Hey, it's your ol' friend Movieweb, here…

Sorry, this would have been done sooner, but I was busy watching Hillary's baby fat arm-woggle in that new Heather Locklear trailer featured on AOL. Ouch, it stings like shampoo in the tinkler…

Anyway, I just got back from the front lines. I was driving past Best Buy late tonight and noticed a line forming outside. "Wow," I thought to myself, "They're having a special Nancy Drew and the Hardy Boys event where you can buy the DVD just after midnight." Turns out they were actually all waiting to get the new Clone Wars disc. Gosh, those Star Wars jerks will stand in line for anything. I figured I might as well hang out for a bit. I was sure they'd sell me a copy of Nancy Drew, too. Sadly, they told me I'd have to wait and come back tomorrow. Bastards.

Sure, Clone Wars is awesome. It's a drug-infused fun-ride for Star Wars geeks everywhere. But Nancy Drew is my big Tuesday purchase. I can't wait to get my hands on this sucker. Forget about Finding Neverland and Clone Wars. This is where the real schatbang is. God, Pamela Sue Martin never looked hotter, and you can quote me on that…

While I download pictures of her in a bikini, why don't you take a look at this release news I've compiled for you in one easy-to-reach list. It won't break your back…

"I'm coming, Pamela Sue!"

May 31st

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Devour

There's nothing like a cheapie thriller full of hot, fresh faces to get your blood boiling. Columbia Pictures will be releasing the direct-to-video feature DEVOUR right on the cusp of summer. It stars the ever-impressive Dominique Swain, so you know its gotta be good in a "that kind of sucked" sort of way. I'm not sure what it's about, but those red faces on the cover tell me it's going to be ominous. It'll be priced at about twenty-six dollars, a little steep for cheap kicks. There's no word on special features, but I doubt it will be anything extraordinary. Probably a handful of trailers for whatever Columbia's going to be pimping next.

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Submerged

Steven Seagal direct-to-DVD features are starting to drip from the faucet drain like cockroaches in the spring. Here's another one, following closely on the heels of Into the Sun. It's called SUBMERGED. I'm pretty sure it's about a submarine, but don't quote me on that. It, too, is being released by Columbia under the 26 dollar priced-to-own banner. What a lovely addition it will make to my collection.

Columbia also has Boogeyman coming out on this date. It actually opened in a handful of theaters, but that's because it had Sam Raimi's hand pushing it into the spotlight. I hear it's pretty crappy. Since its screen worthy, the price is going to be bumped up a few bucks. It's damn near thirty dollars. Ouch. I don't even think the Boogeyman is actually in it, which kind of sucks.

June 7th

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Wanted: Dead or Alive - Steve McQueen

Remember I told you about that big Steve McQueen collection headed your way from Warner Brothers on May 31st? Well, Warner subsidiary New Line will be releasing the classic Steve McQueen TV show WANTED: DEAD OR ALIVE just a few days later. This four-disc set will include all 36 episodes from the first season. It will be priced at about forty dollars. Extras include a six-part documentary about Steve McQueen (titled Life in the Fast Lane), featurettes about the series, photo galleries, biographies, filmographies and more. There will also be three colorized episodes for your viewing pleasure. I hear the new colorization process is wonderful.

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Black Cloud

Ever dreamt of seeing Little Ricky Schroeder and country singer Tim McGraw together? I know I have. It keeps me up at night. Now my prayers have been answered. It's BLACK CLOUD, a film about a Navajo Boxer that makes it big and joins the Olympics. Surprisingly, not only does it star Rick Schroeder, he directed as well. Priced at twenty bucks by New Line, the disc will be presented in 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen, with English Dolby Digital 5.1 and DTS 5.1 Surround tracks. Extra material includes an audio commentary with writer/director/star Rick Schroeder, Tim McGraw and the boxing choreographer Jimmy Gambia, a Whiskey Lullaby music video from Brad Paisley featuring Alison Krauss, and the film's theatrical trailer. I love boxing movies, so you know I'll be checking it out.

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Father of the Pride

Dreamworks will be unloading its expensive bomb of a TV show on the 7th entitled FATHER OF THE PRIDE. Maybe people just didn't want to see an animated Siegfried and Roy being hassled by a bunch of talking lions so soon after the attack. An audience is a fickle thing. The entire series is captured on this disc, which includes 14 episodes. 3 of them have never been seen before. You're telling me 11 of these actually aired? God, the Apocalypse is upon us. The disc will be presented in 1.78:1 anamorphic widescreen, with English Dolby Digital 5.1 and 2.0 Stereo Surround tracks. Extras include the original unaired pilot, the complete scripts for additional episodes and some audio commentaries. I can't wait. For the pain.

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Frasier: Season 5

Lastly, on June 7th, the show that will never die, but should have a long time ago…its FRASIER SEASON 5. Is this the one were Niles and Daphne hook up? Shibby if I know. Yo! This four disc set has a run time of 540 minutes. The amount of sex I've had in this lifetime doesn't add up to 540 minutes. That's sad. BUt I'm an INternet site, so its expected. Anyway, the set will run you about a month's pay. I'm sure it'll be worth it.

Anyway, that's it for today. See you again…Sometime in the near future, I'm sure. When? You never can tell. Just remember, "If I ain't givin' it to ya, you shouldn't be getting' it!"

Sincerely,

Movieweb.