Bow down before the mighty glow of your computer screen and worship the return of our Lord and Savior, Blake Snyder…

Can’t walk? Deaf? Blind? Impotent? No worries…Simply put your hands on one of the images below, and witness the healing powers of the Snyder! *

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To gain true ascension into heaven, one must strip themselves of all worldly possessions and listen to the true Snyder gospel, found in his buried audio testament SOJU AFTER MOVIE…

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Turn up the volume and listen to this tiny miracle known simply as “The Passion of the Snyder!” Our Lord Blake, along with his disciple B. Alan Orange, will guide you through the unholy Hell that is the local Multiplex…

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Get ready to be awed as they convert the unfaithful. This is the Real Thing! Proof on tape. Eavesdrop as a young naysayer falls to his knees and accepts Blake into his life. Once a sinner, a reformed fan, known only as The General, takes Snyder’s hand and walks with him through the Valley of the Shadow of Death where they encounter ghastly horrors such as The Seed of Chucky, Closer, and A Shark Tale. Witness the therapeutic vocal massage techniques of our Lord Snyder as he, with the help of B. Alan, battles and defeats the satanic force known only as “The Movie for Dogs!”

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The End Times are certainly upon us, folks. There is only one true way. And that way is Snyder. Give your heart to him now, or your soul will forever be lost to the insanity of a world controlled by Satan. It is your choice: The City of Dis where your flesh will be ripped from the bone and your soul will be fed to Petey the Pit bull? Or The County of Heaven’s Half Acre, where you’ll be loved by virgins and bootlegs flow freely through the streets? I think I know which one you’ll pick! The alternatives are impossibly morose.

Act now, or be doomed for an eternity. What are you waiting for? Put on those headphones and get yourself saved this instance. The General did, so why don’t you?

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*(Healing powers not guaranteed by movieweb or its associates. The claims made by Soju After Movie are those of the individuals involved with this program. No money back guarantee.)

Dont't forget to also check out: Seed of Chucky, Closer, Shark Tale

B. Alan Orange at Movieweb
B. Alan Orange