It's time to light a fire, get some eggnog, and settle in for some Christmas classics. And we know which ones are at the top of the list. A Christmas Story, Jingle All the Way, Christmas Vacation, Elf, and Bad Santa are certainly favorites. But a little unknown fact is that all of these movies have gotten sequels. You might not realize that because they are all equally terrible.
So which movie has the absolute worst Christmas sequel? Well, we can scratch Friday After Next off the list, because the original was never a Christmas movie to begin with. But at the top of the list surely has to be A Christmas Story 2. While the original is so popular that it plays for 24 hours straight on Christmas day, the only place you're likely to see the sequel is playing on a loop in Hell. Sure, it has some fans, but they are just trying to be hip contrarians railing against the system. There is no way they actually like this movie.
Arriving in 2012 to cricket chirps, A Christmas Story 2 follows teenage Ralphie (Braeden Lemasters). Instead of being obsessed with a BB gun, he wants a new car. Unfortunately, he wrecks his dream car before even getting it off the lot. This means he must face the real world and get a job, so that he and his friends can fix the car before his old man finds out. It's purely a cash grab and bad from the word go. It was so bad, in fact, it skipped theaters altogether and went direct to DVD. We're not even sure it got a Blu-ray release. If you love watching Ralph in that pink bunny suit, then you'll only cringe with some of the antics shown here.
But is it better or worse than the sequel to Arnold Schwarzenegger's classic Jingle All the Way? What, you didn't know there was a Jingle All the Way sequel? We'll forgive you, as it to was shuffled off to the barren wasteland of forgotten Direct-To-DVD sequels, too. The story is the same in almost every way, and is just another means of commercializing something that, truth be told, wasn't that great to begin with.
We honestly have nothing against comedian Daniel Lawrence Whitney. And like Jim Varney and his Ernest character, Whitney has gotten a lot of mileage out of playing Larry the Cable Guy in a variety of projects. But Jingle All the Way 2 is way down low on this list of forgotten Christmas movies that most of you haven't seen. Larry is his charming self, playing a stepfather who engages in an all-out battle to get his daughter the toy of her dreams for Christmas. Now, Turbo-Man always looked like some kind of dollar story knock off, and it's hard to believe that people would be fighting over such a thing. But the talking bear at the heart of Jingle All the Way 2 makes Turbo-Man look like the holy relic of toys.
Both Jingle All the Way 2 and A Christmas Story 2 are pretty bad. But when it comes to beloved holiday fare, nothing is higher on the list than A Christmas Story, so the fact that Warner Bros. tried to make some garbage sequel is mind blowing and inept. Of course fans were going to reject it. Jingle All the Way is walking on slightly less sacred ground. But we must not forget some of the other bad Christmas sequels that have come out over the last few years. While Will Ferrell's Elf has never gotten a proper sequel, and probably never will at least in regards to Will Ferrell returning to the character, it did get a horrible TV remake that they didn't even bother showing again this year.
Elf: Buddy's Musical Christmas is basically a direct remake of the 2003 holiday film. The special retells the tale of Buddy's delightfully absurd yet heartwarming story and blends the look and feel of the stop-motion animated Christmas specials of the past with the sharp sensibility of the modern-day classic holiday film. Instead of Will Ferrell, we get Big Bang Theory star Jim Parson's in the lead. Sure. Okay.
National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation is another holiday staple that got a sequel. Which is just plain weird, because itself is a sequel. But it's hard to decide if this is a true franchise follow-up, or where it falls in the franchise. Chevy Chase and Beverly D'Angelo are nowhere to be seen. Instead, we get a full-on Cousin Eddie movie starring Randy Quaid before he flew into seclusion and became a full-blown bearded weirdo. The movie follows Eddie and his family, who must survive the elements after becoming shipwrecked on an island. Perhaps the only cool thing about this literal ship wreck is the fact that it brings back original Audrey from the classic 1983 Vacation, with Dana Barron back in the role.
And finally, another new Christmas classic is Bad Santa. People adore this movie. A lot. So what does Billy Bob Thornton do? He makes a sequel that no one seemed to want, and it's pretty much been all but forgotten just a year after its release. Bad Santa 2 is probably the best of the bad Christmas sequels, but that doesn't make its sins any easier to swallow. It's great that the entire cast is back, save for John Ritter and Bernie Mac, who have both sadly passed away. But the movie just doesn't quite cut it, and tears into the legacy of a great holiday comedy. So, the worst offender here? We're definitely going with A Christmas Story 2. Just take a look at the trailer. We've also included the rest of them here for you to watch and cringe over.