Star Wars has been big on charity work during the Disney era. Over the course of making each one of the new movies, Disney and Lucasfilm have found quite a few opportunities to auction off amazing experiences for fans. It gives Star Wars lovers something special and it does some good for those who need it. Last night, J.J. Abrams auctioned off the chance for one lucky fan to have him whisper the plot of Star Wars 9 to them two years in advance. While the winning bid was high, it didn't go down how you'd expect.
The auction of the Star Wars 9 plot was part of HBO's Night of Too Many Stars, which was held to benefit NEXT for Autism. Jon Stewart was hosting the event and, at one point, he decided to bring J.J. Abrams out on stage to offer up this special opportunity. Then the bidding started. Things seemed to be going quite normal, as far as celebrity auctions are concerned. Then Rob Corddry came out on stage and things got just a little bit more ridiculous.
In order to sweeten the pot, as if it needed more sweetening, Rob Corddry offered to reveal the plot of Hot Tub Time Machine 3, a movie that doesn't even appear to be happening in any official capacity, to the lucky winner as well. Why? Because, as Corddry put it, "Not everybody likes Star Wars." The bidding continued and, likely in no way thanks to Corddry's addition, the bidding soared to $10,000 and the lucky fan, a young comedian sitting in the audience, came up to claim his prize.
As one would expect, even for a gag like this during an HBO special, the fan was forced to sign a non-disclosure agreement before joining J.J. Abrams and Rob Corddry on stage. The agreement was being guarded by Stormtroopers. Once he finally stepped on stage, standing between Abrams and Corddry who start whispering in his ear. Comedian Gilbert Gottfried also comes out on stage. He then offers to reveal the plot of Sharknado 5. For those keeping track, he's offering plot details for a movie that has been out since August. Slate Magazine did manage to translate some of what was whispered. First up is Gilbert Gottfried Spoils Sharknado 5.
"Ya see, there's a bunch of sharks, and they're in some kind of a tornado, and they're having group sex with that blonde guy from 90210, Ian. But he likes to call himself "Eye-in," because sharks like guys named "Eye-in." So Ian teams up with Fabio, Geraldo, and that bald asshole from Poison who always wears a bandana. They team up-they do a shit movie so they can keep their SAG insurance. Then we cut to Ian, in his apartment, crying himself to sleep, muttering, "How the fuck did I end up in Sharknado 5? I used to be on the cover of Tiger Beat magazine. Now I'm getting paid scale to blow a shark while Geraldo and Chris Kattan watch." Then it comes to...
Rob Corddry has this to whisper about Tub Time Machine 3.
"Like I said, like I said, we're about 16 years old. Now we're, we're living the life. We're all young and-we don't even know what's going on with Cusack, he's in, then he's gone and he's in and he's out, we haven't definitely figured out that part of the script yet. We know that he's gonna be in there and then out of there. In and out. So, so anyway, forget that part. The ending, the ending-I feel like should tell you the beginning before I tell you the ending. So, we are old men, and we travelled back to the-when we were successful and young. And travelled back to Hot Tub Time Machine 2, and we stopped that movie from ever happening. Because if we make it-that fucking thing, that fucking thing killed us. So then, once Hot Tub Time Machine 3 ends..."
As many were most excited about Star Wars 9, of course J.J. Abrams audio can barely be made out, though he does seem to be offering some sort of plot details.
"[inaudible] ... And then... [inaudible]"
This was all in good fun for a good cause and J.J. Abrams didn't reveal an actual shred of information about Star Wars: Episode IX. He recently stepped in to direct after Colin Trevorrow parted ways with the project. The fact of the matter is that Star Wars: The Last Jedi hasn't even come out yet, so any plot details for the next movie would at the very least be very spoilery and possibly wouldn't even make much sense. Still, it resulted in a pretty fun bit. Be sure to check out the clip from The Night of Too Many Stars, courtesy of the HBO YouTube channel, for yourself below.