Say what you will about the man, but KISS frontman Gene Simmons knows how to market his music, and drain every penny. He also has a lot of time to sit around and think of new and interesting ways for his fans to open their wallets and give him money. There's the KISS Coffin, The KISS Kruise, and literally everything in between. Now the aging rocker has decided to sell a box set containing around 150 solo songs from his personal stash called The Vault. But that's not all, the base price starts at $2,000 dollars and includes 10 discs, a Gene Simmons action figure (in a business suit, not KISS makeup), a gold medallion, and a mystery item (hopefully whatever he uses to spray on his hair), all enclosed in a 12X12 leather-bound photo book.

According to Pitchfork, that $2,000 dollars also gets you and a guest in to watch an intimate Q&A that will conclude with Gene Simmons personally handing you his box of unreleased gems and signing some stuff. In a video promoting the experience, Simmons compares himself to one of the Beatles and basically says that we're all lucky to have the opportunity to meet rock royalty as himself because you couldn't just meet a Beatle back in the day. But for a truckload of cash, you can hang with the dude who tried to copyright the "devil horn" hand gesture.

Maybe you have more to spend that a measly $2,000 dollars and you'd like to give the man who wrote "I Was Made for Lovin' You" some more cash. Well, you've come to the right place, because for $25,000 dollars, you can go hang with Mr. Simmons at a studio with a friend and he'll tell you fascinating anecdotes about the songs that weren't good enough to end up on records. You'll also get a low-numbered limited-edition version of The Vault and you get an executive producer credit on the box set.

But wait, that's not all (really, there's more). For $50,000 dollars, Gene Simmons will hand deliver the Vault to your house where you and 25 guests will get to hang with him. However, he will not bring the party nor will he play some songs unless you have a guitar laying around and then he "might" play a few songs for you. The host who paid $50,000 must provide all of the food and beverages for the get together because Mr. Simmons will not provide any party favors of any kind except for stories about the songs that weren't good enough to end up on a record. Think about that: Simmons would no doubt put out a record of farts if he knew it would sell. These songs might just be the musical equivalent of flatulence.

It will be really interesting to see how many of these Vault box sets that Gene Simmons is able to sell. The timing couldn't be more perfect as Florida and Texas are recovering from catastrophic natural disasters, so instead of helping those in need, help Gene. Help Gene pay for paternity tests for that calf that looks just like him or whatever. For $50,000 dollars, one would have to expect more than just random merchandise and unreleased songs, maybe throw a coffin in, Gene, c'mon. Or perhaps a cow that looks just like the Demon.

Kevin Burwick at Movieweb
Kevin Burwick