Hey, Paulington! Is a Cinephile advice column that looks at life, love, and the movies. Anyone can send in a question, and Paulington will answer it. Sure, it's a really cryptic, cliched concept that has been around since the dawn of time. But we're spicing it up a little bit. Topics can range from anything: Sex, violence, haints and taints, your favorite movie! Paulington doesn't care. He's basically doing it for a paycheck. He's not really an expert on anything. But he sure does know a lot about movies and human nature. You can send your questions to (as in, click on the giant red letters and you will automatically be sent to his email):

Hey, Paulington!

And he will be sure to answer all of them in a very timely manner. Here are this week's letters. Enjoy!

Hey, Paulington!

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Did Tucker Max punch you in the kidneys and kill you? Where have you been for the last month? I don't really like your column, cause it sucks. But I need something to read. Stop slacking and do some work, Jerkface! Signed, "Bored at Work"

Dear Bored Jerk. After Comic-Con, I decided to leave the state of California for someplace a little more hillbilly cliché. Also, I wanted a pet donkey. And to work from home in nothing but a pair of overalls. That's why I'm now sitting in Nashville, Tennessee. I live directly across the street from Oprah's Dad, Vernon Winfrey. He cuts my hair for ten dollars a pop. People throw dogs out windows here. You should see the puppy that landed on our doorstep. Her name is Rydell, and she is beyond cute. We don't know if we'll keep her or not. Probably. There are no movie or video stores here. Well, we did find one run down theater, but its been playing Tobe Keith's Beer For My Horses to sold out crowds for over a year now. Maybe I'll venture down and watch it someday. I hear its kind of like The Rocky Horror Picture Show. Though, I'm not sure what you're supposed to throw. Beer is in the title, and whiskey is mentioned in the theme song. So I'm hoping to walk away from the experience blind stinking drunk. As far as Tucker Max is concerned, I received some pretty goofy emails from obvious sycophants that warned me, "Tucker Max is the devil!" I went to his offices to interview him and his screenwriting partner Nils Parker, half expecting some red demon to spring up from the floorboards. But that couldn't have been further from the case. Both guys are extremely cool and funny (guess that goes without saying). And you'll see their interview soon. It was fun meeting them and talking about the movie, and I wish them all the success in the world. I will be seeing the film in Knoxville soon. The trailer's great, and I'm sure I'll dig the film (as I stated in the past, I am a fan of the book). Though, if I don't like it, you may never hear from me again (just kidding).

Hey Paulington!

I was at Comic-Con both last year and this year. While I had a great time, I kept noticing this idiotic Bob Stencil guy asking stupid questions at a lot of the panels. He went as far as to ask the cast of Twilight about their romantic lives, even after being instructed not to. Wow, isn't he hilarious? Who is this retard and how can I best avoid him in San Diego next year? - Signed, "Bob Stencil Hate Club President"

Dear Mr. President. It seems that you are not the only one annoyed with this wanna-be Hunter S. Thompson/Ron Burgundy mash-up. I have a feeling a lot of this hate stems from his affiliate website, Firstshowing.net. Many folks just aren't happy with the way Alex Billington runs that lofty blog. His tactics are fishy, to say the least. This amazing guy throws crybaby tantrums (in the form of heated emails) right in the face of his publicists, claiming his life has been threatened by other journalists. Which is all hogwash. He often complains that he hasn't been treated fairly by certain film directors. Heck, the guy had the balls to call John Favreau on the phone and bitch about his exclusion from an Iron Man set visit. Its reasons like this that no one can stand the guy, and his gamut runs from fellow bloggers all the way to the PR firms that have to deal with him on a constant basis. He's constantly fucking up professional relationships, and even though a lot of people have been willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, he turns right around and jacks off in the face of his supporters. Frankly, I am in awe of the kid. He's like a punchy villian, and he's constantly a topic of discussion wherever I go. Good or bad, its better to be talked about than ignored completely. I guess. I just wish he didn't play the dumbass douche card so favorably. And so often. He should take charge of his villian status, like Mr. Glass, and do something memorable and awesome. Alas, he doesn't have the imagination for such a thing. "He just wants to be liked." Eh, that's so blasé. Last year, Alex hired Bob Stencil to do his Comic Con video interviews for him. He did the same this year, but I never saw Bob on the actual broadcast press line. Why? Because the people in charge of getting journalists on the line simply "hate, hate, hate" Alex Billington. Which has everything to do with their hate of Bob Stencil. I know Bob made some racket downstairs in Hall H. But the Stencil hate only started to rise from his association with Billington, and branched off from there. Which is too bad. I've been going to Comic-Con since 2003, and I always remember Stencil being a part of the crowd. He is a definite, integral ingredient to the Comic-Con experience. And you simply can't avoid him if you buy your four-day pass. He comes with the admission price. He has long been a fixture of Hall H, and he deserved that Bob Stencil Hatch T-Shirt. Do I think he's funny? Sometimes. Kinda. Do I think he belongs in the broadcast press line upstairs? Not at all. But neither do a lot of the journalists that I see up there. I fully understand why a great number of Hall H'ers and Con Attendees have come to loathe this fictitious ex-Braniff Airline pilot. There are a lot of stupid, unfunny people in the world. Maybe they need your hate more then this man with a fake mustache. He's just fucking around. I have no qualms with that. Now if he'd just find another outlet to side himself with, maybe he'd find a little less aggression pointed at his face. His affiliation with Alex Billington has only damaged his reputation. Maybe Alex can buck himself up like a trailer hitch and turn this hate train around. Though, he gives us little faith.

Hey, Paulington!

I heard the gang from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia has made a Christmas movie. Is this something that is going to air on FX? Is it a DVD special? What is it rated, and what can I expect to see? I love Charlie, Mac, Dennis, and Sweet Dee! This isn't a full-fledged movie, is it? I bet it'll be hilarious! Signed, "Frank's Secret Love Child"

Dear Love Child. No, "It's a Very Sunny Christmas" is not a feature length movie. It is a sixty-minute, never before seen holiday special that the Sunny gang shot exclusively for DVD. And I hear it's pretty outrageous. With the restrictions of basic cable swept to the wayside, these guys were able to do pretty much whatever they wanted. And its sounds like it might tip the line of their usual vulgarity and offensive behavior. But don't fret, it always has a purpose and it's always hilarious. In a recent interview with TV Squad, Danny DeVito, who plays Frank Reynolds on the show, said, "We have a Christmas DVD coming out that's off the charts. We're doing everything we can't do on television. It's like basically sex, and drugs and rock 'n' roll. Anything we want." Glenn Howerton, who plays Dennis, talked with IGN about the project}, and he shouted, "Dude, that episode is nuts! It's f--king crazy because we can go even further with it than we can on the show. Which is far! There is some outrageous s--t happening in that episode. It's basically these characters having some revelations about what Christmas means to them. And the idea is that it's meant to be sort of in the same vein as a lot of other Christmas specials that you grew up watching as a kid. 'This Christmas is different from all other Christmases' and why. We learn something about ourselves. We learn something about the meaning of Christmas. And it's probably not what anybody would expect, I'll tell you that." The press release for the DVD states: It's a yuletide tale filled with stolen toys, childhood videos, naked elves and a bloody run in with Santa Claus. Sounds like a must-buy to me. I can't wait to check it out.

Send your questions about love, life, and the movies to:

Hey, Paulington!

Hope you have a great week! See you next time. (If you click on the big red letters, you will be taken to an email address where you will be able to leave your questions.)

B. Alan Orange at Movieweb
B. Alan Orange