Another day, another DVD. I finally got around to watching the Top Gun Special Edition that’s been sitting on my floor for about three months. God, I forgot what a gay piece of homoeroticism that thing is. "Yeah, I’ll be your wingman." Don’t tease me. It defiantly belongs in everyone’s collection. The editing's horrible, but the mid-point story arc that sees Goose into the Great Unknown is one of the best turning points, as far as character development is concern, ever seen in an adrenalin-fueled action pic. I wonder if there’s any truth to the rumor that the film is a biographical depiction of Simpson and Bruckheimer’s own relationship wrapped in metaphor. Don did die. He smacked his head on the cockpit of a coke bag. And Jerry has had to fly solo without him ever since. There are a lot of parallels there, sure to be studied at a later date.

Top Gun was a "must see tonight, or die!" Because its being discussed on this week’s Soju After Movie. What I really wanted to sit down and watch was The Story of the Weeping Camel. Did anyone else pick this sucker up? I’m highly intrigued by the concept. A mother disowns her calf after a difficult birth, and a Special Ops team is brought in to rectify the situation. The Weeping Camel is available now from New Line pictures. Go buy or rent it. Be cool for a change.

Now, onto today’s business. Opening up this list of current announcements, I was excited to see…Absolutely nothing of interest to me. At all. Except for some old tank movie starring Luke Skywalker. It’s been restored, you know? And geeks just can’t seem to quit talking about it. I’ll get to The Big Red One in a minute. But first, lets look at some other sh*t...

April 26th

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ER: Season 3

George Clooney is still hanging around the emergency ward, so you might want to check this out. Personally, once I’ve seen an episode of ER, I never really want to see it again. Don’t get me wrong, back in the day I used to love the show. Not so much anymore. Noah Wyle, Sherry Stringfield, and Anthony Edwards also star. For about fifty bucks, you’ll get every single year three episode strewn across six thick discs. Each episode is presented in anamorphic widescreen, along with English Stereo tracks. Extras include audio commentaries, featurettes, outtakes and Easter eggs. Goddamn it, how I hate those Easter eggs. And there probably five second clips of Clooney picking his toes. A waist. Of time.

May 3rd

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Battle of the Bulge

Sorry, Fatties. This is not Richard Simon’s new workout tape. Uh-uh. It’s some trounced-up war epic from 1965 starring Henry Fonda and everyone’s favorite shark hunter Robert Shaw. If you like crusty, then crusty is what you get! The movie is in 2.75:1 anamorphic widescreen, with an English Dolby Digital 5.1 track. English, French and Spanish subtitles are included (bonus). No special war-torn features are being promised, but we’ll see. Also available May 3rd, tying directly into this release, are John Wayne’s Blood Alley (about a woman’s menstrual cycle; I suppose?) and Fantasy Island’s Ricardo Montalban in Battleground. Rumor has it that a posthumase audio commentary by Herve Velachez will be included (just kidding).

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Also on May 3rd comes the highly anticipated Director’s Cut of The Big Red One. Sam Fuller’s once forgotten classic is said to be flawless in this newly restored, re-edited edition. I remember seeing it when I was a kid. I only cared that Luke Skywalker was in it. At the time, I couldn’t differentiate between characters and the actors that played them. On the same note, I couldn’t understand what Han Solo was doing with a Jewish Rabbi in The Frisco Kid. It was mind-boggling. Once this 2-disc set arrives at my doorstep, I’m sure I’ll acquire a new appreciation for it. Lee Marvin heads an all-star cast in this War epic. The film will be presented a 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer, with an English Dolby Digital 5.1 track. This restoration set also includes an audio commentary, documentaries, additional scenes, a photo gallery and a TV spot. Big fun!

May 10th

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Controversial Classics!

Yeah, this is what I’m taking about. Warner Brothers is releasing a 7-disc set full of reprobate. These shows were made of an inherent taboo, and have continued to gain a bad rep throughout the years. These films are truly notorious, and need a place in my collection. Included are fully restored versions of: I Am a Fugitive From a Chain Gang (1932), Fury (1936), Bad Day at Black Rock (1955), Blackboard Jungle (1955), A Face in the Crowd (1957), Advise and Consent (1962) and The Americanization of Emily (1964). They are presented in their original aspect ratio, with an English Mono track. The discs are also endowed with an audio commentary and a Featurette about their impact and legacy. It’s priced at a pretty reasonable eighty bucks. Each disc will also be available separately for twenty bucks a pop.

May 17th

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Cheers: Season 5

It’s about beer. What’s not to love? This set is widely being touted as Diane’s last season. As far as the writing goes, it was probably one of the best years for the show. Enthusiasts already have it ordered. Me? I don’t have enough money to buy the last four sets, and I’m a completionist. But if I had to start somewhere, this would be a good place. In pulling your belly up to this bar, you get 4 shiny discs totaling in 635 minutes of sheer hilarity. No extras have been announced at this point. But we do know that the show will be presented in its original Televised aspect ratio.

June 14th

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Tarzan II

This is why I hate Disney. Why do they have to whore their wears like this? The first Tarzan wasn’t even a very good cartoon. It was bo-bo-boring! A half-naked man swinging through the woods on a vine? Geesh. When is Disney’s Animation Department going to stop flirting with underlying gay themes and start producing something of quality and interest? Probably not in the near future. That’s too bad. There’s not a lot to say about Tarzan II. The disc hasn’t even been officially announced. All they could tell us was that a sequel would definitely be arriving on June 14th. No matter what. Just don’t call it a rush job.

That’s it for today. Hope you’re excited about this year and the DVDs it will see into your home. It should be a good one. And remember, "If I aint givin’ it to ya, you shouldn’t be getting’ it!"

Sincerely, Movieweb...