B. Alan Orange looks at all of the 2007 movies that made him scream Boo! and Whoop-doo!
Guess how many movies I saw this year? One Hundred and Fourteen. Whoop-doo! While that might not be as many as your local art house critic or your universally loved Roger Ebert, I think it's a fair amount of fake stories to plunder through in twelve months time. I laughed, I cried, I kissed at least a thousand dollars on movie tickets and stale popcorn goodbye.
I booed. I whoop-dooed. I coughed and lost a tooth during Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End. I saw a swarm of cop cars descend on two Mexican gang lords during a local drive-in screening of Ratatouille. Fuck 3-D, that was the real deal. And Grindhouse was a pretty special drive-in experience as well. The occasional pair of headlights searing across the screen added to its scratchy duck press quality. And then there was the car wreck that happened mere seconds after Death Proof wrapped.
Anyway, here's my list of films that made me "boo!" and "whoop-doo!" this year. It's not your typical list. I have gone through intense self-meditation to overcome the critic that lives inside my head. I've had to check him at the door, and watch these films in a whole new light.
That's right. These aren't the brightest or best films. These aren't the worst films. Some "boos!" still have critical merit. My favorite films of the year are ones that had me walking out the door of the theater screaming "whoop-doo!" And as you will see, some of them are absolute crap!
These were the fifteen Whoop-doo-in'est-Whoop-Doos! Of the 2007 Whoop-doo! Nation Year!
(They are in no particular order...)
2) Mr. Brooks
9) Shoot 'Em Up
10) Death Sentence
14) Hot Fuzz
15) The Host
Other films that weren't quite as special but still got a "whoop-doo!" from the Whoop-doo Nation included: Freedom Writers, Smokin' Aces, Norbit, Reno 911!: Miami, 300, Dead Silence, Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters, The Ex, Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End, Evan Almighty, 1408, Transformers, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix, Interview, Hairspray, Sunshine, The Simpsons Movie, Hot Rod, Delirious, Right at your Door, The Brave One, Mr. Woodcock, King of California, December Boys, Good Luck Chuck, Sydney White, Into the Wild, The Jane Austen Book Club, The Kingdom, Feast of Love, The Darjeeling Limited, The Heartbreak Kid,
My Kid Could Paint That, Tyler Perry's Why Did I Get Married?, We Own the Night, 30 Days of Night, Gone Baby Gone, Wristcutters: A Love Story, Dan in Real Life, Mr. Untouchable, Beowulf, Margot at the Wedding, Enchanted, Grace is Gone, The Kite Runner, Walk Hard: The Dewey Cox Story, The Orphanage, and 3:10 to Yuma!
My next list includes the fifteen most mediocre films of the past year. These are all films that should have rocked the house down. They should have been above special, at the very least. Instead, they elicited not a modicum of excitement. They just sort of sat there in the middle, starring at me like a hemophiliac with a bag of blood and a juice straw. They just didn't have enough energy to pop open that plastic and suck. Somehow, someway, they lost their Mojo. They were neither good, nor bad. They were the indifference. Sometimes, the overrated. The whoop-boos of the year.
Spider-Man 3? Whoop-boo!
1) Spider-Man 3
4) Bee Movie
5) Rush Hour 3
7) Knocked Up
9) I Am Legend
10) Ghost Rider
15) Saw IV
Honorable "Blah, blah, blah!" mention goes to the following films, which were almost equally as middle of the road. They just didn't garner the kind of attention that was showered on the above shrug-fests: Stomp the Yard, Alpha Dog, The Messengers, Black Snake Moan, Next, Gracie, Surf's Up, You Kill Me, Broken English, Death at a Funeral, Resurrecting the Champ, The Hottest State, The Game Plan, The Final Season, Fred Claus, and Lions for Lambs!
Lastly, here are the fifteen biggest Boos! News! disappointments of 2007. These were completely unwatchable and hard to sit through movies. Just plain awful films that should have never been made. Gut wrenching in their shameful badness. I don't like to call "Same on you!" that often, as you can see by some of the film's I've included in the Whoop-Doos above. I watch most movies drunk on Bushmills in the front seat of my car. At the Drive-In. The experience is so much fun, its hard not to like most films. But, simply put, I found the following lot to be absolutely reprehensible.
Epic Movie? Boo!
1) Epic Movie
2) Nancy Drew
10) The Perfect Holiday
11) El Cantante
So, Kite Runners of the world, that is it for this year. All and all, it wasn't such a bad stretch. It was a lot more difficult to cull a list of fifteen films that I deemed bad enough to "Boo!" Than it was to come up with the good stuff. I personally believe that this film year saw more true classics into existence than any year in 00 history. At least thus far. Let's hope next year continues the trend. Heck, I've already gotten one of 2008's worst out of the way (One Missed Call). It should be smooth sailing from there.
Have a good Kwanzhanukchrist-adha! And always remember the Whoop-doo Nation Holiday Mantra: "Eat Food! Kill Grandma!"
(If you noticed a film missing on one of the three lists, it wasn't included because I didn't see it!)