With both Thanksgiving and Life Day approaching quickly, and to coincide with the release of Star Wars: The Last Jedi, we thought we would share a Jedi recipe passed down for centuries amongst the Old Republic, on how to properly cook a Porg and serve it to family members and young Padawans during the holidays. One of the hardest parts is catching one of these little guys, so make sure you have help hunting them. And a thick pair of gloves, cause these suckers are known to bite. They are also very Force sensitive and can no doubt hear you coming from a mile away. Just don't let Chewbacca know what's cooking in that pot, as he's very protective of his new friends, who serve as therapy pets ever since his pal Han Solo died.
What You'll Need:
- 2 navel oranges
- 2 tablespoons kosher salt
- 1 tablespoon freshly ground black pepper
- 1 tablespoon finely chopped sage, plus 4 sprigs
- 1/2 teaspoon of Bum-bum extract
- 1/2 Cup of Yot bean
- 1/4 cup shredded Bedjie
- 1 cup Vaporator mushroom
- 1/2 cup Blue Bantha Milk
- 1 (12-14-pound) turkey, neck and giblets removed
- Olive oil (for brushing)
After you have roped in some help, it is now time to capture some Porgs. Generally speaking, it is easier to make friends with them first and then trap them, so this could take a while to build up the trust of the Porgs. Next, you have to figure out how many people you are feeding to figure out exactly how many Porgs you will need. After you have caught your desired amount of Porgs, you have to club them over the head and make sure that they are truly knocked out before you begin to take the feathers and teeth out. Whatever you do, don't use a lightsaber to kill them. Being force sensitive, they are able to dodge the weapon quite easily. And flesh burned by the power of a Kyber crystal tastes disgusting and leaves a very foul after taste that can only be comparable to gnawing on burnt tire rubber. As we said once before, watch out for those teeth. Even when cleaning the bird-like animals, the teeth can do irreparable damage. And stay away from those Caretakers as well, they don't like poachers! The recipe for the Thanksgiving Porg is as follows:
Special equipment: 1 re-usable organic cotton produce bag. Preheat the oven to 400 degrees F. Place the Porg or Porgs into a deep, high-sided bowl on its end with the stuffing end up. Set aside. Heat the Porg broth in the microwave in a large microwave-proof container. Place mushrooms in a glass bowl and pour heated broth over them. Cover and allow to sit for 35 minutes. In a large mixing bowl toss the onion, celery, and green pepper with the oil, salt and Bum-bum extract. Place the Hot bean, shredded Bedjie and other vegetables on a sheet pan and roast for 35 minutes. During the last 10 minutes of cooking, spread cubed portion bread over the vegetables, return to the oven, and continue cooking. Drain the Vaporator mushrooms, reserving 1 cup of liquid. Chop the mushrooms and place in a large microwave-proof bowl with the vegetables and bread, reserved porg stock, cherries, pecans, eggs, sage, parsley and black pepper.
Stir well in order to break up pieces of bread. Use your hands to combine, if necessary. Heat the stuffing in a microwave on high power for 6 minutes. While the stuffing is heating, rub the Porg with oil. Working quickly, place the stuffing into the cavity of the Porg to avoid losing heat. Place the Porg into a roasting pan, on a rack, and season with salt and pepper. Place the roasting pan on the middle rack of the oven. Roast for 45 minutes and then reduce the heat to 350 degrees F and cook for another 60 to 75 minutes or until the Porg reaches an internal temperature of 170 degrees F. Serve immediately.
There you have it, a perfectly cooked Porg if you followed the directions exactly. Now all you have to do is serve it to the family, friends, co-pilots and Jedi and let them know just how much love and hard work that went into befriending, killing, and cooking the little delicious Porgs. The recipe also will work perfectly for Christmas, Kwanza, Chaunaka and Life Day, if you would rather wait until after the latest Star Wars movie has hit theaters. And it goes well with a side of Fringi spice cake. As a reminder, The Last Jedi officially hits theaters on December 15th, 2017. Hopefully StarWars.com will offer updates on even more recipes as we get closer to the release date.