feature is exhilarating fun, a richly designed and often quite funny re-exploration of the movie past.
Kirk Honeycutt - Hollywood Reporter
A shrieking bore.
Peter Travers - Rolling Stone
The already-lousy House of Frankenstein as done up by a filmmaker whose idea of style is to make things as loud and busy as possible... A screaming, noisy, overedited mess of a movie.
Tim Brayton - Antagony & Ecstasy
This is one vampire movie with bite.
Nell Minow - Common Sense Media
Felix Vasquez Jr. - Cinema Crazed
Urban Cinefile Critics - Urban Cinefile
Jim Lane - Sacramento News & Review
Jennie Kermode - Eye for Film
In a blood-thirsty, dead-three-centuries sort of way, it's perfectly charming.
Christopher Smith - Bangor Daily News (Maine)
An overamped action movie in which the legendary monsters are interchangeable with any other brutish CGI beasts.
Rob Gonsalves - eFilmCritic.com
Joe Lozito - Big Picture Big Sound
Like the three monsters at the center of the film, Van Helsing is a howling dog, it needs a brain, and indeed, it bites.
Russ Breimeier - Christianity Today
- Time Out
- Film Threat
Writer and director Stephen Sommers is less interested in developing the characters and more interested in smashing them into things.
Uri Lessing - www.kcactive.com
Garth Franklin - Dark Horizons
Ethan Alter - NYC Film Critic
... even in the name of high adventure, the end result was just too silly and unbelievable to accept or enjoy.
Kevin A. Ranson - MovieCrypt.com
The plotting is dull and ... the action scenes quickly grow tiresome.
Forrest Hartman - Reno Gazette-Journal
Silly, preposterous, poorly directed and badly acted.
Emanuel Levy - EmanuelLevy.Com
If you were raised on action-packed computer games, this movie is from Sega heaven.
Steve Crum - Kansas City Kansan
Tony Medley - tonymedley.com
Too bad [Stephen Sommers'] complete lack of restraint turned this at-first-promising flick into a jarring and prolonged audio-visual wank fest.
Steve Newton - Georgia Straight
allows for the digital manipulation of virtually everything on screen, turning the movie into a frenetic, attention-deficit cartoon that still manages to look kinda cheap
James Kendrick - Q Network Film Desk
'Si quiere verla, mejor esperese a que salga en DVD...y aun asi creo de deberia pensarlo.'
Jorge Avila Andrade - Moviola
Stephen Sommers delivers stale effect-movie action, outdoing even his own worst efforts.
Joe Utichi - FilmFocus
Michelle Thomas - Future Movies UK
With Sommers' work it's hard to know where the fan stops and the director starts.
Harry Guerin - RTE Interactive (Dublin, Ireland)
Much like the horror films the characters represent, "Van Helsing" is a movie that's more about the ambiance and setting than the quality of the achievement.
Wesley Lovell - Oscar Guy
Wesley Lovell - Cinema Sight
Not every summer blockbuster needs to be a classic, so Van Helsing [shout it out!] gets a decent grade for goofy, ghoulish fun.
Bruce Bennett - Spectrum (St. George, Utah)
Writer-director Stephen Sommers...gets so caught up in high-pitched, breakneck action that he loses sight of what makes a good vampire story.
Judith Egerton - Courier-Journal (Louisville, KY)
The movie's too imaginatively crafted to be boring, and too conceptually insane to be awful.
Mark Palermo - Coast (Halifax, Nova Scotia)
Universal serves up a bloated, over-priced mess crammed full of the worst CGI effects this side of the Hulk
Mike Sage - Peterborough This Week
Van Helsing is insane.
Jake Euker - F5 (Wichita, KS)
Kamal 'The Diva' Larsuel - 3BlackChicks Review
Had the Universal Monsters at its whim and gave us Wild, Wild West in a trenchcoat.
Ryan Cracknell - Movie Views
A movie that looks and feels just like a video game thanks to its relentless action, bombastic soundtrack and never-ending menagerie of monsters for our hero to fight.
Sean McBride - Sean the Movie Guy
Steven Snyder - Zertinet Movies
The action is nonstop much like in the Mummy films and comes to an exciting finale.
Vince Koehler - Entertainment Spectrum
A dull, overly CGI animated fight-fest. Director Stephen Sommers' only real interest is in the animated sequences.
Brian Webster - Apollo Guide
Sommers is just painting by numbers.
Michael W. Phillips, Jr. - Goatdog's Movies
...never defines itself to the confused audience.
Tony Toscano - Talking Pictures (U.S.)
Evil might have but one name to fear but intelligent, discerning moviegoers have two: Van Helsing.
David N. Butterworth - Movie Boeuf
Tied into a revenue-generating machine that includes DVD reissues and theme park rides, Van Helsing is almost guaranteed success even as it tests everyone's tolerance.
Daniel Eagan - Film Journal International
atmospheric and relentlessly sketchy thus ignoring the real ingredient that stimulates a captivating creep show...Van Helsing is definitely a ridiculous pill to swallow
Frank Ochieng - Movie Eye
- Boston Phoenix
Van Helsing isn't so much a horror film as is it a Universal theme park attraction. It . . . fails to envelope you in that shroud of fear like any good film from the genre.
Bob Bloom - Journal and Courier (Lafayette, IN)
Van Helsing debuted at the same time as photos of abuse at Iraq's Abu Ghraib prison, prompting reflection on what it means to be a monster.
Martin Scribbs - Mixed Reviews
For all the impressive production values on show, you can't help feeling that less would be considerably more.
Ian Freer - Empire Magazine
...all the bloody special effects in the world can't bring to life a movie that's born dead.
Thomas Delapa - Boulder Weekly
Every criticism you may have heard about the film is at least somewhat true -- especially Kate Beckinsale's performance, a career-worst -- but doesn't negate the fun factor.
Luke Y. Thompson - Los Angeles CityBeat
The story and characters in 'Van Helsing' are squashed by big-budget special effects.
Frank Wilkins - ReelTalk Movie Reviews
Expect big box-office numbers and a merchandising blitz from Van Helsing -- just don't expect a story or any semblance of logic.
Tyler Hanley - Palo Alto Weekly
This is one of the dopiest movies of the year.
Richard Roeper - Ebert & Roeper
It's "Hellboy" with a better pace, but a less likeable, slightly less-human character.
James Hill - BET.com
The only thing likely to have you gasping in terror is how extraordinarily inept it is.
Randy Shulman - Metro Weekly (Washington, DC)
Even the classics knew not to run beyond 90 minutes. Sommers goes well past two hours, which takes a bite out of the fun.
Gerry Shamray - Sun Newspapers of Cleveland
Great looking film with a brain-dead script.
Robert Roten - Laramie Movie Scope
The text of Stoker and Shelley is treated as nothing more than toilet paper in the outhouse of Stephen Sommers' imagination, soiled and shredded beyond all recognition.
Matt Brunson - Creative Loafing
So swaggeringly confident in its fundamental awfulness, I honestly haven't seen anything like this since Battlefield: Earth.
Sean Burns - Philadelphia Weekly
Despite the problems with tone, and the awkwardness that comes from it, "Van Helsing" won't bore audiences
Vanessa Sibbald - Zap2it.com
It's an Event Movie, in every sense; the film has all the subtlety of a runaway train hurtling down the Matterhorn, but as entertaining junk I did find it enjoyable.
Ken Hanke - Mountain Xpress (Asheville, NC)
Gustara mas a ninos y jovenes que a quienes aspiren al corte clasico o la epica historica.
Alex Ramirez - Cinenganos
Sure, it's daft, but it's also funny and exciting and kids will likely love it.
Nev Pierce - BBC
There's only one problem with this thunderously entertaining action romp: The budget is two times too big!
Rich Cline - Shadows on the Wall
Writer-director Steven Sommers of the MUMMY films handles action scenes well, but is poor with directing acting or even giving us a very good story.
Mark R. Leeper - rec.arts.movies.reviews
Van Helsing is unapologetically nothing more than a monster movie, and it's a good one at that.
Mike McGranaghan - Aisle Seat
Like every other filmmaker obsessed by the possibilities of CGI, Stephen Sommers forgets the golden rule: Just because you can doesn't mean you should.
Jonathan R. Perry - Tyler Morning Telegraph (Texas)
Sommers has opted to give Dracula an army of midget alien minions. MIDGET ALIEN MINIONS. As soon as I'm done laughing, I'll finish my review.
David Cornelius - eFilmCritic.com
Horror classicists may be upset at [Sommers] tampering with monster mythologies, but everyone else will just be going along for the ride, and they'll have a terrific time.
Sharon Allen Burke - Premiere Magazine
A cacophonous mess.
Pete Vonder Haar - Film Threat
Did anyone else find Mr. Hyde's "plumber butt" funny? No, maybe Van Helsing wasn't so great after all.
Jimmy O - Film Snobs
Watching Van Helsing is like having a crazy guy yell conspiracy theories at you for more than two hours:
Jeffrey Westhoff - Northwest Herald (Crystal Lake, IL)
- Sunday Times (Australia)
I lost more brain cells watching this film than with the alcohol I consumed trying to forget about it.
Danny Minton - Beaumont Journal
There's literally never a dull moment... The naysayers will argue that it's all calculated, and of course it is. That's why it works.
Daniel M. Kimmel - Worcester Telegram & Gazette
A beastly cacophony of recklessly rendered CGI, intolerable volume, and defective writing.
Audrey Rock-Richardson - Tooele Transcript-Bulletin (Utah)
Suspenseless, charmless, and humorless. A hybrid that manages to stitch together only the loosest frameworks of their imagination, creativity, or wit.
Todd Gilchrist - FilmStew.com
An exciting horror spectacle that combines Frankenstein, Dracula and Biblical lore with elements of the James Bond series.
John P. McCarthy - ReelTalk Movie Reviews
Fans have come to love the likes of 'I Was a Teenage Frankenstein,' so why not have fun with a movie that could have been called 'I Was a Kick-*** Van Helsing'?
John Beifuss - Commercial Appeal (Memphis, TN)
Silly summer blockbuster fun, but not as silly nor as fun as it could have been . . .
James O'Ehley - Sci-Fi Movie Page
Two hours is a long time for a film to keep its tongue in cheek.
Ross Anthony - Hollywood Report Card
I had such high hopes going in to "Van Helsing."
Linda Cook - Quad City Times (Davenport, IA)
The film suffers from some truly inane dialogue and pacing that will likely cause tachycardia in members of the audience old enough to recall who Dwight Frye was.
Marc Savlov - Austin Chronicle
- St. Louis Post-Dispatch
...the damn thing doesn't do much more than go blindly about it's paces and is even boring at times.
Eric Lurio - Greenwich Village Gazette
Not comedy or drama, it's a travesty. In response to the immortal line, 'It's alive,' all I can say is, No, it's not.
James Verniere - Boston Herald
A fun, action-packed, highly interesting movie.
Diana Saenger - ReelTalk Movie Reviews
- Baltimore Sun
Matthew Turner - ViewLondon
A two-hour battering ram of stupidity.
Steve Schneider - Orlando Weekly
Disposable eye candy that entertains while it plays itself out but isn't worth much once it's over.
Dustin Putman - DustinPutman.com
Sommers has turned out a capably assembled picture that delivers all the fun you could wish for in a modern monster flick.
Joshua Tyler - CinemaBlend.com
For all the computer-generated monsters and whiplash-inducing camera moves, there's nary a hint of the brooding atmospherics of Tod Browning or the sly humor of James Whale.
Sean Means - Salt Lake Tribune
Yes, all of Sommers' vulgarian wrongheadedness is evident in Van Helsing, but this movie also possesses a film buff's respect for its frightening forebears.
Bob Strauss - Los Angeles Daily News
The CGI fans are going to scrutinize the F/X but the average bear is just going to enjoy the show.
Robin Clifford - Reeling Reviews
One long action sequence that leaves you spent, rather than exhilarated.
Timothy Knight - Reel.com
Churned hot off the assembly line, it's an ugly and disposable piece of ultra-expensive formula product that exists solely to kick-start a new revenue stream.
Scott Weinberg - eFilmCritic.com
This cacophonous, baroque and nearly incoherent tale is about film technology, not mythology.
Duane Dudek - Milwaukee Journal Sentinel
The experience of watching the film is best described as deadening.
Lisa Rose - Newark Star-Ledger
It may be non-stop action, but it's boring action - where was the "Left Hand of God" when they really needed evil to be wiped out (obviously not in the editing room).
Cherryl Dawson and Leigh Ann Palone - TheMovieChicks.com
Van Helsing is more like Sommers' less amusing Mummy sequel -- longer, flabbier, and overloaded with bloated CGI interludes.
Gary Thompson - Philadelphia Daily News
The special effects are mind boggling, but they don't deliver anywhere near the thrills they should because Sommers' plot is too convoluted and the characters are as uninteresting as they are one-dimensional.
Louis B. Hobson - Jam! Movies
This all-star gathering of scream legends ... proves definitively that just because you're undead doesn't mean you're alive.
Carol Cling - Las Vegas Review-Journal
The umpteenth version of big budget, CGI nonsense (when will it stop?).
Boo Allen - Denton Record Chronicle (TX)
A blend of Raiders of the Lost Ark and Abbott and Costello Meet Frankenstein, only without the Abbott and Costello.
D.K. Holm - Movie Poop Shoot
A big, loud, boring wreck.
Mick LaSalle - San Francisco Chronicle
A two-hour bludgeoning that smacks more of grave-robbing than resurrection.
David Frese - Kansas City Star
Por favor, evitem que este filme alcance uma boa bilheteria e viabilize um Van Helsing 2. Esta e uma ameaca muito mais assustadora do que dez Draculas e cem Lobisomens juntos.
Pablo Villaca - Cinema em Cena
If you grew up on goth comics, Saturday cartoons and the endless zap violence of video games, you might hanker for this. But anyone who craves story, not just empowered pastiche, has got to tire quickly.
David Elliott - San Diego Union-Tribune
[A] disaster of gothic proportions...
MaryAnn Johanson - Flick Filosopher
If "Van Helsing," hyped as this year's first big summer blockbuster is any indication of the rest of the summer crop don't wake me until fall...or better yet winter.
Jeffrey Lyles - Gazette (MD)
A relatively enjoyable jaunt.
Wade Major - Boxoffice Magazine
If an eardrum-damaging score and people getting routinely slammed into stone walls at a 100 miles an hour without so much as chipping a tooth is your idea of a good time, then Van Helsing won't disappoint.
Karen Karbo - Oregonian
This movie is just too silly for words.
Moira MacDonald - Seattle Times
Van Helsing is a spine-tingling, eye-popping extravaganza for kids. Too bad the movie is also brain dead, like Frankenstein's mutant creation before the lightning strikes.
Bruce Kirkland - Jam! Movies
disjointed action thrillride that resembles what you'd get if you inserted crack cocaine into your PlayStation 2
Phil Villarreal - Arizona Daily Star
A vampire movie that's dressed to kill, but unable to draw blood.
Robert Denerstein - Denver Rocky Mountain News
Far too much of the film feels like drudgery.
Josh Bell - Las Vegas Weekly
'The poor old werewolves are forever twanging in and out of wolfen shape at the whim of a capricious moon-cloud.'
Paul Arendt - Teletext
Van Helsing is an entertaining fiend-fest with excellent actors and some new twists on old stories.
Staci Layne Wilson - Horror.com
Jon Popick - Planet Sick-Boy
It's fast-paced, flashy and fiendish but - bottom line - Hugh Jackman deserves better, even if this becomes another franchise.
Susan Granger - Modamag.com
Van Helsing desecrates the memory of our greatest movie monsters
Christian Toto - Washington Times
It's like celebrating James Joyce with a monster-truck rally.
Rob Vaux - Flipside Movie Emporium
Who goes to a movie like this expecting story, or good acting? Van Helsing is an over the top thrill ride. It's good, or in this case, "bad" campy fun.
Michelle Alexandria - Eclipse Magazine
The rare kind of movie where the badness just adds to the fun.
Rene Rodriguez - Miami Herald
It may take cattle prods ... to keep most people from walking out of this explosively awful monster mash.
Austin O'Connor - Lowell Sun
A hokey monster mish-mash that plunders the richly textured histories of Dracula, the Wolfman and Frankenstein's monster.
Maitland McDonagh - TV Guide's Movie Guide
Possibly the biggest, loudest, dumbest summer-movie opener in quite some time.
Jeff Vice - Deseret News, Salt Lake City
The $150 million film is so visually overbearing that it makes one long for the days of matte paintings and rubber masks.
Jon Niccum - Lawrence Journal-World
Bring your earplugs because this ungodly mess is as painfully loud as it is mind-numbingly stupid.
Steve Rhodes - Internet Reviews
For the love of all that's unholy, drive a wooden stake, shoot a silver bullet, do whatever it takes to put Van Helsing out of its misery.
Kit Bowen - Hollywood.com
Feels more like a glorified trailer -- all rampaging high points edited into a frenzy -- than like an actual movie.
Joe Baltake - Sacramento Bee
There's something about seeing hundreds of millions of dollars being wasted on screen that is pleasantly overwhelming.
Kevin N. Laforest - Montreal Film Journal
Scott A. Mantz - Scott Mantz' Movie Reviews
Drive a stake through the heart of this stinker, quick, and then feed the remains to a pack of werewolves.
Jeffrey Bruner - Des Moines Register
Whoever owns the film rights to The Invisible Man, lock your doors. Stephen Sommers is coming for you next.
Rob Thomas - Capital Times (Madison, WI)
Loud, clunky attempt at updating the classic Universal Pictures baddies of the '30s and '40s.
John Monaghan - Detroit Free Press
Aimed at people with the attention span of a kindergartner.
Lawrence Toppman - Charlotte Observer
An anachronistic and anarchic orgy of special effects
James Christopher - Times [UK]
After months of filming, weeks of heavy promotion and 131 minutes of actual movie, `Van Helsing' remains a good idea.
Josh Larsen - Sun Publications (Chicago, IL)
If action and special effects make your day -- along with a ruggedly mysterious leading man -- Van Helsing may get you to bay at the moon, alongside the Wolf Man.
Jack Garner - Rochester Democrat and Chronicle
You'll find yourself laughing at the horribly cheesy dialogue. But whatever, this popcorn flick is still tasty enough.
- E! Online
If you're gonna complain about the film's 'realism'...stay home and rent The Remains of the Day and leave the rest of us to have a blast with Van Helsing!
JoBlo - JoBlo's Movie Emporium
Little more than a series of not-always-good special effects strung together.
Chris Hewitt (St. Paul) - St. Paul Pioneer Press
It's all cliffhangers, with no downtime in between.
Scott Foundas - L.A. Weekly
To paraphrase the Austrian Emperor in 'Amadeus,' 'Too many characters."
Harvey S. Karten - Compuserve
Vampires aren't the only things that suck in this movie...
Glen Oliver - IGN Movies
The other wrench tossed into the monster definitions mix is Frankenstein, into whose hideout Van Helsing and Anna accidentally and literally tumble.
Cynthia Fuchs - PopMatters
Like those earlier films, it too is lazy. But it's also pretentious, pathetic, hysterical, illogical and just plain stupid.
Jeffrey M. Anderson - Combustible Celluloid
More closely resembles the disappointing, overwrought monster rallies of the 1940's than the subtle, chilling classics of the early '30s.
Chris Pepus - culturevulture.net
Plotless, pointless, horror-fest.
Jeanne Aufmuth - Aufmuth.com
Audiences will delight in "Van Helsing's" hell raising fun
Jackie K. Cooper - jackiekcooper.com
The film is weighted down by its sheer willingness to bludgeon viewers with never-ending sensation instead of trying to give them an interesting story or characters...
Peter Sobczynski - Critic Doctor
A mess, but not a fun mess.
John Anderson - Newsday
The whole enterprise is boringly repetitious of itself and other movies.
William Arnold - Seattle Post-Intelligencer
Has little that lasts in the mind for more than five seconds.
Kenneth Turan - NPR's Morning Edition
Van Helsing suffers from one major problem, and several smaller ones, but is still worth seeing.
Willie Waffle - WaffleMovies.com
This isn't a horror movie, it's a sensory assault, full of flaming fireballs and shrieking banshees that make your eyes and ears feel as jeopardized as a vampire at sunrise.
David Sterritt - Christian Science Monitor
Sacrifices storyline and credible character development for its single mission: keep it moving and shuck everything else.
Frederic and Mary Ann Brussat - Spirituality and Practice
I'm required by law to like any movie with a character named 'Marishka' and where other characters yell that name in impassioned tones during action scenes.
Eugene Novikov - Film Blather
Stuffed with enough over-the-top computer effects to choke George Lucas.
Bob Longino - Atlanta Journal-Constitution
Stephen Sommers' follow-up to his popular Mummy remakes is all climax and no foreplay, all computer effects but zero sense of dread.
Glenn Lovell - San Jose Mercury News
An excellent example of filmmakers throwing bundles of money at a proverbial wall and seeing what sticks.
Phoebe Flowers - South Florida Sun-Sentinel
The first real popcorn pleasure of the year, a deliciously entertaining thrill ride that pleasurably tweaks new thrills from old stories.
Nell Minow - Movie Mom at Yahoo! Movies
This is a massively silly film, silliness on a grand scale, so silly and over-the-top yet simultaneously so emotionally flat and even dull.
Eric D. Snider - EricDSnider.com
Jackman and Beckinsale ... play their characters as if they're not in on the joke, and therein lies Van Helsing's biggest problem. Much of the movie is a joke.
Jeffrey Chen - Window to the Movies
Monstrously bad...Sommers not only plunders the classic films for material but trashes what he's cribbed from them.
Frank Swietek - One Guy's Opinion
Jam-packed with cool evil mythology and superb special effects, film could've benefited from several cuts -- first at the script stage and then during the editing process.
Angela Baldassarre - Sympatico.ca
A gargantuan mess of a film, which substitutes special effects for story and has not a single redeeming moment in its two hour plus running time.
Edward Havens - FilmJerk.com
The gates of the official summer blockbuster season are being whacked open! Read on->
Emily Blunt - Blunt Review
a monster mishmash... Pretty in a video game-ish sort of way and mind-numbing in a sledgehammer sort of way, it's this year's equivalent of 'Hulk'...
James Sanford - Kalamazoo Gazette
Big, dumb action flick makes the undead, unearthly and unholy look unimpressive, unintelligent and unexciting.
James Rocchi - Netflix
Director Sommers sucks commercial adrenalin out of so many monster creatures from decades past, you'd think he's trying to make his film creation live forever.
Jules Brenner - Cinema Signals
wanders precipitously between sardonic weltschmerz and a hammy, scene-chewing melodrama that effectively drives a stake into the heart of the audience's patience
Andrea Chase - Killer Movie Reviews
Rome burns when stuff like this makes it into the collective unconscious.
Walter Chaw - Film Freak Central
The epitome of everything that's wrong with $150 million B-movies.
Rob Blackwelder - SPLICEDWire
stop asking questions or you'll miss yet another CGI Van Helsing figure being thrown through yet another CGI wall.
Sean O'Connell - Filmcritic.com
This beast is as subtle as a Red Bull enema, but it succeeds magnificently as compulsively watchable spectacle.
Gregory Weinkauf - New Times
Dark, sensual, and visually thrilling. A stunning update.
Victoria Alexander - FilmsInReview.com
Next time I attend a Stephen Sommers' film, I'll bring along a game pad. At least then I can pretend to be controlling the non-stop, noisy and characterless action.
Alex Sandell - Juicy Cerebellum
Pure eye candy, and nothing else.
Scott Nash - Three Movie Buffs
Kate Beckinsale is the Donatella Versace of Horror. "Nothing is faster than Transylvanian horses," says Kate, "except for Transylvanian Hooter girls."
Mark Ramsey - MovieJuice!
It looks absolutely amazing, but by the film's middle, we realize it's pretty hollow.
Clint Morris - Film Threat
The Ugly, The Bad, and The Good... totally in that order.
David Foucher - EDGE Boston
Perhaps the loudest summer film of all time, Van Helsing's apt to provide more migraines than nightmares.
Nick Schager - Slant Magazine