Family Guy - Season 2 Episodes
Family Guy - Season 2
Peter Griffin is the father of this not-quite-so-average family unit of middle-class New Englanders. Lois is Peter's loving wife who struggles to maintain a modicum of normalcy in their home life.
“Peter, Peter, Caviar Eater”
Lois’ wealthy aunt Marguerite Pewterschmidt comes to visit, but drops dead on their doorstep (much to Peter’s relief—“Be careful what you wish for, eh, Lois?”). A videotaped message from Aunt Marguerite informs Lois that she has inherited Cherrywood Manor in Newport, Rhode Island.There, the Griffins receive a warm musical welcome from the house’s staff, and they perform asong like in the musical Annie. They immediately leave afterward (“The old bag only paid us up through the song.”). Peter hires them back after admitting that he secretly sold their former house in Quahog.
Naturally, Peter has trouble fitting in with the blueblood cluster, while Stewie adapts immediately to ordering servants around, even commanding two to fight to the death for his amusement. Peter begs Brian to teach him how to be a gentleman. After several attempts through regular methods, Brian resorts to shock therapy. When Peter arrives at a ritzy auction that night, Lois is shocked to see him behaving himself and conversing easily with the upper crust crowd. Unfortunately, he also appears to believe himself fabulously wealthy, as he nonchalantly bids $100,000,000 for a vase.
Lois demands that the family return to Quahog as soon as possible; she says that she left Newport because it changed people in much the same way that her family is changing. Brian is only able to snap Peter out of his delusion by comparing him to Lando Calrissian and smashing his Star Wars collector’s glasses. Although Peter returns to reality, he is still $100,000,000 short on covering his auction bid when a representative from the Historical Society comes to collect. After several futile attempts to “prove” that Cherrywood Manor has enough historical value to cover the bid, Peter finds a set of hidden photographs. The pictures show several prominent American figures (including Abraham Lincoln, Robert E. Lee, and Ulysses S. Grant) at Cherrywood Manor, which was a brothel/whorehouse at the time. Not only does the discovery make Cherrywood enormously valuable, but Peter sells one of the pictures to the tabloids to repurchase their old house.
In the end Peter no longer cares what Lois’s family thinks of him, since her ancestors were nothing more than a bunch of pimps and whores.
Peter's very religious father comes to live with the family after he is forced to retire from his lifelong job at the Mill.
A costumed man warns Peter about the dangers of Y2K. Peter locks his family up in a bomb shelter on December 31, 1999. A nuclear holocaust occurs at the stroke of midnight, destroying much of Quahog and mutating or injuring many of the surviving citizens. The Griffins are free from mutations.
When food runs out, the family travels to Natick, Massachusetts, in hopes that the “Twinkee” (spelled “Twinkees” throughout the episode) factory survived. On the way, Stewie is exposed to nuclear waste and later mutates into an octopus-like creature. Upon their arrival at Natick, they establish a town, dubbed New Quahog, which Peter mismanages into chaos. Stewie begins to lay eggs.
Peter is eventually kicked out of the town he founded, and his family follows him, deciding where they should go next: a Carvel factory in Framingham, Massachusetts. Meanwhile, Stewie’s spawn hatch, and begin to kill the citizens.
The episode ends in a live-action parody of a famous episode of Dallas, where Pam Ewing wakes to find her husband Bobby in the shower. She tells him about the episode, which was apparently a dream, thus ret-conning the entire episode. This parody of the famous Dallas shower scene, where an entire previous season of Dallas was ret-conned as a dream.
“Brian in Love”
Lois is upset that Stewie has wet the carpet in the living room. Stewie emphatically denies this, but Lois and Peter are convinced that it’s a sign that Stewie is ready to potty train. However, it’s actually Brian who’s wetting the house, and he tries to clean up another accident that night.
After a failed attempt by Peter at getting Stewie to use the toilet, the family goes to the supermarket to buy groceries. In the checkout line, Brian has another accident, revealing that Stewie (much to his own delight) is innocent. This leads to Brian going to see Dr. Kaplan, a psychiatrist. The doctor decides Brian is having a mid-life crisis, so Brian goes traveling and exploring.
Brian feels better, but shortly after returning, Stewie frames Brian by peeing all over the living room. Brian is blamed and returns to Dr. Kaplan to find out why this is still happening. After revealing that his last accident happened after watching Lois and Peter have a water fight while washing the car, Dr. Kaplan tells Brian that he is in love with Lois.
Brian and Lois discuss the situation and decide to just remain friends. Peter, who is unaware that Brian’s love is Lois, conjectures that Brian’s beloved would “probably end up with some idiot.”
“Love Thy Trophy”
When Spooner Street ends up winning the float contest in the Harvest Day parade, a street-wide war breaks out over custody of the trophy. Meanwhile, to raise big money for a new Prada handbag, Meg gets a job at a pancake house, where she pretends that Stewie is her illegitimate crack addicted baby. Child services investigates and soon finds the Griffin home unsuitable for a baby, and take Stewie to a foster home. The residents of Spooner Street declare peace, and decide to rescue Stewie.
“Death Is a Bitch”
Lois finds a lump on Peter's chest and worries that the lump could mean cancer, prompting Peter to see a doctor. Before his medical test results come in, Peter treats the time he has as if he were dying, setting up a yard sale for life insurance and even trying to buy himself a casket. When the results do come, the lump is revealed to be a benign fatty corpuscle. Peter decides to take a new outlook on life, but does not want to pay the hospital bill, so he declares himself deceased on the insurance form.
While the family celebrates the good news, Death shows up at his house to collect Peter. Despite Lois' protests, Death manages to get Peter to come with him. After a tearful farewell (with the exception of Stewie), Peter leaves with Death, but not before trying to make one last getaway. Death pursues him, but badly sprains his ankle in the chase.
Lois suggests that Death should stay at their house while his ankle heals so that she can persuade him to spare Peter. Death warns Peter to say nothing about the fact that no one can die while he is injured, but Peter instead blabs about it to his friends at The Drunken Clam. He bets his friends that he can jump from One Financial Plaza building, and live (Peter made $2,000); drink over 300 beers without dying, and make fun of the toughest people at the bar without dying. The men get annoyed by Peter and shoot him several times, but Peter doesn't die. Soon, one of their bullets hit Cleveland and one of them shoot themselves. All the bar patrons start shooting each other, and laugh upon discovering that they're still alive.
Stewie tries to kill Lois and he would have succeeded if the rules of Death applied; he realizes he needs to get Death healthy. As soon as Lois manages to convince Death to keep Peter alive, the fact that no one can die becomes top news.
Death is outraged but, instead of punishing Peter by killing him (having decided to make good on his promise to Lois), allows Peter to redeem himself by having him take over his job in order to prove to people they can still die. Peter is charged with killing the kids from Dawson's Creek who are on a crowded passenger plane. He fails to do so because he says "If I do, then I have nothing to watch on Wednesdays". Instead, Peter unwittingly kills two airplane pilots, proving people are not immortal, and forcing actress Karen Black to land the plane. The Griffins and Death part on good terms, though the family is greatly troubled as before Death leaves, he says "I'll be back. Really, really soon". The family is left to ponder if he was serious or not.
“The King Is Dead”
Lois is named director of the Quahog Players theater group production, and she decides to produce The King and I. Joe, despite being paraplegic, is named choreographer. Lois names Peter producer in the hopes of keeping him out of the way, but Peter gradually takes over, radically changing the play. He gets the play mentioned on the news by casting newscaster Diane Simmons as Anna, trying his best to make the play perfect for Lois and him.
Peter also adds material inspired by The Jerry Springer Show and Flashdance. Later Lois finds everyone discussing on a "brilliant" idea Peter has had, the conjoined twins aren't twins, but aliens. Everyone agrees to the idea, but Lois hates it. It then turns out that Peter's idea's for the play are actually helping its popularity, in fact, the play becomes sold out. Instead of cheering like everyone else, Lois quits out of extreme anger over Peter and leaves Peter as the director. Peter's constant changes frustrate Diane into quitting, so he plays Anna himself. Lois plans on making Peter miserable by making changes to everything that comes to her mind, starting with breakfast, adding fish and undone eggs.
Peter’s version of The King and I depicts a post-apocalyptic future set in the ruined world of 2015 AD after the ninth nuclear world war. The world "is a grim future filled with lots of explosions and partial nudity", ruled by an oppressive king, played by Brian. ANNA is an "Automoton Nuclear Neo-human Android", a robot ninja from the planet England sent to rid the world of the king's tyranny. ANNA, not confused by the bikini-clad Siamese "children's" (actually women) all-female sex orgy, kung fu fights with the king and defeats him, changing Siam into the United States of America.
Lois attended the premiere just to see Peter get humiliated for ruining the story but, to her astonishment, anger, disappointment and disbelief, the show is a hit. Then, she insults the audience for applauding the show, claiming that the show is an example of pure trash. She seemingly embarrasses Peter, but Peter then lets out an unusually long fart on stage that everyone hears, and they clap again, completely ignoring Lois, and making Peter one of the most popular people in Quahog. Later, Peter comes back from a celebration party, but thanks Lois for giving him the chance to express himself and making the show possible (as if she had quit to make him popular, though it is clear that she did this to get him infamous). Lois, feeling a bit guilty for the way she acted, admits she was not supportive of Peter's work, and also admits that the show must have been good in the way that people found it entertaining. Peter is touched by her words and promises to get her the job as director again next year, then immediately asks, "Hey, were you there when I farted?"
“I Am Peter, Hear Me Roar”
Forced to go to a women’s retreat for telling sexist jokes at work, Peter resists the idea at first. After two weeks, however, Peter becomes a sensitive male. No one likes the new Peter, especially Lois. While attending a charity dinner, Lois does something that snaps Peter out of his feminine phase.
“If I'm Dyin', I'm Lyin'”
Chris has been failing school recently, and Lois forbids him from watching TV until his grades improve. Lois suggests to Peter that he help Chris with his study skills. This prompts Peter to lie to her about studying so that he and Chris can watch their favorite show, Gumbel 2 Gumbel, a crime drama starring brothers Bryant and Greg Gumbel. However, he is disappointed to discover that the show has been canceled. To get it back on the air, Peter decides to tell the Grant-a-Dream Foundation (a parody of the Make-a-Wish Foundation) that Chris is suffering from a made-up terminal illness called "tumasyphilisitisosis", the symptoms of which include growing extra nipples (actually pepperoni slices) across one's torso, and that being able to watch the show is his dying wish.
Because of this (and because everyone thinks the name of the disease is sexy) an agreement is brokered between Grant-a-Dream and NBC in which Gumbel 2 Gumbel will be put back on the air if NBC can get the film rights to Chris's death. Peter is overjoyed with Gumbel 2 Gumbel back on the air, and Chris uses his "illness" to his advantage in school. However, Peter panics upon learning that mourners are holding a candlelit vigil on their front lawn. When the network comes to claim their part of the deal, Lois finds out about the scam and tells Peter to tell the truth. However, he finds out that he would face prison time for defrauding a charitable organization if he does. Acting out of desperation, he casually claims to have cured him with newfound healing powers and gets off the hook.
Peter gets a reputation for being a healer, and people start worshiping him as a god, which he himself begins to believe; they even go as far as dressing like him and building a giant golden idol of him. Lois and Brian, however, continue to plead with Peter that he admit he is not God, lest he wants divine wrath bestowed upon him by the real God. It isn't long before God himself sends six plagues upon his house. First a blackout occurs in the Griffin house. Brian then gets covered with fleas. Chris comes down the stairs with pimples all over his face and while Meg was giving Stewie a bath, the bathtub water turned to blood. Peter believes that there is a logical explanation for everything until frogs start flying out of his shirt, upon which he finally decides to tell the truth. Though he admits he is not God and begs for forgiveness from the real God, Chris is crushed by the golden idol during the final plague (death of the firstborn son). Peter continues to beg for forgiveness until God, who knows by now that Peter really gets the point, finally ends the plagues and spares Chris' life.
Lois' campaign for school board president is interrupted by a call from Chris' principal - apparently Chris was caught peeking into the girls' locker room. While Peter and Lois are at the school talking to the principal, and Lois finally holds a campaign for Head of the School Board of Education. Meanwhile, Peter runs into his favorite teacher from the past, Mr. Fargus (voiced by Dwight Schultz); he has been reduced from his former peppy (almost loony) self to a catatonic old man due to pills he has been required to take by the school board. Peter tells Mr. Fargus to stop taking the pills, which quickly causes Mr. Fargus to go off the edge (he and his students begin smashing eggs of the endangered California Condor) and subsequently get fired. Lois meanwhile holds a rally and it is revealed that the school textbooks are from a semi-racist era, as they refer The Civil Rights Movement as "Trouble Ahead." Furious that Lois will not give Mr. Fargus his job back, Peter decides to run for school board president, too, so that he can reinstate him to his old position.
The two run tight campaigns against each other but a rally held by both leaves Peter in humiliation. Peter mounts a campaign against Lois that shows some promise, but at a debate between them, Lois trounces Peter. Desperate to win, Peter airs a political ad, using a sexy picture of Lois (which Lois gave to Peter for their anniversary) to discredit her, thus making Lois humiliated.
She's especially shocked when Peter actually wins the school board election and then doesn't seem to take his new position very seriously. To calm her down, Peter tells Lois he's going to show her all the great changes he has in store, but, of course, all of his proposed "improvements" are ridiculous. During a TV interview it's revealed that the kids at Peter's school are reading pornography and, even worse, that Peter supplied it. This causes a huge scandal for Peter, who is advised to pin the whole thing on Lois. During a press conference, he can't bring himself to do that because every woman he saw turned into Lois. In fact, he finds himself apologizing to her for this horrible behavior. He resigns and he and Lois leave on a helicopter.
“A Picture Is Worth a 1,000 Bucks”
Peter runs into a former classmate of his while at the amusement park that the classmate founded. Contemplating his own legacy, Peter starts to think about his future. Chris gives Peter a painting that he painted in order to cheer Peter up, but Peter ends up selling it to a New York art gallery for $5,000. Realizing that Chris might be his only hope to have a lasting legacy, Peter pushes Chris to follow his dream of becoming an artist. The family then moves to New York so Chris can become famous.
“Fifteen Minutes of Shame”
Peter plays a magical clam, in a historical re-enactment of Quahog's founding. The celebration is led by Mayor Adam West, making his first appearance in the series. Meg compares Peter's job to having Ronald McDonald as a father. Meg is further embarrassed when he shows up ashore naked. When he embarrasses her at her slumber party, she decides to take action. She gets the family invited on The Diane Simmons talk show to discuss their dysfunction. But instead of ending the embarrassment, this gets the family their own reality show, The Real Live Griffins. Meg leaves the family, and the show.
Her replacement is a teenage sex symbol who steals the show. Eventually, the whole family is replaced. The replacement cast is Tom Arnold as Peter, Fran Drescher (who is later shown in the season five episode The Tan Aquatic with Steve Zissou) as Lois, "that fat guy from Boogie Nights" (Philip Seymour Hoffman) as Chris, and Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen as Stewie and Brian. The real Griffins are forced to live in a motel room until the reality show contract runs out.
Meg ends the episode typing a diary entry into her laptop, like the title character from Doogie Howser, M.D., followed by Stewie changing the last sentence from "I couldn't be happier" to "I want to KILL THEM ALL!"
“Road to Rhode Island”
When Brian offers to pick up Stewie from his Grandma and Grandpa's house, they miss their plane back and go on a cross-country journey back home. Meanwhile, Peter and Lois attempt to rekindle their relationship with some marriage videos.
“Let's Go to the Hop”
Lois and Peter become concerned when a toad-licking problem arises in school. After finding a toad in Chris' pocket they suspect him, but then they discover that Meg was holding the toad for one of the popular kids in the hope that doing so would secure her a date to the Winter Snow Ball. Peter recalls his nervousness when he first asked his high school crush, Phoebe Diamond, to the prom. Later, Lois and Peter decide they need to do something to protect their kids from this drug problem. So, Peter talks with Meg's principal about it and arrives at school the next day as "Lando Griffin", an undercover student, no relation to Meg Griffin.
Before long, Peter (as Lando) actually succeeds in convincing the kids at James Woods High that it's not cool to lick toad. Meg, seeing an opportunity, tells the cool kids that Lando has asked her to the Winter Snow Ball, which immediately increases her popularity. Meanwhile, Peter seems to be enjoying his "high school" experience and persona a little too much. In fact, when Meg shows up at school on the day of the big dance, she is stunned to learn that "Lando" is, in fact, going to the Winter Snow Ball with Connie D'Amico, a member of the popular clique.
Lois can't believe Peter's preposterous behavior until Brian explains that Peter has transferred his feelings for his old crush, Phoebe, onto Connie. Against Lois forbidding Peter to go to dance, he sneaks out to go to the dance. Lois encourages Meg to go to the dance by herself. When Peter (as Lando) and Connie are about to be crowned king and queen of the Winter Snow Ball, Peter uses the opportunity to tell the crowd that Meg was really his first choice as a date for the dance. This gets Meg lots of the attention she was seeking. "Lando" then drives recklessly off into the night, never to be heard from again. The next day, the news reports that "Lando" died when he went off Dead Man’s Curve. Although no body was found, the police decided it was best to not ask questions and get on with life. Meg is sort of cool at school and the yearbook is dedicated to Lando.
Concerned that Stewie isn't playing well with other children, Lois puts him in daycare to be around, other children his age. With Stewie out of the house, Lois is bored so Brian suggests she get a job.
Peter seizes the opportunity to steer her to get a job as a flight attendant so he can get free travel. With Quagmire's connection, Lois gets the job. The work is hard and she has to take abuse from the passengers -- meanwhile, Peter takes a day trip to Australia.
Overhearing Peter boast about his free travel, she drags him into a lavatory to discuss him using her. While they're occupied, the plane is hijacked to Cuba. Unable to get documents to return to the US, they ride a refugee raft to Florida.
Meanwhile, at the day care center Stewie falls in love with a toddler named Janet despite his best efforts. Giving in, he decides to woo her. For example, he serenades Janet with Frank Sinatra's "You Make Me Feel So Young." The one-sided relationship is rocky. In the end, he is heartbroken when he discovers she only wanted his cookies.
“There's Something About Paulie”
The Griffins need a new car. Lois decides to buy one out of the classified ads, but Peter refuses, having concluded that buying a car out of the classifieds is what led to an acquaintance of his contracting herpes, ten years later.
Peter and Lois go to the local car dealership, where despite Lois's advice, a salesman (Jim Kaplan the conman) convinces Peter to buy a car he claims James Bond previously owned. The car malfunctions, but Peter is able to trade it in with insurance money when a mafia member offers to help. The favor he needs to repay is simple: to take the Don's nephew, Big Fat Paulie to the movies. Peter and Big Fat Paulie become friends, but Lois says that she does not think that Big Fat Paulie is a good person, and orders Peter to get rid of him. When Peter says that they could hang out if Lois wasn't around, Big Fat Paulie interprets it as a request to put a hit on Lois. When Peter finds out, he tries to gets Big Fat Paulie to call it off, but the gangster is gunned incessantly by a passing car before he can do so. The next day, Lois finds out from the newspaper that Peter brought home a mobster and learns that a hit was placed on her. Peter goes to the mafia "pet store"; Peter talks freely about what is going on despite the mobster telling Peter that the place is bugged. To get rid of him, he give's Peter an invitation to the Don's daughter's wedding. Because every guest gets a free favor, Lois tells Peter that he can ask the Don to call off the hit. However, he screws it up and gets nothing but a tiramisu.
When they are outside, Peter sees the Don's daughter and her fiancé arguing. He tells them that they should listen to each other because he learned that the hard way. Just then, the mobster recognize Lois as the person he's supposed to whack. In order to save Lois' life, Peter asks the Don to kill him instead. The Don, overwhelmed by Peter's kindness to Lois, calls off the hit entirely.
They ask the valet to bring their car around and it explodes, killing him. The mobster catches up with them and tries to warn them about the car, but he notices the car and leaves. Peter and Lois reflect on how nobody important got hurt in this incident, as the valet's vest falls from the sky.
“He's Too Sexy for His Fat”
Due to Brian's embarrassing flea problem, the Griffin's move into a hotel while the house if fumigated. Lois and Peter soon discover that Chris has been skipping gym class because he's self-conscious about his body. Peter tries to talk Chris into getting liposuction, while Lois starts preparing him special low fat meals. Stewie starts taunting Chris by eating everything in sight, and starts packing on the baby fat.
Even though Chris isn't up for surgery, Peter decides to go for it. The new, svelte Peter has Lois all hot and bothered. Peter loves the results of his lipo and decides to have some work done on his face. The new, handsome Peter starts getting all sorts of special treatment: at the gym, at the grocery store, even from total strangers. Lois doesn't like the new Peter's attitude, especially when he joins "The Beautiful People's Club." Karma catches up to Peter while he's on his way to the club. Unable to take his eyes off himself, Peter plunges his car over a cliff. The nasty fall - and subsequent crash-landing into a large vat of lard - leaves him horribly disfigured (ie: back to normal).
“E. Peterbus Unum”
The town zoning laws won't allow Peter to build a pool in his yard. When he tries to get a permit, he discovers that his property is actually not part of Quahog, and therefore not part of the United States. Armed with this new information, Peter makes his land his own country, calling it Petoria. When Peter gets no respect in the United Nation, he decides to invade Joe's pool, which brings the U.S. Army to his border. The Griffins can only survive so long without water, electricity, heat, or access to the United States, and finally, Lois and the kids leave President Peter, along with Brian, to his third-world country. Peter finally repatriates only a week after seceding.
“The Story on Page One”
After an interview at Brown University, Meg realizes she needs more extra-curricular activities to gain entrance to this prestigious school. She joins every club and even tries cheerleading, but fails miserably at them all. Finally, she decides to join the school newspaper.
Her journalism career goes nowhere, until Peter fabricates a story regarding actor Luke Perry. Peter writes a gossipy article, but uses Meg's byline. When the article is published it creates a sensation, because Peter claimed Luke Perry was gay. Meg and Peter soon become embroiled in a headline-grabbing lawsuit when Luke sues them for defamation of character.
In homage to “Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory”, a local brewery has a contest offering tours of the plant to whoever finds a scroll placed in their beer. Lois’ prodigy piano student, Ling, drops from an upcoming competition leaving Lois at a loss, until Peter comes home drunk and sits down at the piano.
After a father-son camping trip, Peter realizes how irresponsible Chris is after raccoons steal their food and their car. Back at home, Peter gets Chris a job at the local golf course to try and teach him to be more responsible. Chris is content to just pick up golf balls, until he discovers that Peter has entered the father-son golf tournament, with Cleveland Jr.!
Discouraged that Peter is focusing all his attention on Cleveland Jr., Chris rebels by hanging out with Quagmire at strip clubs. Ultimately, Cleveland Jr. abandons Peter who recruits Chris at the last minute. However, when they lose, Peter must deal with an angry group of gamblers who put money on Cleveland Jr. Despite all the recent heartache, Chris gives his dad his first paycheck in order to save his butt!