The hilarity continues this season when Brian and Stewie hit a high note and form a rat pack group with Frank Sinatra, Jr. (who makes a guest voice appearance).
Peter decides to take Lois on a second honeymoon. But when things go awry, they end up posing as a famous actor/director to stay in his fancy hotel suite, where they inadvertently discover a copy of The Passion of the Christ 2: Crucify This.
When Chris’s beloved teacher, Ms. Clifton, wins the lottery and quits, Lois suggests Brian fill in as a substitute. He enjoys the job but is moved to a remedial class. When he finds the techniques used in his previous class inadequate, he tries "talking their language" but appears racist. After an angry morning, he unintentionally teaches them to aspire to low-level jobs.
During a trip to the bowling alley, in which Mort Goldman bowls a 300 game with Peter and his friends, Lois goes to the ladies’ restroom. While placing toilet paper on the seat, she repeatedly hears someone muttering “giggity.” She finally looks up to see Quagmire suspending himself from the ceiling and watching her. Lois, Loretta and Bonnie join forces to demand his eviction from the neighborhood, but Peter protests.
Meg is turned down by a popular boy named Craig Hoffman (named after the supervising producer for the first three seasons) for a date and begins to feel sensitive about her appearance, so she looks to her family for support. In an effort to cheer her up, Lois takes Meg to the mall to go clothes-shopping, though that has very little effect. Discovering Channel 5 Asian reporter Tricia Takanawa is giving away free makeovers, Lois tells Meg that a makeover would boost her confidence. After the makeover, Meg becomes extremely attractive and her popularity skyrockets.
Peter invites his friends on board his fishing boat for a party at sea. An intoxicated Brian makes an awkward pass at Meg, who is horrified. While Quagmire is fishing, he catches a fish that lands in Loretta Brown's shirt. She invites him to reach in and grab it, which he does after a moment of hesitation. While Quagmire’s hand is between her breasts, Cleveland approaches and mentions the snacks Peter has supplied, serenely saying hello to Glenn before walking away. After the fish is finally extracted, Loretta propositions Quagmire (to his amazed confusion). During a game of charades, Joe falls overboard and nearly drowns while attempting to portray "Natalie Wood" in her last moments. His life is saved by Peter’s two Portuguese employees, who rescue Joe in a fishing net, pull him aboard, and perform CPR. Because no one in the family knew what to do in an emergency, Lois insists that they take CPR classes. Peter almost instantly has his CPR card revoked for inappropriate behavior (i.e. taking off peoples’ pants to see if they soiled themselves).
At a game night among friends, Lois lets Peter win at Trivial Pursuit, which leads Peter to gloat and think hes a genius. Brian knows the truth and challenges Peter to prove his intelligence by getting an IQ test.
When The Bachelorette comes to Quahog, they recruit Brian to be a contestant. He signs up for the free martinis and food, but ends up falling in love with the reality starlet, Brooke.
When Peter runs up a tab at the local pharmacy, the only way out of paying the bill is to sell Meg to the owners son, Neil, who has been stalking her for months.
When Lois is short on cash and cant pay her grocery store bill, she resorts to stealing. The adrenaline rush from shoplifting sends her on a stealing spree that spirals out of control and leaves her behind bars.
When the Griffins visit Lois parents, Lois realizes that her father prevented her from fulfilling her lifelong dream of becoming a model, so she returns to Quahog and hits the catwalk.
When Brian attends a PTA meeting, he meets Megs high school teacher and starts to date her. This new relationship puts a strain on Peter and Brians friendship, so Peter finds solace in new best friend, James Woods.
When Peter and the guys go on a fishing trip, they end up in choppy waters that leave them stranded on a desert island.
When Chris discovers hell be hazed as part of a high school ritual, he runs away to South America, where he assimilates to the uncivilized, tribal culture.
After a controversial mishap occurs during a live broadcast, the FCC begins to censor all of Peters favorite television shows. Peter retaliates by creating his own TV station PTV which he operates out of the Griffin home.
After writing a story for a local magazine, Brian lands a job with the prestigious New Yorker. However, his college dropout status haunts him so he decides to go back to Brown University to get his degree.
When Stewie intensifies his efforts to kill Lois, she thinks he is acting out and orders Peter to spend more time with him. They begin to do some bonding until a theme park outing ends disastrously.
When Lois drags Peter to the doctor for a physical, his diagnosis is clear: hes too fat. This news drives Peter to form the NAAFP, an advocacy group for the advancement of fat people.
When Peters dad visits the Griffins, he tries to impose his religious beliefs on the family. But after a mishap leaves Stewie stuck living in a bubble, Peter searches for a new religion finding faith in his television hero the Fonz.
After an accident lands Brian in the hospital, he has a near-death experience that leads him to take a new lease on life.
At his high school reunion, Peter pretends to be a big-shot millionaire to impress his classmates, but the truth comes out when he meets Tom Brady and loses all self-control.
When Peter goes on a television game show and wins a maid for a week, Quagmire becomes smitten with her and ends up popping the question. But when Quagmires bachelor tendencies resurface, he takes some serious steps to get out of the marriage.
After a pregnancy scare, Peter reluctantly agrees to get a vasectomy to prevent further repeats. Before the surgery, he agrees to donate sperm, should Lois & he ever decide to have another baby. While in the sperm bank, Peter accidentally destroys all the existing samples, and decides to replace them with his own to prevent himself from getting in to trouble. Nine months later, a lesbian couple, who took away some of Peter's sperm in order to conceive a child. One of the lesbians gives birth to Bertram, Stewie's half-brother who first appeared in the episode "Emission Impossible."
When Meg lands an internship with Mayor West, Brian argues that hes corrupt. Determined to expose his shady ways, Brian and Stewie go undercover and discover that Meg is in deeper than they thought.
After reading an erotic novel, Peter decides to write one of his own and gets Carter to publish it. But when Carter gets sued for Peters book on tape, he loses all his money and is forced to become a middle-class citizen, much to his chagrin.
Here come the grooms.
After Joe builds a new home theater system, Peter tries to top it by building a multiplex in his backyard and discovers an Indian burial ground.
Lois is trying to get Peter to brush his teeth when they hear a noise coming from downstairs. Peter looks downstairs and find three robbers in balaclavas. The whole family wakes up and Meg startles Peter, and in a delayed response, he hits her in the head with the baseball bat he was carrying. The whole family then flee to Peter's panic room. It is a small steel room with boxes and TV monitors that can be used to watch every room in the house (a reference to the movie Panic Room, which Peter states he created after watching and wanting to get away from The Butterfly Effect). Unfortunately, the room has no phone, or an inside door handle, so Peter decides to tell stories about the Griffin family history.
These stories begin with the big bang, which was actually God farting through a lit lighter, proceeding quickly to the dinosaur-laden Jurassic period and the current ice age. Next is the Paleolithic Age, where it is discovered that Peter's ancestor invented the wheel. Next came the Bronze Age when Moses Griffin led the Israelites to freedom. Peter tells the story of black slave Nate Griffin who lived in the tiny village of Quahogsuana. He was later caught by Cleveland, a white guy from South Carolina, and is taken to a ship en route to America. He along with Quagdingo and Joe Mama (black versions of Quagmire and Joe) pranked the captain of the slave ship by cutting the floor off around the Captain's bed and floating it out in the ocean. Nate was a slave to the Pewterschmidt family (as in “Peter Griffin: Husband, Father...Brother?”), who Peter discovered was his ancestor, married Lois’ ancestor Lois Laura Bush Lynn Cheney Pewterschmidt and had a family. When Mr. Pewterschmidt found out, they escaped to the north to start the Department of Motor Vehicles to get back at "the white man". Other stories include that of the greatest silent movie actor of the '20s, Willie "Black Eye" Griffin, who was stabbed to death in a card fight, and Adolf Hitler's annoying brother Peter Hitler who accidentally killed both Hitler along with Hitler's girlfriend, Eva Braun. Unfortunately, after telling the story of Nate Griffin, Peter accidentally activates the fire sprinklers with a flare gun, threatening to drown the family. While the sprinklers flood the panic room, Peter admits he does not care for The Godfather, something shocking that the rest of the family argues with him about, considering all the talented cast in that movie.
Meanwhile, Meg is sent down through a vent to get food. Peter talks to her through a loudspeaker (“I see you in the kitchen, Meg...”) and the robbers find and capture her (although they first mistake her for a boy). She hopes that they will rape her saying that she won’t scream or struggle, but, horrified, they decline her physical advances. As the water is reaching its peak, Joe shows up and opens the door. All the water drains out of the room, saving their lives. Joe also mentions that he caught the burglars, who press charges of sexual harassment against Meg and in the end she is taken down to the police station by Joe. Although he keeps telling the family that Meg needs a lawyer to fight the charges, they ignore him. Peter tells Meg to "have fun at the dance" and assures Lois that "she'll be fine" while adding "I hope she does. That kid really deserves it."
Stewie vows to change his evil ways after he has a near-death experience; and Peter gets to air his gripes on the local news.
Visiting a local electronic store to get a new VCR, Peter and Lois are persuaded into buying a TiVo. Once home, Brian and Stewie are watching a news interview in San Francisco when Stewie sees someone identical to him. Stewie believes that the man he sees is his real father. Soon he starts trying to make money for a flight to California and once Stewie is ready, Quagmire is all prepared to set out on a cross-country trip in his Winnebago (AKA his “Wanna-Bang-Oh!”) and have sex with a different girl in each state. Stewie decides to go along with him. Brian stops him, but then says he will go along too.
"Stu", as Stewie's future self is called, is taking a time-travel vacation, which is how people in the future take time off. Stewie tricks his way back to the future with Stu. In the future, Stu refers to the younger Stewie as a child named "Pablo" from Nicaragua. Amazingly, no one seems to notice the similarities between the two.