First we brought you Mushy. Then we brought you Droid (RIP). Now, Lights Out embarks into a new relm of movie splendor. Ladies and gentlemen, Lights Out Entertainment is proud to present a brand new weekly column that's gonna knock you're socks off. Welcome to Well Dunne...

Movie Picture

I take it that we've all seen the preview/trailer (I think you're only allowed to call it a trailer if you wear a black beret) for the movie Slackers. You know, the one with the twin girls (lesbians?) who moan the word "cool" as their asses rhythmically and hypnotically shake like there were two midgets trapped inside, wiggling, desperately for their freedom (run free my little friends, free!)?

Is it just me, or does this movie seem a little familiar to anybody else? I coulda sworn that I remember seeing a movie called Slackers as I was strolling down the aisles of my local video store on my way to pick up the fabulous Carnosaur 2 (hard to believe, but actually better than the first Carnosaur). Well, upon further investigation (imdb.com), I found that there actually was a movie called Slacker (no "s") that was released in 1991. It was written and directed by Richard Linklater (I'll link him later...), it was a low budget art-house flick, which followed a group of "twenty-something" social outcasts. Now, I know what you're thinking, a low budget art-house film about "twenty-something" social outcasts? NO WAY! That's pure genius. What an amazingly original and thought provoking idea, which has never been done before. Right... Anyway, the two titles ARE very similar and Richard Linklater seems to think so too.

In an article in Thursday's USA Today, Linklater says that if he had been asked if the new movie could use the name Slackers he would have said "Go to hell", (tough words for an art-house film director, those guys aren't exactly know for their physical presence in the UFC ring, if you know what I'm saying). But, on Linklater's behalf, you have to admit that the names are very similar. I mean it's like calling a movie Brotherhood of the Wolves, or Dude, Where's My Cars (I know it's poor English, don't blame me, blame the school system).

Wait, don't get out of your seat just yet, there is one more thing about the movie Slackers that I would like to bring to your attention. I'm not sure if everyone knows yet, but Jason Schwartzman (Mr. Frisbee-in-the-face) actually has a very steamy scene in this movie. That's right, the kid from Rushmore, except now he's all grown up. He's gettin' his freak on with a hot little number named Mamie Van Doren. Mamie Van Doren was the sex pot that steamed up such great cinema classics as: Voyage to the Planet of Prehistoric Women, The Navy vs. The Night Monsters, Sex Kittens Go To College also known as The Beauty and the Robot, and Girls, Guns, and Gangsters. Now, all of these movies would get at least 3 stars on the Wank Scale, if you know what I mean. But, since all of these movies came out in or around the 1950s, it would probably be your grandpa's Wank Scale. In other words, Mamie Van Doren is 71 years old, while Jason Schwartzman is 21. And while the scene does begin innocently enough with a sponge bath, before they are interrupted, Schwartzman looks as if he's about round third and head for the 'old home plate (and by old, I mean very old). An interesting side note to this story is that Schwartzman is actually a cousin to Nicholas Cage and a nephew to Francis Ford Coppola. I can just imagine their family reunions.

Schwartzman: So, uncle Franky, what are you working on right now?

Coppola: Actually, I just completed a new director's commentary for the Ultra-Hyper- Mega-Edition DVD of Apocalypse Now, it now has 43 more hours of new footage.

Schwartzman: Oooh, sounds neat. What about you cousin Nicky?

Cage: Well, I just started working on the sequel to The Rock, with Twisted Sister, it'scalled I Wanna Rock. How about you Jason, what are you up to these days?

Schwartzman: Well, after Rushmore there weren't a whole lot of movies coming my way, but I just did this great new movie, where I have sex with a 70 year-old lady. I was hoping to get typecast into this kind of role, because I really dig it! In fact, I like it so much that I went to the History channel to pitch a new show. You know how they have those specials on the tombs of the pharaohs? Well my shows gonna be about the WOMBS of the pharaohs...

E-mail me you chumps! ~Dunne