Movie Picture
This is Blake Snyder.
Movies discussed on this weeks show - Million Dollar Baby & Oceans 12)

Dirty. Cheap. Neutered. Like some kind of sponge-rag sold in the back of K-Mart on Christmas Eve. A last minute present that’s been wrapped in soiled Red Book magazine pages; that’s our show this week. The best bargain ever offered, you’ll probably toss it behind the couch five minutes after ripping into its convoluted ways…

Yes. This show used to be called Soju After Movie. It had a purpose. Go to Soju Town, get loaded up on Soju, then discuss whatever films we happened to see that week. Korean businessmen have utilized this process in job interviews for ages. The real truth. A liquor that acts as a lie detector. There’s no pussyfooting around here. Since the dawn of time, it’s been that way, if I’m to understand and believe the history of the subject matter…

Oh, but I started swearing (that’s what Soju does to a man), and saying things I shouldn’t have, and alienating people like Blake Snyder’s girlfriend. So, instead of some super awesome, jacked-up show, we’ve decided to cut our own balls off at Blake Snyder’s request. Yes, just as Sony Films Classics asked Michael Radford to digitally retouch a scene in his The Merchant of Venice (in which a naked cupid is shown in a Veronese fresco), Mr. Snyder has asked me to pour water on myself and turn this show into a piece of wet bread, completely turning it into the same old mush that your likely to find anywhere. Nothing new here, people. Move on…

Movie Picture
This is the Maitreya.

Remove the beard and you can't tell the difference.

I guess I’m the Wicked Witch, or some sh*t.

B. Alan Orange has been censored. Spayed. Shut down. Why? So that Blake Snyder can take over and conquer the world with his nondescript nice guy shtick. Remember, this is how they said the Maitreya would appear to us. In Jesus form. Pretending that we need to sterilize every little thing until we’re all nothing more than lame 15 word personals in the back of some newspaper that doesn’t get read anymore.

So, here it is in its entirety. A “New, Improved” Soju After Movie. A Soju After Movie where the SAAN spigot has been twisted off. We’re now living in a dry town, folks.

Enjoy the awesomeness. Or don’t. I don’t really care. And f*ck you, Bill Clinton…

Cinemark Movie Club
B. Alan Orange