I didn't want to watch it. Not really. I'm not a big fan of Pamela Anderson, and when was the last time Stan Lee pulled something cool out of his hat (aside from that three second cameo in Spider-Man 2 where he's dodging debris)? Holding the Stripperella Season 1 box set in my hand, I kind of wish that wall had squashed him. At least before this could escape his pen-hand.

"Oh, well. How bad could it be?" I thought to myself, bored out of my mind at four o'clock in the morning and bummed that Hunter S. Thompson had shot himself in the head (seriously, though, I doubt blame the guy, what else was he going to do? Die of old age?). So, I tossed this DVD in my player. Now, I'm fully under the assumption that I could sit and stare at this nudie cartoon for the better part of a day. It's not good. It's weird. And beautifully drawn. It reminds me of the recent Adult Swim hit The Venture Brothers. A show I've fallen in love with. I'll admit it. I like Stripperella. It's captivating in the strangest kind of way. And, despite all the "cutting-edge" hipness, it's clearly drenched in old-school Stan Lee euphemisms.

I don't suggest buying it. But, damn it, if I were you, I'd run out and rent it this very second.

Now, for the biggest news of the week. Yeah, I know nothing else is going to top this bit of excitement. You might remember back a month ago, MovieWeb published a list of the 23 films that need to hit DVD before HD-DVD and the Blu-Ray disc completely take over the home entertainment industry. Well, I'm on the edge of my seat, waiting to yell this in your direction my friend…

Anchor Bay has come through the door swinging its bat and picking up the slack. Check out this release schedule...

March 3rd

Ed O'Neill of MARRIED WITH CHILDREN stars as Dutch Dooley, a working-class good guy who's the new boyfriend of a wealthy big shot's ex-wife. But when the woman's spoiled son (Ethan Randall of CAN'T HARDLY WAIT and SWEET HOME ALABAMA in one of his first film roles) refuses to come home from his Southern prep school for Thanksgiving, Dutch volunteers to pick the bratty boy up for a road trip back to Chicago that quickly goes hilariously wrong. From fireworks fiascos to hitchhiking with hookers, can a man who's really just a grown-up kid find a way to bring out the child in a little jerk? Christopher McDonald (HAPPY GILMORE), E.G. Daily (VALLEY GIRL) and JoBeth Williams (THE BIG CHILL) co-star in this comedy hit written and produced by John Hughes (HOME ALONE, NATIONAL LAMPOON'S CHRISTMAS VACATION) and directed by Peter Faiman (CROCODILE DUNDEE) about two strangers about to become best friends…with the scars to prove it! The film will be presented in widescreen. Extras include a theatrical trailer and TV spots.

Also on March 3rd is RHINESTONE. Jake (Dolly Parton) is a down-home Country singer with enormous talents. Nick Martinelli (Sylvester Stallone) is a New York City cabbie with an even bigger attitude. But when Jake bets her sleazy manager everything – and she means everything – that she can turn anybody into an overnight sensation, that somebody turns out to be Nick. Now Jake must haul Nick back to the hills of Tennessee for a two-week crash course in how to walk, talk and sing like a genuine Country star. Can a tough talkin' hillbilly gal with everything to lose and a slick city guy who hits all the wrong notes finally find a way to make beautiful music together? Ron Leibman (NORMA RAE) and Richard Farnsworth (THE STRAIGHT STORY) co-star in this wild comedy from the director of PORKY'S and A CHRISTMAS STORY, co-written by Sylvester Stallone and featuring a hot soundtrack of songs written and performed by Dolly Parton. The film will be presented in widscreen. Extras include a theatrical trailer.

April 19th

License to Drive

The Big One! Yeah, this epic film in the original Corey-Corey trilogy is finally being released. LICENSE TO DRIVE! It is the Empire Strikes Back of the Feldman-Haim legacy. And they're pulling out all the stops with this one. We've got all the theatrical trailers and TV spots. We've got Brand New interviews with the two Coreys. And we have an Audio Commentary with director Greg Beeman. It's been a long time coming, but this is defiantly the best news of the week. Check out the specs...

* Widescreen Presentation enhanced for 16x9 TVs

* Theatrical Trailers

* TV Spots

* Corey Haim Interview

* Audio Commentary with Director Greg Beeman and Writer Neil Tolkin

* Corey Feldman Interview

* Deleted Scene

* Screenplay (DVD-ROM)

Also coming soon from Anchor Bay Entertainment are the films MISCHIEF, one of the missing 23: MOVING VIOLATIONS, Michael J. Fox's awesome CLASS OF 1984, Alex Winter's most important work FREAKED (which should have been on the missing 23 list, but somehow found itself absent), 2003's RETURN TO THE BATCAVE (with Adam West and Burt Ward), TURK 182, and William Shatner and Michael Ironside in VISTING HOURS. This is certainly great news for lovers of second rate cinema.

Personally, I can't wait to buy them all!

Now, onto other, less important, DVD news...

Movie Picture

A lot of people were disappointed in this follow-up to MEET THE PARENTS. I found it amusing. When Ben Stiller holds that baby up to block the on-coming wave of blue toilet water? Hilarious. Separate widescreen and full screen editions will be made available. There will also be an extended version of the film. Extras include an commentary with director Jay Roach and Editor Jon Poll, an Inside the Litter Box: Behind-the-Scenes with Jinx the Cat featurette, a feature entitled The Manary Gland, deleted scenes, outtakes and a Fockers' Family Portrait. Completing the package will be featurettes entitled The Adventures of a Baby Wrangler and Matt Lauer Meets the Fockers, NBC's Hit Comedy Scrubs "Training Day" and cast and crew bios.

Movie Picture

American Chopper: The Series

This popular Discovery Channel show finally makes its digital appearance. The seasons will be spread across three discs apiece, and distributed at intervals from May forward. Each set will be priced at $29.96. No extras or other details have been announced. Also making its debut on this date is MONSTER GARAGE, another well-liked reality program from The Discovery Channel. Stats are the same for both series. Again, we've got no idea what to expect in the way of extras. Never fear, we'll keep you posted. That is, if we don't forget. If we do, I'm sure Jesse James will break our faces. Looking forward to it.

Movie Picture

Dawson's Creek: The Complete 5th Season

If you don't like greasy bikes and heavy tools, then never fear. DAWSON'S CREEK the Complete 5th season will also be making it debut on this date. All the kids are looking older, and Katie Holmes has damn near reached granny status here. Series newcomer Busy Phillips joins the cast. Not sure which arcs this year took, I dropped out around season three. This four-disc will cost about $50. Each episode is presented in 1.33:1 full frame, with English Dolby Surround tracks. No extras announced at this moment. Though, I'm looking foreword to the Pacey retrospective. I sure hope he gets eaten in that upcoming werewolf movie. How dare he put his hands on my sweet Ricci? That sonvabitch!

The Patridge Family: Season One

If Dawson's Creek is a little too sophisticated your taste, Columbia will also be releasing season one of THE PARTRIDGE FAMILY. You'll get to see Danny Bonaduce in all his pre-hormonal glory. And Susan Dey is looking hot! This 3-disc set will cost about $30. Not to shabby for a piece of rock history. We're not sure what extras this one will offer, but there will be more than a few. That's for sure. The box also comes with a Greatest Hits CD. This one will look so nice sitting next to your Brady Bunch season set that you just purchased.

Movie Picture

Chupacabra Terror

If you're sick of bad TV, Columbia will also be releasing a really horrible B movie on the 3rd. Yes, CHUPACABRA TERROR! First, we had Troma's (decent for a complete piece of sh*t) Legend of the Chupacabra. Then, we had rapper Treach in El Chupacabra, an almost unwatchable cheapie that made Movieweb's worst DVD purchase of all time. Now, we have the dwarf from Lord of the Rings in yet another rubber-suited excursion. God, I hope this one's good. I'm dying for a decent flick about the Goatsucker! Some poob on IMDB gave it a good rating. I'll probably give into the purchase. For $25, you get the film presented in 1.78:1 anamorphic widscreen, with an English Dolby Digital 5.1 track. Extras include an audio commentary and a selection of deleted scenes. Let's hope they didn't drop the ball. All I want is the monster running rampant and killing people. No story. Is that too much to ask for? I didn't think so.

Geez, for a Holiday, there sure were a lot of announcements. And I'm excited about more than half of them. Finally, License to Drive is making its way back home. April 19th can't get here soon enough. I guess I'll see you tomorrow. If you're lucky. And remember, "If I'm not givin' it too ya, you shouldn't be getting' it!'

Sincerely,

Movieweb.com