This week saw the release of V/H/S/99, the fifth and latest entry in the found-footage horror anthology film series (not counting SiREN). Will there be a lot to anticipate for the sixth film? Surely. While we ponder that, however, here’s a brand-new list ranking the best segments that the uneven, but inspired, V/H/S franchise has offered us so far.
10 A Ride In The Park (Eduardo Sánchez & Greg Hale, V/H/S/2)
What starts as a fairly standard zombie story from the guys who made The Blair Witch Project (you’d never guess it!) becomes an expression of pure chaos and comedy. The beginning is largely a formality: a mountain biker with a headcam is bitten by a member of the undead, and all hell, of course, breaks loose. When he finally dies and then turns, his camera gives us a rare first-person P.O.V. from the perspective of the unthinking, unfeeling monster he has become.
But the real fun starts when the biker and his fellow zombies crash a children’s birthday party in an outdoor enclosure. As all the children narrowly escape, the footage from parents’ camcorders is intercut frenetically with our protagonist’s headcam to create the feeling of pure pandemonium. It is terrifying and also hilarious, and while the short is relatively light on story and originality, “A Ride In The Park” makes up for all of it with its incessant screaming, fast-paced cutting, and over-the-top gore.
9 10/31/98 (Radio Silence, V/H/S)
Either by accident or by design, many segments across the V/H/S films feature groups of young men doing grotesquely irresponsible things, often at the expense of their women co-stars. The group of male friends in “10/31/98” is decidedly more innocuous than those in some other shorts, but their nonetheless reckless behavior still wreaks needless havoc.
Four friends, decked out in Halloween costumes, journey out to party for the night and stop by a supposedly “haunted” house attraction. What they don’t know yet is that this house is actually crawling with legitimately supernatural entities. While “10/31/98” lacks the grave intensity of some of its companions, it also offers up a perverse sense of fun, an ingredient shared in common by most of the franchise’s successful entries.
8 Amateur Night (David Bruckner, V/H/S)
David Bruckner (The Night House) brings us the first proper entry in the V/H/S series (minus the frame story): a fun, but savage, tale of a night out gone awry. The men who go out clubbing in this episode are gross and rapey, which makes their comeuppance at the hands of Lily (a brilliantly mannered and volatile performance from Hannah Fierman) all the more satisfying and memorable.
The gimmick here is a hidden camera implanted in one of the guys’ eyeglasses, a device that is foregone for the film’s feature-length adaptation SiREN (also starring Fierman and directed by Bruckner). So far, “Amateur Night” is the only film in V/H/S history to make the leap from short-format to long-format, and this is a testament to its ingenuity and the unusual magnetism of its lead antagonist.
7 Safe Haven (Timo Tjahjanto & Gareth Huw Evans, V/H/S/2)
Indonesian horror legend Timo Tjahjanto and Welsh director Gareth Evans (The Raid: Redemption) team up to bring us one of the bloodiest and most ambitious efforts across the whole franchise. “Safe Haven” chronicles a documentary team’s efforts to explore and infiltrate a mysterious religious commune.
There is a certain lack of nuance in the film’s approach to its serious subject matter, and sometimes it veers more toward exploitation than deconstruction. But the filmmakers utilize a “kitchen-sink” approach wherein the horror is revealed to be limitless and all-encompassing. And while this doesn’t exactly make for the most subtle film ever, one must still appreciate Tjahjanto and Evans’ vision of unashamed, unbridled mayhem. (Epy Kusnandar is also terrifyingly entertaining as the leader of the commune.) While the film itself has not been adapted, one can see its blueprint in everything from Ti West’s monstrous film The Sacrament to Ari Aster’s strange horror epic Midsommar.
6 To Hell and Back (Vanessa & Joseph Winter, V/H/S/99)
In the realm of integrating horror and comedy, the final segment in the recently released V/H/S/99 is more successful than most that came before. This wacky, overwhelming take on the Y2K phenomenon follows a lackadaisical documentary crew as they chronicle a demonic ritual on the eve of the new millennium. Things do not go exactly according to plan, and the two filmmakers are suddenly, inexplicably whisked away to a chaotic Hell dimension.
There are many things to recommend here: the immersive special effects, the witty writing, and the committed comedic performances. But the most impressive thing about it is that even amidst the clatter and clutter of the confusing plot, “To Hell and Back” has a firm grasp on its likable characters, and is an emotional, well-written story about friendship in conflict. The directors also made this year's very fun film Deadstream.
5 The Empty Wake (Simon Barrett, V/H/S/94)
Simplicity reigns supreme for writer-director Simon Barrett, whose previous efforts for the franchise proved somewhat under-baked and unconvincing. “The Empty Wake,” on the other hand, is a perfect, classic little horror story about a new employee left alone in a funeral home with a dead body at a very poorly attended wake. (Over the course of the film, only one mourner shows up and his intentions seem dubious at best.)
Barrett’s short is a lesson that sometimes less is more when it comes to creating taut suspense. And it proves successful because, like our protagonist, we are kept antsy waiting for something to happen. The sparseness of the videography – the clients paying for the funeral had asked for it to be recorded from two static cameras – brings an immediate sense of familiarity and unease. It’s completely realistic because this is exactly how we would choose to shoot a friend’s wedding or our kids’ school play. This unremarkable shooting style is part of what makes the feeling of watching the film so creepy, and what makes the ultimate reveal of the horror so rewarding and so scary.
4 Second Honeymoon (Ti West, V/H/S)
Horror maverick Ti West has made several films that are gorier or more adventurous than his V/H/S submission. But “Second Honeymoon” is still one of his best: it is dense on character, atmosphere, and psychological terror. A young couple is filming their road trip through the American Southwest when they encounter a strange young woman. Then, things begin to unravel but not always in the ways you would expect.
“Second Honeymoon” isn’t made of the kind of chaotic, all-hell-breaks-loose rubric that characterizes so many of the other shorts. It is a quiet, creepy story with a killer ending, and wrings out plenty of suspense from the question, “Who actually is holding the camera?”
3 The Gawkers (Tyler MacIntyre, V/H/S/99)
1999 brought us the film American Pie, so it seems like no accident that for V/H/S/99, filmmaker Tyler MacIntyre (Tragedy Girls) chooses to horrifically subvert that definitive American sex comedy. In the long-storied tradition of men doing terrible things – endemic to both the American Pie and V/H/S franchises as well as world history – a group of charming teenage boys hatch a scheme to spy on their neighbor by hacking into her webcam. Of course, this is horror, so the stakes are higher than those of your average sex romp.
What follows is a surprising, and surprisingly enjoyable, window into masculine entitlement and women’s retribution. While it isn’t exactly scary per se, it is very funny and very violent, convincing in its realism with some stunning visual effects. Overall, it’s probably the V/H/S series’ most incisive takedown of rape culture.
2 Storm Drain (Chloe Okuno, V/H/S/94)
For a horror anthology series that largely takes no prisoners, a send-up of local news feels oddly homey and comforting. This is what director Chloe Okuno (Shudder’s Watcher) brings us in “Storm Drain,” wherein reporter Holly Marciano and Cameraman Jeff investigate the case of a mysterious creature living in the local sewers.
Actors Anna Hopkins and Christian Potenza have great banter and bitter chemistry, and they provide most of the emotional engagement. And while many scary movies, including shorts, struggle with maintaining interest all the way through, it is in the third act of “Storm Drain” where the director surpasses her original concept to make something truly funny, memorable, and twisted. Okuno’s is a unique and exciting voice in horror, keen on both mystery and spectacle, and is not interested in disappointing her audience.
1 Ozzy’s Dungeon (Flying Lotus, V/H/S/99)
Going into V/H/S/99, you may or may not know that musician-filmmaker Flying Lotus is the guy behind the film’s gross-out centerpiece. But you wouldn’t need to in order to be bowled over by its content. Mr. Lotus gives us a peek behind the curtain of a disturbing children’s game show called “Ozzy’s Dungeon,” in a film which is effectively Death to Smoochy as re-interpreted by Adult Swim.
But it isn’t FlyLo’s high-concept, WTF-style imagery that sticks with you, although that is certainly inspired. Rather, it is Sonya Eddy as the frustrated mother of one of the contestants – her performance is enough to push “Ozzy’s Dungeon” into the pantheon of Essential Extreme Cinema. Under the tutelage of Flying Lotus, this seasoned TV actor is off-the-wall volatile and addictively entertaining, and the viewer remembers not so much the cruel, degrading acts depicted, but rather Miss Eddy’s look of deranged psychopathy and the echoes of her demonic cackle.