What the bull schnozzle is this? I'm perusing the Comic Con 2007 website, and I come across this bit of information: Paulington, one of our interviewers and critics here at Movieweb, is going to be part of a webmasters panel at the con. That's right. He's being considered a "Master of the Web"! When did this happen? How? Why? Who forgot to include me? I've been doing this a lot longer than that cock taco has. He's a douche dog wannabe talentless hack. How did he wind up on this amazing roster of gifted journalists? Here's the schedule as it appears on Comic Con 2007's official page:

1:00-2:30 Masters of the Web-Hosted by Tom DeSanto (Transformers, X-Men), reps from the biggest genre and movie websites come together to talk about how new media have affected moviemaking today, what it takes to run a popular site, and much more. Panelists include Robert Sanchez (IESB.net), Garth Franklin (Darkhorizons.com), Berge Garabedian (Joblo.com), Patrick Lee (Scifi.com), Ed Douglas (Comingsoon.net/Superherohype.com), Brad Miska (Bloody-Disgusting.com), Steven Weintraub (Collider.com), Devin Faraci (CHUD.com), Drew McWeeney (Aintitcool.com), Paulington James Christensen III (Movieweb.com), Kellvin Chavez (Latinoreview.com), and Eric Moro (IGN.com). Room 6A

As you can see, there are a lot of well endowed, artistically proficient Web representatives appearing at this thing. I've been a fan of most of these sites for a long time, and can't wait to hear them speak. The guy putting it on, Robert Sanchez is a real sweetheart. He's a funny dude, and will make for a swell moderator. He's told me plenty of funny stories on the side, so I can't wait to hear what he has to say in front of a captive audience. And Kellvin Chavez is hands down my favorite coohole critic on the entire Internet Journalism Planet. If you're going to party with someone, make sure its him. He knows the best drinks, and is always there with a finger pointed towards the hottest ladies. I just wish his taste in movies was as superlative as his taste in the sexy female race. Hmm. You know what. It actually really is.

Related: Gamora's True Fate Officially Revealed by Avengers: Endgame Writers

The rest of these guys should be a real treat to watch and listen too. They've been doing this for a long time, and I already know they have some of the best tales to tell. Cause I have already heard them. A dozen times. Trust me, you should really stay until Sunday so you can catch this exciting line-up of enthusiastic awesomeness. Drew McWeeney is going to be there, for God's sake. He's Moriarty on Aint It Cool news. You don't get much bigger than that. And Devin Faraci. "The" Devin Faraci. From Chud. He is hands down the most intelligent member of the Internet community. The guy is so smart and witty, he "is" the mother f*cking Inter-NET (Just like George Burns in those God movies, if the Internet manifested itself as a human, it would be this guy)! You just can't go wrong, here, people. You've already seen Transformers. Now see this. Live and in person.

Still not convinced? Ed Douglas. There. That's all I had to say. Now I know you're going to be there.

(Seriously...How did that freak show Paulington get included on this roster? If you smell something funky at the Con, it's probably his moustache.)

Cinemark Movie Club
B. Alan Orange