FAMILY GUY is back for more adventures of the lovable oaf Peter Griffin and his hilariously odd family of middle-class New Englanders! During the seventh season, Lois gets a job working for FOX News and Peter has to go back to third grade in order to qualify for a work promotion. Meanwhile, Stewie creates a time machine, and he and Brian travel back to Poland during World War II.
Brian has been growing concerned that he may never meet a woman who doesn't drive him crazy until he meets a woman named Carolyn to whom he feels a great connection. The two begin dating and things seem to be looking up for the two, but when Carolyn invites Brian in for the night after a date, Stewie stops them. Stewie explains that Brian always rushes into his relationships too quickly, and that is why he can never maintain them. Brian agrees and begins following Stewie's advice of taking things slow, with Stewie eavesdropping all the way. Three weeks pass and the two decide it's finally time to take things to the next level, but when he goes to Carolyn's apartment, he catches her having sex in her car with Cleveland.
Carolyn explains to the incredulous Brian that she had assumed he just wanted to be friends with her since he refused to have sex for so long. Brian does everything he can to deal with this, but he just keeps running in to Cleveland and Carolyn making love everywhere, even in the middle of a baseball field on live television, thus unintentionally rubbing it in. Stewie comes up with a solution: Brian should go to Cleveland's ex-wife, Loretta, and convince her to get back together with him so Brian can win back Carolyn for himself. Brian finds during his visit with Loretta that she, as it turns out, feels guilty for cheating on him with Quagmire. Brian begins to feel uncertain that he should carry out this plan until Cleveland announces his own plans to elope with Carolyn in Hawaii. Cleveland is then approached by Loretta, who wishes to patch things up with him, and tells him to meet her at her hotel.
Cleveland turns to the Griffins for advice on whether or not he should take Loretta back. Peter and Lois are uncertain as Loretta's affair was unforgivable, but Brian seems to encourage it, so Cleveland decides to meet her at least to tell her how he feels. Becoming rather suspicious of Brian, Peter convinces Quagmire to advance on Loretta in her hotel room for Cleveland to walk in on, but Loretta kicks Quagmire out of the room in time, and Cleveland is none the wiser, even when he catches him naked in the hallway. Loretta wants to start a new life with Cleveland, but he says that while he will always have a place in his heart for her, he has to move on with his own, and advises Loretta to do the same. He goes to Carolyn's apartment when he sees Carolyn making love with someone outside in her car... but the culprit turns out to be Quagmire instead of Brian; it seems that Brian had bailed out of the plan entirely. Since Brian and Cleveland have been cheated on by the same woman, they remain friends. In addition, Brian learns that Cleveland may have gotten a genital wart from having sex with Carolyn.
While attending a 1950s-themed restaurant, Peter hears his favorite song, "Surfin' Bird", on the jukebox. One of the employees removes the record because it's a 1960s song and thus wouldn't exist in the '50s, so Peter offers to trade Meg (directing him to an attractive, unrelated woman) for sex in exchange for it. He begins driving everyone crazy by endlessly playing and singing to it, and even squanders the family's savings to make a public service announcement where he can do so on TV. Before they completely lose their minds, Stewie and Brian steal the record in Peter's sleep. The next morning, Peter blames the family for the record's disappearance — Stewie and Brian had smashed it à la Office Space — before going out in an attempt to buy another copy. The clerk at the record store tells Peter they have sold all 63 copies at once (to "a dog and a baby"; the past three stores said the same thing) before Peter notices that the clerk looks familiar, ultimately realizing he is Jesus Christ.
Jesus explains that he comes to Earth every century or so to unwind, but that he must also try to keep a low profile. Peter encourages Jesus to socialize and invites him over for dinner with his family, who also recognize him as the messiah (Brian only seems convinced when Jesus turns their dinner into sundaes and engorges Lois' breasts to triple their normal size, the latter at Peter's insistence). Jesus has such a great time with the Griffins that he decides to make his second coming. At first no one seems to notice him, but when Peter loses a dollar in the wind and it lands in a public fountain, Jesus retrieves it by walking on the surface of the water in front of everyone, amazing them.
The word that Jesus has returned begins spreading when he starts appearing on The Tonight Show and the MTV Music Video Awards, and he becomes a celebrity. He is caught up in his newfound popularity that he begins to neglect his friendship with Peter, sending all his cell phone calls to voice mail, prompting Peter to use Lois' cellphone (whom Jesus has no problem answering) to complain. Soon Jesus gets arrested after a drinking binge and ending up unconscious at Mary-Kate Olsen's house before making anti-Semitic comments. Jesus asks Peter for bail; Peter only heads over to the police station when Jesus makes a lamp in Peter's living room smash into Peter's head. With Jesus in disrepute, he decides that maybe he wasn't mature enough to return to the world, but Peter remarks that the maturity of his statement might mean the day he'll be ready may not be too far off. Before he leaves this world, Jesus gives Peter a present: another record of "Surfin' Bird" to annoy his family with. Appropriately, the end credits roll with "Surfin' Bird" playing in the background.
Brian and Stewie travel back in time and land in Nazi-era Germany.
Peter wins a year of unlimited gas and takes the family on a road trip, but someone gets left behind.
Realizing that Brian may be getting old, Peter gets a newer, happier dog who the Griffins love, prompting Brian to leave. But things go awry when the "new Brian" crosses the line and humps Stewie's favorite toy.
Peter is forced to repeat the third grade for a promotion at work, while Brian, Stewie and Frank Sinatra Jr. open the coolest club in Quahog.
Bonnie finally gives birth to a daughter named Susie. Stewie falls in love, and is willing to do anything to win her heart. Meanwhile, Joe is in debt to a bookie for $20,000 to pay for Bonnie's medical bills, and plans to pay it off by stealing from Carter Pewterschmidt.
To make money and pay off his debts, Peter participates in medical experiments, including one that makes him gay. He winds up in a relationship with another man and leaves Lois and the family brokenhearted, however, they realize the important thing is that Peter is happy.
Peter finds an old winning raffle ticket from 1989 that entitles him a golf outing with O.J. Simpson. After befriending him, Peter brings O.J. home home to meet the family. However, the people of Quahog aren't too fond of the former running back.
Lois gets a job working for FOX News and has to do a report on a liberal filmmaker. However, she loses the job when her story implicates a conservative radio host.
Meg becomes extremely religious, and tries to convert Brian from Atheism. Meanwhile, after the family visits a Star Trek convention, Stewie kidnaps the entire cast of Star Trek: The Next Generation and forces them to hang out with him.
After Brian is arrested for drug possession, he launches a campaign to legalize marijuana. Mayor West passes the law, and the whole town goes to pot. However, Carter Pewterschmidt starts losing money as a result, so he does whatever it takes to get pot banned once again.
Stewie starts going to the gym with Peter after he gets beaten up by Joe's baby daughter Susie, but just when it seems that his hard work is paying off, Peter reveals that he's been giving him an anabolic steroid. Meanwhile, Chris begins dating a popular girl at school, only to see her popularity subside.
After drowning his sorrows when he learns his ex-girlfriend Jillian is getting married, Brian discovers that he has hooked up with The Hills star Lauren Conrad. Brian wants out of the relationship until he realizes that Conrad may be the perfect match for him, if only he is willing to let Jillian go.
Peter imagines his friends and family in three of Stephen King's most famous works.
Stand by Me parody - Twelve-year old Peter, Quagmire, Cleveland and Joe travel along a railroad track on a journey of self-discovery.
Misery parody - Brian is injured in a bad car crash only to be "rescued" by his "number one fan," Stewie.
The Shawshank Redemption parody - Cleveland and Peter become fast friends in prison.
Peter has a psychic palm reading and discovers he led a past life as Griffin Peterson, a dignified gentleman who followed the beautiful Lady Redbush from 17th century England, where the fierce King Stewart III reigned supreme, to the newly founded American colony of Quahog to win her heart.