I'm gonna burn for this...

Do you dislike when a film contains unnecessary nudity? Are you disturbed by sex in the movies? Do you want to see versions of popular films without eroticism? Then, hopefully, you're seeking counseling. However, if you're not, then you might be interested in the work of Robert Huntsman of Utah-based (where else?) CleanFlicks. CLICK HERE to read about their campaign to gain the right to re-edit Hollywood movies and resell them. So, basically, you can buy cut-down versions of big films, for full price, despite the objections of the filmmakers! What a deal! Maybe they can do other things, like edit Jar-Jar out of The Phantom Menace? (Ok, someone did that already.) Anyway, sorry if I got your hopes up here, but the Directors Guild of America is already on the case. So I'm afraid you'll just have to stick with having your mommy cover your eyes during the 'bad scenes.' If she can still get up out of that rocking chair...

Dev-Hell Central:

Hip-hop star Lil' Kim (the one who, er, rapped on Moulin Rouge's Lady Marmalade) is set to star in an indie urban Western entitled Guns and Roses. And no, it's got nothing to do with the 80's rock band of the same name. Anyway, isn't Urban Western an oxymoron?

Mel Gibson will direct Jim Caviezel in the odd project Passion, which tells the story of Christ's last 12 hours. As Gibson is a devout Catholic, you can expect the Vatican version of the story. Anyway, the truly strange thing is that the film will be spoken in two ancient tongues: Latin and Aramaic. The obvious thing is that he's having trouble finding a distributor for a film that only uses 'dead' languages, which haven't been spoken in hundreds of years. Maybe A&E or PAX will pick it up...

Variety reported that Dean Parisot is in talks to direct Bruce Willis in Me Again. The story involves a man who wakes up next to a dead body and has lost his memory. He later finds himself pitted against another man. One of them is good and one evil. He hopes he's the good guy, but he doesn't know. Boy if that isn't a setup for a twist ending, I've never heard one. Willis is starting to specialize in guys who have no idea what's going on...

Harrison Ford may have picked up a co-star for his upcoming film, Two Cops, which appears to be about, well, two cops. Apparently the production was unable to afford another actor, so singer Dwight Yoakum has been signed to play the main bad cop, who is head of security for a gangster rapper. No doubt Ford plays the good cop. And yes, that's a prediction for a name change to 'Good Cop - Bad Cop.'

Filming on the adaption of Pulitzer Prize-winning novel, A Confederacy of Dunces, is set to begin in New Orleans sometime next spring. Drew Barrymore will associate produce. Which sounds like some kind of a bad joke. (What do you call Drew Barrymore producing A Confederacy of Dunces? A good start...)

Sequel Hell:

Coming Soon picked up a few hints that Sylvester Stallone is in talks about another Rambo movie. Apparently they are planning on combining action with politics. Apparently Stallone is broke...

Comedian Louie Anderson spoke on Houston talk radio KTRH and mentioned that he had just meet with Chevy Chase, Rodney Dangerfield and the original producers of Caddyshack. Of course, the topic of the talks was Caddyshack 3, which would wisely not take into account the events of the second movie. Of course, they would need Ted Knight to do this right. Unfortunately, he now occupies the other 'prime waste of real estate,' as described by Dangerfield's character.

The often rumored sequel Ocean's Twelve has been loosely scheduled for shooting in 2004, according to director Steven Soderbergh. He also claims all the actors are working for free and that he has ideas, but nothing is materialized. This apparently came from a Norwegian newspaper interview, but I think an Amsterdam hash shop is much more likely...

Another inevitable sequel, Gladiator 2, is getting underway. John Logan, who wrote the first film's script, has been hired to write the sequel, which is set 15 years after. There's no word on what happened to the old prequel concepts, but give it time. They'll be back.

Antonio Banderas has been quoted as saying that he turned down a $20 million dollar offer for The Mask Of Zorro 2, so that he can pursue more interesting films. Like Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever? It nice to see artistic integrity these days...

TV and TV Adaption Hell:

Sci-Fi Channel has canned their acclaimed show, Farscape, following the conclusion of the (current) fourth season. As always, an online save-the-show petition popped up within hours, CLICK HERE to sign up. The final season will begin showing in January. In the meantime, you'll just have to watch more Stargate: SG-1!

Filming has begun in Hawaii for Baywatch: The Movie. Pamela Anderson has reportedly lent her considerable assets to the reunion film for an equally considerable paycheck. No doubt the film involves other talented actresses with their own built-in personal floatation devices...

The Horror! The Horror! Variety reported that Fox is looking at a feature film for American Idol winner Kelly Clarkson and finalist Justin Guarini. The film would mix real-life adventures with scripted hijinks. That's the amazing thing about Hollywood; just when you think you've heard the worst possible idea, along comes another one...

In Hollywood's ongoing effort to destroy every show from my childhood, The Hollywood Reporter noted that Nicole Kidman is in talks to portray Samantha Stevens from the 60's and 70's sitcom Bewitched. Mike Myers is being sought to portray her inept husband who causes the lovely witch to swear off of using her supernatural powers. Hopefully Ms. Kidman will twitch her nose and cause this whole mess to disappear...

Twitch, Twitch, Poof! L8ter! ~Lee

RIP: It's been a tough few weeks for movie fans, sports fans and SF fans. Our condolences go out to the friends, family and coworkers of some of the greats in their fields:

Kim Hunter, most noted for her portrayal Zira of in three Planet of the Apes movies, has passed away at the age of 79.

Hall of Fame Quarterback Johnny Unitas passed away at the age of 69. Famed Cowboys speed demon receiver Bob Hayes also passed away recently at age 59.

Famed SF author and physicist Robert L. Forward passed away at the age of 70.

Brian B.