Hey, Paulington! Is a new Cinephile advice column that looks at life, love, and the movies. Anyone can send in a question, and Paulington will answer it. Sure, it's a really cryptic, cliched concept that has been around since the dawn of time. But we're going to spice it up a little bit. Topics can range from anything: Sex, violence, haints and taints, your favorite movie! Paulington doesn't care. He's basically doing it for a paycheck. He's not really an expert on anything. But he sure does know a lot about movies and human nature. You can send your questions to (as in, click on the giant red letters and you will automatically be sent to his email):

Hey, Paulington!

He will be sure to answer all of your questions in a very timely manner. Here are this week's letters. Enjoy!

Hey, Paulington!

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Are you going to be at Comic-con this year? If so, what are you expected to cover? Who will you be talking to? Also, can I sleep on your hotel room floor? I'm having trouble booking a room. Signed, "Toolsey"

Dear Toolsey. This year's Comic Con is all about The Twilight Saga's New Moon. In fact, the entire exhibit seems to be devoted to Stephanie Meyer's young adult vampire romance series. We'll be talking to most of the individuals involved with the franchise, as well as screening copious amounts of footage from the new film. All I have to say about that is, "Fuck me with a fork!" Seriously. Aside from Summit hyping up its hormonal juice spritzer, it's a little too early to say exactly what we'll see down in San Diego this year. James Cameron will be present, selling his latest 3D adventure film Avatar like a carnival barker. He will be unspooling some never-before seen footage. Hopefully in 3D. And I'm sure there will be a pretty cool exclusive give away of some sort tied into the experience. Other studios haven't shown much interest in the show this year. Not yet, anyway. Despite selling out its entire weekend for the first time in history last year, enthusiasm for the five-day event seems to be waning. The hype has grown overblown, like a Hubba Bubba bubble on the lips of a Long Island hooker. Expect a new, improved theatrical showcase to emerge soon, in the depths of some unknown American city. Last year, Fox felt Comic Con wasn't necessarily beneficial to their cause, keeping films like Dragonball Evolution and Street Fighter: Legend of Chun-Li away from our prying eyes. Hugh Jackman did drop in to give X-Men Origins: Wolverine a little kick in the pants. And Mirrors was thoroughly hyped. Most interviewers used the time to get 24 and Crank High Voltage scoops. All other Fox films were given the absentee ballot, so expect as much this year. Most of our bigger summer films will have already opened to stealer box office success by the time CC2009 rolls around. Rumor has Paramount hiding G.I. Joe: Rise of Cobra before its initial release. So don't expect it to be screened at Comic Con. It is going to be marketed as a kid's movie. Which may help its plight. If the fanboys can embrace it as something below their expectations, maybe they'll be able to grasp the fact that some movies simply aren't made for 40-year-old men harboring a plastic fetish. Disney is rumored to have a big presence at this year's geek fest, offering up footage and interview coverage from Tron, Robert Zemeckis' A Christmas Carol, and the hand-drawn animated film The Princess and the Frog. One of the most exciting elements being tossed into the mix this year is the filming of Greg Mottola's Paul, starring this decade's premiere comedy duo Simon Pegg and Nick Frost. They will be in costume filming scenes for this sci-fi comedy about a Comic Con road trip where two middle-aged nerds meets a gray alien named, you guessed it, Paul. If you play your cards right, you might find yourself acting as an extra in the film. So, Toolsey, you better get that costume ready, and make sure it's a good one! TV's fall schedule will ramp up its presence, giving us an exclusive All-Network look at the new comedies and dramas heading our way in September. As always, the CW will be dominating the arena with in-depth exclusives on all of their shows, including an exciting look at what could be the final season of Supernatural. And, fingers crossed, we will also be chatting with the cast of my new favorite show Southland. For fans of comic books, more of an emphasis will be placed on the artists and storytellers that are currently pushing that medium in a new direction. There will be plenty of exclusive toys to purchase. And, as always, there will be plenty of T-shirts and has-beens ready to autograph them for you. This is Comic Con's 40th anniversary, so you can expect some huge surprises just around the bend. As far as your hotel situation? Sorry, fucker, but I already have to bunk with two smelly jerks and there simply isn't any room. Though, I wouldn't let you stay in my bed if you were hot like a Mariah/Beyonce ass mash-up. Comic Con is a POW camp for on-line journalists, and I need sleep. I've got a lot of work to do for you. In the future, you might want to remember that March 19th is when the Comic Con hotel reservation hotline opens to the public. For more information on securing a room for the nearly sold out show, you can click here. Maybe you'll get lucky, and someone will cancel their reservation. Also, remember to stop by and say, "Hi!" For the third year in a row, I will be a part of the Masters of the Web panel. There might be a fight brewing between two on-line personalities. We're talking fists and shit. You won't want to miss it!

Hey, Paulington!

I see that you attended Disney's a Christmas Carol train tour. I have three kids between the ages of eight and twelve. Is this something they would enjoy? It looks neat. I live near Nashville, Tennessee. When is it coming to my town, and how much does it cost? Signed, "Nervous Summer Mother"

Dear Mother. The train tour is free. In this day and age, you can't beat that. If your kids are interested in filmmaking, they will definitely get a kick out of this rolling museum. The entire showcase runs through about six Amtrak cars, and features conceptual artwork, models, masks, and a pretty neat motion capture tutorial that shows off how Robert Zemeckis brought his weird, sometimes scary, adaptation to life. The exhibit is also unveiling a few selected scenes from the movie. If your kids haven't seen any of the hundred different versions of A Christmas Carol yet, they will probably find it entertaining. Jim Carrey, especially, is a hoot. You, yourself, might grow a little bored, as this is one tale that has been told more times than I can count. The 3D isn't as immersive as I've seen it done in the past. Zemeckis has taken a more subtle approach. This is a more truthful version of the Charles Dickens' novel. Because of that, some of the imagery might be a tad bit disturbing for younger viewers. Which makes it all the more fun. I love to see little kids cry. At the end of the tour, you will get to morph your own face into one of four different characters. It should all prove to be a memorable experience for the tiny tots in your family. The train tour will be pulling into Memphis on August 4th for one day only, so you better get there early (the train opens at 9 am). It will be a nice late summer outing for the family. The rest of you can check the date and times of the location nearest you by clicking here. I hope you enjoy!

Hey, Paulington!

What the fuck? Signed, "The Fucker"

Dear Fucker. What the fuck, indeed? I will tell you what the fuck. We've discovered a new breed of Seahorse. Earthquakes are tearing apart California. Shawn Johnson is the winner of Dancing with the Stars. Kris Allen is our new American Idol. A thirteen-year-old cancer patient is a fugitive on the run. Obama thinks torturing three fucked-up maniacs is worse than the hundreds of America lives they wanted to claim. Terminator Salvation is going to be the biggest weekend opener of the year. Brian Gallagher got quoted on the back of the Fanboys DVD. Someone is actually making a Bazooka Joe movie about bubble gum. Whites are now a minority in Kansas. Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus is actually good. Pufnstuf is finally on DVD. Gasoline prices are suddenly higher right before the holiday. The swine flu is still on a kill tour rampage across the country. Lego and NASA are busy working on a space mission. A car accident just happened right outside the house as I type this. And I can't keep a steady Internet connection. WHAT THE FUCK?

Send your questions about love, life, and the movies to:

Hey, Paulington!

Hope you have a great week! See you next time. (If you click on the big red letters, you will be taken to an email address where you will be able to leave your questions.)

Cinemark Movie Club
B. Alan Orange