Burnin' Down The House

The heights of Mount Purgatory are cold, but they provide an excellent view of Development Hell, where a lot of things are really heating up:

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According to The Hollywood Reporter.com, director Tony Scott might take on American Caesar, a military drama by Gladiator co-writer William Nicholson. The story is described as a modern-day Caesar and Brutus story set in the U.S. Army. The local denizens love a good back-stabbing...

The lovely Kate Beckinsale has signed to star in Underworld. She will play the part of a vampire who falls for a werewolf – something of a Romeo and Juliet story.

Speaking of classic monsters, Jim Isaac, just off helming Jason X, will take on feuding werewolf clans in Skinwalkers as his next project. Looks like the old Monster vs. Monster flicks are back.

RKO has fast tracked Mini’s First Time as the directorial debut for writer Nick Guthe. The story revolves around a promiscuous Beverly Hills girl who falls in love with her stepfather. Together they plan the murder of her alcoholic mother. It certainly sounds like it will fit in down here...

The devils and imps were all stirred up when we heard from various sources that Michael Jackson is planning to direct They Cage the Animals at Night, a true story about (what else) a young boy in an orphanage. It’s impossible to find a bible down here, but I’m pretty sure this one of the Signs of the Apocalypse!

Rolland Emmerich is pretty busy these days. Dark Horizons reports that he’ll be helming The Day After Tomorrow – a global warming sci-fi thriller. He’s also gearing up with producing partner Dean Devlin for long-rumored Independence Day 2. Nothing goes over better down here than a good sci-fi global disaster flick!

Director Brett Ratner is looking to take up Paycheck, from a Phillip K. Dick story about (what else) a man whose memory is erased. It’s definitely got a few tails twitching down here!

“There can be only one!” Or so we might wish. Dark Horizons reports a rumor from TNT Magazine that indicates a fifth film is on the way, with Timothy Dalton to play the bad guy. The movie is entitled Highlander 5: The Source. Look for it in discount bins everywhere.

It’s The Fast and The Furious meets Legally Blondein New Lines latest acquisition, the professional car racing comedy Diesel Debutantes. Obviously, someone wanted to make the Vin Diesel connection, since racecars definitely don’t use diesel fuel. Just more fuel for the fire, so to speak...

Speaking of Vin, a little tidbit out of Newsweek describes the opening scene of XXX. Apparently, a middle-aged, tuxedo-wearing spy gets whacked at a concert and his corpse surfs over a mosh pit. But it’s not really supposed to be James Bond.

And speaking of James Bond, I’m sure most of you heard about the notoriously litigious MGM dis-membering of Austin Powers 3. Then, of course, a deal was struck to allow the use of Austin Powers in Goldmember. The deal requires that the trailer for Die Another Day, the next James Bond flick, be attached to the re-membered Austin Powers movie. I’m not sure who really won here, but it’s quite funny that a spoof of a movie franchise will now be advertising said franchise.

All I can say is don’t mess with James Bond. It’s not just me you have to worry about. The franchise has such a long history down here that they have their own permanent upper level demon. And he’s very protective of his franchise. Besides, MGM will sue your butt off...

Comic Adaption Hell:

It looks like Comic Adaption Hell is threatening to spill over into the main Circles of Hell. Cinescape tells us that Columbia has optionedPowers for Frank Oz to setup as a potential franchise. The comic deals with a special police unit that investigates murders of superheroes.

FilmForce has found out that Quentin Tarantino is co-producing Mort the Dead Teenager. Tarantino’s producing partner, Lawrence Bender, is involved as well as Madonna’s Maverick Films. Steven Spielberg and Robert Zemeckis previously had the project down here, but it never made it out. Good work on the imps part, but they’ll have to start all over again now!

Remake Hell:

Variety tells us that Halle Berry has signed to remake the classic Pam Grier backsploitation film Foxy Brown. Having seen Swordfish, I’m not sure Halle is in Pam’s league, if you know what I mean. Maybe she can borrow Angelina Jolie’s wonder bra...

And Coming Soon has found out about the Jennifer Lopez project Carmen. Moulin Rouge co-scribe Craig Pearce is attached to re-imagine and modernize the classic opera tale about a Gypsy temptress who proves the undoing of a Spanish soldier. I would normally react fairly poorly to this, but considering the success of Moulin Rouge, I’ll remain slightly optimistic. Those-in-charge appear to be thinking about creating a sub-circle of Remake Hell just for musicals...P>

Sequel Hell:

Andrew Davis, director of Collateral Damage, has been confirmed to take on Under Siege 3, according to Coming Soon. J.F. Lawton, author of the previous two Under Siegefeatures, will return to pen the third installment. Of course, Segal is always a welcome guest is Sequel Hell.

TV and TV Adaption Hell:

Impact magazine reports that MGM has ordered 26 episodes of Stargate: Infinity, an animated spin-off of Stargate: SG-1. The series will be set 20 years after the events of the film and will try to maintain consistency with both the film and the television series. The previously reported live-action spin-off, Stargate: Atlantis, appears to be moving ahead, with MGM pondering a cable or straight to syndication distribution. Get the latest info at GateWorld.net.

Ah, Oh! That devil over there looks horny! I’m outta here! ~Lee