King of the Hill - Season 1 Episodes
King of the Hill - Season 1
Pull up a chair and join Hank Hill, his family and his neighbors for a beer-drinking, BBQ-ing good time with the hilarious first season of King of the Hill.
Hank Hill, his wife, Peggy, and son, Bobby, drive to a Little League baseball game. Along the way, Hank gives his son a pep talk, emphasizing the importance of winning. As the game gets under way, Bobby, who shows little athletic prowess, manages to get on first base. But he becomes distracted when his father offers coaching advice from the bleachers. A ball roars down the first base line and strikes Bobby in the face, leaving him with a black eye. After the game, Bobby accompanies Hank to the local department store. Two older women spot the pair from twenty yards away. Hank throws a temper tantrum when he is unable to find the hardware department, and the elderly women erroneously conclude that Bobby is being abused. Word spreads throughout the community, and eventually, a social worker named Anthony Page is dispatched to investigate the incident.
Page arrives at the Hill home just as Hank erupts in a temper tantrum (after banging his head on the hood of his car). But Peggy assures Page that her husband is as gentle as a lamb. Later, Hank tells the social worker that his son received the black eye during a baseball game. He also emphatically denies ever hitting his son. But Page remains unconvinced, and begins interviewing neighbors and friends of the family, hoping to uncover the "truth." Hank finally loses his patience and kicks the social worker off his property.
Back at the Child Protective Services Office, the social worker discusses his findings with the case manager. He is later removed from the investigation. Bobby tells Hank that if he continues to lose his temper, the government will take him away. The boy then intercepts a phone call from the Protective Services Office, in which a social worker apologizes for the misunderstanding. Unaware that he is no longer under investigation, Hank heeds Bobby's warning and attempts to control his temper no matter how much his son misbehaves. Eventually, Peggy learns that the investigation was halted a week earlier and that Bobby deliberately neglected to tell anyone the truth. Later, Hank tells Bobby, in his own unique way, how much he loves him.
“The Order of the Straight Arrow”
Hank, Boomhauer, Bill and Dale decide to take Bobby's scout troop, the Order of the Straight Arrow, into the wilderness in an effort to "make men out of them." The foursome, who were members of the same scout group when they were children, approach John Redcorn for "Indian stuff" for an initiation ceremony. Redcorn tells them of a ritual involving the sacred Wematanye. The men love the idea and decide they will use it. Later, Hank and his friends load Bobby, Joseph and Randy into their cars and begin the journey. The moment her family leaves, Peggy hops in Hank's pickup truck and heads out for points unknown. As the journey continues, Hank tires of the boys' incessant talking. He orders a twenty-four hour oath of silence, using Slim Jims as "silence sticks." Unfortunately, Bobby forgets he is to remain silent throughout the test, and his Slim Jim is nibbled away to almost nothing. Concerned, Hank warns his son that he will not make Straight Arrow if he loses one more bite of Slim Jim.
The group pulls into a campground populated by environmental activists led by a woman named Mona. That night, Hank and his friends gather the boys around a campfire. Hank tells the boys of the spirit Wematanye, and how it respects all of God's creatures. As a final test, Hank sends the boys out into the wilderness to hunt down the dreaded snipe (a fictitious creature). Taking the assignment very seriously, Bobby accidentally wallops a Whooping Crane, a rare and protected bird on the endangered species list.
Hank hides the animal's carcass inside a beer cooler. Afterward, Joseph tells Bobby that his father invented the story about the snipe. But Bobby maintains his father is the Arrow leader, and would never lie. In the morning, a park ranger enters the campground. He explains that a Whooping Crane tagged with a transmitter has disappeared. Hank covers as best he can and the ranger leaves the camp. Meanwhile, Peggy meets up with Brock, a handsome Texan...and owner of a shoe store for the "largefooted lady." Peggy purchases Italian loafers. Back at the camp, Hank assembles the boys and speedily drives towards the park exit. As the ranger closes in, Hank makes a desperate attempt to bury the crane. But before he does, Hank admits to Bobby that he lied about the snipe hunt, explaining it is part of the experience of becoming a scout. Suddenly, the ranger arrives. As he prepares to arrest the group for killing an endangered species, the bird suddenly springs to life. Realizing that the bird was only knocked unconscious, the ranger lets everyone go.
“Hank's Got the Willies”
When Hank complains about Luanne's belongings cluttering his den, Luanne assures him that she will soon be living with her boyfriend, Buckley. Later that day, Buckley drives his motorcycle to the Hill residence and picks up Luanne. The couple drives thirty yards away when the bike stops and Luanne gets off. When Luanne returns home, sobbing, it becomes clear she broke up with Buckley. Hank grows concerned when Peggy is unable to "fix" Luanne's dilemma. Peggy tells her husband it will help if he tells Luanne how pretty she looks. Unfortunately, Hank approaches Luanne after she has been crying. Furious, Luanne snaps at him, screaming that she was dumped by her boyfriend. When Luanne continues crying, Hank convinces her that it is all right to swallow her emotions. He then promises to help her find a new man in 48 hours. When Hank and Luanne begin to bond, Peggy chastises her husband for meddling with a natural process. Hank responds by telling his wife how pretty she looks, and Peggy melts completely.
Hank, Peggy, Luanne, Bill, Boomhauer and Dale drive to Ugly's Saloon. Determined to keep his word about finding Luanne a boyfriend, and equally determined to keep his wife in the dark about his motives, Hank tells his friends to search the bar for a potential suitor. In an attempt to keep his wife distracted, Hank asks Bill to dance with Peggy. After passing over several men, Hank notices a flash of light emanating from a shiny belt buckle. The wearer of the belt, Wade, an all-American-looking 20-year-old, passes muster with Hank. Shortly thereafter, Hank tells Luanne to introduce herself. Hank and Peggy return home. When Buckley returns looking to patch things up with Luanne, Hank sends him away. Later that night, Luanne returns home with Boomhauer, her new beau. Hank is horrified.
When Hank sees Luanne giving Boomhauer a peck on the cheek, he storms up to the couple. Luanne explains how, the moment Hank left the saloon, Wade turned into "Mr. Grabby Sam." Hank forbids Luanne from dating Boomhauer, noting that he is her landlord. Out of spite, Luanne counters she will stay at Boomhauer's home. Despite Boomhauer's objections, Luanne moves in. Realizing how much Luanne and Hank genuinely like one another, Peggy arranges for the pair to "accidentally" show up at Luby's restaurant at the same time. Still angered, Hank tells Luanne to stop by the house and pick up her belongings. The next day, when Luanne shows up at the house, she finds her belongings unpacked and spread out neatly in the den. Hank admits how much better he likes the room. Realizing she's being allowed to stay at the house, Luanne tells Hank how much she loves him.
Hank catches Bobby furiously windmilling his beloved Guild guitar, "Betsy." Bobby explains that he was playing the instrument with a piece of cheese, like his favorite comedian, Celery Head. After examining the guitar, Hank realizes his son chipped Betsy's bridge. The next day, Bobby crashes Hank's lawn mower into the front of his truck. Shortly thereafter, the boy uses Hank's pitching wedge to hit clumps of dog excrement. When Hank tells his wife that their son seems bent on destroying everything he owns, Peggy suggests he take Bobby golfing. At first, Hank dismisses the idea outright. But when Bobby tells his father that his two heroes are Gameboy champ Eddie Stillson, and Howard Adderly, the father of bizarre worm-child Jason Adderly, Hank decides he needs to take his son golfing immediately.
Before he takes his son golfing, Hank drives Betsy to a local guitar shop. Along the way, Hank tries to think of a suitable hero for Bobby. Hank tells his son that his own idol has always been Willie Nelson, as he was born in Texas, plays the guitar, and loves to golf. After dropping Betsy off for repairs, Hank joins Dale, Bill and Boomhauer for a game of golf. Bobby pulls his father's club from a bag and chips a ball right into a cup. Impressed, Hank allows Bobby to tee-off on the next hole. Bobby takes a mighty swing...and lets go of the club, which gracefully tumbles through the air until it strikes another golfer in the head. The foursome rush to the hapless victim's side, only to discover the man is none other than Hank's hero, Willie Nelson.
After apologizing for the accident, Hank asks Nelson for his autograph. Nelson takes a pencil in hand, but still suffering from his injury, he slumps forward into the steering wheel of his golf cart, leaving a signature that is nothing more than a straight line. Before Hank has a chance to tell Willie that he is his hero, the singer's cart picks up speed and races down a hill. Convinced he cost his father the opportunity of a lifetime, Bobby rides his bicycle (with a guitar case strapped to the handlebars) to Willie Nelson's mansion (now property of the United States Government). He finds Nelson playing Gameboy in a nearby trailer. Bobby phones his father with news that Nelson has invited him to a barbecue party. When Hank arrives, he finds the singer strumming Betsy. Willie flips the guitar around and shows Hank that he autographed the instrument (the signature is identical to the straight line autograph from the golf course). Hank telephones his wife and invites her over to the barbecue. When she arrives, Peggy meets Dennis Hopper, who begins to flirt. Furious at Hank for showing the guitar so much attention, Peggy stomps towards her husband. But she melts when she hears Hank singing a song about how much he loves her.
“Hank's Unmentionable Problem”
A large moving truck pulls into the driveway of a home next door to the Hill residence. A strapping, all-American father and his teenage son hop out of the vehicle, drawing words of approval from Hank and his friends. But the man explains he was hired to move the belongings of another family, and points to a minivan as it pulls into the driveway. When a Laotian family, the Souphanousinphones, steps out, Hank's jaw drops in disbelief. Telling his buddies that "a neighbor's a neighbor," Hank walks next door and introduces himself. He meets Kahn Souphanousinphone, his wife, Minh, and their daughter, Kahn, Jr. (Connie). Kahn Sr. explains that he and his family moved from Laos to California, where they lived for twenty years. Peggy invites the family to her home for dinner. For dessert, Peg serves up her Brown Betty, the recipe for which is a closely guarded family secret. As the Souphanousinphones leave the house, Minh makes a remark regarding Peggy's large feet. The next day, Hank discovers his dog, Ladybird, being mounted by Kahn's West Highland Terrier, Doggie. Hank tells Kahn his dog should be "breeding with her own kind," prompting Kahn to call Hank a "narrow-minded redneck."
Minh apologizes to Peggy for getting off to a bad start during dinner. She invites the Hills to join her family for a barbecue. Peggy accepts the offer. During the meal, Minh serves up Peggy's Brown Betty with an added dash of nutmeg. Peggy is furious that Minh was able to figure out the recipe. Meanwhile, Bobby and Kahn, Jr. give chase when Doggie runs off into the neighborhood. Relations between Hank and Kahn thaw the moment Hank takes a bite of Kahn's barbecued hamburger. Hank calls it "the best damn burger I ever ate." Dale, however, abstains from tasting the burger, noting the Westie's empty leash lying on the ground.
Refusing to believe his neighbors would cook dog, Hank does some investigating on his own. After overhearing, and misconstruing, a conversation between Minh and the dog pound, Hank concludes the burger was made of Doggie. Meanwhile, Bobby and Connie unleash Ladybird, hoping she will lead them to the missing Doggie. When Hank discovers Ladybird's leash swinging in the breeze, he mistakenly concludes that his neighbors are using her to make hamburger. Hank bangs on the Souphanousinphones' front door, demanding the return of his dog. Kahn threatens Hank with a baseball bat, but before the argument escalates, the two children race to the home and explain that they are responsible for the missing pets. Angered, both men send their children to their respective rooms without dessert. Noting how they punish their offspring the same way, Hank and Kahn patch up their differences.
“Westie Side Story”
Peggy notices her husband exit the bathroom without flushing the toilet. Hank assures her it was unnecessary since "nothing happened." Concerned, Peggy fixes Hank a glass of Megamucil, an all-natural laxative. Being a manly Texan, he refuses to heed her advice and her bran muffins opting for sausages instead. Peggy tells Nancy about her husband's constipation. Soon after, word spreads throughout the town, and well-wishers stop by the house with tips on how to become regular once again, causing Hank great embarrassment. As time passes, Peggy grows more and more concerned. She tries sneaking melted chocolate laxative onto Hank's ice cream, but the scheme fails. Peggy experiences a nightmare in which Hank dies from his irregularity. Hysterical, Peggy rushes to her husband and begs him not to die. Moved, Hank promises to see a doctor.
With great embarrassment, Hank keeps his promise. Assisted by Tasha, a beautiful medical student, Dr. Morley inserts a sigmoidoscope, a wandlike camera device, into Hank's backside for a view of his colon. When the procedure proves inconclusive, Dr. Morley tells Hank that his "low fat, high fiber diet" isn't effective. Peggy insists the diet simply needs more time to work. To be on the safe side, Morley books an operating room. He tells Hank that, unless his condition improves, his colon will have to be removed by the end of the week.
When Peggy catches her husband frying a cheeseburger, she drives him to a local health food store. But Hank shows little enthusiasm for tofu dogs. Growing increasingly desperate, Hank tries everything from bacon grease to acupuncture needles but they, too, fail. While chatting with Nancy, Peggy realizes her husband's new diet and lifestyle is making him miserable. A short time later, Hank tells his wife that he'd rather "die with a burger in my colon" than spend the rest of his life eating tofu. Surprisingly, Peggy agrees and tells Hank how much she loves him. Tears in his eyes, Hank tells his wife how lucky he is to have her in his life. Suddenly, a strange look passes over Hank's face. He races to the bathroom, and after a simple flush echoes through the hallways, Hank flings open the door, standing heroically. Peggy and Bobby rush to his side.
“Shins of the Father”
Leafing through the mail, Hank notices that Bobby's birthday invitation to Grandpa Cotton was returned. He then realizes that Bobby wrote "Hell, USA" as the mailing address. Bobby explains that Peggy told him Cotton was the devil. The boy then recites a list of things he dislikes about his grandfather: his big plastic teeth, his incessant screaming, and his lack of shins. Hank explains that Cotton lost his shins "defending Texas in World War II." Bobby telephones his grandfather and invites him to the celebration. The day of the party, a Cadillac pulls into the driveway, a horse trailer in tow. The trailer's ramp is kicked open from the inside, and Cotton rides the horse into the Hill's backyard. Eyes shining, and assuming the animal is a gift, Bobby tells his grandfather how much he loves the horse. But Cotton explains the horse is being rented for only a few hours. Later, he gives Bobby his real present: a 20-gauge shotgun. Outraged, Peggy snatches the weapon from his hands. When Bobby is unable to break open his birthday pinata, Cotton blows it apart with the gun. Peggy asks Cotton to leave the house after he smashes her good dishes. But when the old man attempts to start his car, the engine fails to turn over. Luanne diagnoses the problem as a solenoid plunger. Peggy tells Hank she wants the "ill-tempered, foul-mouthed old man" out of her house. But Hank tells his father he is welcome to stay.
Cotton takes Bobby to a local bar, where he harasses waitresses with sexist remarks. Meanwhile, Peggy finds the missing solenoid plunger hidden in a pair of Cotton's pants. She tells Hank that his father deliberately removed the part so he could stay at the house. Events turn even uglier when Cotton's sexist remarks begin influencing Bobby's behavior. Bobby tells his mother to get his dinner and punctuates his point by slapping her on the rear-end.
Hank admonishes Bobby for hitting his mother. He then attempts to tell his father why his behavior around Bobby is inappropriate. But before Hank has a chance to speak, his father reiterates the tale of how he lost his shins in World War II. After listening in awe to the patriotic story, Hank decides to drop the idea entirely. But when Bobby is sent home from school for starting a "sexist riot," Hank decides his father has gone too far. He tells Cotton he won't let his son grow up to be a "woman-hating old fool" and orders him out of the house.
“Peggy the Boggle Champ”
Peggy, Minh, Luanne and Nancy play a Scrabble-like game in the Hill dining room. When Peggy easily beats her opponents, Nancy suggests she sign up for the Boggle tournament at the Elks club. Meanwhile, Hank, Dale, Bill and Boomhauer are mesmerized when a television commercial announces the Ninth Annual Dallas Mower Expo. Peggy enters the Elks club competition and, after easily breezing past the other players, wins a coveted trophy. But to Peggy, the biggest honor is getting to represent Arlen in the state Boggle championships. Hank agrees to act as his wife's coach after he learns it takes place in Dallas the very same weekend as the Mower Expo. He tells his friends that the Boggle tournament will keep Peggy busy while they sneak off for some real fun. Peggy and Hank say goodbye to Bobby and Luanne and head off for Dallas. Despite their best intentions, and their promise not to throw any parties, Bobby and Luanne accidentally ruin the family coffee table, drip varnish on the carpet, and scorch a section of wall. Meanwhile, Peggy is introduced to Cissy Cobb, Boggle champion of Dallas for seven non-consecutive years. Cissy easily intimidates Peggy by criticizing a jacket given to her by the Arlen Boggle Boosters. Shortly before the tournament begins, Hank tells his wife about the Mower Expo. Peggy makes an impassioned plea for Hank not to run off in her hour of need. He agrees to stay and act as her coach. When the tournament begins, Peggy gets off to a shaky start, and Cissy Cobb takes a commanding lead. Peggy is ranked 255 out of 256...one step ahead of a Boggle-playing chicken. But she valiantly continues to play. Meanwhile, Hank's buddies show up at the tournament. At first, Hank chooses to help coach his wife. But some sharp words from Dale and the others change his mind, and the men head for the Mower Expo. Slowly but surely, Peggy regains her confidence and rises through the ranks until she makes it into the finals. She is horrified, however, when she realizes her opponent is none other than Cissy Cobb. Hank realizes he cannot enjoy himself at the expo knowing his wife needs him. He races back to the Boggle tournament just in time to give his wife the extra boost she needs. Brimming with confidence, Peggy beats Cissy and is declared the new Texas State Boggle Champion.
“Keeping Up With Our Joneses”
Luanne is outraged when she discovers Ladybird eating her "cruelty-free" cosmetics. Later, while digging through an old dumpster, Bobby and Joseph come across an unsmoked cigarette. The boys sneak into a men's room at a gas station and light up. As luck would have it, Hank stops at the same station to use the bathroom. He pushes open the door and sees his son with a cigarette in his mouth. Determined to stop his son from becoming addicted, Hank forces Bobby to smoke an entire carton (thinking he won't be able to stand the sight of another cigarette when he is finished). As Bobby lights up, Hank grabs a cigarette away to show his boy how to inhale properly. As Hank takes a drag, a look of remembrance and relaxation washes over his face. By the end of the day, both Hank and his son are hopelessly addicted.
When Luanne catches Ladybird sniffing a makeup tin, she rattles a canister of pennies, scaring her off. Meanwhile, after sneaking cigarette after cigarette, Hank absentmindedly lights up in front of Peggy. Hank claims Bobby didn't finish a pack from the carton and insists he would hate to see them go to waste. Shortly thereafter, Hank and his wife go back to smoking cigarettes and feeling better than ever. Meanwhile, Bobby tricks a militant group of anti-smoking teenagers into allowing him to buy a pack from a bodega that sells cigarettes to teenagers. Despite everyone's best efforts, Bobby discovers that his parents are addicted to smoking and vice versa.
The Hills attend a Cigarenders meeting, but Hank quickly grows irritable and storms out with his family in tow. When they return home, Luanne attempts to make the Hills kick the habit by employing the same methods she used to keep Ladybird away from her cosmetics. When the family gets into a scuffle over a last remaining cigarette, Luanne locks them in a room together. The scuffle continues until Peggy, regaining her senses, throws the cigarette out a window. Despite experiencing a powerful nicotine withdrawal, the family makes it through a storm-filled night without smoking any cigarettes.
“King of the Ant Hill”
Joseph invites Bobby to his upcoming boy-girl party. But Bobby soon realizes he is intimidated by most of the girls at school and lacks the courage and social skills needed to approach them. He tells his father he is not going to attend the party because he doesn't like girls. Hank's face begins to twitch at the implication. Later, Luanne brings home a beautician school practice head that she will need for her final exam. Bobby is instantly drawn to the head, and stares at it with rapt wonder. Late that night, he sneaks out of the house and up to Luanne's window, where he again stares with enchantment at the beautiful plastic head.
When Hank, Peggy and Luanne leave the house the next day, Bobby retrieves the head. Practicing in secret, he uses the dummy head in lieu of a real girl, asking it if it would like to dance, etc. Meanwhile, Hank does his best to avoid Luanne, who would like to practice for her upcoming exam by cutting his hair. Bobby practices with the dummy head for so long that he grows comfortable with the idea of attending the party. Hank and Peggy conclude their boy is perfectly normal after all. But when Peggy catches Bobby playing Spin the Bottle with the head, she shrieks in horror.
White as a ghost, Peggy tells Hank she walked in on their son as he was kissing the dummy head. She suggests the family move to Berlin, as the Germans are more tolerant towards freakish people. Bobby tells his father he has no intention of marrying a plastic head. Convinced his boy is using the head as a crutch, Hank locks it in his liquor cabinet. When Hank catches Bobby breaking into the cabinet, he snatches the head from his son's hands, and as Luanne watches, horrified, saws it in two with a spinning sawtoothed blade. Left with little choice, Luanne uses Hank (in place of the plastic head) for her final exam at the beautician academy. Her instructor, Miss Kremzer, examines Hank's haircut and assigns her an "F." But after overhearing Hank's glowing comments about his haircut, calling it his "all-time favorite," Kremzer gives Luanne a passing grade. Later, before the party, Bobby and Connie decide to practice kissing one another. When Bobby plays Spin the Bottle at Joseph's party, the bottle points to Dale's wife, Nancy. Bobby grits his teeth and lunges for Nancy.
“Plastic White Female”
Hank meets with his boss, Buck Strickland, inside the men's restroom at work. Buck explains that Holloway Hollows, a new development, is in need of a propane supplier. He gives Hank a one hundred dollar bill and the keys to a rented Cadillac El Dorado convertible, instructing him to show the owner and his wife, Mr. and Mrs. Holloway, a good time. Buck warns, however, that their competitor (and Hank's old nemesis), M. F. Thatherton, is very eager to land the same client. When Hank returns home, he tells his wife a cup of coffee, a slice of pie and a handshake are all he needs to cement a deal. But Hank is not quite prepared for Mr. Holloway, an obnoxious Yankee who pictures Texans as stereotypical cowboys wearing ten-gallon hats and spurs. As Hank attends to Holloway, Peggy strikes up an easy friendship with his wife. When Hank takes Mr. Holloway to a coffee shop for pie, Thatherton strides up to their table and introduces himself. Holloway is impressed with Thatherton, referring to him as a "real Texan."
Holloway notices that Hank isn't wearing cowboy boots. Taking the plunge, Hank concocts a story about how he gave up his boots to his uncle after he was killed by a Texas-sized twister. But Holloway still yearns to see his host in a pair of boots. Hank takes Holloway and his son to a Western Wear Store, where he purchases a pair of tight-fitting boots and a large cowboy hat. Later, Hank asks Peggy to don a Kilgore Rangerette-type outfit for their dinner engagement with the Holloways. Though greatly displeased, Peggy honors her husband's request. Mrs. Holloway bows out of dinner at the last moment. At the restaurant, Mr. Holloway orders an expensive steak, then tells Hank that he and Thatherton are headed out to a strip club. But Hank intercedes, insisting that if anyone is taking Holloway to a "gentleman's club," it will be him.
Hank takes his guest to a strip club called Jugstore Cowboys'. There, he sells his heart out, waxing philosophic about all things propane. But Mr. Holloway is more interested in getting a good mint julep. When Hank returns with the drink, Holloway takes one sip and spits it out. Fed up, Hank tells his guest that he is in the business of "selling propane and propane accessories with honor and dignity." Holloway throws a punch, which Hank casually catches in his fist. He declines the fight. Thatherton steps in and busts Holloway in the nose. Holloway happily retaliates, and an all-out bar fight ensues. Afterward, Hank learns that it is Mrs. Holloway who owns the business. Completely comfortable with Hank and his family, she awards Strickland Propane the account.