HERE IN HOLLYWOOD: Know Your Hollywood I.Q.

I keep getting this pop-up online:

It’s a picture of Albert Einstein with a pitch that says: “Know your I.Q.”

Well, I know my I.Q.

It’s 134.

That’s right. Me and Geena Davis, baby!

We’re Mensa-bait.

We’re geni.

(Well, all except for that pirate movie Geena did.)

But having extra brain cells does not necessarily help you here in the City of the Angles. You can be “smart” and still crash and burn -- just ask Mike Ovitz. No, the thing you need is that special knowledge only savvy Hollywood-ites possess, that primordial instinct to smell the latest trend, go for the jugular, and avoid Jennifer Tilly at parties. So to test your knowledge and see if you too have what it takes to be a mover and/or shaker, try this simple test at home:

1. Match the tired old high-concept poster movie to the fresh, happenin’ hip-hop remake it inspired:

a. Mrs. Doubtfire1. Johnson Family Vacationb. Airplane!2. Big Momma’s Housec. Can’t Buy Me Love 3. Soul Planed. Vacation4. Love Don’t Cost A Thing2. Your agent calls you while you’re on the set and tells you your wife’s been kidnapped, your dog is dead and your house has been burned to the ground. Do you:

a. Hang up immediately and rush to the police station to find out where your wife is being held.

b. Call the police to find out more details.

c. Ask if your agent has heard anything from Universal.

3. Name the sure-fire Jennifer “Love” Hewitt vehicle that was a big hit:

a. The Tuxedo

b. The Trojan War

c. Heartbreakers

d. Can’t Hardly Wait

4. Michael Eisner is in a limousine going 100 mph down Sunset Blvd. Roy Disney is in a limousine coming the other way going 120 mph. The point of impact will be:

a. Somewhere around the gates of Bel Air.

b. Approximately 3.5 miles from the starting point.

c. A great relief.

5. Mean Girls is an upcoming Paramount release and is:

a. The Olsen Twins Story.

b. The Hillary Duff–Lindsay Lohan Story.

c. The Charlie Sheen Story.

d. About an hour and a half.

6. If you re-arrange the letters GERG IKNENAR you have the name of:

a. An ocean

b. A country

c. A star of a movie guaranteed to bomb.

7. When Kevin Costner is 4 his girlfriend is 4, and when Kevin Costner is 20 his girlfriend is 20. When Kevin Costner is 50 how old will his girlfriend be?

a. 50

b. 24

c. She’s not his “girlfriend,” she’s his fiancée!

8. Envy, the new Dreamworks comedy, is about two friends who hate each other because one is more successful than the other and is based on the true story of:

a. Michael Eisner and Jeffery Katzenbeg.

b. Joe Eszterhas and William Friedkin.

c. Mel Gibson and Rupert Murdoch.

d. Everyone in Hollywood.

9. Sylvester is taller than Tom and Tom is shorter that Arnold, which of the following statements is accurate:

a. Tom is taller than Arnold

b. Sylvester is taller than Arnold and Tom.

c. Arnold may not be taller, but he’s the Governor.

10. In Hollywood, “Ethical” is the opposite of:

a. Useful

b. Smart

c. Necessary

d. All of the above

11. If all Agents are Managers and all Managers are Producers, then all Agents are definitely Producers. The above sentence is logically:

a. True

b. False

c. A sad reality.

12. Recently it was announced that John Stamos and Rebecca Romijn-Stamos would be getting a divorce. Where will John Stamos most likely be appearing next?

a. On TV doing more of those great phone commercials.

b. The Playboy Mansion to find that next Ms. Right-Stamos.

c. The California Office of Employment Development.

d. The nearest Rite-Aid asking “Which is better razor blades or sleeping pills?”

e. All of the above, in EXACTLY that order.

13. The big hit of the summer will be:

a. Spider-Man 2

b. Alien Vs. Predator

c. Harry Potter

d. The Olympics

ANSWERS

1. You’ll know this trend will be almost over when they make the urban version of Caddyshack, until then the correct answers are: A-2, B-3, C-4, D-1