Another Valentine's Day has come and gone, so it was naturally a time to bust out the rom-coms. Most of them are predictable. One of them is overly serious, while the other is fun and quirky. One of them lies (typically the guy), the girl dumps him, and then they get back together with a grand gesture. An all-time favorite is the good-girl / bad-boy story in which she thinks she can change him. Of course, if the girl ever watched a few romances herself, she would know that the bad boy never sees the white picket fence dream.

Whether these movies are loved or adored, there is no denying their influence. Almost everyone’s idea of love is influenced by the movies they’ve seen, for better or worse. Sadly, it’s often the worse films that have the most impact because they become phenomena. It doesn’t matter if they send all the wrong messages, so long as viewers get to live out a fantasy for two hours. But there are good movies that can influence perceptions of love. This list is a combination of both types as they have permeated throughout pop culture. Here are the top 10 movies that influenced how we approach love, for better or worse.

10 After

After (1)
Voltage Pictures

Often regarded as Fifty Shades of Grey for teens, After follows a similar formula, minus the gratuitous sex. Tessa is an innocent good girl, but falls hard for Hardin, the tattooed bad boy with a troubled past. Their relationship is tumultuous, but the love is undeniable, and so long as they have that, they can get through anything. If this sounds familiar, it’s because it’s the very formula that still catches young girls' heartstrings, no matter how dangerous it can be. Tessa and Hardin’s relationship runs on sensuality and bickering, ingredients of any abusive relationship. The moral is supposed to fight for love, no matter how hard. What this film pushes instead is the normalization of toxic/abusive relationships. Not exactly something parents want their teen daughters to romanticize, but there it is.

Related: How Romance Movies Have Evolved Through Film History

9 New Moon

Edward & Bella
Summit Entertainment

Any of the Twilight Saga films could have made the list, but New Moon shows the most of all this series' problems. At the franchise's height, Edward and Bella were a romance touchstone. Teen girls everywhere romanticized their relationship, but were too young to recognize every red flag the two gave off. Edward is a certified stalker and incredibly possessive, while Bella has made this century-old teenager her entire world. New Moon carelessly romanticizes suicide as Bella chases death just for an image of Edward, the idea being that death is better than being without him. Such a notion is a horrible message for teenagers. The franchise as a whole was insanely popular for all the wrong reasons. Most people would like to think studios know better by now, but that doesn’t change this franchise's place in pop culture.

8 Sixteen Candles

Sixteen Candles
Universal Pictures

Sixteen Candles is a certified classic many girls from the 80s could see themselves in. Unfortunately, the film does not hold up quite as well by modern standards. Molly Ringwald plays Samantha Baker, an angsty teen whose long-awaited 16th birthday gets overshadowed by her sister’s wedding. She wants to be seen, and she is, but not by the right people. Throughout the movie, she is hounded by Michael Anthony Hall’s nerdy love-struck character, who repeatedly makes Samantha uncomfortable, despite her asking him to stop. He eventually does so when she gives him a pair of her underwear. Then, there’s the supposed heartthrob. Jake jokes about lending his girlfriend out to be raped and objectifies Samantha. He’s exactly the kind of guy girls should stay away from. This movie has become such an outdated nightmare that even Ringwald has renounced it. Whatever love-struck dreams this movie caused back in the 80s, they are not likely to happen now. And yet somehow, Sixteen Candles remains a classic.

7 Fifty Shades of Grey

Fifty Shades of Gray
Universal Pictures

Next up is the latest fantasy, but this one may be exclusively for adults. Fifty Shades of Grey sees Anastasia Steele fall for the secretive billionaire Christian Gray. It's basically the same plot as After, except Christian is not a bad boy, he's just a billionaire with unusual desires. This film tries to glorify lust and BDSM, but it does so inaccurately. Not only does Christian fail to respect Ana's consent, but also her boundaries. He uses his wealth and resources to relentlessly stalk and control her. And it's made to appear romantic. In actuality, a situation like this would be downright horrifying, especially considering how much the rich can get away with. The novel on which this movie is based isn't much better. Maybe one day Hollywood will abandon its obsession with romanticizing toxicity.

6 The Notebook

Gosling and McAdams - The Notebook
New Line Cinema 

It might be considered blasphemy to include this movie on the list as part of the more negatively influential movies, but one must call a spade a spade. The Notebook is a heartbreaking tale of love persevering, no matter what, and it would be an endearing story that withstands the test of time if not for the toxic traits of the two leading characters. Ryan Gosling's in particular. It’s not exactly a healthy start to a relationship to threaten suicide if a girl doesn’t go out with you, but most relationships come with their not-so-proud moments. What is unrealistic, though, is the idea that couples satisfaction derives from grand gestures and bold moments, such as repairing a house to win back a girl. Or that it’s okay to cheat on a significant other so long as it’s in the name of true love. Due to the unrealistic expectations set in this classic, The Notebook has been listed by therapists as a rom-com that couples should skip.Related: Movies That Will Make You Rethink Your Relationship

5 Before Sunrise

Julie Delpy and Ethan Hawke sitting and citing at a table in Before Sunrise.
Columbia Pictures

Now on to the more positively influential films. Before Sunrise depicts one of the healthiest relationships ever put on screen in a great example of a love-focused movie. Jesse and Celine’s relationship is addicting to watch from beginning to end, and displays all the qualities people want in their relationships but in the best ways. The two listen to one another, make each other laugh, ask each other important questions, and learn from each other. Their chemistry is palpable, and it’s not all based on physical attraction. Their love is all of these things, throughout a single evening. It’s one of the most important representations of love and romance, and if people aren’t influenced by it, then maybe they are watching the wrong movies.

4 10 Things I Hate About You

Heath Ledger and Julia Stiles kiss in 10 Things I Hate About You
Buena Vista Pictures

10 Things I Hate About You makes the list mainly for one scene in particular that highlights an important aspect of healthy relationships. That scene comes near the end when Kat (Julia Stiles' character) highlights all the things about her love interest that they differ. This scene isn’t to run him down. What it does is illuminate a critical truth about relationships. Combining conflicting personality traits is always likely to cause friction, but rather than reject each other, they can adapt alongside each other and grow stronger. Not every couple will be on the same page. That’s just the way it is. This movie is influential because it steers right into this fact and shows that the best love comes from growing together and choosing to love the things they dislike about a person instead.

3 When Harry Met Sally

When Harry Met Sally (1989) Katz Deli
Columbia Pictures

Another classic for the list, When Harry Met Sally revolves around two college friends whose friendship gets complicated once they cross a boundary from which they can not go back. A licensed marriage and family therapist lists this film as one that realistically portrays relationships in both good and bad aspects. Not everything the characters do is healthy, but the natural way their relationship evolves is. There are levels of communication and openness between them that are highly conducive to long-term relationships by building on friendship over time. Most rom-coms will portray relationships that run on lust and infatuation, but what makes this movie truly inspirational is the openness between Harry and Sally. This element is vital for a healthy, long-lasting relationship.

2 Breakfast at Tiffany's

breakfast-at-tiffanys_soc
Paramount Pictures

Now, here’s the oldest movie on the list. Breakfast at Tiffany’s still holds up decades later, as do its themes. Holly Golightly, a woman with eccentric tastes dreams of marrying rich so that she never has to worry about anything. Her aspirations go out the door after she meets Paul Varjak, a struggling writer. The two have a fun relationship and bounce off each other well. Without them, the movie wouldn’t be near as fun. The overall message of the film is that one's wealth should not dictate who one loves. To love someone for what’s in their bank account or their status isn’t real love, something that gets forgotten in life all too often. What matters is how a person makes you feel, because true love exists regardless of material desires, something that Breakfast at Tiffany’s teaches with fun and heartwarming chemistry.

1 Crazy, Stupid, Love

Carell, Moore
Carousel Productions

The number one spot goes to the fan-favorite rom-com about love and divorce. Crazy, Stupid, Love doesn’t always hit the nail on the head, but its core themes read loud and clear. The movie exposes every facet of human relationships and aspects of individuality that are important to a healthy marriage. What most movies on this list don’t show is the happily ever after, the part where everyone is supposed to be lovingly married. Things aren’t just smooth sailing after “I do.” This film is a fun and heartfelt tale that shows viewers that it takes awareness and care to maintain attraction. Even the strongest marriages can be fractured. What this movie shows is a vulnerability in love. It all takes work, and not keeping an eye on what matters can cause love to crumble between one's fingertips.