Joined April 22nd, 2012
I'm in the process of writing a review now, actually. And thanks. I also just remembered your plot hole about "what did people do before they had stereotypical horror movies to placate the Ancient Ones with?" This is addressed briefly in the film when the two guys at the facility are complaining about how difficult it is to maneuver the zombies. One guy then says, "Remember when you could just throw a girl in a volcano?" This, to me, suggests that the Ancient Ones used to be easier to please, but their tastes have gotten more specific and bloodthirsty (which is just a way of turning a critical eye on audiences for eating things like the Final Destination and Saw movies up).
As to your mentioned plotholes: 1) Marty knowing how to jerry-rig the elevator: Sure, it's not like the film establishes that Marty is an electrical engineer in the movie. But they do show you that he's got a bong he can easily disguise as a coffee mug, which is probably his design. If so, he's got some creativity and engineering know-how. Plus, when you've been sitting in a room all alone for what I'm guess is at least an hour and just a few wires to fiddle with, I don't think it's out of the question that if all those wires do is control the elevator, you stumble upon the mechanisms that make it go up and down. You don't have to be an electrical engineer to do this, merely curious or bored and somewhat intelligent (and Marty is established is being the only person with any sense in the film, if only because he smokes a lot of pot, but whatever). 2) Marty's blood. I get being thrown off by this one, but there's never any evidence shown on-screen to suggest that the blood being used actually belonged to the students. It's probably stock blood, which is a good idea because the tributes' blood may not always be available for the Ancient Ones depending on how they're killed. Instead, I think it's just blood they have on-call that is cued after the Ancient Ones are appeased with the appropriate sacrificial setup. 3) The Virgin inconsistency. This one bugged me a little too, because from the outset of the film the "whor*" character suggests that the "virgin" has had sex with a professor, but later Chris Hemsworth's character says something about using the "scholar" to de-virginize the "virgin". I think the point, though, is that the "virgin" is just the most-prudish and selective of the bunch, and that in this modern day and age that's become the new meaning of virginity for the purposes of sacrifice. Anyways, I know you hate this film and anything I've said isn't exactly going to give you cause to admire it, but that's how I, as a person who enjoyed the film, resolved the apparent plot holes. Also, why did you like Tucker & Dale Vs. Evil? I remember going into that film with high hopes and being sorely disappointed and frankly bored by beating of a single joke to death. Not to mention the baseless, idiotic love story.