I can't keep my eyes open. I've been asleep for nearly twenty-four hours; yet, I can't seem to stay awake. I think the Fat Boy's film The Disorderlies gave me Mono. I haven't been kissing on any mud puddles lately, so that has to be it. Really? Who green lit this film back in the day? It's like staring at dirt. I remember that I instinctively didn't like it as a kid. My parents bought me a Fat Boys CD for Christmas, and I took it back the next day sighting irreconcilable differences. For some reason, I thought, as a child, that it was my duty to like these guys. That they were kid-friendly and worthy of my time. But neither their movie, nor their recordings, could persuade me to believe in their chunky attempts at entertainment. I didn't want them in my face…

Still, my friend Xjan swears by The Disorderlies. I liked them in Krush Groove. Their musical interlude and cruise through Sbarro's buffet line is a pretty amusing toe-tapper. Based on that single scene alone, director Michael Shultz decided to cast this trio in what has become a mini-cult classic. Meaning, its following isn't too wide, but it does have one. After listening to Xjan rave about the film, and taking into consideration that Michael Shultz not only directed Krush Groove, but also Car Wash and, a personal favorite, The Last Dragon, I decided to toss out that thirteen bucks and buy into the supposed comedic genius that is The Disorderlies a second time...

Geez. I still don't get it. This movie is straight buggin'. And the cartoony sound effects that accompany each and every shot of action in the film had me drifting into a somber catnap. I've literally had to start the film over seven times now in an attempt to watch the whole thing in one sitting. I haven't made my way through it in its entirety yet. Hopefully, tonight, that will be a doable choir…

All right, enough about me and the Fat Boys. On to this rainy day's DVD announcements…

April 5th

Suburban Madness

Attempting to cash in on the Desperate Housewives craze is this sleepy little direct-to-DVD number entitled SUBURBAN MADNESS. The film stars Sela Ward, Elizabeth Pena, and Brett Cullen in a grippingly bizarre true story. The piece takes on the look and feel of a docu-drama, retelling the story of one woman who ran over her philanthropist husband three times with the family Mercedes. Ouch! Retail will run you $24.96 for 89 minutes of spousal abuse fun. Sounds like a bargain. SUBURBAN MADNESS will be presented in Anamorphic Widescreen 1.78, with an English Dolby Digital 5.1 soundtrack. There isn't much in the way of special features. Just a handful of "bonus" trailers. This doesn't sound like something that will be flying off the shelves, but maybe a mini-doc on the real people involved would have been nice.

May 10th

Movie Picture

I like the idea of the story. Man hunts shark that killed his best friend. What I don't care for is the execution. Does Wes Anderson seem a bit overly smug to anyone else? A good precursor to watching this Bill Murray vehicle would be to check out Rushmore again. A lot of little clues are given away through out its running duration. The Life Aquatic and some of its characters are mentioned more than once in Rushmore. As with Anderson's last couple of DVD releases, this will be part of The Criterion Collection, available in both a single and a double-disc edition. Extras include a director's audio commentary, cast and crew interviews, and deleted scenes. This one pretty much has a built-in audience, so it won't have any problem finding a home on certain shelves. I'll probably even buy it. Not that you care.

May 17th

White Noise

Here's another spook show treat based on an episode of Art Bell's Coast-to-Coast radio show. People like creepy ghosts. People don't like boring ghosts. Sadly, this one falls into the later category, and had a problem scaring up cash at the box office. Not even the reemergence of the long absent Michael Keaton could get asses in seats. Hopefully it will fare better in the home entertainment inviroment. Retail price is set at $29.98. The horrors will be presented in 2.35:1 anamorphic widescreen, with English and Spanish Dolby Digital 5.1 Surround tracks. Some English and Spanish subtitles will also be provided. Other than that, no special features have been announced. Though, I think that either Art Bell or George Noory should be allowed to do an audio commentary track. They didn't do it for Suspect Zero, so I doubt they'll do it here. Too bad, really. Might make this sucker worth picking up.

June 7th

Movie Picture

In other "horror" related news, we have the impending release of SEED OF CHUCKY. Though, you'd be hard-pressed to call this horror. It's more in-line with the "splat-stick" genre than anything else. Nearly 98% of the film is played for laughs. At this point, it would have to be. Its almost as if Jennifer Tilly is in a completely different movie than her puppet counterparts. That's okay, the sum of the whole works, especially if you're a fan of the doll. Billy Boyd's fey turn as The Seed is particularly creepy. Reminded me of Anthony Hopkins' ventriloquist dummy from Magic. The film will be available in both rated and Unrated versions, priced at $29.98 each. The movie is presented in English Dolby Digital 5.1 and DTS 5.1 Surround tracks, with English, French and Spanish subtitles. Extras include an audio commentary with director Don Mancini and Jennifer Tilly, a Family Hell-iday Slide Show in which the Chucky family hosts the first viewing of their exploits through Paris, New York and Hollywood, a new Conceiving The Seed of Chucky feature that takes a look at two decades of Chucky films, Jennifer Tilley's video diary from The Tonight Show and FuZion Up Close with the Seed of Chucky stars which contains revealing interviews with Chucky and Tiffany. If you've already got the last four films, you defiantly can't leave this one out of the set. It looks like Rouge Pictures is putting together a fairly classy package, especially considering this one's pedigree.

Well, that's it for today. Wish me a safe journey in this storm. And don't forget to check out Soju After Movie's exclusive SAW commentary track. Until tomorrow, "If I aint givin' it to ya, you shouldn't be getting' it!"

Sincerely, Movieweb...