Hey, Paulington! Is a Cinephile advice column that looks at life, love, and the movies. Anyone can send in a question, and Paulington will answer it. Sure, it's a really cryptic, cliched concept that has been around since the dawn of time. But we're spicing it up a little bit. Topics can range from anything: Sex, violence, haints and taints, your favorite movie! Paulington doesn't care. He's basically doing it for a paycheck. He's not really an expert on anything. But he sure does know a lot about movies and human nature. You can send your questions to (as in, click on the giant red letters and you will automatically be sent to his email):

Hey, Paulington!

And he will be sure to answer all of them in a very timely manner. Here are this week's letters. Enjoy!

Hey, Paulington!

Why don't you guys ever promote, review, or advertise video games on your site? They're just as important as TV, DVD, and movies when it comes to entertainment. It sucks that I have to go somewhere else for this information. Signed, "First-Person Shooter"

Dear Shooter. Wow. That's a great question. It's because, once again, this is "MOVIEWEB", damn it! Its not videogameweb or basementdwellers.org. I don't play video games, and wouldn't be able to review them to your specific standards anyway. A true gamer knows what he or she wants in a kill-em-up blood orgy as orchestrated by their own hands. I don't. I have no knowledge of this world. When I play video games, I get very angry. Who do I take that aggression out on? My real life opponents. Do I study the codebooks or the secret move maps that are so prevalent on the Internet? Fuck no, that's a waist of my precious and valuable resources. If I am playing a video game, and I am losing, I will get very frustrated and take it out with my fists in real time. I was banned from playing games like Street Fighter and Mortal Combat in our college rec room. Because it always meant someone was leaving with a fat lip or a black eye. Real blood would hit the walls and floor, and various electronic components would get broken. I had to buy at least five new Nintendo 64 controllers before our RAs decided it was a good idea to get me away from these buzzing aggravates. Ever since then, I haven't tempted fate except with the occasional car smashing game (because everyone loves destruction; and even I can't step away from that sorted awesomeness). We once considered having a video game section here on this site, but it proved to be too time consuming and not very cost affective. There are plenty of places on the web to find what you need. My reviews would just be angry, misaimed attempts at calming my own nerves when it comes to losing. I don't have the patience for it. Yes, I suck at video games. They get inside my head like a hissing ball of static that's likely to turn me insane. Maybe in the future, we will find someone that is able to pull their head out of a nine-day Realmquest bout to write about their experiences in that magical world. Right now, we are going to continue with the way things are. If you don't like that, write your local congressman. Make it mandatory for all "entertainment" sites to have a video game section. Until then, go stick your face in someone else's television snow. You filthy white noise, you!

Hey, Paulington!

This isn't a movie question, but it still relates to Hollywood. I was thinking about how i miss seeing Dave Chappelle on TV. I get that he pissed a lot of people off. But, seriously, he's easily one of the funniest people in the world. And goddamn it, I want him back! So here's my plan: No one supports other stand up comics like Jay Leno. I figure if anyone can get Dave back on TV, mic in hand, making the whole world pee their pants and in need of an ER visit as a result of a split side, it's gotta be Jay. Do you have an email address or something, or know of some way i can send a barrage of emails to the The Jay Leno Show to make this demand...I mean request? I tried Googling "email Jay Leno" but all i could find was old message board posts about emailing him at The Tonight Show with Jay Leno. Well thanks for letting me waste precious moments of your life with insignificant questions. Signed, "Err"

Dear Err. Thank you for sending over all those notes on my horrible misspellings. They are greatly appreciated. And make me feel like a retarded nub flapper. About your question? First off, you can reach Jay Leno at his official twitter pages here and here. Or you can email him at [email protected] (which actually may be a defunct address). You can most definitely send in your requests to the The Jay Leno Showhere. Thing is, Dave Chappelle is the only one that can get Dave Chappelle back on TV. It's not a question of you sending in requests. Or even Leno demanding it himself. Ever since leaving his very popular Comedy Central skit show, Chappelle hasn't done anything except stand-up. He tours around the country, making the occasional surprise appearance. If you want to see him perform, you'll have to be lucky enough to visit the right comedy club at just the right moment in time. Keep your ears on twitter or other Dave Chappelle fan boards. They'll alert you to his immerging appearance. Right now, most clubs don't know he is showing up until he walks through the door. Dave was spotted at the Four Seasons in Los Angeles earlier this year, where he ran into Russell Brand outside in the valet area. In talking with some of the folks going in and out of the hotel, Chappelle made it seem as though his return to film and television was imminent. Only time will tell at this point, and the project has to be right for him. He certainly doesn't need the money just yet. It's probably not worth your time in trying to get him to come out of electronic retirement. Judging from the response to a recent Oregon secret show, he knows he's still in high demand. But just the same, I'm sure he doesn't mind hearing that from as many fans possible. You never know where you might accidentally run into the comedian. And if that does happen, why not tell him how much he is truly missed? Hearing it directly from your mouth instead of some The Jay Leno Show producer would mean more to the funnyman. And it would probably mean more Dave Chappelle sightings in the near future.

Hey, Paulington!

Is it my imagination, or is Trick 'r Treat the best Halloween flick ever made? Also, why the heck didn't it get a proper theatrical release? Every review I've read praises the ever-living shit out of this movie? When can I see it! Signed, "The Halloweener!"

Dear Hollow Weiner. My inside sources, who are quite reliable, tell me that this movie was kept from getting a proper release due to its graphic scenes of child murder and abuse. Having not seen the film, I don't know how it could be any worse than Orphan, which was also released by Warner Brothers. It's definitely not a bad film, especially if the glowing reviews are any indication. Horror geeks seem to love it, and yes, by all accounts, it does sound like it is shaping up to be a future go-to Halloween horror classic. I've been dying to see it, much like you have. Guess what? We're in luck. Trick 'r Treat is being released on Blu-ray and conventional DVD this Tuesday, October 6th. Contrary to popular belief, it is a real film. Not some shoddy, shot-on-tube-camera, direct to VHS release. Right now, it has a 100% fresh rating at Rotten Tomatoes. The only other Halloween treat with such excellent ratings is It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown. John Carpenter's Halloween only has a 93% fresh rating. Rob Zombie's remake is way down on the list with 26%. Heck, Skippy's Trick or Treat doesn't even register. So, yes, Mr. Halloweener, if you believe in Tomato Meters, Trick 'r Treat is the best Halloween flick ever made.

Send your questions about love, life, and the movies to:

Hey, Paulington!

Hope you have a great week! See you next time. (If you click on the big red letters, you will be taken to an email address where you will be able to leave your questions.)

B. Alan Orange